In One Breath, To Love and Hate 1/8
2013.05.22
Title: In One Breath, To Love and Hate
Feature/Pairing: omc, Arashi, Juntoshi, Sakumiya, (Aiba+ofc),
Rating: NC-17 (violence, language, sexual references)
Genre: AU, romance, historical fantasy, (tragedy)
Summary: Civil War. Empress VS Emperor. Arashi takes sides. Who wins? From different characters' POVs.
Part: 1/8 Warning: I think each chapter is going to be long. I should cut them, but there's no point in stalling the posting.
A/N: After a modern tale, I've returned to something historical. (It's like Special Kingdom.) I have never been in the military nor studied anything related. Forgive me for being creative.
I want to put Samurai instead of Warrior, but Warrior fits every category.
I'm very grateful to everyone during my first two fics who gave me strength to continue writing and helped me gain confidence. Thank you!
Setting: In this era, it has become the norm for married men to take male lovers on the side. It is an era where the mention of voodoo/magic instill both awe and fear, when the Nobles follow strict and conservative societal rules and Warriors compete for the highest honor.
Difference between Noble and Warrior families:
Warrior families are a branch of Noble families but are far more respected because they have a long line of military history. It is difficult for regular Noble families to be recognized as Warrior families. (As in the case of Sho, even though he has joined the military, he is still considered just a Noble.)
Main Characters:
omc: Harada Ren - Peasant (under Com.Jun, errand boy)
Matsumoto Jun - Warrior Family (Commander of the Rebels)
Ohno Satoshi - Warrior Family (Commander of the Imperial Army)
Sakurai Sho - Noble Family (Lieutenant under Com.Jun, Spy)
Aiba Masaki - Emperor's Cousin (Special Unit under Com.Satoshi, BirdMan)
Ninomiya Kazunari - Emperor's Concubine (Strategist for the Imperialists?, Witch of the North)
* * * The REBELS * * *
Harada Ren
We barely made enough for a living. Every day, I watched my mother bend over the spinning wheel from dawn until dusk. She never complained. Her harsh life with my father over the years had beaten her spirit. Sometimes, I wondered if she ever cried.
As though my mother's pain was invisible, father took what little we had and went out drinking every night at the brothels in town. Taking a male lover had become fashionable even if these male-prostitutes were expensive. Father wanted to be like "them." The nobles. The wealthy who could afford such costs. He spent recklessly. We lived this way.
When I turned ten, I started to run errands for a ruddy inn where I received small wages. There, I was fortunate to overhear news about the Empire. At the time, I learned that the Emperor had taken his first male-concubine. It was common for our rulers to do so, so it came as no surprise. A male lover could not bear a child to compete for the throne.
I heard that this concubine came from the north of the Empire, a cold land of mystery for even the most of us. He was pretty, they said. Pale skin. Slender. A cool beauty. Some even swore that this man knew a bit of magic.
The Emperor became infatuated with this one concubine. He never took any other lovers. So the rumors started. And the fear.
Four years later, I turned fourteen. It all began. The Emperor wanted to make his lover his legal wife and he would dethrone his Empress just for this man. The Empire split.
And the cause: this worthless concubine, the conniving Witch of the North.
The REBELS: Matsumoto Jun
I took it too literally when my father told me to watch Ohno Satoshi, our rival's son. I was only five then, just about to begin my training, and Ohno was eight with three years of practice ahead of me. When my father told me to "watch" Ohno junior, I did. And that was why he became my first love. But I learned that Ohno was supposed to be the one I despise. I grew up encouraged to hate. And so I both hated and loved Ohno Satoshi.
Maybe I tried too hard to please my father. In the end I hid my love until I could no longer feel it.
I trained until I bled. My sores burst and I laid sick in bed countless times. As I grew older, those injuries stopped. I became stronger. My forte was with the sword and I excelled at it. At twelve, I equaled my sensei. Those around praised me.
But that did not stop me from hearing about Ohno. The Genius. The Prodigy. My senior. He did not master the sword like me, yet he was so well-rounded they admired him. Maybe that was also part of the reason why my hatred overshadowed anything else I could have felt. I became jealous and competitive. At court, all Ohno had to do was stand there and the rest gathered like fleas. I had my own charm and he had his. But for no reason at all I would feel like I was losing.
When I finally outgrew my scrawny body and surpassed his height, I rejoiced. At last, I was a real man. Ohno? He continued to be his puny, introverted self. Pitiful (and beautiful). And I hated him for being considered by the whole Empire as my equal. We went on several separate missions and I heard every one of his tales even when I did not want to.
Then at the young age of twenty-three, Ohno was promoted to the status of a General. "He doesn't have the making of a general," they said. "But he's a good one." I didn't understand. They all turned their heads to me, holding their breaths. They applied pressure. I questioned, What do you want me to do? I try my hardest until I burn out. Is that not enough?
No. They raised the bar: by the time I reached twenty-three, I had to lead, too.
I hated everyone. I hated Ohno. Until when would this continue?
But I met their expectations and excelled. At twenty-two, I also became a General. Proudly, I declared that I won against Ohno. No one cared. They turned to the future, to the next time we would compete again. I could not see the end.
My army saved me. My soldiers gave me respect. Admiration. They did not make comparisons. Only I was their leader.
The man I respected and trusted the most was Sakurai Sho. It was almost impossible for the son of a Noble family to become distinguished. Everyone believed those of Noble lineage achieved their position using underhanded methods. But Sakurai was different.
At twenty, he was already a renowned Scholar, yet just to please his father he joined the glorious Imperial army. And like me he fought his way to the top. I first met him when my father assigned him as my lieutenant. He enchanted me right away. He did not have the physical skill for the position. He was clumsy at most and awkward. Yet, his mind was powerful. He was educated, determined, and strong-willed. (Ironically, he was also the complete opposite of Ohno. Maybe that was also why we complemented each other so well.)
Gradually, I learned to turn my ears and eyes away from my rival.
It was around this time that the Emperor took in his first male concubine. I held no ill will toward those who turned to their own gender, but personally I hated it. This could have had to do with my childish infatuation with Ohno. Maybe not. I would like to think it was because of my parents.
My father also took a male lover, and that prostitute made my mother miserable for countless years. She knew she could not say anything because this man could not divide her fortune by conceiving a child. But the truth was that even if it was common, even normal for married men to take lovers on the side, there were exceptionally few who did not. My father was not among them. It was his betrayal that tortured her. And when father did finally reject his concubine and returned to my mother, their relationship could never return to what it once was.
So I heard about this prostitute who was supposedly from the cold North. I saw him only once and, of course, he was pretty enough to be Imperial material, but I had my suspicions. Ninomiya Kazunari had a mysterious air about him. Like a sorcerer. I did not believe in magic. The common people both feared and loved it. My first glance of this Concubine caused me to doubt myself. The rumors began and I started to believe. They said that he had bewitched our Emperor. They called him the Witch of the North. I could understand why and I distrusted him. The Emperor began to make rash decisions.
One year after, he sent both Ohno and me on a less-than important collaborative mission; us, the two greatest Generals in the Empire wasted on this one mission. In meetings, I was imprisoned in a tent with Ohno sitting six feet away. It was the first time he had come so close. Whenever I turned my head, I saw my lieutenant Sakurai smirking at me because I sulked.
Because I had always watched from afar, I never knew Ohno personally. In our camps, he often stared up at the sky in a daze while the soldiers rushed around preparing to depart. His soldiers did everything for him, and in the end his lieutenant tapped him on the shoulder to tell him they were ready to leave. At that time he would mount his horse and ride at the head of his troop as if he had really done something. His character both annoyed and intrigued me.
I realized then: he was only a kid with the skills of a man. I started to wonder how people could compare him with me. Not because he was not talented, but because we were so different.
It was my competitive streak that caused me to withhold information from Ohno. Sakurai who I could trust with my life offered to work in the shadows, and I allowed him. He and his few hand-picked unit of spies paved the way through most of our collaborative journey. I made their group permanent and barely anyone, even my own soldiers, knew of their existence.
Unsurprisingly, Ohno was perceptive. He knew something transpired without his knowledge. In our later meetings, he stared at me with those (sleepy) beady eyes and though they shone with curiosity, he said nothing. I knew he would not ask and it was to my advantage.
We completed our mission successfully.
But on our way home one night, Ohno alarmed me.
I still wonder how he passed the guards watching over my tent without their notice. In the darkness, I woke up and found Ohno standing next to my pallet in his thin sleepwear. I'd never seen him without his armor or the heavy robes we wore at Court, so to see that he was so small unwound me. For one instant, I wanted to protect him. It was damn irritating. How could my rival be that puny? I didn't have time to linger on the thoughts.
Ohno, the stupid man, was half asleep. He sat down to level with me and he said, "You respect me, but you don't trust me." It was true. Not that I would tell him. I didn't say anything. He was so close, our faces were just inches apart. It was the first time I realized he was (adorable) and he blinked at me and asked, "Why?"
I answered, "You're my rival." It was that simple.
But he did not pull away like I thought he would. He brushed his lips against mine. Really did. Before he drew his arms around my neck and pressed our bodies together. I sat in utter shock, feeling his warmth through our thin clothes. Damn my beating heart.
"Why're we this way?" he muttered.
I sat there and started to wonder. Why? And why was he here, asking me this question? More importantly, what had he just done? Before I could organize my thoughts, Ohno, the confusing man, had fallen asleep while embracing me, his head drooping on my shoulder. He couldn't be found here. That night, that one night, I became gentle with him. Maybe, at that moment, the hatred was overshadowed by that other emotion, the one I could not name.
As if handling a child, I carefully drew his small form into my arms and I carried him out of the tent.
"Close your eyes!" I bellowed at my failed guards. They immediately complied. Ohno could not be seen here with me. I returned him to his tent. His guards were as surprised as mine, to find that their general had somehow left without their notice. "You have seen nothing," I ordered. Because, we were still enemies, both Ohno and I.
When I walked away, that one time I allowed regret to swallow me. What could have been?
As soon as I entered my tent, I crushed that feeling.
We acted as if that moment never occurred. I believed Ohno didn't even remember. I would like to believe that I didn't care. That memory engraved itself into my mind. Sometimes, I saw my rival at Court and I stopped myself from trying to remember the feel of his lips on mine.
One year went by. Two. Then Three. I became grateful that I had almost forgotten. My betrothed was a woman from a Noble line, fit for me. She had presence, character, and grace. A beauty who knew her duties. My future was set and I accepted it with everything I had.
The fourth year, I heard news from my adamant father about our Emperor wishing to dethrone his Empress in favor of his Concubine. I became as heated as he. What was this world turning into? The fact that he would throw away his three-year-old Heir for a prostitute was heresy.
In the Imperial Court, the situation steeped in ice.
I heard conspiracies.
"Whose side will you make a stand for?" Sakurai asked me. I stared at him and he continued, "Every man has his own beliefs. I'm sure whichever side you choose, most of your men will follow you."
"And you won't?" I questioned with a raise of my brows. Sakurai never failed to fascinate me.
He grinned and answered, "I am your man and my own, Jun."
Even if he had not given me a straight answer, I knew that Sakurai was loyal only to me. And in the end if he did choose to become my enemy, I would always respect him.
My own beliefs: I chose to oppose the decision of our Emperor, and I chose to side with our Empress. I joined the ranks of her gathering army, those who chose to do what was right over loyalty. The Witch of the North was an evil that blinded our Emperor. That was our truth, the Rebel's truth.
It came as no surprise when they promoted me to position of Commander for the new army. And Ohno? Of course, he stayed with our ruler and he commanded the Imperialists. At long last, our enmity had grounds.
The first battle occurred up North in the homeland of the Witch. The Imperialists had not seen it coming. We came out victorious and the region became our base. Sakurai went back and forth between the Court and us. He had spread his spies and they sent back news that the Emperor planned to retaliate. Our morale rose.
I stood on the hill overlooking the rest of the frozen land extending into beyond. Snow covered the region, splashing the horizon in gray-white. I refused to die in a frigid place like this. Behind me, I heard a soldier call my name.
"Commander! Lieutenant Sakurai has sent word!"
But I did not turn around. I continued to stare at the frigid scenery around me and while standing in the cold with my armor glinting in the sun, I thought, It will not be long before I face Ohno from across the battlefield.
Finally, one of us will truly win.
The REBELS: Sakurai Sho
My father always told me how regretful he was to not have been born into the Warrior line. Yet, he did not have the courage to join the army. As a Noble, he of course took his place at Court as an official. I turned my back on him and continued my studies. If even he did not have the courage to follow his wishes, then I would not do it for him. I succeeded and nothing made me happier than receiving the title of a Scholar. That was where I found my happiness.
However, my nineteenth summer my father became bedridden. My mother begged me to fulfill his dream for him. Join the Imperial Army. How miserable I was. And just to prove my piety to my father, I did.
It was something to laugh at, my inability to hold a sword properly. I was to fight with men who had trained their whole lives. At twenty, what could I ever hope to achieve? There was nothing to be done physically, so I fought with my mind. I won countless battles just that way. I triumphed.
But one could not say I was happy as a member of the army. I went along and it became endless days. Sometimes, I woke and wondered where I would end. That was before Matsumoto Senior saw me. The Matsumoto family was a famous and distinguished Warrior family, a lineage that had delivered numerous of generals and commanders. Equal in status beside the Ohno family.
That day, within the ranks, an altercation broke out. I felt sympathy towards the bullied soldier who chose that day of all days to fight back. A huge crowd had gathered in blood-lust to join, so I stepped forward and threatened with punishment of which I would personally see through. They cowered and I came out victorious again. Matsumoto who had witnessed the event picked me because of my leadership and loyalty, but I entered the Matsumoto regiment expecting to be no more than a platoon leader.
I was pleasantly surprised to find myself assigned to be his son's lieutenant, to work directly under Matsumoto Jun who had just recently been promoted to the status of a General.
Matsumoto Jun was a charming man with features that seemed to be sculpted out of stone. He had the greatest aura of anyone I ever knew. With him, you felt he might be the most important person in the room. He shone. But that was not all that was amiable about him. He was a real leader. A man full of passion for his work.
He accepted me as readily as I did him. He placed complete faith in me and never looked twice in my direction just because he believed I would always be there behind him. He had no need to check. From that moment, I vowed to follow him wherever he went.
And because I recognized it in his eyes. If you knew what to look for, you saw it. The sadness. The exhaustion.
Everyone knew of his rivalry with the Genius, Ohno Satoshi of the Ohno Warrior Family. I knew he hated Ohno, but sometimes there was something more to it. As if my leader wished they could have been friends instead of enemies. He hid it so well, that aside from me, no one else saw it. Only I understood this man, and he understood me. I swore that I would never fail him.
A few months later, I heard about our Emperor's male concubine, an inhabitant of the Northern region where the population numbered little. They said this concubine was truly ethereal and the Nobles flocked to court to see him. Jun (from who I had special permission to address by first name in private) visited court too just for propriety's sake. He asked me if I would join him. I was, after all, a Noble and his lieutenant, but I declined. I was not at all curious and I did not have to attend out of decorum.
Shortly, he returned. He looked even more serious (than usual) and before I could even open my mouth to ask, he already knew my question.
Jun blurted, "A Witch." That was all there was to it.
Not only he. In the passing months, turning into years, I heard the rumors. The Witch of the North was evil. He knew magic. He had bewitched our Emperor. I didn't care. If there was such a thing as voodoo, there just was. If there wasn't, there wasn't. It was not my duty to convince anyone otherwise. It certainly didn't have anything to do with me. But certainly Jun had begun to believe. He grew upset over this concubine.
I found it hilarious, really, that on the night of his engagement ceremony with his betrothed, Jun turned to me sitting behind him and whispered after seeing the fortunate girl's face, "Not dangerous." My amiable leader definitely had a set mind.
But my nonchalance was brought crashing down at my own feet. Our Emperor wished to make Ninomiya Kazunari his legal wife, and I cursed under my breath. How could it get any worse? It did. The Empire broke between the Empress and Heir against the Emperor and his (evil) lover.
Just once, I would like to hear what this concubine had to say, but of course his words did not matter to anyone. Civil War ensued.
I wondered if maybe this war could have been avoided if we had just talked it over practically. I dispelled these thoughts anyway because it was too late to regret. All armies were prompted into action. And I followed Jun wherever he went.
Jun was appointed Commander of the Rebel Army and I continued as his lieutenant. On the side, I carried on with my work behind the scenes. There could be enemy infiltrators within our camp. I dispersed my people there. And I sent the others to court and a few around the Empire. I, myself, took on several roles. I was not the best actor in the world, but I could fool people if I made an effort.
We occupied the North and slowly made our way down. Before the last sword was sheathed, I was already on my mission to the Palace. My roles ranged from courtier to attendee and even stable worker.
The first time I saw the Witch was my third time frequenting the Palace. I started off in the guise of a student. In my heavy robes, I followed the students who in turn were trying to keep pace with the Scholars. I assimilated without arousing suspicion. The Rebels aimed for the biggest trading town in the Empire and my duty was to find how many soldiers were being kept there, how many weapons, and how fortified the place was.
I broke away from the group and headed for the private chamber where Commander Ohno held his meetings. I searched the files there for future plans, but in vain. Where did they store these documents? Frustration overwhelmed me.
Later, as a kitchen-hand, I hauled in fresh fruits from the storage and overheared the maids off-duty gossiping. Apparently, they had seen Commander Ohno with the Witch. "Do you think he's under a spell too?" they whispered. So it was. No one liked this prostitute, not even those siding with the Emperor. They only supported our Emperor out of loyalty.
I tuned the maids out then. An idea struck me. What if these documents were kept by the prostitute for safe-keeping? This was his war, after all.
The next night when I learned that the concubine was entertaining the Emperor, as a servant I entered his chamber and quickly searched. First off, not in any of the drawers. Not under the bed, nor in any vase. I did not know how much time I had. My mind and pulse raced anxiously.
The documents would not be anywhere they could be easily found, especially when the servants were cleaning. They must be in a secret compartment within the drawers, underneath the floor, or in the walls. I checked behind every portrait and curtain. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead as I felt my time was running out. How long? How much time did I have left?
I went to my knees checking the floor. My breath came in gasps. No, not the floors either. My hand slid along the walls for any inconsistency. Any at all. Nothing. I ran out of ideas. Maybe I was wrong, even though I knew instinctively that I was not. I could feel that they were here somewhere. While I calmed myself to squeeze out some other brilliant idea, my hand fell heavily against the bedpost and amazingly, a hole opened up in the ceiling.
What was this Witch, a ninja?
A rope fell down and I cursed quietly. This concubine must be super lithe to be able to climb up using only a rope. It would be hard for me. I grasped the material and made my way up using the strength of my arms. I reached the confined, dark space and stalled a few minutes catching my breath. Wiping sweat off my brow, I finally looked up at my surroundings. It was a whole separate chamber, bathed in nothing but moonlight. In the darkness I saw a large bed, even bigger than the one down below. I stared a little dazed and reached into my pocket for a light where I could begin my search.
Just then the whole room lit up. Candles littered the place, their flames burning. I gasped. This secret chamber was even more miraculous than the one beneath. The floor was layered in thick fur rugs. Fine tables were set against the walls and by the bed. The numerous candles were set on every available surface, creating an eerie glow around the room. Rich silk curtains hung down the large mattress. And on this bed right in the middle a person laid. The most beautiful person I had ever seen, dressed in thin robes of several light colors.
That was Ninomiya Kazunari, the Witch of the North.
"What are you doing, servant boy?" he drawled, lying on his side and staring off at the ceiling as if he had no interest. One slender, pale leg peeked out from his clothes. His robes were loose around his shoulders, exposing his smooth neck and baring half his delicate shoulders. No less the expected image of a concubine, though a very enticing one.
I gulped and gathered my wits. He was supposed to be with the Emperor! "I-I'm sorry, concubine!" In desperation, I fell to my knees and bowed my head. Not now! And why did my heart pound as if I was a still young boy wet behind the ears?
I heard the prostitute stir and then he ordered, "Look at me."
Nervously, I raised my head. He stared straight into my eyes with his own piercing gaze and looked me over without a word. The candles flickered as if by his doing and I held my breath. His eyes were beautiful. He was beautiful. I felt his enchantment hang over me. Maybe, a real witch after all.
And then a wry grin shaped his thin lips. Such a crafty smile, but it was stimulating all the same. Something inside my body stirred restlessly. His gaze never left me as he said, "Under that...ugly beard, I see a handsome man. You see, I like good-looking men. You're just in luck." He turned away dramatically and sighed. "That's why I'm going to let you run before I change my mind."
I couldn't believe my luck and stared dumbly.
He continued, "I suggest you disappear from my sight as soon as possible, servant."
Without time for thought, I made my escape. Outside in the corridor I paused to breathe. My heart still raced. This time, it was not because I was afraid. This feeling... I pressed a hand to my chest. It could not be. This Witch could not control me. I had to force myself to hate. That man was my enemy and an evil.
While I walked away from the concubine's chambers, I tried to squeeze this new feeling out of me.
Harada Ren
My journey up North, toward the advancing Rebels was a lonely trek. No one took me seriously when I said I was siding with the Rebels. They all feared the Witch, but they stayed with the Emperor who would keep them safe. I tried to tell them to do what was right. We could not let that evil prostitute steal the Heir's position! They just shook their heads.
Almost there. On the outskirts of the Rebel's camp, I sat and thought about how I could persuade them that I wanted to help. Guards passed by my hiding place every minute. They carried with them menacing weapons, sharpened and polished. I risked my life if I tried to rush in. I racked my mind, but nothing came. I began to worry.
No, I knew this was not a bad idea. I followed my heart. I wanted to to do something to win this war.
Yet the twentieth time that the Guards passed, I lost determination. I didn't have the guts to approach. Hope seeped from me. I was afraid. I was just a boy.
Defeated, I headed back to the closest village. It was dark now. The streets were deserted. I sat in the shadows, waiting for daylight and regretting. My only option was to return with my tail between my legs and wait for this war to end. That was all I could do.
In the distance, the sound of horse-hooves drummed in my ears. It was almost inaudible, but in the silent night I heard it. I lifted my eyes and saw a shadow ride by on the outskirts of the village.
Suddenly, some sort of power overtook me. Without plan, I rushed from my hiding place and ran to catch up with this stranger heading toward the Rebel's base. The horse outraced me. But I wanted to help. I wanted to help!
"Please, stop!" I yelled. "Stop!"
As if by some miracle, the rider, barely discernible now by moonlight slowed down. He steered his horse around and saw me, a lone boy standing in the street. But he did not come any nearer.
"What do you want?" the stranger barked.
"Who are you?" I asked. I hoped, fervently with all my heart, that he was with the Rebel Army.
My wish came true. Later, I was to learn as I ran around the camp on errands, this man I saw from afar talking to our majestic and admirable commander was the lieutenant. His name was Sakurai Sho.
* * *
Next The Imperialists