ranting
I never considered myself a jealous person, really I haven't, but it appears that I was wrong. It's not that I don't trust him, it's just that... when did we ever have those same kind of memories together? I'm asking too much, I'm sure, and for that I'm failing in the hindsight I can't seem to forget. I blame the fact that I imagine things and it just makes it just that much worse. I don't want to love anyone this this is what happens when I do. He is different from anyone I've ever dated and just... this sucks. Think about it. Wait. Stop. I should be thinking about this, not you. Not that anyone ever reads these anyway.
I realized that the other day, people don't read my life blogs. Which, in some reguards, is a good thing for me. Gives me a place to vent and rave, and I know the people my anger is aimed toward will never be the wiser. But is this really anger? No, not really. Maybe. If it is, though, it's anger toward myself. I know that I'm being a selfish brat.
At least I know. I guess, if there was one good quality that I think that I have... it would be the fact that I can understand the way I'm working. Even if it takes me a second after the incident. I mean, really, I would be stupid not to see that I'm being a brat about this whole fucking thing. It's just as much of my fault as it is his. Fuck, it ISN'T his fault, and isn't that the whole damn point of my ranting? I'm the dumb one.
I guess it's the fact that it's been a month and, to him, it doesn't seem like a milestone. Do you know what happens in a month? A lot of shit can happen. I've changed a lot, mostly due to having him around, and he won't even acknowlege the fact it's happening around us. I want to call him, text him, say something to him that isn't stupid and irrelivant. I mean... he's even on Facebook right now and I can't click the little button that will instantly connect me to where he is. Do I even want to know what he is doing without me? The answer is no, mostly due to the fact it would break my heart to know he isn't going through any of this anguish. At all. I would say that it's just because "he's a guy" but... that isn't exactly it.
I'm not used to this whole relationship thing and I also don't know how to really deal with it. No one else I went out with made me feel this way. Ever. It's a good thing and bad thing all rolled up into one. I don't know how to react with all of this going on around me. Fuck.
I realized that the other day, people don't read my life blogs. Which, in some reguards, is a good thing for me. Gives me a place to vent and rave, and I know the people my anger is aimed toward will never be the wiser. But is this really anger? No, not really. Maybe. If it is, though, it's anger toward myself. I know that I'm being a selfish brat.
At least I know. I guess, if there was one good quality that I think that I have... it would be the fact that I can understand the way I'm working. Even if it takes me a second after the incident. I mean, really, I would be stupid not to see that I'm being a brat about this whole fucking thing. It's just as much of my fault as it is his. Fuck, it ISN'T his fault, and isn't that the whole damn point of my ranting? I'm the dumb one.
I guess it's the fact that it's been a month and, to him, it doesn't seem like a milestone. Do you know what happens in a month? A lot of shit can happen. I've changed a lot, mostly due to having him around, and he won't even acknowlege the fact it's happening around us. I want to call him, text him, say something to him that isn't stupid and irrelivant. I mean... he's even on Facebook right now and I can't click the little button that will instantly connect me to where he is. Do I even want to know what he is doing without me? The answer is no, mostly due to the fact it would break my heart to know he isn't going through any of this anguish. At all. I would say that it's just because "he's a guy" but... that isn't exactly it.
I'm not used to this whole relationship thing and I also don't know how to really deal with it. No one else I went out with made me feel this way. Ever. It's a good thing and bad thing all rolled up into one. I don't know how to react with all of this going on around me. Fuck.