Fic: Sweet Dreams come from Nightmares
He didn’t know how many days he had been alone with his thoughts- how many months… years… he had been trying to get his brother back. But Dean remained dead and he remained alone. He had summoned anything that he thought might help, hell he had even summoned the shit he knew wouldn’t just in case, and killed them all once they sneered at him.
He just wanted Dean back and nothing else. If he could only get him back. But his heart was hard- nothing was getting in again. So here he was, in his brother’s baby, driving down the road that darkened along the edges. Alone. All he could hear was his brother’s screams from when the hellhounds came. All he could see was Dean’s blood and his mind brought him back to that house, back to the day they charged and lost and Dean died as he cradled him in his arms.
Dean was in hell and he wasn’t strong enough to bring him back. He felt a lone tear run down his cheek and he looked over only to realize he was on the passenger side and there was Dean… Dean was driving and it was the best damn illusion he had ever had. But as he tried to say something to him the door opened and a dog bit into neck. But not just any dog, a hellhound. He screamed at it as the elder Winchester was ripped away from him again.
“DEAN! DEAN!”
“DEAN!” He sat straight up in bed and his eyes were haunted as he looked around the old and beaten up motel room. He feared that he was alone, that Dean was still dead- but then he heard the annoyed grunt come from the other bed.
“Sammy, shut the ‘ell up. Sleep.” His brother mumbled, turning away from his baby brother before attempted to go back into his previous slumber. He must be really tired, usually when Sam woke while calling his brother’s name there was no shutting him up with all the concerned questions he asked. He missed that, especially now. He missed that because now he felt alone and forgotten, dragged along on Dean’s biblical crusade.
When Dean had first left, he got these dreams, these premonitions on him being alone for the rest of his life. He thought that they were him being future-seeing again and it scared the shit out him… but they were just nightmares. Unless Dean died again and this time no angel from heaven could bring him back.
But then Dean was back and it seemed like everything was back in place, but the dreams staid and he was scared. He had told Ruby, but she scowled at him and promptly told him that she did not want to talk about that bastard thank you very much. “You need to focus on killing Lilith, not some stupid dream of yours. Come on.” And then it was back to business as usual. Besides her being a cut-throat bitch and demon Sam didn’t see why Dean never liked her… that’s a lie sometimes he hated the whore too.
And so, he decided after sitting up in bed watching his brother fall back asleep on the cheap motel bed that he might as well catch a few more hours as well. It couldn’t hurt anything….
He was alone, running down the street looking every which way to try and find him. Where was he? His breath was coming out in short pants, eyes frantically searching. “Dean?” he called, ignoring the note of panic in his voice. Where was his brother, why wasn’t he here with him? He ran further down the road.
He came to the impala, sitting there like a relic of the past- but also his brother’s baby. He looked inside and only saw the leather seating, no Dean. Then memories started to pile on top of him. “He’s gone, Sam. He went to hell and you couldn’t save him. You were too weak to save him, and now he’s dead and gone to hell. I wonder what hell is like for him… painful… I’m sure it’s just that. He knows you were too weak to save him, Sam.” The voice bombarded his mind and he grabbed his head against the thoughts.
“No, no, you’re wrong! I tried, I tried so damn hard and he. Wouldn’t. Let. Me.” He refused to acknowledge that he was crying, or how his eyes tried to pin a form on that voice in his head- at least that way he would have something to punch.
“Liar, you could have tried harder and actually helped him and instead you go off and sulk. You think about what you hadn’t said, and you think about him while he is in hell because of you. This isn’t Dean’s fault, it’s your own.” The voice taunted.
He wanted to lash out, but he knew the voice that was taunting him was in some ways his own. He wanted to run, but how could you run from yourself? It was impossible, he had tried for many nights to run… to drive… to whatever he could do to get away from his reality…
“Sam Sam Sam.” The voice taunted, but then it changed and morphed… it morphed into his brother.
Dean stood over his brother, shaking his shoulders. Sam was whimpering in his sleep and tears were leaving noticeable streaks down his cheeks. “Sam! Sammy wake up, come on Sam… damn it… wake up!”
His little brother’s eyes opened, pain shining in them as he looked up at the elder Winchester. “Dean… don’t leave me… please don’t leave me…” he grabbed one of Dean’s arms in a death grip- making sure that he wasn’t going anywhere. The contact was skin on skin and it made Dean shiver with want.
When he finally did get free he looked down at Sam, who was emulating the kid he grew up with. Tears were running down his cheeks, and his eyes were closed. He knew he should just move back to his own bed and ignore it- especially since Sam was out of his nightmare now and that’s what he had set out to do in the first place. Not that he hadn’t enjoyed the contact- far from it- but he wasn’t going to take advantage of his brother. He wasn’t going to be a sick bastard when Sam really seemed to need him.
Sam curled up into a ball, crying, and looked extremely vulnerable. He couldn’t take seeing him like that so he sat back down onto the bed. “Sam…”
Sam shivered under the touch and whimpered slightly. “Don’t… just an illusion… always a damn illusion… Dean… oh God… Dean…”
“Sam?” What was he talking about, just an illusion? But then it hit him- he must still think he was dead. It wasn’t enough that he was here and breathing, Sam’s mind still told him that he was dead. He pushed the younger’s hair back gently. “Sammy I’m here… It’s alright. I’m back and I’m not going anywhere.”
Sam finally looked up at him, seeming to really see him for the first time. “You’re here.” He repeated, voice choked slightly from the tears he had just been spilling. Sam’s mind was supplying him with taunts over how this wasn’t really his brother. Maybe a demon wearing Dean’s skin, maybe another dream, but it couldn’t really be him.
“Yeah, I’m here. Promise I ain’t going nowhere.” He pulled Sam against his chest and to hell with the ‘no chick-flick moments’ rule. Sammy needed him. Sure he was dealing with his own problems, i.e. hell, but the main drive in his mind always had been the command to look after Sammy. But Sam was still shaking in his arms, like he still didn’t believe him. “Sam, what’s going on? I’m not going to leave… you were having a nightmare.” He confirmed, trying to make the younger of the two understand exactly what had happened. Sam didn’t say anything but continued to bury himself closer to Dean- maneuvering so their lips touched. His eyes went wide and he tried to pull back, but Sam only clung tighter so that was exactly what was not going to happen.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. Dean had loved the kid since forever and while women were nice… ever since Sam had hit sixteen he wondered what it would be like. But that was wrong, so he just chased more skirts and tried to forget all about it. When he got Sam from Stanford- he was even more beautiful than he remembered. It got harder to resist- but Sam’s wellbeing came first and knowing Dean was sick didn’t bode well with that at all.
He tried to get away, but Sam had a firm hold on him and he finally gave in. But the moment he returned the kiss he took control of it; there was no complaining from the peanut gallery. This is what he had wanted since forever and now it was his for the taking. If nothing else he could blame Sam for it later, although this was one piece of ammunition he would never use against him.
It escalated and the kisses got more and more passionate. It was like they were attempting to make sure this was real. Sam was making sure that Dean was still there and Dean was trying to wrap his head around the fact this was actually happening. Both suspicions were confirmed and they finally came up for air.
Same looked him straight in the eye, more sobered than they had been before. “Dean… I… if you do this we can’t just go back. You can’t decide that you don’t want me. I’ve wanted this for what seems like forever and- we can forget it ever happened and stop now.”
Dean narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing the younger male. “Fuck no; you have to put up with me now. You can’t just had the man the feast and then sew his mouth shut. Screw that- I’ve probably wanted this longer than you have. Don’t go all moral on me now.”
Sam rolled his eyes, of course. If Dean was going to do any freaking out it would be later- not right now. But there was a truth behind the elder Winchester’s eyes that couldn’t be ignored. He already entrusted him with everything else, his heart might as well be added to the list. But still- he wished Dean would have but it a little more eloquently. But then again he wasn’t really known for his stellar romance skills. “Fine by me,” and caught the other’s lips in another heated kiss.
When they finally got all of the barriers between them gone, Dean started kissing down his little brother’s neck making sure to put a few dark bite marks for good measure. Next diner they were at he could already tell the waitress would figure it out and Dean would just grin at her- he was sure Sam would blush madly. Then a thought struck him and he stopped, catching the other’s gaze again.
Sam glared at him, displeased with him stopping what he had been doing. “What?” he growled lightly.
“Just to put you on the same page- in this relationship you’re the bitch.” And before Sam could protest Dean already had him half-way down his throat and the only thing the younger could do at that point was scream and beg.