Fic: Another Hour Later (Culture Shock 'Verse)
Title:Another Hour Later
Author: kappamaki33
Rating: PG-13
Summary: “Culture Shock” ‘verse, specifically a follow-up to Chapter Four: Mating Rituals and Two Hours and as Many Bars Later... Dee, Racetrack, and Seelix call it a night, but not before they rope Gaeta and Hoshi into one additional bit of cultural indoctrination. At three in the morning.
Characters/Pairings: Dee, Racetrack, Seelix, Gaeta, Hoshi; Gaeta/Hoshi
Words: ~850
Notes: For my alphabet meme prompt, D is for Dee, drunk off her ass. I also wasn’t able to pull off A Cylon Family Christmas in this ‘verse for this year, so I’m offering this up as a small recompense for that.
Another Hour Later
Racetrack and Seelix were still arguing over whether the bar tab had been correct when they and Dee piled into the taxi at three in the morning.
“No, we had the Cosmos at the second-to-last bar, I swear. Dee, what’re you doing?” Racetrack asked as Dee dialed her phone, giggling maniacally.
“I just thought of another cool new thing about Earth,” Dee said, only slurring a little. She’d managed to catch up with Racetrack and Seelix in terms of drunkenness via the discovery of Long Island Iced Tea at the last bar. “There’s a whole new culture to twist into prank call jokes. I think Felix needs a little cultural indocli-indocri-” Dee snapped her fingers, searching for the word.
“He needs a little waking up at three A.M. for being a frakking stick in the mud who won’t go out on a Friday night!” Racetrack supplied.
Dee nodded in agreement. “Exactly. Ooh, it’s ringing! Shhh!”
“What new joke are you gonna use?” Seelix asked in a stage whisper.
Dee’s eyes went wide. “I forgot to look up a new one first.”
“Hello?” Felix mumbled, clearly only half-awake.
“I’ll have to go with a classic,” Dee whispered to Seelix and Racetrack. Then she said louder into the phone, “Is your refrigerator running?”
“Hi, Dee,” Felix said. As drunk as she was, Dee could tell from the tone of his voice that Felix was rolling his eyes. “Why is it that communications officers think prank calls are so hilarious?”
“Because they are!” Dee could hear Louis say.
“Aww, Louis is there, too?” Dee said.
Felix snorted. “No, because it would make no sense for my boyfriend whom I live with to be with me at-dear gods, three fifteen in the morning. I’m actually sleeping with Reynaldo, our twenty-two year old pool boy,” Felix deadpanned.
“Hola,” Louis said.
That set Dee into another fit of giggles. “Hola to you, too, Reynaldo.”
Seelix and Racetrack’s jaws dropped. “Holy frak, is Felix frakking cheating on-”
Dee made a frantic hand motion. “No, no, no-Louis is Reynaldo.”
Seelix nodded, but Racetrack had to consider that for a moment. “Roleplay, huh? Louis’s kinks never fail to surprise me.”
“I heard that, Racetrack!” Felix yelled.
Dee winced and put him on speakerphone. “There. Now you two can argue without blowing my eardrums out.”
“I’d really rather sleep, thanks. Are we done yet?”
“No! I haven’t gotten to do a joke yet. You ruined the first one with Caller ID. Can I tell you another one?”
“You’re drunk enough that you’re going to call me back if I don’t say ‘yes,’ aren’t you?”
“Maybe.”
Felix sighed. “Fine. Tell your joke.”
Dee realized she still didn’t have an Earth prank call joke, but luckily Seelix had been on her iPhone hunting for one the whole time. Seelix handed over her phone, and Dee read from it. “Okay, do you have Prince Albert in a can?”
“No. What the frak is Prince Albert in a can?”
“I don’t know. But you need to say ‘yes.’”
“But what is it?” Felix insisted.
“It doesn’t matter.” She knew very well they weren’t going to get anywhere until Felix had gotten his curiosity sated, though.
“I’m looking it up on my phone,” Louis said.
Racetrack was searching on her phone as well, Seelix leaning over her shoulder. “Husband of Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, but no reason he’d be in a can. Maybe if I turned Safe Search off…”
“Whoa! Holy frak, Dee!” Louis said. “Felix, look at that!”
“What the-oh my gods. That hurts just looking at it. That is so not something okay to joke about, Dee.”
“What?”
“Whoa!” Racetrack and Seelix said simultaneously. “Yeah, we found it, too.”
Dee looked over Racetrack’s shoulder and winced in sympathy. “I still don’t get it. How can a piercing be in a can?”
“I don’t care. Get the punch line out of your system, let me go back to sleep, and call me tomorrow when you figure it out.”
“I’m supposed to tell you to go let him out, but I don’t get it.”
“Me neither. Though thanks for introducing us to yet another porn search term.”
Dee couldn’t tell whether Felix was joking or not, so she said, “That’s what fabulous friends like me are for.”
“You sure you want to go straight back to sleep, baby?” Louis asked. Again, even though she was drunk, she could tell when Louis was waggling his eyebrows from the tone of his voice.
Apparently Racetrack could, too, because she was cracking up. “Oh my gods, the Prince Alberts got Louis all hot and bothered?”
Louis said, “Not so much them specifically-still looks frakking painful and scary. But…”
There was a moment of silence. Then Felix nearly shouted, “Goodnight, Dee!” and hung up.
The girls laughed for a long time after that, until Racetrack said, “It’s still a fra-fucking crime that those two are getting more action than we are.”
A sobering thought, indeed.
Author: kappamaki33
Rating: PG-13
Summary: “Culture Shock” ‘verse, specifically a follow-up to Chapter Four: Mating Rituals and Two Hours and as Many Bars Later... Dee, Racetrack, and Seelix call it a night, but not before they rope Gaeta and Hoshi into one additional bit of cultural indoctrination. At three in the morning.
Characters/Pairings: Dee, Racetrack, Seelix, Gaeta, Hoshi; Gaeta/Hoshi
Words: ~850
Notes: For my alphabet meme prompt, D is for Dee, drunk off her ass. I also wasn’t able to pull off A Cylon Family Christmas in this ‘verse for this year, so I’m offering this up as a small recompense for that.
Another Hour Later
Racetrack and Seelix were still arguing over whether the bar tab had been correct when they and Dee piled into the taxi at three in the morning.
“No, we had the Cosmos at the second-to-last bar, I swear. Dee, what’re you doing?” Racetrack asked as Dee dialed her phone, giggling maniacally.
“I just thought of another cool new thing about Earth,” Dee said, only slurring a little. She’d managed to catch up with Racetrack and Seelix in terms of drunkenness via the discovery of Long Island Iced Tea at the last bar. “There’s a whole new culture to twist into prank call jokes. I think Felix needs a little cultural indocli-indocri-” Dee snapped her fingers, searching for the word.
“He needs a little waking up at three A.M. for being a frakking stick in the mud who won’t go out on a Friday night!” Racetrack supplied.
Dee nodded in agreement. “Exactly. Ooh, it’s ringing! Shhh!”
“What new joke are you gonna use?” Seelix asked in a stage whisper.
Dee’s eyes went wide. “I forgot to look up a new one first.”
“Hello?” Felix mumbled, clearly only half-awake.
“I’ll have to go with a classic,” Dee whispered to Seelix and Racetrack. Then she said louder into the phone, “Is your refrigerator running?”
“Hi, Dee,” Felix said. As drunk as she was, Dee could tell from the tone of his voice that Felix was rolling his eyes. “Why is it that communications officers think prank calls are so hilarious?”
“Because they are!” Dee could hear Louis say.
“Aww, Louis is there, too?” Dee said.
Felix snorted. “No, because it would make no sense for my boyfriend whom I live with to be with me at-dear gods, three fifteen in the morning. I’m actually sleeping with Reynaldo, our twenty-two year old pool boy,” Felix deadpanned.
“Hola,” Louis said.
That set Dee into another fit of giggles. “Hola to you, too, Reynaldo.”
Seelix and Racetrack’s jaws dropped. “Holy frak, is Felix frakking cheating on-”
Dee made a frantic hand motion. “No, no, no-Louis is Reynaldo.”
Seelix nodded, but Racetrack had to consider that for a moment. “Roleplay, huh? Louis’s kinks never fail to surprise me.”
“I heard that, Racetrack!” Felix yelled.
Dee winced and put him on speakerphone. “There. Now you two can argue without blowing my eardrums out.”
“I’d really rather sleep, thanks. Are we done yet?”
“No! I haven’t gotten to do a joke yet. You ruined the first one with Caller ID. Can I tell you another one?”
“You’re drunk enough that you’re going to call me back if I don’t say ‘yes,’ aren’t you?”
“Maybe.”
Felix sighed. “Fine. Tell your joke.”
Dee realized she still didn’t have an Earth prank call joke, but luckily Seelix had been on her iPhone hunting for one the whole time. Seelix handed over her phone, and Dee read from it. “Okay, do you have Prince Albert in a can?”
“No. What the frak is Prince Albert in a can?”
“I don’t know. But you need to say ‘yes.’”
“But what is it?” Felix insisted.
“It doesn’t matter.” She knew very well they weren’t going to get anywhere until Felix had gotten his curiosity sated, though.
“I’m looking it up on my phone,” Louis said.
Racetrack was searching on her phone as well, Seelix leaning over her shoulder. “Husband of Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, but no reason he’d be in a can. Maybe if I turned Safe Search off…”
“Whoa! Holy frak, Dee!” Louis said. “Felix, look at that!”
“What the-oh my gods. That hurts just looking at it. That is so not something okay to joke about, Dee.”
“What?”
“Whoa!” Racetrack and Seelix said simultaneously. “Yeah, we found it, too.”
Dee looked over Racetrack’s shoulder and winced in sympathy. “I still don’t get it. How can a piercing be in a can?”
“I don’t care. Get the punch line out of your system, let me go back to sleep, and call me tomorrow when you figure it out.”
“I’m supposed to tell you to go let him out, but I don’t get it.”
“Me neither. Though thanks for introducing us to yet another porn search term.”
Dee couldn’t tell whether Felix was joking or not, so she said, “That’s what fabulous friends like me are for.”
“You sure you want to go straight back to sleep, baby?” Louis asked. Again, even though she was drunk, she could tell when Louis was waggling his eyebrows from the tone of his voice.
Apparently Racetrack could, too, because she was cracking up. “Oh my gods, the Prince Alberts got Louis all hot and bothered?”
Louis said, “Not so much them specifically-still looks frakking painful and scary. But…”
There was a moment of silence. Then Felix nearly shouted, “Goodnight, Dee!” and hung up.
The girls laughed for a long time after that, until Racetrack said, “It’s still a fra-fucking crime that those two are getting more action than we are.”
A sobering thought, indeed.