(no subject)
I hate everyone.
I used to think I was full of love for my fellow man. Not one to hold grudges, forgiving, not easily riled. I try to see the world from other points of view, walk a mile in a man's shoes, and so on.
But lately I hate people.
Just bloody hate them.
And fine, maybe not all people. Not you, certainly. I love you.
Just everybody else.
I hate people who walk around with a look on their face like they smell something rotten. Not the slightly concerned, inquisitive, "smell the fart" look...the look of distaste, of slight irritation, the people who will never be happy with anything, ever, but cannot be bothered to change anything either. The passive aggressive, "I'm just going to sit here and look displeased" look. It's a look of pettiness and preciousness. Anger has conviction and malaise can be romanticized, but I have no idea what to do with you, smelly face. And that look doesn't suit you. I make your face at you for your face. See how silly I look with my wrinkled nose? Like someone stuffed bleu cheese in a nostril. Or, see! Look! It's the face I make when I smell my armpit to see if it's my deodorant that's off.
And speaking of passive aggression, guess what? My happiness is not dependent on yours. So you just be a pissy pants all you want. I'll be over here having fun.
You know who else I hate? People who can't think for themselves. At all. People who want you to answer every single question for them before they give it a bit of thought, or can only repeat what others have told them. I swear, some people don't have the decisiveness to make it through a choose your own adventure book. I don't know how they manage to wipe themselves much less get through life.
And people that talk in movies. I hate you.
Why do you feel the need to state the obvious? I know that's Richard Gere. Are you waiting for a treat? If you name every actor in the movie, do you get a jujube? Really? Can I toss it in your mouth like the trained seals at the zoo?
And if you are so stupid that you need a movie explained to you in the midst of the movie...well...just...how do you get through life? Does someone give you a play by play to brush your teeth? Do you get an interpreter for meetings? "What's happening now is Helen is reading the minutes from the last meeting. That is so everyone knows what is going on and is caught up to speed." I don't know why the old man said rosebud! I bet they'll explain it to us. Just make a note of it and move on. If it is important, they will let us know. Just trust that all will be explained. Just trust. Trust. And shut up.
And if there is a whole empty theater, don't sit next to me.
Or in front of me.
If you say something that you think is funny, and no one laughs? Don't repeat it. And if you repeat it once? Don't repeat it again and again. Still not funny. No, saying it louder doesn't help.
Same with your drama. If I don't get all excited about it the first time, I probably won't the fourth either. If we've already come up with a solution, then let it go. If you are just blowing off steam and you are a loved one, well, that is just fine, but if you are not a loved one? If you are a mere acquaintance? Then take it to another cubicle.
And what about the people who don't let the people off the subway before they get on? It's physics people! Pure math! Or the people who walk four wide down the street? Slowly! I hate you!
I hate static cling. (I blame you.)
I hate people who are defined by their significant other. I hate people who think Jesus was white. I hate people who people who think the war in Iraq was in response to 9/11. I hate people who wish disaster on others for their multitude of sins. I hate people who put in for what they owe to the cent. I hate people who are purposefully obtuse. I hate people who are too good to boogie, too proper to get down with the great Pan Pipe of every vice that is dirty and fun, and tell you about it every chance they get. I hate people that prefer Justin Timberlake to Johnny Cash. Pop over Rock. Slick over Soul. If you don't make music/food/wine/art, you don't get to be that happy with yourself and your fine, fine judgments. Good for you, you can recognize quality, now shut up about it and let us all enjoy the quality you have not created. I hate people who cannot recognize quality. I hate people who are easily excited. I hate people who never get excited about anything.
Today, I hate everyone.
Except for you. I love you.