[Multichapter] The beginning (11/20)
Title: The beginning
Author: tsuchi8562
Beta: syunikiss1990 <-- Thank you so very much!
Banner: andreja1989 <-- Thank you a lot~!
Pairing: SakurAiba
Rating: NC-17 (this chapter - for brutal flashbacks)
Genre: AU, psychological, romance, drama
Disclaimer: All I own is plot.
*MASTERPOST*
"I called you just to tell that I finished seventy-five per cent of my article. I promised to keep you updated." Jun's voice was calm but Sho sensed that there was a hidden question behind it. Over three weeks has passed since their conversation and he didn't even manage to talk with Masaki, busy with finding something to do, since his job wasn't as busy as he wished for and their fresh relationship.
"Do you know how long will it take you to finish it?"
"I don't. The whole thing is going rather fast, so it may be a week or so. Add to that editing... Maximum two weeks, my boss wants it to be published in the next issue. Sakurai-san, I believe this is the right time to talk with Masaki. He won't have much time to get used to the thought. It's not my business but I suggest you to prepare him before the hell breaks."
"Thank you for your call. I will talk to him today, I postponed it enough already. Please, call me when you finish your article and before it gets published..."
"I will. Do your best..." Matsumoto smiled and after exchanging goodbyes Sho took a deep breath. The time he didn't want to come, has already knocked to his door. He can't pretend he doesn't hear it anymore, time to face it.
"Masaki, can you come here for a second? I need to talk to you..." Sho's voice trembled a bit, fear crawling to his throat. He swallowed it, took a few deep breathes and put a fake smile on his face to create the image he is not worried nor mad at all. The younger one walked in the living room with slight frown on his forehead, slowly getting closer to the latter.
"Something's wrong?" Masaki asked quietly, staring at the older one's face. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, of course not! I just need to tell you something, it's important. Can you listen to me till the end? It's kind of a long story, but I need you to listen to me." When the teenager nodded and sat on the couch, Sakurai took a deep breath and took place next to him. He didn't know how to start, so for a longer while unbearable silence filled the room. "It's about your past."
"My... past?" The younger one bit his lower lip and tensed, but he didn't say anything else, listening Sho till the end, as he promised. The editor took the other one's hand and tangled their fingers together.
"Yes. I think this is the time to leave it behind and in order to do so, you will have to face it again." Sakurai talked slowly and explained everything, from Matsumoto's true identity, through what he had learned about Masaki from the journalist till the trial that will most certainly occur after the article gets published. The teenager listened quietly, with his eyes opening wider and breath fastened.
"I don't want them to know... I don't... They can't know..." Younger one's voice was just a whisper. It was clear he is scared of something or somebody; he was shaking and opening his mouth rapidly, trying to catch some air. Sho squeezed his hand and pulled him closer.
"I will be with you no matter what, I will protect you, I promise."
"No... They will hurt me again... And they will make you watch... Guardian likes to watch... You my Guardian now... No..." The teenager looked down, talking nonsense and breathing faster with each passing second. Sakurai got up, ran tot he kitchen and brought paper bag with him. After making sure it covers Masaki's nose and mouth, he asked him to breathe slowly and stroked his back.
"Masaki... I am not your guardian anymore... I am your boyfriend. And I will make sure nobody will ever hurt you." Sho talked calmly, exhaling with relief when the latter's breath evened out.
"I love only Sho... Nobody else... Not before, not now... I..." The teenager started to tremble and glued himself to the older man.
"Shh, it's okay. I know. It's okay..." Sakurai kissed the other one's head and rocked his body gently until he felt Masaki limp in his arms, falling asleep. The older one gently picked the latter up and took him to the bedroom. Sho wanted to leave Masaki in bed, to let him rest but the younger one tugged his shirt tightly so the editor lay down next to him and gently played with his hair.
He's just a kid... This came across Sakurai's mind again. Even though the teenager's body said otherwise, mentally he was still a boy and that made the older one feel even worse. Of course he fell for him, that was certain, but to make this relationship more normal and acceptable Masaki needs to grow up. And in order to do that, the younger one needs help of a specialist; a long therapy. Sho took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Maybe turning off his brain wasn't a good choice after all?
***
Sho sat in almost empty office and turned on the computer. He didn't know why exactly he came here and what he should do. For around ten days he wasn't needed in the publishing house's building and Ninomiya didn't seem to write a word. All that time all Sakurai could do was to wander around the city, spend time with Masaki and trying to continue the conversation they had three days ago. Every time the editor started this subject, the teenager became more silent and withdrawn. He didn't even cuddle to the older man at night. Without even thinking what he is doing, Sho looked for any clues and advises on the internet, hoping they will help him in this conversation but after half an hour he turned off the computer and went out the office. Just when he reached his car, the phone rang, sounding with the tone he almost started to hate already. Without even looking at the screen he answered, knowing well it would bring him troubles if he let it ring.
"Yes, Ninomiya-san? How can I be of service for you?"
"My, oh my... Since when did you become so polite?" The writer giggled on the other side of the line. "I will be really glad if you can drop by to my place. There is something I need to talk to you about."
"Can't it wait till tomorrow? I have something really important thing to take care of now..."
"No, Sakurai-san, it can't wait. And I have a hunch this is at least a bit more important than the thing you have to do now... See you on half an hour." Before Sho could oppose, Kazunari hung up leaving him no choice but to go there.
"Selfish, egocentric bastard..." The editor sighed and drove off, heading to the place which brought him memories. He found Masaki nearby Ninomiya's house; it was place where all began. Pushing those thoughts aside, he reached the writer's home safely and took a deep breath before knocking to the door. For a longer while nothing happened, there was no sound coming from the inside so the editor decided to knock again. Just after that the writer opened the door and without a word he let his guest inside, having big frown on his forehead. It looked like there was something that troubled him, but Sakurai didn't dare to ask. Instead, he cleared his throat and asked about his new novel.
"What? Ah, right... Didn't write a word in that..." Kazunari smiled weakly and sat on the couch, drinking something that looked like bourbon. Sho didn't understand anything from what was going on here but one was certain. Ninomiya had writer's block and it seemed to be one of the worst. When the younger man didn't say anything more, Sakurai took a deep breath and wanted to leave when his eyes were caught by purple photo frame with a picture of two men on some party. The shorter one was leaning his head on the other's shoulder. They were embraced in quite intimate way; it was obvious that they are together. The editor recognized the writer in one of the men without any difficulties. It was the other one who shocked him so much he forgot his body needs oxygen.
"Ninomiya-san what's the meaning of this?!" Sho hissed through clenched teeth and pointed on the photograph. He felt lied and betrayed. Even though it was none of his business whom Kazunari dates, but the fact both Jun and the writer interfered in his peaceful life got blood in his veins boil. Ninomiya's gaze followed Sakurai's finger and small smile formed up on his face.
"I will tell you everything, but please let me call J. It will be better if he is present. The story will be more complete then." When Sho nodded, the writer called Matsumoto and in around half an hour three men were sitting in silence. Sakurai waited for an explanation, the journalist held Kazunari's hand and the last one of them trembled gently, but visibly. Ninomiya took deep breath and started his story.
"Sakurai-san, you know the feeling when the past haunt you? All the things you could do to save somebody but you didn't, crush you... Rips your flesh to the core and eat you alive. Do you know this feeling?"
***
His house was just on the edge of the forest. Nobody went there, it was way too far from any sign of civilization. A perfect hiding place for a monster and his crimes. Kurokawa lived there for a very long time, taking in small boys and teaching them many disgusting things. All of them were trained in being perfect slaves, sex toys, subject to his will. All of them, except one. One of the children was smaller than all the rest, quite sickly and too thin to make use of him in bedroom but because the master of the household loved him, he made the boy his son. The child's name was Wakui Takuro and since he was seven years old, he addressed Kurokawa as his father. Years passed and all the boy was responsible for was his studies. He loved books since he remembered and secretly dreamed he will write his own novel once. His wish had to be kept hidden, because the man that raised him had different plans for his future. Takuro had to become Kurokawa's heir. Wakui should learn how to dominate over the slaves and literature or any other faculty on the university was out of question. When the boy was fourteen years old a big tragedy happened; his father's beloved one was taken away and soon after he died. The older man was devastated and then Wakui experienced something that Kurokawa called guardian's love. The teenager was sitting day and night in his father's room for several days, listening to the older man's sobbing and after a week or so he ended up as his mattress... This wasn't the last time Kurokawa touched his son. He was doing it from time to time, when his other pets were indisposed and until he found somebody who can replace Takayuki-kun. Only just then Takuro was left alone. It wasn't as bad as it sounds. This opened many doors in front of the boy. He could go to the university and study his beloved literature. And so he did.
No matter how hard he tried to escape from his past, how much he wanted to forget who he really is, the past was haunting him. Wakui changed his name, limited visits in his family home to the minimum but deep inside he was still Kurokawa's heir. His father made sure he will remember that even after Takuro wrote his first short novel and published it in some magazine. The now young man became more and more popular and Kurokawa demanded a piece of this fame. Simply he wanted money or else he will tell everybody about his past. He didn't care that by doing this he can also harm himself; he was sure he will manage to escape and his son believed him. The older man was capable of everything, even becoming invisible if he wished. That's why Wakui kept sharing his money until... Once he was called by his father. It was quite unusual, as Kurokawa contacted with the latter only when he needed funds and he got nice sum few days before. Takuro opposed, but when the older one insisted and threatened, he had no other choice. The house was somehow scarier than ever before, the walls seemed darker even though there was nothing wrong with the building. The writer went inside and was pushed in a dark room. The air was stuffy, mixed smell of sweat and semen was so intense Wakui thought he will throw up. On the bed a young boy, not older than fifteen was raped by a huge man. Takuro knew this teenager only a bit and all he was aware of was the fact he was supposed to replace late Takayuki. He didn't even know his name. The boy didn't scream nor fought and he was trying so hard to pretend that he likes what is done to him that some could believe him. The writer didn't. He didn't do anything, just stood there, held by Kurokawa's strong arm and stared...
This was the last time he heard from his father.
"You both knew it from the beginning and manipulated me all this time." Sakurai tried to sound calm even if the blood in his veins was boiling. His eyes were wandering from Jun's face to Ninomiya's. "You interfered in my life, lied and cheated just to get what you want!"
"It's not true." Silent till now Matsumoto spoke firmly. "Your meeting with Masaki, the fact that you are editor responsible for Kazu's novels and I am his boyfriend was pure coincidence. I confess, I asked him to give you less work so you can take care of Masaki and few times I asked Kazu to make you leave the apartment so I could speak to Masaki alone. But try to understand... I... We cannot let this monster escape. That's why I want you to convince Masaki to testify."
"Coincidence?" Sho frowned and got up, going closer to the window. "It doesn't look like that from my perspective. Of course me finding Masaki wasn't planned by anyone but everything after that... Matsumoto-san, you know Nagayama-sensei, right? You knew about Masaki from the start. You told everything to Ninomiya-san so he can add something to this situation. You adjusted my life to all your plans, don't expect I will be glad about that."
"Sho-kun... I admit, I manipulated everything I could to make your work less busy, I was writing like a madman only to get you edit my works exclusively... I did it because I wanted this boy to have what he deserved. If it would be anybody else I would do the same." Ninomiya stood up and walked closer to the editor. "I feel sorry only because I didn't tell you the truth from the beginning. Try to understand, I needed you to change Masaki, to make him less scared, to show him how the real life should look like so when the judgment day will come he will be stable enough to testify against that monster."
"Sakurai-san, please..." Jun pleaded. "Forgive us for lying to you. Can you help us putting this man behind bars?"
Sho frowned and didn't reply anything. Everything he just heard fell on him too suddenly to accept it in such short time. He was used by at least two people, he felt like a puppet in someone else's hands, dancing the way they wanted. Of course because of that he found love, even if it was immature one. Sakurai wanted to scream, shatter every thing within his reach, punch both Matsumoto and Ninomiya, drive off, take Masaki and leave somewhere far, far away. He knew well this wasn't a good solution, so instead he mumbled some incoherent goodbye and left, heading home. The editor also promised he will talk with Masaki again and try to convince him to testify, but he made clear that he is doing this only for the younger one's sake. After that he doesn't want to see neither Jun or Kazunari ever again.
***
Sho came home quietly, without any strength to even whisper a word. The teenager was somehow withdrawn and it seemed that his usual light faded. It looked like he is fighting with himself, mumbling something noiselessly, probably without even realizing he is not alone in the apartment anymore. Sakurai smiled weakly and knocked to the door of their bedroom, chuckling softly when he saw latter jump a bit, startled.
"You're back... I'm sorry I didn't hear you..." Masaki got up and closed the distance between them in few rushed steps. Almost immediately he hid his face in older man's chest and snuggled close, trying to hide from the whole world inside in editor's embrace. Sho smiled wider and held the other one close, kissing the top if his head gently. Teenager looked up with his big, brown shiny eyes and joined their lips in slow kiss. This time something was different. Usually Masaki's kisses were quite predictable, very well trained and skillful. This time the caress was more spontaneous and even a bit clumsy what editor found filled more with love than every previous kiss. Just when they lips parted and both tried to catch some air, the younger one looked straight in the older one's eyes and took a deep breath.
"You're my boyfriend?"
"Yes I am..."
"And you will protect me? No matter what?"
"I will..." Sakurai frowned trying to understand what the latter wants to say.
"Promise?"
"Yes, Masaki. I promise that I will protect you no matter what..."
"Then Masaki will testify..." The sentence was whispered and Sho could swear that except fear and sadness, he saw something else, more terrifying in the teenager's eyes. Something he couldn't put a finger on, just yet.