[One shot] Attack of the Clones
Title: Attack of the Clones
Authors: tsuchi8562 and yuuki_saya
Genre: Crack
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: We don't own them... Although one of them is flying to me!!!
Summary: We all want to clone Arashi and have one of them for ourselves... Well... Johnny wanted to multiply them and make more money, but this plan backfires him. Badly
A/N: This is a result of our today's chat... I hope you'll like it!
He never ran that fast before, knocking over everything and everyone that dared to be in his way to President’s office. Few meters from the door he stopped, took few deep breaths and slowly went in.
- Shachou... We have a slight problem downstairs...
The boss of the biggest talent agency, Johnny H. Kitagawa, sat in big leather chair, reading some papers and looked at his guest about few moments after the question was asked.
- What problems?
- Somebody added too much ingredients.... It’s really loud and messy there now... And Matsumoto-san refused...
- Wait! What do you mean: refused?! - the man stood up from the chair and with serious face decided to go downstairs and check everything himself.
***
Armageddon. This was the only word that popped out in both men’s minds when they saw the chaos that reigned in the room. The only calm person was MatsuJun; he was standing near the door and watching everything with devilish smile written all over his face.
The idea of cloning Arashi members seemed to be ideal. More movies, more dramas, more CMs, national tour means more money and all of that without bigger effort. Of course this was the first time JE decided to do such thing, just to see if it’ll work out. If so, the next stage would be cloning every single JE Boy, including the risk of multiplying Nishikido. Well, maybe other Kanjani boys would be left in one copy and cloning Akanishi would be very dangerous for Japan’s level of stupidity, but the main idea was really alluring.
Yes, this idea supposed to be great, but it turned out as always... Group of over 20 men was running around the factory, yelling and screaming like bunch of spoiled kids. In that whole movement you could only distinguish Ohnos (all five of them), because two of them were sleeping standing, one was singing ‘Rain’, one was dancing the choreography and finally one was standing still, with fishing pole in his hand, dreaming about a boat. The rest was one big unstoppable mess. Johnny thought that this was that ‘creating a storm throughout the world’ Aiba was talking about on they first TV interview on Hawaii... It definitely looked more like typhoon than simple storm...
Without further delay Johnny told his assistant to take that whole gang to Arashi’s dressing room.
- But sir... There are too many of them, and the room is too small...
- OK, so take them to Hey! Say! Jump’s dressing room... It should be big enough.
- B-but Hey! Say! Jump has only ten members, and there are over twenty of them...
- So take them to the roof! Whatever! Just organize them somehow... I don’t know, renumber them or something... And YOU! - the president pointed on Jun. - We will talk about this later!
***
The roof was more quiet and peaceful than the chamber in the underground, but still not perfect enough. When finally they could count everybody and it was a chance that all Arashi will hear the message, Johnny started to talk.
- YOU! - pointing on Matsumoto again. - You are aware how many problems we will have because of you?! Why did you refuse?!
- Simple... - Jun answered with confidence in his voice. - There could be only one diva! - he showed big black ‘1’ on his white T-shirt with bratty smile.
Meanwhile noise increased and the situation from the factory repeated. All five Ninos were yelling and fighting, kicking and scratching each other, bruising all of bodies. The factory workers tried to separate them and bring back peace, but it was inefficient. The topsy-turvydom was bigger and bigger with every second, until Kitagawa had enough.
- What’s going on there?!?!?! Nino! No, not you! The other one! The first one! I’m asking YOU! Hey!
- They won’t reply, they’re too busy to do that...
- What are they doing?!
- They fighting about the money, duh!
- But why? Can’t they compromise???
- Simple... - MatsuJun said with strange de ja vu feeling. - There is only one credit card!
- Then I’ll settle this right now! - Johnny said, going between Kazunaris and taking away the object of desire. - It will stay with me until you won’t work out the consensus!
The boss in one second wanted to run and hide somewhere far away, feeling on his back glances of ten eyes full of hatred, sending him the wish of painful and slow death. Fortunately soon enough all of Ninos focused on another battle - this time of the portable console, which, as expected, was only one.
Soon enough to this chaos joined another rumble... All Aibas were fighting for Shos’ attention, and there was one big problem...
- ISHIDA!!! - Kitagawa obviously had enough. - What’s the meaning of this?!
- W-well, sir... This is the problem I’ve talked about... - the man took a deep breath. - As you know, we have only one Matsumoto, five Ohnos, five Ninomiyas and three Sakurais...
- And what about Aiba?
- Well, nobody knows how many of them are running around the place... I counted at least six, but I can be wrong though... Let’s face it, that man is EVERYWHERE!!! All I know that the fifth Aiba is chasing third Sho-san around the roof...
Johnny looked at the battlefield in front of him. Two Kazunaris tried to ged rid of two Ohnos pants with dirty smile, the rest of Ninos were still fighting for God only knows what this time, one Sho has being chased by one of Aibas, and the rest of band were screaming, running, jumping, dancing, singing and preparing for a fishing trip. Kitagawa had to think everything over and chose a good plan for now.
- YOU! - he pointed Ishida. - OK... I understand five Ohnos... One dancing, one singing, one fishing, two sleeping... I can also understand five Ninomiyas... He is busy little fellow, with lots of dramas, movies etc... But why there are only 3 Sakurais???
- One - rapper... Two - caster. Three... - failure...? I am so sorry, shachou! We used the rest of our mixture for Aiba...
- And that’s bringing another question... Why did you create too many Aibas, for heaven’s sake?!
Suddenly Sho popped out of nowhere, stood right in front of his boss, and with serious face he stated:
- There might be such thing like too many MatsuJuns because of Doumyoji side. There might be such thing like too many Ninos becauce of greediness and bratty side. There might be such thing like too many Oh-chans because of sleepiness and tan. There might be such thing like too many of ‘me’ because of my baka and dorky side. But there’s no such thing like too many Aibas!
In the second he said that, two Masakis started to chase him, trying to rip off his clothes, repeating ‘Sho-chan! Sho-chan!!’ every now and then.
The JE factory worker remained silent, because he was aware that everything he will say from now on could be used against him. The truth was that he didn’t know what happened.
Jun came to Johnny and with the best of his smiles glued to his pretty face he said:
- We can send one extra Aiba to Poland... I am sure that there is somebody that will take care of him with pleasure... - he said the last word with low voice.
- To Poland?! Why?
- For money! - All of Ninos answered in sync with those greedy sparks in their eyes. Even the two that were trying to rape Ohnos stopped and smiled.
- That’s it! I have enough! Who came up with his plan?! I want to see him in my office first thing in the morning! He is so fired!!!!!!!
- But Johnny-sama... It was your idea...- Ishida smiled shyly under the smashing gaze of his boss.
- Well... Ehm... Everybody has a right to be wrong... Heh...
- Shachou, but what now? What we are supposed to do with them?
Kitagawa started to think, moving about on the roof when suddenly an idea hit him with the force of a lightening.
- Contact with the fanclub... Somebody should want them after all... - president of JE sighed. - Just don’t forget to send one Aiba to Poland - Johnny added after second thought.