Fic: Because That's What Brothers are For
Title: Because That’s What Brothers are For
Author: kappamaki33
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Finn and Kurt; background Finn/Rachel and Kurt/Blaine
Warnings: discussion of sex
Spoilers: Season 2.
Summary: A late-night Wal-Mart shopping adventure.
“Look out for that truck, Finn!”
“God, I see it! Just like I saw the car slowing down to turn, and the stop sign, and the raccoon crossing the road,” Finn said, gesturing wildly with one hand and keeping the other on the steering wheel.
“It was a beaver,” Kurt said.
“Raccoon,” Finn muttered. “And quit driving from the passenger seat, or you’ll be riding the rest of the way home in the flatbed.”
Kurt rolled his eyes. “I told you we should’ve taken my car so I could drive.”
Finn flipped off the high-beams as a car approached from the other direction. “Yeah, now I’m wishing we had.”
Kurt grimaced. “You’re already planning that the next time I drive, you’re going to scream and point at everything we see as recompense for me being a little controlling and vigilant when you’re driving at night, aren’t you?”
Finn grinned. “Actually, I wasn’t, but now that you mention it-great idea.”
Despite the bickering and his moments of panic at Finn’s (actually pretty decent, Kurt silently admitted) driving, it had been a good day. New Directions had performed in Lancaster at the first invitational of the show choir season, and they had kicked musical ass. The club was saving money for their hopefully in-the-bag trip to Nationals, so they had all agreed to forego renting a bus and arranged their own transportation to and from the event.
And despite his initial whining when his dad made them take Finn’s pickup, Kurt had had a good time traveling with Finn. They were both so busy with school, extracurriculars, and significant others that they hadn’t had much time for the two of them to just hang out lately. Kurt hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it until their heated Beatles versus Stones debate on the way down to the invitational.
“There’s a town up ahead. Wanna take a pit-stop?” Finn asked, already signaling to get in the turning lane.
“Okay. Let’s find a gas station that sells healthy snack alternatives this time, though.” Kurt had succumbed to Finn’s offer to split a bag of Funions earlier. He could already feel his pores clogging from the grease.
“Funny,” Finn said.
Kurt was certain Finn actually thought he was joking until Finn pulled into a Super Wal-Mart parking lot instead of a gas station. At least there was some hope of finding food in there that wasn’t so full of preservatives that it could survive a nuclear holocaust, the way Kurt suspected a Twinkie could.
“Come on,” Finn said. “I want to do a little…shopping.” Finn looked oddly determined, like he was on a mission.
“You know I’m all for shopping, but Wal-Mart?” Kurt said as he hopped out of the truck and walked with Finn across the parking lot. “I’m sorry, but I cannot in good conscience allow you to buy any clothing in this store. I’d be more than happy to take you to an H&M tomorrow-”
“I don’t think H&M has what I’m looking for,” Finn said. He didn’t offer any further explanation.
It felt strange, being in a store that late at night. It was nearly empty-only two very bored-looking clerks manned the check-out lines, and Kurt couldn’t see any other customers. He started heading toward the grocery side of the store, but he stopped when he noticed Finn wasn’t following him.
“You go ahead and get something to eat. Grab me something too, would you? Something made out of, like, real food and not tofu would be great,” Finn said. He had his hands shoved in his pockets, and he was shifting his weight nervously.
Kurt didn’t move. First Finn talking about shopping, and now him not rushing to the junk food section of the store? Kurt knew something was up. “Where are you going?”
“I’ll meet you back at the truck,” Finn said, then half-waved at Kurt and disappeared down the stationery aisle.
Kurt poked around the store’s sorry excuse for an organic section for a good five minutes before his curiosity got the best of him. What on earth could Finn want in a Wal-Mart that he obviously didn’t want Kurt seeing him get? All Kurt could come up with was that Finn must have a fake ID and he wanted to buy booze, but that still didn’t explain him wanting Kurt out of the way.
Kurt gave up on finding food and went hunting for Finn. He peeked around the corner of the liquor aisle first, then beer, then wine, all without success. Next he tried the men’s department, thinking maybe Finn really was trying to buy Wal-Mart clothing, but he wasn’t there, either. Out of ideas, Kurt combed the store more methodically, searching each aisle.
He found Finn near the pharmacy, which was closed this late at night. Finn was looking so intently at a display that he didn’t see Kurt at first. Just as Kurt was about to make a sarcastic comment on Finn’s new-found interest in hygiene, he realized what Finn was standing in front of.
Kurt wanted to back away before Finn noticed him, but he couldn’t hold back his gasp of shock at the sight. Finn heard it and looked over his shoulder. Finn’s eyes went wide and his face turned red.
“Condoms?” Kurt stuttered. “Why…here?”
“Not so loud,” Finn whispered harshly. “I can’t buy them in Lima. All the cashiers in Lima know me. And worse, they know my mom, and Burt, and Rachel’s dads, and…just, no.”
“Huh.” That actually made a lot of sense, Kurt thought. Mostly, though, he found himself transfixed by the display. He tilted his head.
Finn stared at Kurt for a moment, then got that look Finn had a tendency to get when he was about to say something weirdly perceptive. “You should get some, too.”
Kurt’s face burned. “No-Blaine and I-we’re not-oh god, I can’t believe we’re discussing this at all, let alone at the…the…”
“Condom display in Wal-Mart?” Finn finished. “It’s your call, Kurt, but even if you’re not ready to do something where you’d use one, don’t you think maybe you are ready to have one?”
Finn was right, Kurt had to admit. He and Blaine weren’t doing anything that required a condom yet, but he had a feeling that maybe someday soon…and if he didn’t buy them now, Kurt would have to drive fifty miles and maybe wear a disguise to not worry about half the town knowing when he was losing his virginity.
Kurt took a step toward the display. The rows of little boxes swam before his eyes, the sheer number of options overwhelming him. Then he saw they came in different sizes, which intimidated him even more. How was he supposed to know what size condom he wore? Did the boxes have little length/girth size charts on the back, like pantyhose did? And what about Blaine’s size? He’d felt Blaine’s erection against his thigh when they were making out a few times, but that was all Kurt had to go on. Or was he breaching a rule of etiquette, buying condoms for someone else? Was gay sex BYOC?
Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He needed a distraction. “I thought you said Rachel said she wasn’t going to have sex until she was twenty-five.”
Kurt looked over at Finn, who was gingerly turning a box of “ribbed for her pleasure” condoms over in his hands. “She did, but now she says she’s almost ready. She said women have the prerogative to change their minds, or something like that. I’m not sure what a ‘prerogative’ is, but I’m really glad women apparently have one. I just hope I don’t have to find it, like a G-spot.”
Kurt held back a chuckle, as well as a joke about the quality of McKinley’s sex education and English curricula.
Finn read the back of the box, then shook his head and put it back on the shelf. He asked, “This might be a stupid question, but are there special condoms for, you know, the…uh…the kind of sex you and Blaine…?”
It wasn’t a stupid question at all. Actually, faced with so many choices, Kurt was really glad for the pamphlets his dad had given him. Still, it took Kurt a long time to find his voice.
“Sort of. We’re not supposed to use the ones with spermicide on them, because it irritates the…yeah.”
He looked at Finn again, and their eyes met for a moment before they both snapped heads back to the display. Kurt could see Finn nodding out the corner of his eye, though. “Good to know. Not that Rachel’s going to be willing to try that until she’s thirty, or maybe ever, but. Yeah. Oh my god, they’ve got flavored condoms?” Finn grabbed a blue package. “Why the hell would you want a flavored condom?”
Kurt arched an eyebrow at Finn. “For going down on a guy?”
“Oh yeah,” Finn said. He held the package out to Kurt, but Kurt pulled his hands back like the box was going to bite him. “Wasn’t thinking about it from that…perspective.”
Kurt had had about all he could take of awkwardness. He grabbed a box that looked marginally less tacky than some of the others and checked to make sure they didn’t have spermicide on them. “Just pick one already, Finn.”
Finn hesitated between two for a moment, then made his selection. Before they left the pharmacy area, Kurt picked up a tube of water-based lube as well. Finn saw it, said, “Ohh, good idea, man,” and got a box of the his-and-hers KY from those ridiculous commercials. Then Finn headed toward the check-out.
“What are you doing?” Kurt snapped, keeping his voice low so the stock boy a few aisles away wouldn’t hear.
Finn looked confused. “I’m going to pay.”
Kurt sighed exasperatedly. “We can’t go to the check-out with just condoms and lube, Finn! I don’t care if I never see these people again-I’m not going to be known as ‘that kid who came in for sex supplies.’”
“What can we do about it?” Finn asked.
Kurt jogged to the end of an aisle and found a shopping basket, then returned to where Finn was standing. “If we buy other things and just casually have the condoms in there with the rest, it won’t be so obvious. Mercedes and Rachel do that all the time when they buy tampons.”
Finn shivered and dropped his boxes into the basket. “Fine. Just don’t bring up tampons again, okay?”
Forty-five minutes and thirty dollars’ worth of cheap junk they didn’t really need later, the shopping basket was full enough that Kurt deemed them ready to go. There was only one guy manning the check-outs by that time. Even from over fifteen feet away, Kurt could see the clerk was reading the latest issue of Vogue. He started getting cold feet again.
Kurt knew he could’ve handled a female cashier, and a straight guy probably either wouldn’t have made the connection or would’ve just looked at him in disgust. But a gay guy would know exactly what Kurt would be using those condoms for, maybe even be picturing it, picturing him, and…
“Paper scissors rock for who has to check out!” Kurt blurted.
“What? I thought we were both-”
“Oh come on, Finn. If we check out together, they’re going to think you’re going to be using those condoms to do me.”
“Gross,” Finn said, mouth curling in disgust. It hurt Kurt a little that Finn said it out loud, even though that had been exactly the reaction Kurt had been banking on. Then, Finn surprised him. “Are people really such perverts that they’d think I’d have sex with my brother?”
Kurt smiled and sighed. “They don’t know we’re related, though, and-oh, never mind. I just don’t see any reason for us both to go through this embarrassment.”
Finn appeared like he was about to argue, but then he took a closer look at Kurt. He must have seen how truly nervous Kurt was. He took the basket off Kurt’s arm and held his hand out for money. “Fine. I’ll meet you out at the truck.”
Kurt heaved a sigh of relief and handed over more than his fair share of cash. Finn deserved a discount for doing this.
Kurt wished he’d gotten the keys from Finn before he’d gone outside, so he could sit in the cab rather than stand out in the cold night air. Luckily it wasn’t that long of a wait. Finn came out of the store a few minutes later, scowling. He shoved the bags into Kurt’s hands. “Next time, it’s your turn to go through the check-out.”
Kurt considered throwing out a witty comeback, but instead, he said, “Thanks. I really appreciate it-all of it.”
Finn mock-punched him in the shoulder. “What are brothers for, right?”
“Right.” Kurt still couldn’t quite believe how far they’d come from that awful day in the basement. He grinned.
They climbed into the truck and headed back to the highway. Kurt kept himself from unnecessarily pointing out roadside hazards by organizing the shopping bags, separating out his purchases from Finn’s. Then he thought of something. “Next time?”
“Huh?” Finn said.
“You mentioned ‘next time,’” Kurt said. “You mean we have to do this again?”
“We’re going to use those up eventually,” Finn said. “At least, I really, really hope I get to use those up eventually.”
“So…we should make a habit of doing this together?” Kurt asked, confused.
“I was going to call it a tradition, but yeah,” he said. “I mean, I can tell you’re not comfortable with it yet-” Kurt blushed but didn’t argue, “-and I feel weird buying them, too. But maybe if we do this together, we’ll make each other make sure we keep buying them and don’t let embarrassment get the better of us.”
“That sounds…good, actually.” Kurt looked out the windshield. “Finn, don’t hit that frog!”
Finn instinctively slammed on the brakes at Kurt’s panic. Then he had a moment to think through what Kurt had said. “The-frog?” He shook his head. “Yep, you are so driving next time, and I’m going to yell ‘deer!’ every time I see a mailbox reflector.”
Finn was going to take far too much pleasure in annoying Kurt, Kurt knew, but that was okay. That was just one of the many things brothers did to-and for-each other.
Author: kappamaki33
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Finn and Kurt; background Finn/Rachel and Kurt/Blaine
Warnings: discussion of sex
Spoilers: Season 2.
Summary: A late-night Wal-Mart shopping adventure.
“Look out for that truck, Finn!”
“God, I see it! Just like I saw the car slowing down to turn, and the stop sign, and the raccoon crossing the road,” Finn said, gesturing wildly with one hand and keeping the other on the steering wheel.
“It was a beaver,” Kurt said.
“Raccoon,” Finn muttered. “And quit driving from the passenger seat, or you’ll be riding the rest of the way home in the flatbed.”
Kurt rolled his eyes. “I told you we should’ve taken my car so I could drive.”
Finn flipped off the high-beams as a car approached from the other direction. “Yeah, now I’m wishing we had.”
Kurt grimaced. “You’re already planning that the next time I drive, you’re going to scream and point at everything we see as recompense for me being a little controlling and vigilant when you’re driving at night, aren’t you?”
Finn grinned. “Actually, I wasn’t, but now that you mention it-great idea.”
Despite the bickering and his moments of panic at Finn’s (actually pretty decent, Kurt silently admitted) driving, it had been a good day. New Directions had performed in Lancaster at the first invitational of the show choir season, and they had kicked musical ass. The club was saving money for their hopefully in-the-bag trip to Nationals, so they had all agreed to forego renting a bus and arranged their own transportation to and from the event.
And despite his initial whining when his dad made them take Finn’s pickup, Kurt had had a good time traveling with Finn. They were both so busy with school, extracurriculars, and significant others that they hadn’t had much time for the two of them to just hang out lately. Kurt hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it until their heated Beatles versus Stones debate on the way down to the invitational.
“There’s a town up ahead. Wanna take a pit-stop?” Finn asked, already signaling to get in the turning lane.
“Okay. Let’s find a gas station that sells healthy snack alternatives this time, though.” Kurt had succumbed to Finn’s offer to split a bag of Funions earlier. He could already feel his pores clogging from the grease.
“Funny,” Finn said.
Kurt was certain Finn actually thought he was joking until Finn pulled into a Super Wal-Mart parking lot instead of a gas station. At least there was some hope of finding food in there that wasn’t so full of preservatives that it could survive a nuclear holocaust, the way Kurt suspected a Twinkie could.
“Come on,” Finn said. “I want to do a little…shopping.” Finn looked oddly determined, like he was on a mission.
“You know I’m all for shopping, but Wal-Mart?” Kurt said as he hopped out of the truck and walked with Finn across the parking lot. “I’m sorry, but I cannot in good conscience allow you to buy any clothing in this store. I’d be more than happy to take you to an H&M tomorrow-”
“I don’t think H&M has what I’m looking for,” Finn said. He didn’t offer any further explanation.
It felt strange, being in a store that late at night. It was nearly empty-only two very bored-looking clerks manned the check-out lines, and Kurt couldn’t see any other customers. He started heading toward the grocery side of the store, but he stopped when he noticed Finn wasn’t following him.
“You go ahead and get something to eat. Grab me something too, would you? Something made out of, like, real food and not tofu would be great,” Finn said. He had his hands shoved in his pockets, and he was shifting his weight nervously.
Kurt didn’t move. First Finn talking about shopping, and now him not rushing to the junk food section of the store? Kurt knew something was up. “Where are you going?”
“I’ll meet you back at the truck,” Finn said, then half-waved at Kurt and disappeared down the stationery aisle.
Kurt poked around the store’s sorry excuse for an organic section for a good five minutes before his curiosity got the best of him. What on earth could Finn want in a Wal-Mart that he obviously didn’t want Kurt seeing him get? All Kurt could come up with was that Finn must have a fake ID and he wanted to buy booze, but that still didn’t explain him wanting Kurt out of the way.
Kurt gave up on finding food and went hunting for Finn. He peeked around the corner of the liquor aisle first, then beer, then wine, all without success. Next he tried the men’s department, thinking maybe Finn really was trying to buy Wal-Mart clothing, but he wasn’t there, either. Out of ideas, Kurt combed the store more methodically, searching each aisle.
He found Finn near the pharmacy, which was closed this late at night. Finn was looking so intently at a display that he didn’t see Kurt at first. Just as Kurt was about to make a sarcastic comment on Finn’s new-found interest in hygiene, he realized what Finn was standing in front of.
Kurt wanted to back away before Finn noticed him, but he couldn’t hold back his gasp of shock at the sight. Finn heard it and looked over his shoulder. Finn’s eyes went wide and his face turned red.
“Condoms?” Kurt stuttered. “Why…here?”
“Not so loud,” Finn whispered harshly. “I can’t buy them in Lima. All the cashiers in Lima know me. And worse, they know my mom, and Burt, and Rachel’s dads, and…just, no.”
“Huh.” That actually made a lot of sense, Kurt thought. Mostly, though, he found himself transfixed by the display. He tilted his head.
Finn stared at Kurt for a moment, then got that look Finn had a tendency to get when he was about to say something weirdly perceptive. “You should get some, too.”
Kurt’s face burned. “No-Blaine and I-we’re not-oh god, I can’t believe we’re discussing this at all, let alone at the…the…”
“Condom display in Wal-Mart?” Finn finished. “It’s your call, Kurt, but even if you’re not ready to do something where you’d use one, don’t you think maybe you are ready to have one?”
Finn was right, Kurt had to admit. He and Blaine weren’t doing anything that required a condom yet, but he had a feeling that maybe someday soon…and if he didn’t buy them now, Kurt would have to drive fifty miles and maybe wear a disguise to not worry about half the town knowing when he was losing his virginity.
Kurt took a step toward the display. The rows of little boxes swam before his eyes, the sheer number of options overwhelming him. Then he saw they came in different sizes, which intimidated him even more. How was he supposed to know what size condom he wore? Did the boxes have little length/girth size charts on the back, like pantyhose did? And what about Blaine’s size? He’d felt Blaine’s erection against his thigh when they were making out a few times, but that was all Kurt had to go on. Or was he breaching a rule of etiquette, buying condoms for someone else? Was gay sex BYOC?
Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He needed a distraction. “I thought you said Rachel said she wasn’t going to have sex until she was twenty-five.”
Kurt looked over at Finn, who was gingerly turning a box of “ribbed for her pleasure” condoms over in his hands. “She did, but now she says she’s almost ready. She said women have the prerogative to change their minds, or something like that. I’m not sure what a ‘prerogative’ is, but I’m really glad women apparently have one. I just hope I don’t have to find it, like a G-spot.”
Kurt held back a chuckle, as well as a joke about the quality of McKinley’s sex education and English curricula.
Finn read the back of the box, then shook his head and put it back on the shelf. He asked, “This might be a stupid question, but are there special condoms for, you know, the…uh…the kind of sex you and Blaine…?”
It wasn’t a stupid question at all. Actually, faced with so many choices, Kurt was really glad for the pamphlets his dad had given him. Still, it took Kurt a long time to find his voice.
“Sort of. We’re not supposed to use the ones with spermicide on them, because it irritates the…yeah.”
He looked at Finn again, and their eyes met for a moment before they both snapped heads back to the display. Kurt could see Finn nodding out the corner of his eye, though. “Good to know. Not that Rachel’s going to be willing to try that until she’s thirty, or maybe ever, but. Yeah. Oh my god, they’ve got flavored condoms?” Finn grabbed a blue package. “Why the hell would you want a flavored condom?”
Kurt arched an eyebrow at Finn. “For going down on a guy?”
“Oh yeah,” Finn said. He held the package out to Kurt, but Kurt pulled his hands back like the box was going to bite him. “Wasn’t thinking about it from that…perspective.”
Kurt had had about all he could take of awkwardness. He grabbed a box that looked marginally less tacky than some of the others and checked to make sure they didn’t have spermicide on them. “Just pick one already, Finn.”
Finn hesitated between two for a moment, then made his selection. Before they left the pharmacy area, Kurt picked up a tube of water-based lube as well. Finn saw it, said, “Ohh, good idea, man,” and got a box of the his-and-hers KY from those ridiculous commercials. Then Finn headed toward the check-out.
“What are you doing?” Kurt snapped, keeping his voice low so the stock boy a few aisles away wouldn’t hear.
Finn looked confused. “I’m going to pay.”
Kurt sighed exasperatedly. “We can’t go to the check-out with just condoms and lube, Finn! I don’t care if I never see these people again-I’m not going to be known as ‘that kid who came in for sex supplies.’”
“What can we do about it?” Finn asked.
Kurt jogged to the end of an aisle and found a shopping basket, then returned to where Finn was standing. “If we buy other things and just casually have the condoms in there with the rest, it won’t be so obvious. Mercedes and Rachel do that all the time when they buy tampons.”
Finn shivered and dropped his boxes into the basket. “Fine. Just don’t bring up tampons again, okay?”
Forty-five minutes and thirty dollars’ worth of cheap junk they didn’t really need later, the shopping basket was full enough that Kurt deemed them ready to go. There was only one guy manning the check-outs by that time. Even from over fifteen feet away, Kurt could see the clerk was reading the latest issue of Vogue. He started getting cold feet again.
Kurt knew he could’ve handled a female cashier, and a straight guy probably either wouldn’t have made the connection or would’ve just looked at him in disgust. But a gay guy would know exactly what Kurt would be using those condoms for, maybe even be picturing it, picturing him, and…
“Paper scissors rock for who has to check out!” Kurt blurted.
“What? I thought we were both-”
“Oh come on, Finn. If we check out together, they’re going to think you’re going to be using those condoms to do me.”
“Gross,” Finn said, mouth curling in disgust. It hurt Kurt a little that Finn said it out loud, even though that had been exactly the reaction Kurt had been banking on. Then, Finn surprised him. “Are people really such perverts that they’d think I’d have sex with my brother?”
Kurt smiled and sighed. “They don’t know we’re related, though, and-oh, never mind. I just don’t see any reason for us both to go through this embarrassment.”
Finn appeared like he was about to argue, but then he took a closer look at Kurt. He must have seen how truly nervous Kurt was. He took the basket off Kurt’s arm and held his hand out for money. “Fine. I’ll meet you out at the truck.”
Kurt heaved a sigh of relief and handed over more than his fair share of cash. Finn deserved a discount for doing this.
Kurt wished he’d gotten the keys from Finn before he’d gone outside, so he could sit in the cab rather than stand out in the cold night air. Luckily it wasn’t that long of a wait. Finn came out of the store a few minutes later, scowling. He shoved the bags into Kurt’s hands. “Next time, it’s your turn to go through the check-out.”
Kurt considered throwing out a witty comeback, but instead, he said, “Thanks. I really appreciate it-all of it.”
Finn mock-punched him in the shoulder. “What are brothers for, right?”
“Right.” Kurt still couldn’t quite believe how far they’d come from that awful day in the basement. He grinned.
They climbed into the truck and headed back to the highway. Kurt kept himself from unnecessarily pointing out roadside hazards by organizing the shopping bags, separating out his purchases from Finn’s. Then he thought of something. “Next time?”
“Huh?” Finn said.
“You mentioned ‘next time,’” Kurt said. “You mean we have to do this again?”
“We’re going to use those up eventually,” Finn said. “At least, I really, really hope I get to use those up eventually.”
“So…we should make a habit of doing this together?” Kurt asked, confused.
“I was going to call it a tradition, but yeah,” he said. “I mean, I can tell you’re not comfortable with it yet-” Kurt blushed but didn’t argue, “-and I feel weird buying them, too. But maybe if we do this together, we’ll make each other make sure we keep buying them and don’t let embarrassment get the better of us.”
“That sounds…good, actually.” Kurt looked out the windshield. “Finn, don’t hit that frog!”
Finn instinctively slammed on the brakes at Kurt’s panic. Then he had a moment to think through what Kurt had said. “The-frog?” He shook his head. “Yep, you are so driving next time, and I’m going to yell ‘deer!’ every time I see a mailbox reflector.”
Finn was going to take far too much pleasure in annoying Kurt, Kurt knew, but that was okay. That was just one of the many things brothers did to-and for-each other.