Getting Over It
Well me and ex finally had a chat, one that was long overdue. It made me realize a few things about him, and the way that I saw him.
First of all, he isn't the bad guy in all of this. The possibility of him dragging me along in his little life crisis is a high one, but I don't think he vindictively was trying to do anything bad.
Basically this conversation happened, a lot got out, but since it was my birthday he offered me a place to stay the night and weekend. He told me that since my birthday hadn't gone that well and he was partially the reason for it he was going to take me out bowling/for lunch/etc. I was ecstatic and I'm not going to lie... I was dragged back in. The fact he said "Now lets forget about all of this for a while and be happy." didn't exactly help me out that much. Even though my hope had been thoroughly crushed, he found a way to light that spark in me once again. I'm tired of this roller coaster he keeps dragging me along on... and all in the name of "not knowing what he wants." Not only that he never took me out like he promised, we laid around him place with his family the entire next day.
His ex girlfriend messed him up, I know that, but it isn't as big of an excuse as he claims it to be. I really feel like he's waiting to see if someone else comes along before he choses me. He's told me before that the relationship failing was his fault 'cause "he couldn't love me the way he wanted to love me." The biggest problem with this, however, is the fact he's said to me point blank that I'm an amazing friend and he needs someone like me in his life. He even told me he knew what I was thinking, that I was thinking "If you need me in your life, why aren't we dating?" It's true. I hate how he can read me so easily.
But I'm done with now inconsistent he is. I hate that he seems to always have like 5 girls in the wings. I hate that he never... well I'm taking an idea from a fellow LJer and making a list of things I am just fed up with. Things that will, hopefully, help me get over him and the grasp he seems to have on my heart.
I'm done...
watching you flirt with other girls
handing me a hope you will later take away
having you never fulfill your promises
having you tell me your sorry for something you'll just do again
watching you act as if you care and then put me in a position where you know I'll break again
listening to you talk about your ex girlfriends
waiting for you to "figure your life out"
having you never give me a straight forward answer
having you never tell me what you're really thinking 'cause you "think it will hurt me" or you "don't know how I'll react"
listening to you call yourself an asshole and then do the same shit again
making plans and you forgetting about them
doing the physical stuff without a proper relationship
being introduced as "your friend" after we've spent a night together
having you talk to her while I'm right there
wishing that you'll change your mind and find it within yourself to love me like I love you
haveing you not care AT ALL when I talk about getting a new boyfriend when the prospect of you in another relationship hurts me
answering you when you ask me "what?" until I break down and tell you what's on my mind, especially when it's about you
listening to that song and wishing for you to be mine again
First of all, he isn't the bad guy in all of this. The possibility of him dragging me along in his little life crisis is a high one, but I don't think he vindictively was trying to do anything bad.
Basically this conversation happened, a lot got out, but since it was my birthday he offered me a place to stay the night and weekend. He told me that since my birthday hadn't gone that well and he was partially the reason for it he was going to take me out bowling/for lunch/etc. I was ecstatic and I'm not going to lie... I was dragged back in. The fact he said "Now lets forget about all of this for a while and be happy." didn't exactly help me out that much. Even though my hope had been thoroughly crushed, he found a way to light that spark in me once again. I'm tired of this roller coaster he keeps dragging me along on... and all in the name of "not knowing what he wants." Not only that he never took me out like he promised, we laid around him place with his family the entire next day.
His ex girlfriend messed him up, I know that, but it isn't as big of an excuse as he claims it to be. I really feel like he's waiting to see if someone else comes along before he choses me. He's told me before that the relationship failing was his fault 'cause "he couldn't love me the way he wanted to love me." The biggest problem with this, however, is the fact he's said to me point blank that I'm an amazing friend and he needs someone like me in his life. He even told me he knew what I was thinking, that I was thinking "If you need me in your life, why aren't we dating?" It's true. I hate how he can read me so easily.
But I'm done with now inconsistent he is. I hate that he seems to always have like 5 girls in the wings. I hate that he never... well I'm taking an idea from a fellow LJer and making a list of things I am just fed up with. Things that will, hopefully, help me get over him and the grasp he seems to have on my heart.
I'm done...
watching you flirt with other girls
handing me a hope you will later take away
having you never fulfill your promises
having you tell me your sorry for something you'll just do again
watching you act as if you care and then put me in a position where you know I'll break again
listening to you talk about your ex girlfriends
waiting for you to "figure your life out"
having you never give me a straight forward answer
having you never tell me what you're really thinking 'cause you "think it will hurt me" or you "don't know how I'll react"
listening to you call yourself an asshole and then do the same shit again
making plans and you forgetting about them
doing the physical stuff without a proper relationship
being introduced as "your friend" after we've spent a night together
having you talk to her while I'm right there
wishing that you'll change your mind and find it within yourself to love me like I love you
haveing you not care AT ALL when I talk about getting a new boyfriend when the prospect of you in another relationship hurts me
answering you when you ask me "what?" until I break down and tell you what's on my mind, especially when it's about you
listening to that song and wishing for you to be mine again