[Multichapter] The beginning (10/20)
Title: The beginning
Author: tsuchi8562
Beta: syunikiss1990 <-- Thank you so very much!
Banner: andreja1989 <-- Thank you a lot~!
Pairing: SakurAiba
Rating: NC-17 (this chapter)
Genre: AU, psychological, romance, drama
Disclaimer: All I own is plot.
*MASTERPOST*
Sho was staring at his reflection for half an hour, standing in the bathroom. His mind wandered to the words he had said last night to Masaki, wondering what he should do right now. His conversation with Matsumoto put a new light on his feelings and how he started to look at the younger one recently. Sakurai truly felt something more to the boy but he wasn't sure if it was love indeed... The editor allowed for two incidents and even if he felt guilty at first, right now he didn't know what he should think about it anymore. Sighing, he washed his face and went to the bathroom, finding Masaki snuggled to his pillow. When the teenager saw Sho, he moved a bit away, to make space for him and put the pillow on its place. He seemed to be happier and calmer than before, less scared and a bit braver. No wonder, he heard something he craved for... But were those words true?
"I am making myself come hot cocoa, want some?" Sakurai asked, smiling and when Masaki nodded, he shuffled to the kitchen, smiling gently when he heard soft footsteps behind him. "With marshmallows?" The younger one nodded again and sat on the chair, letting the latter prepare the sweet hot drink. Sho bit his lower lip and poured the milk to the small pot, heating it up. Teenager didn't say a word and since yesterday he was rather quiet in general. Just now the editor noticed that something is apparently bothering Masaki.
"Did I do something wrong?" Sakurai asked shyly, afraid of the answer.
"I am confused, that's it."
"Can I know why? Is it because of what I said yesterday?" The editor frowned when he saw another nod. He took a deep breath, moved the milk from the heater and knelt in front of the latter, trying to find the best words to describe what is going on in his mind and heart. In front of his eyes he still had Masaki's face from last night, the expression changing from pure happiness to something between confusion and fear.
"Masaki, I will try to explain everything the best I can, but I don't understand it fully myself, so it can be difficult. I have feelings for you, this is true. I don't know exactly is it the kind of love you expect or need from me, but the fact is that I love you..."
"Love is love... If you love me, as you say, then why you don't want to touch me? Why don't you want me?" Masaki's chin trembled a bit but he managed to calm himself and no tear ran down his cheek. Sho wanted to say something, but then the reality hit him hard. The teenager didn't know any other type of love than between husband and wife, the one that involves sex and creating a family... How can he explain what the love between siblings, mother and a child or between friends is?! How the hell can he describe what he feels for him, when he doesn't understand at all? For the first time in ages Sakurai didn't know what to say, so he reached for the most basic and kind of primitive example he could find.
"Masaki, do you remember the movie we saw few days ago? About the English queen?"
"I do..." The teenager frowned, not catching anything from what the latter wanted to say.
"Remember when she said she loves her people? Or how she said to her mother that she loves her too? There are different kinds of love, not every one of them involve being physically close... Do you understand?"
"Like... Like Mami-san loved my Guardian? She was always saying he is her son and she loves him..." Masaki looked down, slowly processing what he had heard for a while. "You love me like that?"
The question left without any answer, because Sakurai's phone rang. From the tone the editor recognized it was Ohno and he quietly thanked the fate that it was his best friend who called. It was obvious that Sho will have to answer on teenager's question, but now he has at least few minutes to think about it...
"Hey Sho!" Satoshi's excited voice sounded on the other side. "How are you?"
"Depends on what you are asking about..." Sakurai sighed and left the kitchen, seeing Masaki approaching the heater to finish their cocoa. The editor wished to meet his only friend and talk about everything that was in his mind but knowing the latter is always busy, he was afraid to ask. The older man apparently knew his friend very well, since he was the one who offered a meeting.
"As I assume you want to talk with me without your cute boy, right? What you will say on a drive? We didn't do that in ages. We can park somewhere and talk... Tomorrow?"
"Sounds great... Text me when you have time, I don't have much work tomorrow anyway." Sho smiles weakly and while after he hung up. Masaki didn't push him to answer and seemed a bit withdrawn but he smiled either way. Both of them sat on the couch in the living room, sipping cocoa and being careful not to burn their mouths. Sakurai looked from time to time at the latter, each time discovering something new. Were Masaki's eyes always that beautiful? And lips? Were they always so full and kissable that the editor envied the mug that it can touch them? Unconsciously he moved closer to the younger one until their thighs touched. Why did Sho hold his breath? Was he afraid that the teenager will move away? What's going on with me?! Sakurai thought and sighed. Something was telling him he indeed is in love with the boy sitting next to him, but since it still was a really quiet voice he managed to silence it. Masaki didn't move away, in fact he moved closer and after few minutes he ended up straddling Sakurai. The older one let him be and gently put the mug away, on the table in front of the couch.
"I will wait... Until you say you really love me. Like I love you. I will wait." Masaki said firmly as if he was sure Sho will admit he is madly in love with him. The editor didn't know what to say so he just nodded. Soft sorry was forming on his lips already, but delicate fingers were pressed to them so he didn't say a thing just pulled the latter closer and hugged him.
***
The next morning Sakurai went to the office to check three covers for the newest releases and hand in the summaries he wrote. He didn't have practically anything more to do, only talk with graphic about the design for Ninomiya's new book that will be released in four months but that wasn't urgent. Right now he was driving to meet his friend, hoping for relief.
"Yo!" Satoshi smiled and jumped inside the car. After giving some instructions to his friend the actor sighed and leaned back in the seat, staying silent for a while.
"Something happened? You're awfully quiet..."
"Just some work problems... Nothing serious I think. Remember the drama I was supposed to be in? Apparently I am too old for being a spy..." Ohno shrugged and looked at the latter. "I didn't want the job anyway... But we didn't meet to talk about me... Shoot."
"What do you want me to say?" Sho sighed, trying to find the right words to start from. He told about Matsumoto's real purpose, Masaki's past and then he stammered when he came to the point he practically confessed. The actor didn't say anything for around a minute and then he started to giggle.
"First of all I can't believe that this Matsumoto guy thought of this stupid way to get close to you... But that's not what I wanted to say... You said Masaki you love him?"
"Well... I just said me too so yeah... You can say I confessed... But the truth is that I don't know myself what I feel..."
"You're an idiot. No... You are worse. You're an idiot and an asshole!" Satoshi groaned and waited when Sakurai parks the car in the spot he pointed. "You let that boy get close, let him confess to you multiple time, you sleep with him... Even if it is only sleeping, you just let him be close to you... Then you tell him you feel the same not being sure of your feelings. I bet you are afraid to hurt him so probably you act coldly towards him, right?"
"I wouldn't say cold but..." Sho mumbled and looked down. "I am just careful, I don't want to hurt him."
"Well, too late Sherlock, you already did it! Sho, I am your friend so I will allow myself to be honest with you. If you won't settle this right now, it will be harder and at some point even impossible. You really think he will wait until you change your mind and decide to be with him?"
"He said he will..." Sakurai whispered, not aware the latter hears him very well.
"What?!"
"He said he will wait until I love him the way he loves me... Satoshi, what am I supposed to do?! I am his legal guardian, I can't be with him! This is wrong... But on the other hand he is so good to me... I want to show him the world, teach him everything and spend time together... I can't stand the way he looks at me... I want him... And his lips... God, those lips! I want to kiss them until they will be swollen..."
"Then do it. If you want it, if that's what your heart tells you to, just don't think and do. I am sure the legal matters can be resolved in some way."
"He is so vulnerable... I am afraid that I can break him... I can't hurt him, I just can't."
"You will hurt him by leaving things they are now. I know he got through a lot and from what you said, he will have to experience even more bad things... He will have to get through the same hell again by testifying in the court. You have two options. First is to just stay with him, second is to protect him. Show him that love is way different from what he was taught... Teach him love once again..."
"Satoshi... When did you become such love expert?" Sho giggled softly and then started to laugh loudly, seeing confused and silly face of his dearest friend. Soon the latter joined the editor and for five minutes they were laughing from the bottom of their hearts, loosing the tension that was in the air not so long ago. Suddenly the actor coughed and became serious.
"Listen, I know you practically all my life. You have never been so careful and afraid of hurting a person... If that's not love then I am Chinese princess." Ohno got off the car, giving his friend some space and time to think everything alone. He took out a cigarette, smoked it and leaned against the tree nearby. Sho sighed again, closing his eyes. He tried to remember his previous so-called relationships. Was he feeling the way he is now? Most certainly not. Sakurai had difficulties with getting attached to other people, so creating a relationship was really hard. He had crushes, of course but was it love or just simple liking? Right now for sure he is attracted to Masaki, both mentally and physically. Teenager cared about him like nobody before and truly loved him, that was clear. Sho wants to do the same to the latter, only wants his good.
"I think you are not a Chinese princess." The editor stated calmly, smiling when the actor came back to the car. Ohno smiled widely and patted his friend's shoulder.
"Just tell him that. Say the L word, not just simple me too and try to be happy with him."
"It's not that simple.... I..."
"And since when love is simple?! It's the most complicated thing gods could ever create but also the most beautiful. Just feel, okay? Turn off your brilliant brain for a while. The heart may be retarded idiot most of the times, but not in this case..."
"Thank you Satoshi-kun." Sho smiled and took a deep breath. Neither of men said anything untill they needed to part in the centre of the city, near Ohno's agency and after exchanging goodbyes Sakurai headed straight to his apartment. His heart was racing and he was afraid of thoughts he had in mind and his own feelings. What if he makes a mistake? Say something wrong, do careless move?
Turn off your brain Ohno's words echoed in his mind and after few deep breaths Sho came inside the apartment.
"I am back..." The editor said as usually but nobody answered him. He frowned and went straight to the bedroom, smiling with relief when he saw Masaki on the bed. The younger one was listening to the music through his earphones with his eyes closed and gentle smile decorating his face. Sho didn't see anything more beautiful in his whole life and his heart skipped a bit. Without thinking twice he came closer to the bed and after nanosecond of hesitating he straddled the latter and kissed his lips softly. Masaki tensed and didn't move for a while until he opened his eyes and saw Sakurai's face above him.
"W-welcome home..." The younger one whispered, as if he was afraid to scare the latter away. He also didn't move, not sure what to do and confused. Sho smiled gently, pecked the other's lips again and rolled on the bed, pulling him closer. For a longer while neither of them said anything. Teenager was confused by the latter's action and the editor couldn't think of a way to express what he wanted to say.
"Remember when I said I love you?" Sho finally asked, shyly, trying to find the right and the easiest possible words to explain he's feelings towards Masaki.
"You said you don't understand how you love me..." Teenager stated firmly and moved away few inches, as if he was trying to protect himself from the strike he expected. Sakurai's hand landed on his back and moved him closer again.
"I did say it. But I thought about it and now I know it for sure. I just love you. And I believe this will show you how..." The editor smiled and joined their lips together, kissing the other one slowly, without a rush. Masaki after first shock returned the caress, parting Sho's lips with his tongue and moving even closer. Sakurai moaned quietly and deepened the kiss, feeling warmth spreading all over his body. In some unexplainable way this was the way it should be in the first place. The editor felt the way he should feel and all guilt he had inside his heart burst like a bubble. When both of them needed air the younger one moved away a bit and bit his lower lip sexily.
"Does it mean you want me?" Masaki asked uncertain and maybe afraid of the reply. He tried to get to this point for a long time now and when Sho finally confessed he feels the same, rejection would hurt hundred times more than before. Sakurai just nodded and sat on the bed, leaning against the pile of pillows, finding the most comfortable position and patting his lap, asking the latter to straddle him. Teenager did it gladly, spreading soft kisses all over Sho's face and giggling happily. The older one didn't know what to do; he wasn't this close with anyone for a really long time and even though this isn't thing you can easily forget, he was too nervous to act really boldly.
"Touch me...?" Masaki whispered, his cheeks getting redder by the second. Sakurai smiled and with one smooth move he took off the younger one's upper clothes, admiring the milky skin just before his fingers wandered on the latter's chest, examining the gently outlined abs. If he thought the teenager's face is beautiful, the rest of his body fulfilled whole picture. For a while Sho just soaked up the view in front of him, leaning and kissing the latter's collarbones and neck. Masaki tangled his fingers in Sakurai's short black hair and delicate moans left his throat. Both of them enjoyed their closeness and caresses until the editor reached younger one's left shoulder. Teenager tensed and didn't move for a while but soon after he moved away, covering the skin blemished with a big brown birthmark.
"What's wrong?" Sho frowned worried that he did some incautious move.
"Not here... This is ugly... This no.... I'm not perfect...." Masaki spoke using short sentences, which was a sign he was really upset. The editor firmly removed the latter's hand and kissed the birthmark, looking straight in his soon-to-be lover's eyes.
"This is not ugly. This is what makes you special. What makes Masaki, Masaki. And I need to admit this is really sexy..." Sakurai winked and chuckled when he saw blush on the other's face. Teenager's hands tugged the latter's shirt, showing this way it should be removed and soon that piece of clothing landed on the floor. Masaki gently pushed the older one against the pillows and started wet journey from his neck, through collarbones, stopping for a while on sensitive nipples and heading down, spreading butterfly kisses around Sho's navel. Sakurai reached out his hand and played with the other one's hair and gasping when his semi-hard member was freed from all material that was covering him. The younger one's each move was slow, as if it was thought throughout many times before. Every lick and kiss Masaki left on Sho's member was exactly the way it should be: sensual, erotic and extremely pleasurable. When tight vacuum closed around the head Sakurai couldn't control the volume of his moans anymore. Not caring if anybody can hear him, his loud moans mixed in the air with teenager's name until he felt the climax approaching but when he thought he will just explode, every sensation vanished, replaced by cold air.
"Not yet... Masaki wants.... I... I want you inside...." The younger one smiled apologetically and kissed his way back to Sho's lips. The editor joined them in almost brutal and insatiable kiss, getting rid of every single piece of clothing that still covered the latter's body. His hands wandered around the other's body, reaching to fully hard erection and stroking it gently. Since Sakurai had his eyes closed, he frowned when something was pushed in his free hand and gasped when he realized it was pear massage oil Masaki used the other day. Words were needless. Sho poured cold liquid on his fingers and looked at his lover who had his knees on both sides of the editor's hips. Teenager spread his legs as wide as he could and lowered his hips, giving the other better access and just waited. Sakurai pressed index finger to the pink ring of muscles and smeared the oil there, slowly and gently inserting its tip inside. Masaki gasped, closed his eyes and relaxed as much as he could, letting the latter prepare him to the act. When two fingers were buried inside him, teenager moved his hips against them, moaning Sho's name each time when they were getting deeper. The editor had his eyes locked on the latter's face, checking every, even the slightest sign of pain but when all he could see was pure pleasure, he slowly removed his fingers and held his lover's hips.
"Just feel...." Sakurai whispered against Masaki's lips while pulling him down right on his hard member. He wanted to remember what Ohno had told him to chase the doubts away and at the same time it was a way to make the other one's move less trained and more spontaneous. The younger one didn't stop until Sho was fully inside him and he froze on the spot, biting his lower lip hard. His forehead was decorated by sweat drops which shown how much effort Masaki had to put in this.
"Are you okay?" Sakurai whispered, trying to push away the feeling he will go crazy from the other's tightness real soon.
"I'm fine just.... You're big.... Just.... Let me stay like this for a while...." Teenager smiled and slowly leaned forward, resting his forehead on Sho's and staying like that for around a minute. Soon after he lift his hips up, spread more oil on the older one's member and started to move without a rush at first, adjusting to the feeling of Sakurai inside him. It was clear he feels slight pain, but he kissed away every question and doubt from Sho's lips before it was expressed. With passing time Masaki speeded up, finding the most right angle and when his spot was hit, nothing could stop him from moving even faster. Their moans mixed with the sound of two hot bodies clashing against each other what just enhanced their arousal. With each move Sakurai felt closer to the edge. Just before reaching the climax he slipped out and grabbed their members, squeezing and stroking them together until he felt their warm semen mixing on his stomach and chest. Out of breath Sho closed his eyes and fell on the pillows, trying to catch some air. He felt soft fingertips on his face, followed by sweet kisses.
"I love you Sho... I really do love you..." Masaki whispered.
"I love you too." Sakurai replied. There was nothing more he could or wanted to add. Because simply there was nothing more he needed to say. Before he fell in sweet slumber a thought they will be sticky came across his mind but he was too drowsy to move. They can take care of it tomorrow.