A Writing...
Dolls inspired! From a couple of days ago.
“Shou-chan! Wake up!”
“Nn..”
“Shou-chan,” There was an irritated sigh while the voice got dependable. As there was also someone grabbing hold of his hand and shaking the arm. “You need to wake up. It’s past eight already.”
Shouta opened his eyes slowly as the whole room blurred. Focusing on one spot was hard enough with someone shaking him still. He quickly grabbed hold of Tama’s hand and yanked him down into his lap. Tamao gave a small squeak as he landed in the tall man’s lap. He didn’t mean to wake up a grumpy Shouta, more or less he didn’t know if he had work.
“Sh-Shou-chan…”
“Tama, there is no need to shake me like crazy.”
Tamao blushed slightly as he looked away from him. Why was he being lectured? He should be the one lecturing Shouta. How does it always end up being the other way around? Tamao pouted at Shouta as he looked back to find the other putting on his black framed glasses.
“You should sleep on the bed, Shou-chan. You also came home late again last night. Still-“
Shouta sighed loudly as he rubbed his forehead a bit. Tamao was a headache all on his own, lecturing and being pouty. He looked at him with a bored look as he wrapped his arms around the little man. Tamao was cute in his own way just very loud in the morning.
“Stop lecturing me. You should be happy that I’m not working today. So if you want us to do something you should watch what you say.”
“Shou-chan… why didn’t you tell me you’re off? We could make up for not seeing that moving last month.”
There he goes giving off that pout. Shouta pushed Tamao gently off of his lap and stood up. Tamao yelped at the sudden push and quickly stood up shoving his finger up at Shouta’s face.
“You.. jerk! You didn’t have to shove me off that way! It’s just… I feel bad for missing out last month… since it was my fault.”
“Tama, you need to relax. What’s wrong anyway?”
“What’s wrong?! Everything!”
He quickly turned around and hunched his shoulders. Work hadn’t been the best and he always got one upped by those damn Tokkei members. Tamao had been feeling useless with his investigations of not being a better private detective. How would Shouta understand what he felt? He had a desk job and didn’t get in on any kind of action. Little did Tamao know that Shouta would understand, but keeping the secret safe was more important then letting it slip out.
Shouta put his hands on top of Tamao’s shoulders and turned him around. He gently cupped his chin and lifted his head up. He gave the little man a kind smile; Tamao just needed a little bit more support. Shouta knew that he worked hard at his job, just that the Tokkei had more personnel that had better training and the investigators where better then the police investigators.
“Don’t be afraid to tell me, Tama. I may not understand in full detail but I’m here to support you. I don’t like seeing you upset.”
“Shou-chan, I just feel useless at work. Like no matter what I do it’s not enough. They are always a step ahead of me. It’s irritating!”
“You’ll have to explain what you mean by they.”
“The damn dolls! The Tokkei! They are always ahead of us by a step most times. How can we do a proper investigation?”
Tamao threw his arms up into the air as he stared up at Shouta. Hopefully he was making some kind of sense with the other. However, the look he gave wasn’t one he was expecting. Shouta seemed to be a little agitated by his outburst. This is why he knew that the taller man wouldn’t understand. Everything ended up being in debates or arguments.
“They are human beings too, Tama. Even if a lot of people don’t think so they have feelings. You probably just have to look passed what they do for their job.”
“Ugh! You! You always have to take the defensive side! Why can’t you ever be on my side?! It’s not fair! It’s as if whatever I have to say doesn’t matter!”
“It does matter. Stop yelling and actually start using that brain of yours. Start thinking and maybe for once you might get ahead of them. Maybe they just have a better investigation team.. I don’t know. What do you want me to say?”
“I.. anything but what you usually do! They execute criminals! So what if they are on the death penalty! We can still do a regular investigation and maybe just maybe then they might be wrong for once! Whatever happened to criminals going on parole or even shaping their lives differently? It happens!”
“Some people just don’t change. You haven’t changed much.”
“You haven’t either! So what does that mean? That we’ll be like this the rest of our lives? Fighting and arguing back and forth! What’s the point?!”
The little man quickly made his way out of Shouta’s room stomping out. He was angry, really angry. His childhood friend didn’t even care about his feelings or even what he saying! Why was it always like this? It was if Shouta actually cared about the Tokkei more then he. Just being he had a job at the Ministry of Justice didn’t mean he was any better than him. Tamao gripped the edge of the nearest chair. He had to calm himself, but why did everything have to be so hard?
Shouta reached out a hand as the other man quickly walked out. He didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. It was hard to not hurt his feelings, Tamao had a bunch of feelings to counteract his own. It was something that he liked about the older man. Regardless of age, Tamao still acted immature most of the time even though he always brought up their age difference like it matters. He slowly exited the room to find him gripping the chair. If there was something he could do it would to actually spend sometime with him. They didn’t get to do it often with their busy jobs.
The younger man walked over towards Tamao. He didn’t dare touch him, not when he was like this. There would be a punching involved and he could handle the little punches from Tamao. It hurt sometimes but he deserved it most of the time. Shouta crossed his arms against his chest.
“Tama, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You never mean to. But you do and I think you don’t know what you say sometimes!”
“Hey! Don’t bring this all back on me! You’re the one that started this conversation. If you start something you should just finish it. I don’t completely understand where you are getting at. Besides the fact that you completely hate the Tokkei, so does everyone else in the world. But have you noticed any kind of difference with them around?”
“Hardly! The crime rate might have gone down a little bit but that doesn’t mean anything! There have been more crimes!”
“Some of those crimes aren’t even crimes. Sometimes it could be a trap for them. They are sacrificing their own lives too to keep the public for getting hurt.”
“How would you know?! Hanging out with one of them at work? You shouldn’t, it might eventually come back to hurt you!”
“Do I tell you who you should or shouldn’t hang out with? I don’t care if you hang out with someone else.”
Tamao quickly turned around shaking a finger at him. But before he could yell back at him, Shouta’s phone started ringing and vibrating on the table. He glanced over at the phone and then at Shouta. It looked as if he didn’t even budge towards it. Usually he’s quick to pick up any kind of phone calls. Tamao clutched his hands into fists as the phone continued to ring.
“Aren’t you going to answer it?”
“No, they can leave a voicemail. I am off today and I’m talking to you.”
“More like arguing with me.”
“Do you want me to answer it?”
“No.”
Shouta quickly moved from his spot and ignored the call so it would go straight to voicemail. It was his vice captain Shikibu; it would just have to wait since he had other issues to deal with right now. He glanced over at the other man who was shaking slightly. This wasn’t how he thought the day would go, but apparently Tamao had his own issues to deal with as well. If anything he didn’t want to lose the man over this little spat. It was a big step into the relationship as well, if there was going to be one.
Tamao slowly took in a breath through his nose and let it out through his mouth. It helped only a little bit and he sat down in the chair slumping over in it. He felt small compared to Shouta. When did the other become so much more mature than he? Perhaps it was supposed to end up like this; even he started to feel like crap at work. Even all the work that he does end up doing he ends up doing even more work than necessary. He shut his eyes as he felt tears starting to threaten out.
The red head slowly made his way back over to Tamao and carefully put a hand on his shoulder. It was a gesture that he knew that wouldn’t get him into trouble and he squeezed it gently. He didn’t mind comforting the other man; it would probably make things easier.
“Tama, let’s just drop the topic for now. Let’s do something together. You can pick.”
“Thanks, but it’s your turn to pick something.”
He sniffed a bit as he looked up at Shouta, he couldn’t help the tears now. They just flowed out all on its time. Tamao felt stupid for even crying slightly in front of him. He didn’t even mean too it just happened. Shouta looked down at him sadly as he moved a thumb to brush away the leaky tears. He didn’t mean to get Tamao so worked up. The little man had been full of emotions and the slightest bit of anything just pushed him in the wrong direction. Tamao always ended up going in head first not taking in all of the possibilities.
Shouta leaned over a bit and gently grabbed Tamao’s hand and lifted him up from the chair. He pulled him into his chest and gave him a half hug. Tamao sniffed again as he shoved his face into the fabric of Shouta’s shirt. He felt embarrassed and more of a child like this, why did he have to be so tall? Tamao couldn’t be intimidating he could only give the other glares and hope it was intimidating. Being short didn’t help with that kind of problem.
“Even if it’s my turn to pick, you should. I really didn’t mean to get you this upset.”
“I don’t even know why I’m crying.”
“You’re all worked up, relax a little. Stop getting so defensive.”
“How can I when you get all defensive? Why does it have to be this way?”
“It doesn’t have to be this way. Come on.”
Shouta lead the other over to their living room and sat on the couch. He gently pulled Tamao down and sat him next to him. Tamao curled up on the couch and leaned his head against Shouta’s arm. It made him feel a bit better to just be next to Shouta and like this. It didn’t happen a lot anymore and he wondered how it even happened in the beginning. Shouta lifted his arm and wrapped it around Tamao’s shoulders moving his head to lean against his chest. He hunched over a bit and nuzzled his head a bit on top of Tamao’s head.
“Feeling a bit relaxed?”
“Feeling a bit childish. But it is rather comforting.”
“Good. I’m going to listen to my voicemail real quick.”
“Okay.”
Shouta took out the cell phone and quickly put in the numbers to get to the voicemail. It had been rather urgent and maybe he could get away for a little bit to pick up the paperwork. Paperwork was always good especially since it had been a slight homework assignment. Assessments that had to be done within the next day, he’d be up all night working on them, which meant he’d get no sleep tonight.
Tamao shifted against him before moving and looking at Shouta. He didn’t want to keep him if he had to go in or something. He understood how much the job meant to Shouta and if he did go he hoped it wouldn’t be long. It meant he’d have to find something to do on his own; he hated being here by himself. Shouta gave him a small smile and he hanged up the phone.
“Some bad news, I have to go to my job and pick up some paperwork. Good news, I’ll be back. So find something that we can do when I get back. I don’t want to go out anywhere.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Alright. I’ll figure out something.”
Shouta got up from the seat and quickly made it to the door. He grabbed his coat and put it on as he walked out of the apartment. Tamao fell sideways onto the couch staring at the TV screen. Maybe they could watch a movie here. It was the only option that they could do here besides maybe argue at each other. Shouta was right to say that he had started the conversation and he could have easily ended. Instead he got worked up and now he was here by himself for a bit. He sat up and put his hands in between his legs. What else could they do? A movie seemed to be the safest bet and it wouldn’t hurt. It meant that he could cuddle if he got the right movie.
What was he really in the mood for? He got up from the couch and made his way towards the door. He slowly put on his long coat and shoes as he stood there thinking about what to pick up from the rental place. There probably wouldn’t be that many movies, since they only go out once a month anywhere to the actual theaters. They were going to go see a crime solving film, but now he could chose whatever. Tamao sighed as he finally left the apartment as well.
[Take one look at yourself, and realize...
Life's been treating you nice, better be wise...
And enjoy your moments.
Take one look at yourself, into your eyes...
How you treated your life, wasn't too wise...
Cause its getting closer...
~ Infected Mushroom - The Legend of the Black Shawarma]
Shouta entered the apartment, it had been dark inside and he turned on a few lights. He walked around the rooms looking for Tamao and not spotting him he quickly put the folder into his room. There would be time to do the papers later and for now he would just wait for the other to come back. The door opened not too long and he stepped out of the bedroom to glance over at Tamao. He had a huge smile as he glanced around the room and spotted Shouta. The little man seemed to be in a much better mood and he quickly moved into the living room.
Tamao had been excited to finally find a movie that could be both really good and dramatic. He didn’t really know much about the movie only that it had to deal with memories and such things like that. The girl at the check out had only briefly explained but she seemed to know what she was talking about. A slight mind twister but at the same time a very awesome movie.
“So? You ended up getting a movie?”
“Yeah, one that we’ve never seen and maybe might like. The plot is about memories and it might be strange. It’s also an older movie too.”
“Oh? What’s the name?”
“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.”
“Almost sounds like it would be mind boggling. Do you think you’ll be able to keep up with it?”
“Oh come on! If I need help you can explain if you understand it!”
He pouted at Shouta as he chuckled at him. At least he was back and he made it back before him! Tamao wanted to be here and waiting for him, usually it ends up being like that but it didn’t matter. He wondered if Shouta had to wait long for him, but it didn’t seem like it. Tamao quickly popped the DVD into the player and sat down on the couch picking up the remote for the TV. He turned it on and there was a huge news bulletin stating about a murderer on the loose. It was quickly changed over to the DVD side. No interruptions, not even to watch recent events, Shouta sat down next to Tamao. He didn’t even notice the bulletin nor care what it might have said. Right now it was just them and the movie, just like he said.
Once the previews where over the main DVD screen finally popped up. Shouta didn’t have time to look at the people in the right corner as Tamao clicked on play movie. At least he didn’t have to show the other man how to use a remote. It wasn’t exactly hard but at least now they were together and would have a decent time. Even if it was a movie that they never watched before, he just hoped that Tamao picked a good movie.
As the movie progressed, it got stranger and stranger. If that was even possible, it had a lot of plot turns and even some sad moments. Shouta could actually relate to the film and keep up with it. Tamao had cuddled himself into his side during the middle part of the movie. He wondered if the detective had gotten sleepy but it seemed like his full interest was on the film itself. Which was good since he might not have to explain anything at the end. Once the movie was over they both looked at each other. Tamao looked slightly excited at the whole thing.
“Even though they both got their memory erased of each other. They still ended up seeing each other and ended up being with each other! It was as if their love for each other never really went away.”
“It’s more like they didn’t get their feelings erased. Since it was just a memory, it doesn’t necessarily mean that their feelings would be erased along with it.”
“Yeah, that’s what they were totally showing with the secretary and the main doctor. That was a little weird at first but at the same time necessary for the film.”
Shouta smiled at him. Tamao was in a great mood as he stretched a bit on the couch. It had been a rather long movie too but he wasn’t the least bit tired. The captain had been glad that Tamao actually picked a decent movie and it was actually really good despite the fact that it was strange. If he had to pick something it would have been an action film or something that might have bored Tamao. This kind of film would have been the last pick in everything else.
Tamao looked at Shouta as he pondered asking a question. It might lead into a weird conversation or even another argument, but it would be a question related to the film. He really shouldn’t care about the answer but he would anyway.
“If we both ended up getting our memories erased of each other. Would we end up just like them?”
“What kind of question is that? Besides, Tama, I wouldn’t get our memories erased. There’s too many of them and it would still end up being like them. Our feelings for each other would still bring us back together. Just that it’ll be different and we’ll end up starting over.”
“You… wouldn’t get me erased?”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
Shouta looked at Tamao wondering if he was going to ask another question. He hoped that he wouldn’t ask the next one. Only because it might lead to an awkward situation and Tamao didn’t need to know everything. He would have to lie and he had many other lies already that he used. One more would just add to the guilt. Tamao smiled widely instead and wrapped his arms around Shouta’s middle hugging him. Shouta chuckled as he returned the hug.
“You are very happy.”
“Yeah? What of it? I’m with you for tonight. This never lasts long enough.”
“It doesn’t. It always goes by very quick.”
“I wish it wouldn’t.”
Tamao peeked up at the other as he pulled back a bit. He couldn’t tell if Shouta was happy or not but he wanted to cuddle some more. However, he didn’t want to force Shouta into something that he might not want to end up doing. Tamao sighed as he looked at the TV screen. Shouta glanced over at it and then back over at the man. Tamao was hard to figure out sometimes but maybe now he’d just take the relationship a little bit further. He gently pulled Tamao into his lap and wrapped his arms around him.
Tamao made a slight gasp at the suddenness and adjusted himself on the lap. It was the second time it happened today and this time it was done with Shouta awake. He blinked and glanced up at him with slight wide eyes. He wasn’t sure what the other man might do next but at least he could be closer to him. Tamao slowly moved closer and rested his head in the nook of Shouta’s arm looking up at him still.
“Why do you have to be so cute?”
“Shou-chan!”
Shouta chuckled as he leaned his had down closer to Tamao’s. If anything he liked holding the other like this. Even if it might have made him feel like a child, for Shouta it only made it seem like Tamao was safe. He was very safe in his arms and he would protect him as much as he could. There was one more thing that he wanted to do, and maybe it would ease them into a much more smoother course.
Tamao blushed at the closeness of Shouta’s face. He didn’t get to look at it from this up close sometimes. To him it seemed like Shouta was only getting handsomer each day, he didn’t think he would end up like that. He didn’t even think he was cute. Even if he was cute, he guessed he could let Shouta tell him.
The captain brushed his nose a bit over Tamao’s. He wanted to ease them into it and maybe this would be the best. He leaned in the rest of the way and kissed Tamao sweetly. Tamao’s eyes widened at the contact before drifting halfway closed. It had been so long since their last relationship, who knew it would go like this? He slowly started to kiss Shouta back as he was pulled closer. The warmth had been nice along with the sweet soft kiss. As long as Shouta wanted it maybe he’d just live with the fact of their differences. It was nice to be cared for, even if it was a secret from everyone else. It was a good secret that they shared.
Tamao was the first to break it with his cheeks turning bright red. Shouta smiled at him as he held him closer. The man cuddled against him enjoying the moment before it would actually end.
“You didn’t… have to do that, Shou-chan.”
“Why not? It’s perfectly safe.”
Shouta leaned back and cupped Tamao’s chin lifting it up slightly. He moved his head down and brushed his lips tenderly against Tamao’s. If he could kiss him more he would. Even though Tamao pouted and yelled, he had very soft lips and small ones, compared to Shouta’s wide semi-full lips. Tamao gave a slight moan at the affectionate kiss. He rested a hand against Shouta’s chest as he tried to breath slowly. The heat in his cheeks didn’t help and the beating of his heart rose. He could swear that it was beating loud. As his hand fell slightly it ended up against Shouta’s, it too was beating fast and the heat of the other made his head spin slightly.
The taller man was the first to pull away this time. He had to stop before he moved it along too quickly. Tamao slowly fixed his breathing as he nudged his head into Shouta’s shoulder. He wanted more but at the same time just needed to breath. Everything happened so quickly he thought he might be dreaming. But he wasn’t asleep since he would know.
“Shou-chan…”
“Shhh… Tama…”
He held the smaller man close, if anything he wanted them to stay like this. At least until Tamao finally ended up falling asleep, he didn’t mind if he had to carry him off to bed. It at least gave them some more time. Tamao nodded his head as he stayed enjoying the fondness and smell of the other. Shouta did have good taste in picking out his cologne. It wasn’t too strong and it wasn’t too weak, it also was very unique compared to the other ones. Tamao didn’t really know how to pick out certain things, but at least for Shouta’s birthday he had bought the right kind in a bigger size.
Since then, it was always the same cologne that Shouta would buy. It made him happy, now all he needed was to figure out a Christmas gift for him. Shouta wasn’t exactly easy to shop for but maybe he might get to meet one of his co-workers. So he could get a better idea. As the time went by Tamao started to yawn as he cuddled more into Shouta. He almost didn’t want to go to sleep but his eyes demanded him too. After crying and getting worked up it was hard to stay up longer. Tamao ended up falling asleep to the sound of Shouta’s beating heat.
Shouta looked down and noticed that the other was fast asleep. He smiled as he slowly shifted and picked him up. Tamao felt so light that it seemed like he wasn’t even there. He carried Tamao into his bedroom and laid him carefully down on the bed. Tamao curled into a slight ball on the bed as he shivered from the noncontact. Shouta quickly covered him with the thick blanket to get him to stop shivering.
“Good night, Tama.”
He quietly walked out of the bedroom and walked into his own. Shouta sighed as he stared at the folder. Paperwork was always such a hassle and he would have to get some sleep. Tamao wasn’t going to like finding him on the floor again but there was nothing he could do. So he just went to work filling out the assessment papers. At least he got to see Tamao happy, which made him pleased.
[Your arms are my castle,
Your heart is my sky,
They wipe away tears that I cry.
Oh, the good and the bad times,
We’ve been through them more,
You make me rise when I fall.
Cause every time we touch I get this feeling,
And every time we kiss I swear I can fly,
Can’t you feel my heart beat fast?
I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
Cause every time we touch I feel the static,
And every time we kiss I reach for the sky,
Can’t you feel my heart beat so?
I can’t let you go,
Want you in my life.
~ Cascade - Every Time We Touch (Yanou’s Candlelight Mix)]
“Shou-chan! Wake up!”
“Nn..”
“Shou-chan,” There was an irritated sigh while the voice got dependable. As there was also someone grabbing hold of his hand and shaking the arm. “You need to wake up. It’s past eight already.”
Shouta opened his eyes slowly as the whole room blurred. Focusing on one spot was hard enough with someone shaking him still. He quickly grabbed hold of Tama’s hand and yanked him down into his lap. Tamao gave a small squeak as he landed in the tall man’s lap. He didn’t mean to wake up a grumpy Shouta, more or less he didn’t know if he had work.
“Sh-Shou-chan…”
“Tama, there is no need to shake me like crazy.”
Tamao blushed slightly as he looked away from him. Why was he being lectured? He should be the one lecturing Shouta. How does it always end up being the other way around? Tamao pouted at Shouta as he looked back to find the other putting on his black framed glasses.
“You should sleep on the bed, Shou-chan. You also came home late again last night. Still-“
Shouta sighed loudly as he rubbed his forehead a bit. Tamao was a headache all on his own, lecturing and being pouty. He looked at him with a bored look as he wrapped his arms around the little man. Tamao was cute in his own way just very loud in the morning.
“Stop lecturing me. You should be happy that I’m not working today. So if you want us to do something you should watch what you say.”
“Shou-chan… why didn’t you tell me you’re off? We could make up for not seeing that moving last month.”
There he goes giving off that pout. Shouta pushed Tamao gently off of his lap and stood up. Tamao yelped at the sudden push and quickly stood up shoving his finger up at Shouta’s face.
“You.. jerk! You didn’t have to shove me off that way! It’s just… I feel bad for missing out last month… since it was my fault.”
“Tama, you need to relax. What’s wrong anyway?”
“What’s wrong?! Everything!”
He quickly turned around and hunched his shoulders. Work hadn’t been the best and he always got one upped by those damn Tokkei members. Tamao had been feeling useless with his investigations of not being a better private detective. How would Shouta understand what he felt? He had a desk job and didn’t get in on any kind of action. Little did Tamao know that Shouta would understand, but keeping the secret safe was more important then letting it slip out.
Shouta put his hands on top of Tamao’s shoulders and turned him around. He gently cupped his chin and lifted his head up. He gave the little man a kind smile; Tamao just needed a little bit more support. Shouta knew that he worked hard at his job, just that the Tokkei had more personnel that had better training and the investigators where better then the police investigators.
“Don’t be afraid to tell me, Tama. I may not understand in full detail but I’m here to support you. I don’t like seeing you upset.”
“Shou-chan, I just feel useless at work. Like no matter what I do it’s not enough. They are always a step ahead of me. It’s irritating!”
“You’ll have to explain what you mean by they.”
“The damn dolls! The Tokkei! They are always ahead of us by a step most times. How can we do a proper investigation?”
Tamao threw his arms up into the air as he stared up at Shouta. Hopefully he was making some kind of sense with the other. However, the look he gave wasn’t one he was expecting. Shouta seemed to be a little agitated by his outburst. This is why he knew that the taller man wouldn’t understand. Everything ended up being in debates or arguments.
“They are human beings too, Tama. Even if a lot of people don’t think so they have feelings. You probably just have to look passed what they do for their job.”
“Ugh! You! You always have to take the defensive side! Why can’t you ever be on my side?! It’s not fair! It’s as if whatever I have to say doesn’t matter!”
“It does matter. Stop yelling and actually start using that brain of yours. Start thinking and maybe for once you might get ahead of them. Maybe they just have a better investigation team.. I don’t know. What do you want me to say?”
“I.. anything but what you usually do! They execute criminals! So what if they are on the death penalty! We can still do a regular investigation and maybe just maybe then they might be wrong for once! Whatever happened to criminals going on parole or even shaping their lives differently? It happens!”
“Some people just don’t change. You haven’t changed much.”
“You haven’t either! So what does that mean? That we’ll be like this the rest of our lives? Fighting and arguing back and forth! What’s the point?!”
The little man quickly made his way out of Shouta’s room stomping out. He was angry, really angry. His childhood friend didn’t even care about his feelings or even what he saying! Why was it always like this? It was if Shouta actually cared about the Tokkei more then he. Just being he had a job at the Ministry of Justice didn’t mean he was any better than him. Tamao gripped the edge of the nearest chair. He had to calm himself, but why did everything have to be so hard?
Shouta reached out a hand as the other man quickly walked out. He didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. It was hard to not hurt his feelings, Tamao had a bunch of feelings to counteract his own. It was something that he liked about the older man. Regardless of age, Tamao still acted immature most of the time even though he always brought up their age difference like it matters. He slowly exited the room to find him gripping the chair. If there was something he could do it would to actually spend sometime with him. They didn’t get to do it often with their busy jobs.
The younger man walked over towards Tamao. He didn’t dare touch him, not when he was like this. There would be a punching involved and he could handle the little punches from Tamao. It hurt sometimes but he deserved it most of the time. Shouta crossed his arms against his chest.
“Tama, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You never mean to. But you do and I think you don’t know what you say sometimes!”
“Hey! Don’t bring this all back on me! You’re the one that started this conversation. If you start something you should just finish it. I don’t completely understand where you are getting at. Besides the fact that you completely hate the Tokkei, so does everyone else in the world. But have you noticed any kind of difference with them around?”
“Hardly! The crime rate might have gone down a little bit but that doesn’t mean anything! There have been more crimes!”
“Some of those crimes aren’t even crimes. Sometimes it could be a trap for them. They are sacrificing their own lives too to keep the public for getting hurt.”
“How would you know?! Hanging out with one of them at work? You shouldn’t, it might eventually come back to hurt you!”
“Do I tell you who you should or shouldn’t hang out with? I don’t care if you hang out with someone else.”
Tamao quickly turned around shaking a finger at him. But before he could yell back at him, Shouta’s phone started ringing and vibrating on the table. He glanced over at the phone and then at Shouta. It looked as if he didn’t even budge towards it. Usually he’s quick to pick up any kind of phone calls. Tamao clutched his hands into fists as the phone continued to ring.
“Aren’t you going to answer it?”
“No, they can leave a voicemail. I am off today and I’m talking to you.”
“More like arguing with me.”
“Do you want me to answer it?”
“No.”
Shouta quickly moved from his spot and ignored the call so it would go straight to voicemail. It was his vice captain Shikibu; it would just have to wait since he had other issues to deal with right now. He glanced over at the other man who was shaking slightly. This wasn’t how he thought the day would go, but apparently Tamao had his own issues to deal with as well. If anything he didn’t want to lose the man over this little spat. It was a big step into the relationship as well, if there was going to be one.
Tamao slowly took in a breath through his nose and let it out through his mouth. It helped only a little bit and he sat down in the chair slumping over in it. He felt small compared to Shouta. When did the other become so much more mature than he? Perhaps it was supposed to end up like this; even he started to feel like crap at work. Even all the work that he does end up doing he ends up doing even more work than necessary. He shut his eyes as he felt tears starting to threaten out.
The red head slowly made his way back over to Tamao and carefully put a hand on his shoulder. It was a gesture that he knew that wouldn’t get him into trouble and he squeezed it gently. He didn’t mind comforting the other man; it would probably make things easier.
“Tama, let’s just drop the topic for now. Let’s do something together. You can pick.”
“Thanks, but it’s your turn to pick something.”
He sniffed a bit as he looked up at Shouta, he couldn’t help the tears now. They just flowed out all on its time. Tamao felt stupid for even crying slightly in front of him. He didn’t even mean too it just happened. Shouta looked down at him sadly as he moved a thumb to brush away the leaky tears. He didn’t mean to get Tamao so worked up. The little man had been full of emotions and the slightest bit of anything just pushed him in the wrong direction. Tamao always ended up going in head first not taking in all of the possibilities.
Shouta leaned over a bit and gently grabbed Tamao’s hand and lifted him up from the chair. He pulled him into his chest and gave him a half hug. Tamao sniffed again as he shoved his face into the fabric of Shouta’s shirt. He felt embarrassed and more of a child like this, why did he have to be so tall? Tamao couldn’t be intimidating he could only give the other glares and hope it was intimidating. Being short didn’t help with that kind of problem.
“Even if it’s my turn to pick, you should. I really didn’t mean to get you this upset.”
“I don’t even know why I’m crying.”
“You’re all worked up, relax a little. Stop getting so defensive.”
“How can I when you get all defensive? Why does it have to be this way?”
“It doesn’t have to be this way. Come on.”
Shouta lead the other over to their living room and sat on the couch. He gently pulled Tamao down and sat him next to him. Tamao curled up on the couch and leaned his head against Shouta’s arm. It made him feel a bit better to just be next to Shouta and like this. It didn’t happen a lot anymore and he wondered how it even happened in the beginning. Shouta lifted his arm and wrapped it around Tamao’s shoulders moving his head to lean against his chest. He hunched over a bit and nuzzled his head a bit on top of Tamao’s head.
“Feeling a bit relaxed?”
“Feeling a bit childish. But it is rather comforting.”
“Good. I’m going to listen to my voicemail real quick.”
“Okay.”
Shouta took out the cell phone and quickly put in the numbers to get to the voicemail. It had been rather urgent and maybe he could get away for a little bit to pick up the paperwork. Paperwork was always good especially since it had been a slight homework assignment. Assessments that had to be done within the next day, he’d be up all night working on them, which meant he’d get no sleep tonight.
Tamao shifted against him before moving and looking at Shouta. He didn’t want to keep him if he had to go in or something. He understood how much the job meant to Shouta and if he did go he hoped it wouldn’t be long. It meant he’d have to find something to do on his own; he hated being here by himself. Shouta gave him a small smile and he hanged up the phone.
“Some bad news, I have to go to my job and pick up some paperwork. Good news, I’ll be back. So find something that we can do when I get back. I don’t want to go out anywhere.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Alright. I’ll figure out something.”
Shouta got up from the seat and quickly made it to the door. He grabbed his coat and put it on as he walked out of the apartment. Tamao fell sideways onto the couch staring at the TV screen. Maybe they could watch a movie here. It was the only option that they could do here besides maybe argue at each other. Shouta was right to say that he had started the conversation and he could have easily ended. Instead he got worked up and now he was here by himself for a bit. He sat up and put his hands in between his legs. What else could they do? A movie seemed to be the safest bet and it wouldn’t hurt. It meant that he could cuddle if he got the right movie.
What was he really in the mood for? He got up from the couch and made his way towards the door. He slowly put on his long coat and shoes as he stood there thinking about what to pick up from the rental place. There probably wouldn’t be that many movies, since they only go out once a month anywhere to the actual theaters. They were going to go see a crime solving film, but now he could chose whatever. Tamao sighed as he finally left the apartment as well.
[Take one look at yourself, and realize...
Life's been treating you nice, better be wise...
And enjoy your moments.
Take one look at yourself, into your eyes...
How you treated your life, wasn't too wise...
Cause its getting closer...
~ Infected Mushroom - The Legend of the Black Shawarma]
Shouta entered the apartment, it had been dark inside and he turned on a few lights. He walked around the rooms looking for Tamao and not spotting him he quickly put the folder into his room. There would be time to do the papers later and for now he would just wait for the other to come back. The door opened not too long and he stepped out of the bedroom to glance over at Tamao. He had a huge smile as he glanced around the room and spotted Shouta. The little man seemed to be in a much better mood and he quickly moved into the living room.
Tamao had been excited to finally find a movie that could be both really good and dramatic. He didn’t really know much about the movie only that it had to deal with memories and such things like that. The girl at the check out had only briefly explained but she seemed to know what she was talking about. A slight mind twister but at the same time a very awesome movie.
“So? You ended up getting a movie?”
“Yeah, one that we’ve never seen and maybe might like. The plot is about memories and it might be strange. It’s also an older movie too.”
“Oh? What’s the name?”
“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.”
“Almost sounds like it would be mind boggling. Do you think you’ll be able to keep up with it?”
“Oh come on! If I need help you can explain if you understand it!”
He pouted at Shouta as he chuckled at him. At least he was back and he made it back before him! Tamao wanted to be here and waiting for him, usually it ends up being like that but it didn’t matter. He wondered if Shouta had to wait long for him, but it didn’t seem like it. Tamao quickly popped the DVD into the player and sat down on the couch picking up the remote for the TV. He turned it on and there was a huge news bulletin stating about a murderer on the loose. It was quickly changed over to the DVD side. No interruptions, not even to watch recent events, Shouta sat down next to Tamao. He didn’t even notice the bulletin nor care what it might have said. Right now it was just them and the movie, just like he said.
Once the previews where over the main DVD screen finally popped up. Shouta didn’t have time to look at the people in the right corner as Tamao clicked on play movie. At least he didn’t have to show the other man how to use a remote. It wasn’t exactly hard but at least now they were together and would have a decent time. Even if it was a movie that they never watched before, he just hoped that Tamao picked a good movie.
As the movie progressed, it got stranger and stranger. If that was even possible, it had a lot of plot turns and even some sad moments. Shouta could actually relate to the film and keep up with it. Tamao had cuddled himself into his side during the middle part of the movie. He wondered if the detective had gotten sleepy but it seemed like his full interest was on the film itself. Which was good since he might not have to explain anything at the end. Once the movie was over they both looked at each other. Tamao looked slightly excited at the whole thing.
“Even though they both got their memory erased of each other. They still ended up seeing each other and ended up being with each other! It was as if their love for each other never really went away.”
“It’s more like they didn’t get their feelings erased. Since it was just a memory, it doesn’t necessarily mean that their feelings would be erased along with it.”
“Yeah, that’s what they were totally showing with the secretary and the main doctor. That was a little weird at first but at the same time necessary for the film.”
Shouta smiled at him. Tamao was in a great mood as he stretched a bit on the couch. It had been a rather long movie too but he wasn’t the least bit tired. The captain had been glad that Tamao actually picked a decent movie and it was actually really good despite the fact that it was strange. If he had to pick something it would have been an action film or something that might have bored Tamao. This kind of film would have been the last pick in everything else.
Tamao looked at Shouta as he pondered asking a question. It might lead into a weird conversation or even another argument, but it would be a question related to the film. He really shouldn’t care about the answer but he would anyway.
“If we both ended up getting our memories erased of each other. Would we end up just like them?”
“What kind of question is that? Besides, Tama, I wouldn’t get our memories erased. There’s too many of them and it would still end up being like them. Our feelings for each other would still bring us back together. Just that it’ll be different and we’ll end up starting over.”
“You… wouldn’t get me erased?”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
Shouta looked at Tamao wondering if he was going to ask another question. He hoped that he wouldn’t ask the next one. Only because it might lead to an awkward situation and Tamao didn’t need to know everything. He would have to lie and he had many other lies already that he used. One more would just add to the guilt. Tamao smiled widely instead and wrapped his arms around Shouta’s middle hugging him. Shouta chuckled as he returned the hug.
“You are very happy.”
“Yeah? What of it? I’m with you for tonight. This never lasts long enough.”
“It doesn’t. It always goes by very quick.”
“I wish it wouldn’t.”
Tamao peeked up at the other as he pulled back a bit. He couldn’t tell if Shouta was happy or not but he wanted to cuddle some more. However, he didn’t want to force Shouta into something that he might not want to end up doing. Tamao sighed as he looked at the TV screen. Shouta glanced over at it and then back over at the man. Tamao was hard to figure out sometimes but maybe now he’d just take the relationship a little bit further. He gently pulled Tamao into his lap and wrapped his arms around him.
Tamao made a slight gasp at the suddenness and adjusted himself on the lap. It was the second time it happened today and this time it was done with Shouta awake. He blinked and glanced up at him with slight wide eyes. He wasn’t sure what the other man might do next but at least he could be closer to him. Tamao slowly moved closer and rested his head in the nook of Shouta’s arm looking up at him still.
“Why do you have to be so cute?”
“Shou-chan!”
Shouta chuckled as he leaned his had down closer to Tamao’s. If anything he liked holding the other like this. Even if it might have made him feel like a child, for Shouta it only made it seem like Tamao was safe. He was very safe in his arms and he would protect him as much as he could. There was one more thing that he wanted to do, and maybe it would ease them into a much more smoother course.
Tamao blushed at the closeness of Shouta’s face. He didn’t get to look at it from this up close sometimes. To him it seemed like Shouta was only getting handsomer each day, he didn’t think he would end up like that. He didn’t even think he was cute. Even if he was cute, he guessed he could let Shouta tell him.
The captain brushed his nose a bit over Tamao’s. He wanted to ease them into it and maybe this would be the best. He leaned in the rest of the way and kissed Tamao sweetly. Tamao’s eyes widened at the contact before drifting halfway closed. It had been so long since their last relationship, who knew it would go like this? He slowly started to kiss Shouta back as he was pulled closer. The warmth had been nice along with the sweet soft kiss. As long as Shouta wanted it maybe he’d just live with the fact of their differences. It was nice to be cared for, even if it was a secret from everyone else. It was a good secret that they shared.
Tamao was the first to break it with his cheeks turning bright red. Shouta smiled at him as he held him closer. The man cuddled against him enjoying the moment before it would actually end.
“You didn’t… have to do that, Shou-chan.”
“Why not? It’s perfectly safe.”
Shouta leaned back and cupped Tamao’s chin lifting it up slightly. He moved his head down and brushed his lips tenderly against Tamao’s. If he could kiss him more he would. Even though Tamao pouted and yelled, he had very soft lips and small ones, compared to Shouta’s wide semi-full lips. Tamao gave a slight moan at the affectionate kiss. He rested a hand against Shouta’s chest as he tried to breath slowly. The heat in his cheeks didn’t help and the beating of his heart rose. He could swear that it was beating loud. As his hand fell slightly it ended up against Shouta’s, it too was beating fast and the heat of the other made his head spin slightly.
The taller man was the first to pull away this time. He had to stop before he moved it along too quickly. Tamao slowly fixed his breathing as he nudged his head into Shouta’s shoulder. He wanted more but at the same time just needed to breath. Everything happened so quickly he thought he might be dreaming. But he wasn’t asleep since he would know.
“Shou-chan…”
“Shhh… Tama…”
He held the smaller man close, if anything he wanted them to stay like this. At least until Tamao finally ended up falling asleep, he didn’t mind if he had to carry him off to bed. It at least gave them some more time. Tamao nodded his head as he stayed enjoying the fondness and smell of the other. Shouta did have good taste in picking out his cologne. It wasn’t too strong and it wasn’t too weak, it also was very unique compared to the other ones. Tamao didn’t really know how to pick out certain things, but at least for Shouta’s birthday he had bought the right kind in a bigger size.
Since then, it was always the same cologne that Shouta would buy. It made him happy, now all he needed was to figure out a Christmas gift for him. Shouta wasn’t exactly easy to shop for but maybe he might get to meet one of his co-workers. So he could get a better idea. As the time went by Tamao started to yawn as he cuddled more into Shouta. He almost didn’t want to go to sleep but his eyes demanded him too. After crying and getting worked up it was hard to stay up longer. Tamao ended up falling asleep to the sound of Shouta’s beating heat.
Shouta looked down and noticed that the other was fast asleep. He smiled as he slowly shifted and picked him up. Tamao felt so light that it seemed like he wasn’t even there. He carried Tamao into his bedroom and laid him carefully down on the bed. Tamao curled into a slight ball on the bed as he shivered from the noncontact. Shouta quickly covered him with the thick blanket to get him to stop shivering.
“Good night, Tama.”
He quietly walked out of the bedroom and walked into his own. Shouta sighed as he stared at the folder. Paperwork was always such a hassle and he would have to get some sleep. Tamao wasn’t going to like finding him on the floor again but there was nothing he could do. So he just went to work filling out the assessment papers. At least he got to see Tamao happy, which made him pleased.
[Your arms are my castle,
Your heart is my sky,
They wipe away tears that I cry.
Oh, the good and the bad times,
We’ve been through them more,
You make me rise when I fall.
Cause every time we touch I get this feeling,
And every time we kiss I swear I can fly,
Can’t you feel my heart beat fast?
I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
Cause every time we touch I feel the static,
And every time we kiss I reach for the sky,
Can’t you feel my heart beat so?
I can’t let you go,
Want you in my life.
~ Cascade - Every Time We Touch (Yanou’s Candlelight Mix)]