So many things in one post
Still trying to figure out what to do with Pegasi and Prefects, as I edit my way through. I was mostly decided that self-pubbing was the best option for lesbian books, which sell few copies (a bestseller = 500 copies, seriously), and are probably better off marketing directly to the niche with higher royalties and the ability to set my prices way low ($2.99, for preference.) But there are some small presses, some e-first and some print-plus-e, that I really like the look of - lgbt YA imprints and lesbian presses, of which I've heard nothing but good things about their editing processes and how they treat their authors. (Thank you, Absolute Write.) Working with an experienced editor without paying upwards of a grand for the privilege (when my book is unlikely ever to make that much) would probably be a helpful process for long-term writing and a good trade-off. So I'm wavering again, thinking of taking the time (when ready) to submit to my shortlist of 3 nicest looking presses, and see what the fates decide. If all three reject, then back to Plan A. I'm not sure, though.
The "find an agent and target Big 6 publishers" option is one I've written off for as number of reasons. and, heh, I think the best way to make any kind of income would be to churn out m/m erotica for some of the other e-first or e-only presses, but there would be little joy in that. I can write m/m, people tend to forget that my fandom trajectory went m/m, m/f (which was when I was most popular), f/f, with steadily declining levels of explicit sex, but I don't particularly want to go back to writing m/m porn.
Why did I think the bulk of the work would be done once I'd written a first draft of a novel? Editing is way more work, and not nearly as fun. I'm not talking line-edit stuff, either, although I'm doing some of that as well, but huge bits that I decide need changing, narrative summary cut or changed into full scenes, emphasis changed... I find myself lying awake going "R's acts in chapter 11 really are better motivated if LH has a DH Lawrence view of sexuality in which innocent butch women are forced into lesbianism and masculine roles by evil perverted and confused femmes and the butches need to escape from them to be made into real women by men, although probably LH, being a nice person, doesn't actually think the femmes deserve to be squashed by falling trees. Okay, at which point does this become apparent?" It's going, clearly, to take me far more time than the writing... which was an act of joy. After being scared of tackling full-length original fic for so long, I now think it is the most fun ever.
I just kind of want to get started on my next project, which is a country house murder mystery (with lesbian romance) set in the same world. Yes, I am writing the books I always wished existed for me, can you tell? It helps, I guess, that I am kind of in love with my own characters (which is possibly a bad thing) and enjoying spending time with them, but the main characters of the later novel are actually background characters in the current one and I love them too and want them to have their space. And what was meant to be a fairly minor character ended up taking a lot of page space and has been so much fun to write and Izzy has requested she have her own book. :) She is the most supportingest wife ever, I swear.
I'm also feeling oddly guilty because my story takes place in a fantasy world in which heteropatriarchy, including homophobia, is in full sway, and gay people don't often have the words for what they are and are mostly fully closeted, and it's not some kind of idealistic Utopia of acceptance. I've been reading so much lately claiming that lgbt fiction, particularly fantasy, doesn't need to deal with these issues and that readers don't want them. But firstly, it's set in a kind of alternative universe 1940s Britain, and it feels right to still have social mores that are actively harmful to a lot of people. And, well, I have to admit like that kind of drama. I like falling in love being high stakes, because you might mess up your life for good, and she might hate you, and if not you might mess up her life too, so you have to really, really be sure that it's worth it and that love conquers all.You have to love her just that much, and love yourself enough to decide to be true to yourself whatever the stakes. So romantic. ;)
And besides... homophobia does exist in this world. It's something we have to fight through. Some people like their comfort reading to be devoid of the issues, and I totally understand that. I prefer a different kind of optimism; I like the Pet Shop Boys reassuring me that it's worth it more than Lady Gaga (much as I love her) brushing all the problems away.
Speaking of homophobia...
I've been putting off telling Grandma I was pregnant. Since she's been fairly nice to gibbon_plinth, and actually came to our wedding, I kind of hoped she'd be okay. But I was pessimistic, really. Dad shirked telling her, too. So my sister took her baby to see Grandma, and told her. It was decided that one piece of news at a time was enough, so she stuck to "lesbian pregnancy" and saved "half-Asian baby" (yes, this would be an issue) for another time.
She "can't abide by that". So that's that. Not really surprised, but more hurt than I expected, not on my own behalf, but... it's her great-grandchild she's rejecting. Mind you, she won't acknowledge my cousin's children either because he's unmarried. And Ponyo will have two Nannas who will love him very much. As well as a great-Grandmother and a couple of other relatives who won't beleive he deserves to exist. But my Nanna, if she was alive... she'd be so happy for me. I hope she still is.
Speaking of the little one, I missed a lot of work this week (they are so understanding about it, I am so grateful) because he decided not to move for thirteen hours. Normally I'm conscious of him moving every few minutes - sometimes flutters, sometimes distinct kicks, but always there. He pummels me awake of a morning. So by ten hours and a lot of drinking ice cold water/playing loud music/eating/sobbing/lying on my left side in a dark room concentrating desperately, I was convinced I'd had another missed miscarriage, and this time it would have to be a partial birth abortion instead of a D&C and that is something I just could not bear. He's back to full movements, though, little brat, and Thursday Izzy felt him for the first time - I have an anterior placenta and, yeah, overweight, so he's pretty well cushioned.
I'm telling myself that because I'm consistently a week ahead of where I "should" be, he is actually viable this week, and he's going to make it.
So in honour of Caius hanging on like a trooper, this is his favourite song. Seriously, Tuesday aside, he will ALWAYS dance for G-Dragon.
Now to edit and rewrite... or, possible, sneak in a bit more Pokemon White 2.