[Fic] The Man Who Believed In Angels
Title: The Man Who Believed In Angels
Author: karakuri_doll
Rating: G (general audiences)
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: can be read as Sam/Castiel
Genre: drama, angst, pre-slash
Chapters: 1/1
Warnings: none
Spoilers: season 7
Summary: Castiel finally sees Sam for what he is.
Author’s Note: The fic takes place in 7x17 “The Born-Again Identity” right after Castiel tried to heal Sam’s mind. Dedicated to supernutjapan. Merry Christmas! ♥
* * *
“Oh, Sam. I’m so sorry.”
That’s the only thing Castiel can say when he realizes he failed to heal Sam’s mind. He feels so helpless, so guilty, so very sorry for what he did. Just a minute ago he promised to make it right and now he is faced with the fact that he can’t keep his word although he desperately wants to. Why does God have to be this cruel?
Sam doesn’t answer. To be honest, Castiel isn’t sure the younger Winchester even heard his apology. Sam seems to drift in and out of consciousness, in and out of sanity as he lies panting on the shock therapy chair with canyon-deep shadows underneath his eyes, several days’ worth of dark stubble on his chin and little red cuts all around his usually so handsome face.
I did this to him. When I broke his wall, I condemned him to this. His current state is all my fault, Castiel thinks with a heart so heavy with guilt it could as well be made of lead.
Suddenly, Sam appears to his mind as he was when they met for the first time. Like it had happened yesterday, Castiel sees Sam’s eager face, bright, enthusiastic eyes and friendly yet a bit hesitant smile. However, he also sees Sam’s silent pain and quiet humiliation when he calls him an abomination in front of his brother without a second thought.
Why did I have to say so? Why didn’t I remember that Sam was the one who had always believed in angels?
In that moment, Castiel finally understands something he should have understood a long time ago. He understands he has never seen Sam for what he is. First his mind was blinded by learned prejudices, then he was so focused on Dean that he barely had any attention left to Sam. Sam has always been secondary to him: first and foremost Dean’s brother, not a person with worth of his own.
How wrong he was! How could he have missed Sam’s true character, his enormous heart, his altruistic nature? Even when Castiel was rude and ignorant toward him, Sam never treated him with anything but kindness and respect. And when Dean gave up on him because of his God stunt, Sam didn’t. It was Sam’s faith in him that made him come to ask for help with returning the souls to Purgatory.
His heart is pure gold. The world can’t lose him. I can’t lose him.
With that thought flaming in his mind like the sun, Castiel decides he is going to save Sam no matter what it takes. He isn’t going to do it because of Dean, like he always has until then, but because of Sam himself. Sam is as much worth saving as his brother, even if no other angel agrees with him.
Silently, Castiel puts his hand back on Sam’s forehead. It feels clammy and slightly hot. Sam lies with closed eyes, his breathing uneven and his features tortured. The younger Winchester is trapped in his own mind and Castiel knows he is the only way out.
You will be fine. I won’t let you perish. Just believe in me for one more time.
Author: karakuri_doll
Rating: G (general audiences)
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: can be read as Sam/Castiel
Genre: drama, angst, pre-slash
Chapters: 1/1
Warnings: none
Spoilers: season 7
Summary: Castiel finally sees Sam for what he is.
Author’s Note: The fic takes place in 7x17 “The Born-Again Identity” right after Castiel tried to heal Sam’s mind. Dedicated to supernutjapan. Merry Christmas! ♥
* * *
“Oh, Sam. I’m so sorry.”
That’s the only thing Castiel can say when he realizes he failed to heal Sam’s mind. He feels so helpless, so guilty, so very sorry for what he did. Just a minute ago he promised to make it right and now he is faced with the fact that he can’t keep his word although he desperately wants to. Why does God have to be this cruel?
Sam doesn’t answer. To be honest, Castiel isn’t sure the younger Winchester even heard his apology. Sam seems to drift in and out of consciousness, in and out of sanity as he lies panting on the shock therapy chair with canyon-deep shadows underneath his eyes, several days’ worth of dark stubble on his chin and little red cuts all around his usually so handsome face.
I did this to him. When I broke his wall, I condemned him to this. His current state is all my fault, Castiel thinks with a heart so heavy with guilt it could as well be made of lead.
Suddenly, Sam appears to his mind as he was when they met for the first time. Like it had happened yesterday, Castiel sees Sam’s eager face, bright, enthusiastic eyes and friendly yet a bit hesitant smile. However, he also sees Sam’s silent pain and quiet humiliation when he calls him an abomination in front of his brother without a second thought.
Why did I have to say so? Why didn’t I remember that Sam was the one who had always believed in angels?
In that moment, Castiel finally understands something he should have understood a long time ago. He understands he has never seen Sam for what he is. First his mind was blinded by learned prejudices, then he was so focused on Dean that he barely had any attention left to Sam. Sam has always been secondary to him: first and foremost Dean’s brother, not a person with worth of his own.
How wrong he was! How could he have missed Sam’s true character, his enormous heart, his altruistic nature? Even when Castiel was rude and ignorant toward him, Sam never treated him with anything but kindness and respect. And when Dean gave up on him because of his God stunt, Sam didn’t. It was Sam’s faith in him that made him come to ask for help with returning the souls to Purgatory.
His heart is pure gold. The world can’t lose him. I can’t lose him.
With that thought flaming in his mind like the sun, Castiel decides he is going to save Sam no matter what it takes. He isn’t going to do it because of Dean, like he always has until then, but because of Sam himself. Sam is as much worth saving as his brother, even if no other angel agrees with him.
Silently, Castiel puts his hand back on Sam’s forehead. It feels clammy and slightly hot. Sam lies with closed eyes, his breathing uneven and his features tortured. The younger Winchester is trapped in his own mind and Castiel knows he is the only way out.
You will be fine. I won’t let you perish. Just believe in me for one more time.