Culture Shock, Chapter 5: Government (Lee, Zarek, and Tory) 5/12
Series Title: Culture Shock
Chapter Title: Government (Lee, Zarek, and Tory), 5/12
( Chapter 1) ( Chapter 2) ( Chapter 3)( Chapter 4)
Rating: PG-13 (for language--and not just "frak")
Characters: Ensemble
Summary: Crack. Starbuck's magic Viper needle leads the Fleet to modern-day Earth. And the Colonials thought learning to live with the Cylons was hard...
Notes: Zarek wouldn't behave for me until I let him flirt with the other delegates. Some familiarity with the original 1970s BSG series is necessary to catch a few of the jokes in the series, though you definitely don't have to know it well--I've never actually seen a whole episode myself. Special thanks to safenthecity for letting me steal her brilliant Cylon paternity episode of Maury for Chapters 2 and 12. (Original is here.)
Chapter 5: Government (Lee, Zarek, and Tory)
On the other side of the continent, Dee’s ex was enjoying his new job just as much as Dee was hers, but Lee quickly discovered that he had a lot to learn if he was going to survive in his chosen profession.
“So as you can see, passing this resolution is of the utmost importance, and, though we politicians and delegates perhaps say it too often, this resolution is truly vital, not only to my people, but to all peoples of this world. Thank you.”
Lee jumped at the unexpected sound of one person clapping in the otherwise empty United Nations General Assembly Hall.
“Very nice,” Tom Zarek called from his perch off to one side in the very back row. “Then again, it’s not as if I expected anything less. Speech-making always was your favorite part of the job, wasn’t it?”
Lee neatened his notes on the podium and hoped Tom couldn’t see him blushing from all the way on the other side of the room. “Doesn’t matter whether or not I like it. As the sworn representative of our people, it’s my duty to see that their needs are met, to communicate those needs clearly, eloquently, persuasively.”
Lee despaired a bit. He could see Tom’s smirk all the way across the room, so the distance definitely hadn’t hidden his embarrassment at getting caught practicing his speech at the front of this empty chamber that he loved so much. The mere thought of one hundred ninety-two world leaders sitting in those chairs, listening to his speech, sent an excited chill down Lee’s spine. One hundred ninety-two was so far superior to a measly Quorum of Twelve.
Admiral Adama and President Roslin had acted as the primary Colonial representatives during the quarantine; however, when the United Nations offered the Colonials a seat in the General Assembly, Roslin remembered her visions on the baseship and decided it was time to live her own life while she had the chance. As she’d said to Lee, in her view, she and the Admiral had dragged their kids kicking and screaming across the universe to Earth; now, somebody else could handle the details.
Lee, of course, became UN Delegate for the Twelve Colonies of Kobol, Plus Cylons. Tom had not been thrilled with getting passed over for a position of power yet again, but he was mollified somewhat when Lee named him the chair of the newly-formed Committee on the Welfare of Extraterrestrial Immigrants.
Though Tory had angled for a separate delegation for Cylons, the UN politely declined to seat any delegate who had actively, personally participated in genocide and didn’t think it was fair to limit the Cylons’ choices for a representative to five people, as this rule would have, even if they were the Final Five. So, the Cylons voted for and were represented by the Colonial delegate as well, and Tory instead became Lee’s undersecretary.
Being an undersecretary had absolutely nothing to do with secretarial work, but Tory’s presidential aide instincts died hard. She scared off seven actual secretaries before she gave up on finding anyone who could meet her competency standards and took on those duties herself, in addition to her own. She performed all these tasks with a grace and efficiency that seemed impossible for one person alone to accomplish.
“I called you the day before last to go over a draft of that other human rights initiative the delegate from Austria left with Tory,” Lee said as he packed up his notes while Tom ambled down the aisle towards him. “But you weren’t in.”
Tom paused for a moment. “Ah, yes. I believe I was at lunch when you called.”
“Speaking of which, we need to reschedule with him. I’ll have Tory-”
“Reschedule the human rights meeting with the Austrian delegate for…Tuesday afternoon would work for both you and me, Mr. Adama,” said Tory as she stood behind Tom and Lee, typing furiously on her blackberry.
Both men jumped; neither had heard Tory come in, nor had they even known that she knew where they were. She walked away before either of them had a chance to comment.
“And I dropped by your office yesterday with some requisition forms for you to sign off on, and you weren’t there then, either,” said Lee, once he’d recovered from the mild shock.
Tom stared up at the ceiling thoughtfully, remembering. “I think I was at lunch then, too.”
“At nine-thirty in the morning?”
Tom shrugged. “They call that ‘brunch’ here, don’t they?”
Lee eyed Tom suspiciously. Tory had given him that same excuse the past half-dozen times he’d tried to track Tom down. It couldn’t be that Tom was trying to give Lee the brush-off, or he would’ve at least changed up his alibi on occasion. And it didn’t look like Tom was gaining weight; in fact, if anything, he was in better shape now than Lee had ever seen him in before. Besides, though everyone had gotten sick of algae, very few people coped with the variety of Earth foods by eating non-stop, at least after that first month in quarantine.
Lee shook his head to clear his mind. “Anyway, my obligations, at least, should slow down a bit once we get this resolution passed.”
“You’ve been working hard on that speech, I can tell.”
“I just hope it works,” Lee said, picking up his portfolio with his speech notes and walking toward the door, Tom trailing behind him.
“I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” Tom said in a tone that suggested he was at least a little pleased at knowing something Lee didn’t, if nothing else. “But I know for a fact that you’re lacking nineteen key votes, ten of which probably won’t even be at the Assembly when you give your speech, and half a dozen others who rarely change their minds based on speeches alone.”
Lee wheeled around to face Tom, his eyes blazing with righteous indignation. “We have to get this resolution through, Tom-we have no other choice. I can’t believe there are actually delegates who never allow themselves to be swayed by speeches. That’s their duty. It’s a frakking crime.” He muttered the last part and started to pace. Tom just folded his arms across his chest and watched, smiling.
“We’ll just have to make sure it goes through, regardless of those delegates,” Lee said, still pacing. “All I need to do is talk to the Presi-” Lee stopped walking abruptly, and his face scrunched up in consternation. His features relaxed again when another light bulb went on in his brain, and he resumed his pacing. “Well, really, it’s a military decision, so if I can just convince the Admir-” He stopped dead in his tracks again, dumbstruck. “Huh.”
Politics was going to be much harder than he’d thought, Lee realized.
“That’s democracy for you,” Tom said, barely keeping his smile from becoming a smirk as he patted Lee on the shoulder. “A wise man once said that politicians feel about democracy the way many men feel about their wives: you love her, you’d give your life for her, but gods be damned if she can’t be a bitch sometimes.”
“No offense, Tom, but you’re hardly one to preach about unyielding fidelity to the democratic process,” said Lee as the two left the General Assembly Hall and walked down the corridor.
“When the democracy herself is faithful and true, when the powerful don’t…prostitute her to entrenched aristocracies and bourgeoisie platitudes, yes, I am,” Tom said with a hint of steel in his voice. He laughed it off, though. “And anyway, I’ve turned over a new leaf. Have you heard me recommend a solution that involved explosive devices, even once? No.”
“Right. All your solutions seem to involve ‘lunch,’” Lee said, regretting how catty that sounded as soon as he said it, but still thoroughly frustrated at how blasé Tom seemed about the future of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol, Plus Cylons.
“That is true,” Tom said. “I managed to get Delegate Chopra of India to change her mind about clause thirty-two, which was her big hang-up, when we chatted over salads in the commissary.”
Lee slowed his gait and started listening more closely. “Yeah?”
Tom paused, relishing in Lee’s attention. “And I convinced Delegate Oliviera that she shouldn’t be dissuaded by your youth and inexperience, when we had sandwiches at this amazing little deli down the street.”
“Oh.” Even though the vote was looking more and more positive, Lee’s heart still sank a little.
“And Delegate Byron, from London-”
“Let me guess: you sold her on our agenda over hotdogs from the vendor on the corner, right?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Tom said. “Gwyneth is a vegetarian. We had cheesecake.” Tom looked at his watch. “Oh frak. I missed my lunch date with Delegate Grutzmann. I’ll have to tell Tory-”
“Send apology note and reschedule lunch date with Delegate Ilsa Grutzmann,” Tory said. Both Tom and Lee flinched again, not having noticed Tory’s presence until she spoke. Tory didn’t even break her stride as she walked past them, adding the note to her blackberry.
Tom swore under his breath, but then he regained his composure. He flipped his hair back unconsciously-he was letting it grow out, it appeared. “As I was saying, it’s called networking, Lee, and it’s the key to winning in a democratic arena. Don’t worry. You’re young yet; you’ll learn.”
“It sounds like you seem to be networked almost exclusively with women,” Lee said.
“What’s that old saying: ‘Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work’?” Tom grinned. “Plus, women just seem to like me. The US delegate-Carole Cross, a wonderful, sweet woman, though I would never want to be on her bad side-she says I look like some TV actor she and a lot of other young ladies had a crush on back when she was growing up.”
“Really.”
“Yeah. It was sort of strange, how she wouldn’t tell me what his name was or what show he was on-she just blushed.” Both pondered that for a moment, but Tom soon got them back on track. “Speaking of Carole, we still don’t have the American vote.” Tom paused and looked at Lee meaningfully. “She has a daughter about your age that she dotes on. Very smart-a doctor, does some policy work on one of the UN health committees now and then. Very pretty, recently divorced…” He let the implications hang silently in the air.
“You’re not serious,” Lee said, even though he knew Tom was.
“Of course, you’d have to be an absolute gentleman,” Tom said.
Lee sighed. “Oh, all right. If you think it’ll help, I’ll take her out to lunch. But what are we going to do if we ever need straight men to vote for our proposals?”
Tom thought for a minute. “Almost all the countries have at least one woman on staff. And one should never underestimate the power of an undersecretary or a well-connected committee chair,” Tom said, allowing himself a little smugness at that smooth self-reference. “We should collect a list of high-ranking staff in each delegation, with contact information. I’ll ask Tory-”
“I suppose I should thank you for not pimping me out to the male delegates. Okay, collect and organize names, phone numbers, and dietary concerns of all high-ranking female staff of member nation delegations. I’m on it, Mr. Zarek,” Tory said, appearing behind them from seemingly out of nowhere, again, which made Lee and Tom nearly jump out of their skins, again. She spoke without looking up from her blackberry or interrupting the steady patter of her thumbs on the keys. “The sad thing is, having worked for Roslin and, in a way, for Tigh and then Baltar as well, this really is not the most disgusting thing I’ve ever done in politics. It doesn’t even make the top ten.”
Lee was surprised to discover that he’d stopped breathing until Tory left. “My gods, does she put felt on her shoes or something? How does she keep sneaking up on us like that?”
“I don’t know,” Tom said, in complete and unadulterated solidarity with Lee for the first time that day. “And the way she’s everywhere, just pops out whenever we have something for her to take care of…”
Lee said, “It’s almost as if there were cop-”
Tom said at the same time, “You’d think she had clo-”
Lee and Tom looked at each other, and their jokes about multiple Torys simultaneously died on their lips. They both thought better of it, considering the truly terrifying possibility that there might very well be dozens upon dozens of Torys out there in the universe on a baseship somewhere, plotting world domination and figuring out how to best keep track of their progress on a spreadsheet as they click away on Cylon PDAs.
On to Chapter 6: Religion (Kara and Romo)...
Chapter Title: Government (Lee, Zarek, and Tory), 5/12
( Chapter 1) ( Chapter 2) ( Chapter 3)( Chapter 4)
Rating: PG-13 (for language--and not just "frak")
Characters: Ensemble
Summary: Crack. Starbuck's magic Viper needle leads the Fleet to modern-day Earth. And the Colonials thought learning to live with the Cylons was hard...
Notes: Zarek wouldn't behave for me until I let him flirt with the other delegates. Some familiarity with the original 1970s BSG series is necessary to catch a few of the jokes in the series, though you definitely don't have to know it well--I've never actually seen a whole episode myself. Special thanks to safenthecity for letting me steal her brilliant Cylon paternity episode of Maury for Chapters 2 and 12. (Original is here.)
Chapter 5: Government (Lee, Zarek, and Tory)
On the other side of the continent, Dee’s ex was enjoying his new job just as much as Dee was hers, but Lee quickly discovered that he had a lot to learn if he was going to survive in his chosen profession.
“So as you can see, passing this resolution is of the utmost importance, and, though we politicians and delegates perhaps say it too often, this resolution is truly vital, not only to my people, but to all peoples of this world. Thank you.”
Lee jumped at the unexpected sound of one person clapping in the otherwise empty United Nations General Assembly Hall.
“Very nice,” Tom Zarek called from his perch off to one side in the very back row. “Then again, it’s not as if I expected anything less. Speech-making always was your favorite part of the job, wasn’t it?”
Lee neatened his notes on the podium and hoped Tom couldn’t see him blushing from all the way on the other side of the room. “Doesn’t matter whether or not I like it. As the sworn representative of our people, it’s my duty to see that their needs are met, to communicate those needs clearly, eloquently, persuasively.”
Lee despaired a bit. He could see Tom’s smirk all the way across the room, so the distance definitely hadn’t hidden his embarrassment at getting caught practicing his speech at the front of this empty chamber that he loved so much. The mere thought of one hundred ninety-two world leaders sitting in those chairs, listening to his speech, sent an excited chill down Lee’s spine. One hundred ninety-two was so far superior to a measly Quorum of Twelve.
Admiral Adama and President Roslin had acted as the primary Colonial representatives during the quarantine; however, when the United Nations offered the Colonials a seat in the General Assembly, Roslin remembered her visions on the baseship and decided it was time to live her own life while she had the chance. As she’d said to Lee, in her view, she and the Admiral had dragged their kids kicking and screaming across the universe to Earth; now, somebody else could handle the details.
Lee, of course, became UN Delegate for the Twelve Colonies of Kobol, Plus Cylons. Tom had not been thrilled with getting passed over for a position of power yet again, but he was mollified somewhat when Lee named him the chair of the newly-formed Committee on the Welfare of Extraterrestrial Immigrants.
Though Tory had angled for a separate delegation for Cylons, the UN politely declined to seat any delegate who had actively, personally participated in genocide and didn’t think it was fair to limit the Cylons’ choices for a representative to five people, as this rule would have, even if they were the Final Five. So, the Cylons voted for and were represented by the Colonial delegate as well, and Tory instead became Lee’s undersecretary.
Being an undersecretary had absolutely nothing to do with secretarial work, but Tory’s presidential aide instincts died hard. She scared off seven actual secretaries before she gave up on finding anyone who could meet her competency standards and took on those duties herself, in addition to her own. She performed all these tasks with a grace and efficiency that seemed impossible for one person alone to accomplish.
“I called you the day before last to go over a draft of that other human rights initiative the delegate from Austria left with Tory,” Lee said as he packed up his notes while Tom ambled down the aisle towards him. “But you weren’t in.”
Tom paused for a moment. “Ah, yes. I believe I was at lunch when you called.”
“Speaking of which, we need to reschedule with him. I’ll have Tory-”
“Reschedule the human rights meeting with the Austrian delegate for…Tuesday afternoon would work for both you and me, Mr. Adama,” said Tory as she stood behind Tom and Lee, typing furiously on her blackberry.
Both men jumped; neither had heard Tory come in, nor had they even known that she knew where they were. She walked away before either of them had a chance to comment.
“And I dropped by your office yesterday with some requisition forms for you to sign off on, and you weren’t there then, either,” said Lee, once he’d recovered from the mild shock.
Tom stared up at the ceiling thoughtfully, remembering. “I think I was at lunch then, too.”
“At nine-thirty in the morning?”
Tom shrugged. “They call that ‘brunch’ here, don’t they?”
Lee eyed Tom suspiciously. Tory had given him that same excuse the past half-dozen times he’d tried to track Tom down. It couldn’t be that Tom was trying to give Lee the brush-off, or he would’ve at least changed up his alibi on occasion. And it didn’t look like Tom was gaining weight; in fact, if anything, he was in better shape now than Lee had ever seen him in before. Besides, though everyone had gotten sick of algae, very few people coped with the variety of Earth foods by eating non-stop, at least after that first month in quarantine.
Lee shook his head to clear his mind. “Anyway, my obligations, at least, should slow down a bit once we get this resolution passed.”
“You’ve been working hard on that speech, I can tell.”
“I just hope it works,” Lee said, picking up his portfolio with his speech notes and walking toward the door, Tom trailing behind him.
“I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” Tom said in a tone that suggested he was at least a little pleased at knowing something Lee didn’t, if nothing else. “But I know for a fact that you’re lacking nineteen key votes, ten of which probably won’t even be at the Assembly when you give your speech, and half a dozen others who rarely change their minds based on speeches alone.”
Lee wheeled around to face Tom, his eyes blazing with righteous indignation. “We have to get this resolution through, Tom-we have no other choice. I can’t believe there are actually delegates who never allow themselves to be swayed by speeches. That’s their duty. It’s a frakking crime.” He muttered the last part and started to pace. Tom just folded his arms across his chest and watched, smiling.
“We’ll just have to make sure it goes through, regardless of those delegates,” Lee said, still pacing. “All I need to do is talk to the Presi-” Lee stopped walking abruptly, and his face scrunched up in consternation. His features relaxed again when another light bulb went on in his brain, and he resumed his pacing. “Well, really, it’s a military decision, so if I can just convince the Admir-” He stopped dead in his tracks again, dumbstruck. “Huh.”
Politics was going to be much harder than he’d thought, Lee realized.
“That’s democracy for you,” Tom said, barely keeping his smile from becoming a smirk as he patted Lee on the shoulder. “A wise man once said that politicians feel about democracy the way many men feel about their wives: you love her, you’d give your life for her, but gods be damned if she can’t be a bitch sometimes.”
“No offense, Tom, but you’re hardly one to preach about unyielding fidelity to the democratic process,” said Lee as the two left the General Assembly Hall and walked down the corridor.
“When the democracy herself is faithful and true, when the powerful don’t…prostitute her to entrenched aristocracies and bourgeoisie platitudes, yes, I am,” Tom said with a hint of steel in his voice. He laughed it off, though. “And anyway, I’ve turned over a new leaf. Have you heard me recommend a solution that involved explosive devices, even once? No.”
“Right. All your solutions seem to involve ‘lunch,’” Lee said, regretting how catty that sounded as soon as he said it, but still thoroughly frustrated at how blasé Tom seemed about the future of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol, Plus Cylons.
“That is true,” Tom said. “I managed to get Delegate Chopra of India to change her mind about clause thirty-two, which was her big hang-up, when we chatted over salads in the commissary.”
Lee slowed his gait and started listening more closely. “Yeah?”
Tom paused, relishing in Lee’s attention. “And I convinced Delegate Oliviera that she shouldn’t be dissuaded by your youth and inexperience, when we had sandwiches at this amazing little deli down the street.”
“Oh.” Even though the vote was looking more and more positive, Lee’s heart still sank a little.
“And Delegate Byron, from London-”
“Let me guess: you sold her on our agenda over hotdogs from the vendor on the corner, right?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Tom said. “Gwyneth is a vegetarian. We had cheesecake.” Tom looked at his watch. “Oh frak. I missed my lunch date with Delegate Grutzmann. I’ll have to tell Tory-”
“Send apology note and reschedule lunch date with Delegate Ilsa Grutzmann,” Tory said. Both Tom and Lee flinched again, not having noticed Tory’s presence until she spoke. Tory didn’t even break her stride as she walked past them, adding the note to her blackberry.
Tom swore under his breath, but then he regained his composure. He flipped his hair back unconsciously-he was letting it grow out, it appeared. “As I was saying, it’s called networking, Lee, and it’s the key to winning in a democratic arena. Don’t worry. You’re young yet; you’ll learn.”
“It sounds like you seem to be networked almost exclusively with women,” Lee said.
“What’s that old saying: ‘Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work’?” Tom grinned. “Plus, women just seem to like me. The US delegate-Carole Cross, a wonderful, sweet woman, though I would never want to be on her bad side-she says I look like some TV actor she and a lot of other young ladies had a crush on back when she was growing up.”
“Really.”
“Yeah. It was sort of strange, how she wouldn’t tell me what his name was or what show he was on-she just blushed.” Both pondered that for a moment, but Tom soon got them back on track. “Speaking of Carole, we still don’t have the American vote.” Tom paused and looked at Lee meaningfully. “She has a daughter about your age that she dotes on. Very smart-a doctor, does some policy work on one of the UN health committees now and then. Very pretty, recently divorced…” He let the implications hang silently in the air.
“You’re not serious,” Lee said, even though he knew Tom was.
“Of course, you’d have to be an absolute gentleman,” Tom said.
Lee sighed. “Oh, all right. If you think it’ll help, I’ll take her out to lunch. But what are we going to do if we ever need straight men to vote for our proposals?”
Tom thought for a minute. “Almost all the countries have at least one woman on staff. And one should never underestimate the power of an undersecretary or a well-connected committee chair,” Tom said, allowing himself a little smugness at that smooth self-reference. “We should collect a list of high-ranking staff in each delegation, with contact information. I’ll ask Tory-”
“I suppose I should thank you for not pimping me out to the male delegates. Okay, collect and organize names, phone numbers, and dietary concerns of all high-ranking female staff of member nation delegations. I’m on it, Mr. Zarek,” Tory said, appearing behind them from seemingly out of nowhere, again, which made Lee and Tom nearly jump out of their skins, again. She spoke without looking up from her blackberry or interrupting the steady patter of her thumbs on the keys. “The sad thing is, having worked for Roslin and, in a way, for Tigh and then Baltar as well, this really is not the most disgusting thing I’ve ever done in politics. It doesn’t even make the top ten.”
Lee was surprised to discover that he’d stopped breathing until Tory left. “My gods, does she put felt on her shoes or something? How does she keep sneaking up on us like that?”
“I don’t know,” Tom said, in complete and unadulterated solidarity with Lee for the first time that day. “And the way she’s everywhere, just pops out whenever we have something for her to take care of…”
Lee said, “It’s almost as if there were cop-”
Tom said at the same time, “You’d think she had clo-”
Lee and Tom looked at each other, and their jokes about multiple Torys simultaneously died on their lips. They both thought better of it, considering the truly terrifying possibility that there might very well be dozens upon dozens of Torys out there in the universe on a baseship somewhere, plotting world domination and figuring out how to best keep track of their progress on a spreadsheet as they click away on Cylon PDAs.
On to Chapter 6: Religion (Kara and Romo)...