[Multi-chapter] How can I love (7/??)
Title: How can I love
Author: tsuchi8562
Beta: geminib <-- Thank you so very much!
Pairing: SakurAiba (main), Aimiya, JunBa (friendship), Juntoshi
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Drama
*MASTERPOST*
Opening his eyes was a huge mistake; the light invaded his brain and caused such massive headache that he thought he will throw up. Masaki covered his mouth and took a deep breath, but that didn’t help at all, so he decided to get up. This wasn’t a good idea either, because the room spun around and soon he found himself lying on the floor.
“Aiba-chan, are you OK?” Somebody’s too loud voice sounded in the room, driving small needles in Masaki’s temples.
“I’m fine…” The tallest Arashi member whispered and tried to get up by himself, but some strong hand offered him a help. “Thank you…” Just now he looked up and gasped in shock, seeing Sakurai smiling and half naked. Masaki didn’t remember a thing that happened the previous night after the brat started to hit on him. The rest of the night was a big black hole and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t recall any details. Of course the easiest way to explain this situation was assuming that something happened between him and Sho, but that was out of question. The rapper was straight after all and even a drunk Aiba couldn’t make any move; he mastered self-control to that level that it was impossible.
“S-sho-chan… What are you doing here?” He asked with weak voice, sitting back on the bed.
“I brought you home last night, literarily. Thank God I was near; if not me you would end with Nino again…” The last sentence was whispered and Masaki wondered if it was because his band mate knew that every noise sounds ten times louder now or because of any other reason. Don’t imagine stuff, Masaki! He scolded himself and stood up again. This time room was steady and the floor wasn’t shaky, so he managed to get to the kitchen without any problems. Any kind food was out of question, not with his squeezed stomach, so he just grabbed a bottle of water and sipped it slowly.
“Masaki, what’s going on?” Sakurai asked, leaning against the door jamb and looking at his friend with somehow serious face.
“Nothing’s wrong. I just drank too much and too fast yesterday, that’s it.” Aiba looked at the clock hanging on the kitchen’s wall above the door and sighed. It was still early and he had some time to rest before work.
“Don’t lie to me. Recently everybody acted strange and it’s since that… Since our trip to Hokkaido. I know that something’s going on here, but nobody wants to tell me a thing.” Suddenly Sho sounded so sad, that Aiba didn’t want to look at him, fearing that he would have an urge to hug him and that wasn’t a good idea; not with his feelings.
“Sho-chan, everything is fine. I am really grateful that you took care of me, but now you should go home…” The taller man put the empty bottle away, still without turning his gaze at his band mate. “You should change your clothes before work…”
“Masaki… It’s true, right? You are… You like…” The rapper didn’t finish the sentence and spaced out.
“Sho-chan?” Aiba frowned and touched his band mate’s arm. “Do you want to ask me something?”
“Forget it… I really should go home.” Sakurai grabbed his parka and rushed towards the door, but the taller man stopped him.
“Wait… If you want to ask me about something, then just ask.”
“Did you really… like to be with Nino?” This question was whispered. “I mean in THAT way…”
“It’s complicated…” Masaki didn’t see Sakurai such tensed and somehow nervous.
“Do you love him?”
“No!” The younger man answered a bit too quickly and too loud, so he frowned when another wave of pain hit his temples. “No, Sho I don’t love him… It is complicated…” Aiba moved away a bit, staring at his own feet.
“I am the last one who can tell you this, but be careful. Somebody can break your heart and it’s painful, believe me, I know…” The rapper sighed and touched his band mate’s chin, pulling him up a bit to make the taller man look at him. “Just be careful, OK?”
“I… will…” Aiba whispered, drowning in the brown eyes in front of him. So is it like that? You were heartbroken and that’s why you are avoiding love? Masaki wanted to say this out loud but the words stuck in his throat. At that moment he wanted to hug Sakurai and convince him that he won’t hurt him, but that was out of the question. Feeling tears approaching, the younger man moved away and whispered a soft goodbye. After the door was closed, Aiba sat on the floor and breathed slowly; the last thing he wanted was start crying right now. He crawled to his bedroom and grabbed his phone; it was still early, but he hoped that he won’t wake up Jun calling at this hour.
“Hello…?” Sleepy voice on the other side sounded a bit irritated.
“J-jun… I… I lost him…” Masaki couldn’t stop tears anymore and he sobbed, not being able to say anything.
“I’ll be there soon…” Matsumoto hung up and was standing in Aiba’s bedroom in half an hour, looking at his now calmed band mate. “What happened?” The older man explained everything, this tine without crying.
“And? What did you mean by ‘I lost him’?”
“I don’t know, Jun… He seemed so cold when he asked me to be careful… I think he gave up… Who am I to interfere his private life. Jun…” Masaki looked up and bit his lips. “It’s over… I don’t have a hope anymore. I should move on… Maybe… it’s not bad idea…?”
“What idea, Masaki?” Matsumoto looked at him and sighed. Now he was really worried; giving up almost hopeless case is one thing, but if Masaki had some idea in his mind… Yes, you should be worry then.
“To try with Nino…” Those words were whispered.
“Try what?!” Jun was mad now. This is not how it all supposed to end, unless the brat wanted it at the first place. If Kazunari wanted to seduce Masaki…
“To be with him? I mean, for a while… And not for serious… Just…”
“Masaki, are you listening to yourself? I know you for a long time and I know that this way you will only hurt yourself more. I didn’t want to put it that way, but you are not giving me any choice. If you won’t confess, I will tell Sho that you love him. I have enough of that game already.” The younger man looked at his band mate and his face didn’t show any emotions. After all he was a good actor.
“Jun, you wouldn’t! He doesn’t have to know! Please… Don’t…” Masaki didn’t look that desperate in his entire life, or at least since Jun knew him. Knowing that Matsumoto won’t do anything more here, he said a few comforting words and left Aiba to let him get ready for work.
“Easy for you to say… Confess…” The tallest Arashi member whispered to the place where Jun was standing few minutes ago and sighed. It was time to get ready if he wanted to be on time. Suddenly his hangover disappeared, leaving a small pain in the chest. Broken heart hurts, right?
***
Recording Arashi ni Shiyagare was going surprisingly well, despite his hangover. Masaki wanted to talk with Nino after the work; his idea maybe wasn’t the best, but this was all he could do right now. Becoming Nino’s lover for a while, feeling somebody’s closeness… Remembering how good it was to be with someone… Forgetting about his feelings for Sho… Another wave of sharp pain hit his chest and taking a deep breath didn’t help him this time, quite opposite. During all the breaks Aiba rested as much as he could, of course hiding his condition, blaming stress and sadness for it.
“Are you OK?” Ninomiya appeared out of nowhere, looking worried at his pale friend.
“Yeah, it’s nothing… Oh, Nino, I want to talk with you after the shooting…” Masaki smiled and then bit his lips, still suffering from the pain. Now or never, he can’t live with hope for miracle. “Nino, would you…”
“Everyone, on their places!” Staff member shouted and Aiba couldn’t finish his sentence. There was no other way, he had to go back to work, but soon the shooting will over and he will ask Nino to spend the night with him… Yes, he is ready, more than ever. He accepted the fact that he won’t have Sho, so now he can enjoy his life; no more "mister broken heart"…
The last cut ended and the studio filled with greetings for good work. Masaki sighed and this caused the pain again; this time he couldn’t help himself and he touched his chest, wincing, because he was hurting much more than previously. Probably he was looking like hell, because soon his manager was beside him, asking about his health. This time lying was useless; even if he was a good actor, the pain was way too strong to hide. Fifteen minutes later he was rushed to the hospital, leaving his band mates unaware.