life goes on (2/?)
Chapter two
Luke woke up later, still clinging to the bottle, curled up on his bed .Then he remembered something…
That voice, Reid’s voice. It had sounded so real, not in his head, like normally. But it had almost felt like he was there in the room with him. But, of course, Luke thought to himself, there’s no way.
“That’s it” Luke said to himself “I’m going crazy!”
“Wouldn’t go that far, but there are definitely some tendencies……..”
That voice again. Luke looked up, searching the dimly lit room with his eyes……..it couldn’t be
“Reid?” he said neorvusly, feeling kind of stupid to say it out loud, like he was expecting an answer. It was just his mind paying tricks on him. He glanced down at the bottle briefly, as to see if he actually had open it and been drinking without remembering. No, still sealed.
“Don’t worry, you’re still sober” came the voice again…….. “But if you ever com that close to open it again, I just have to send someone to kick your ass for being such an idiot!!”
He couldn’t believe it, he looked around the room again, and then he could see him, just standing there in the middle of the room, looking as handsome as he always had.
“Reid!” Luke let out “it’s really you!”
“Sure, who else would I be? The tooth fairy?” He said with a shrug.
“I can’t believe this… how could you?…am I?….is this a dream?” Luke stuttered. Of course it’s a dream, he thought, just a very, very vivid dream. He probably should be freaking out, seeing Reid standing there, it just wasn’t possible, but for some reason he just had this peaceful feeling.
“Well, believe it, kid….. As for how I could be here, it’s not easy to explain, still new to this being dead thing….”
“Well, I can see that death hasn’t changed you that much, your still you” Luke said, with a sad smile, still not sure what to make of all this.
“Maybe not….. But you did” Reid said in a quiet voice. He looked more serious now, sad almost.
Luke just looked at him; his face also had a sad expression. “I just wish…I wish….”
“I know” Reid cut him of… “Me too”
“But why are you here? Why now? How?”
“What is this, twenty questions?”
“Reid!”
“Yeah.. I’m sorry Luke, for everything I’ve put you trough. I never wanted to make you feel this way, this alone.” It was quiet for a moment. Then Reid spoke again, his voice low and steady.
“When I died, I just couldn’t leave you, me, or my soul or whatever couldn’t move on. I could see it all, feel the pain you felt. And I never really believed in all this life after death, walking in to the light thing. When you’re dead your dead, I thought” He paused for a while, Luke, now standing on his feet, facing him, waiting for him to continue. “But there I was, going from you kissing me, to suddenly standing next to you, and it was just so hard seeing you like that, not being able to touch you, or talk to you. And then there were no one else there for you, well Katie, but she had enough with her own problems. I’ve been watching over you, you know, hoping you could find a way to live again. I guess I just had to make sure it was safe for me to leave, I needed to know you would be okay” Reid looked at him “It’s hard to explain, it’s not like I’ve been following you around, looking like this” he gesture with his hand to his body, “I kind of just, exist, in a way, independent of time, or place,… or form. And I seem to tune in to you from time to time. Mostly in times like this. And it has been so hard not to be able to talk to you.”
“But how is it you can talk to me now?” Luke wondered “And why not before?”
“Well, at first I didn’t know how to reach you, and I also thought I shouldn’t. I should just let things bee, I guess. But as I watched you working so much, and coming closer and closer to open that bottle, I just….”
“But I didn’t, and it was mostly because of you, I just kept hearing your voice in my head, like what I would expect you to say” Luke said.
“Yeah, I figured, but then I seemed unable to move on, to leave you. I needed to speak to you again, to get…. Closure, I think. It was just so many things we never get to say to each other.”
He paused again; before he continued “then I thought I try to reach you when you were sleeping, in your dreams.”
“So, when I was dreaming of you, it was really you reaching out to me?”
“Sometimes, but then it wasn’t enough anymore. I needed to actually speak with you, to have a conversation. You see, there’s different stages of sleep, and in some of those stages, a spirit like me can try to reach out to that person. Like now”
“So I’m really asleep, it doesn’t feel like a dream?” Luke said, with a confused look on his face. It was a lot to take in.
“That’s because I’ve never reached out to you in this stage in your sleep before. Earlier I’ve only tried when you where in your REM sleep as it is called. But then it seemed more dream like. We couldn’t talk like we do now, and it all seemed to be locked away in a more subconscious level.
Then I thought that this stage, this moment lingering between being awake and asleep, is the best moment for it. Your body is relaxed, and your brain activity is slowing down, but your it can still form quite vivid images. In the other stages of Non REM sleep you rarely forming dreams.” Reid explained. “It seems like when I reach out to you now, we have created our own little world, however long it will last, and we can actually have a conversation. And you feel like you are fully awake.”
“So, my parents won’t think I’m crazy, thinking I’m talking to myself, if they where to walk in here now?” Luke asked with a slight smile.
“Don’t worry, no one can see us. If anyone walked in here now, it would appear to them like you are sleeping” Reid paused for a moment, looking down at Luke’s bed.
“Although, I doubt you’d want them to walk in on you like that” Reid gesture towards the bed. Then Luke saw it; He could actually see himself from outside his body, lying there on his bed. And he saw Reid’s point, he wouldn’t want his parents see him like this, so….lost, -wearing his dead boyfriends shirt, not to mention the bottle, - unopened or not. He kept looking at himself; it was just such a strange feeling, being able to look at him like that, like he was a different person.
“Nice shirt” Reid suddenly said, causing Luke to focus his attention back at the man appearing in front of him.
“Looked better on me, though. Burgundy’s not really your color” Reid said with a smirk.
Then he looked serious again. “Look, I tried to move on, thinking it would be selfish of me to try to talk to you. I thought I should just let you move on with your life, without me making it harder for you. But I guess we both might need this….. Talk, time together or whatever. First, you need to know that WE mattered! There are so many things I want you to know. Like…..” He paused. “…having you in my life, to begin with. No one has ever cared that much about me before, and until I met you, I didn’t think I even wanted nor needed it. Even before we got together,and I saw how much you cared about the people around you, and how far you where willing to go for the ones you loved. Even if you didn’t get the same in return. I guess I just, for the first time in my life, wished someone would fight for me like that. And then you did, and…… It felt so good, to be wanted and cared for like that... like, not jus sexually, but wanted for ME, and…there I was, falling in love with you, actually wanting more in life than just to be a doctor. Making different priorities, even giving up my job to be with you. Going to a wedding with you, I actually wanted to be a part of your apparently crazy family”
Luke smiled a little, but didn’t say anything, just letting Reid talk. “And the jealousy! I never figured I was a jealous type, always thinking I was the best at what I did, no one would have anything I would be jealous about. But you where right, I was jealous….. I was jealous of a blind college student, working part time in a coffee shop…..That’s not me…………. But you, you just got to me, like no one before. You and Katie and the Kid, actually made me like living in a small town, having relations to other people.”
“And, you know what? You mad it worth it! You where right about something else to; about being grateful for having all that in your life, only for a short time. I just want you to know that I don’t regret coming to Oakdale.”
He paused for a moment, “knowing what I know now, given the opportunity again; I still would have come to Oakdale……for you”
And then Luke was there, his arms wrapped around him, his head buried in the crock of Reid’s neck they held on to that embrace for something feeling like eternity. Then Luke took a step back, looking into Reid’s eyes.
“I can touch you?!”
Luke woke up later, still clinging to the bottle, curled up on his bed .Then he remembered something…
That voice, Reid’s voice. It had sounded so real, not in his head, like normally. But it had almost felt like he was there in the room with him. But, of course, Luke thought to himself, there’s no way.
“That’s it” Luke said to himself “I’m going crazy!”
“Wouldn’t go that far, but there are definitely some tendencies……..”
That voice again. Luke looked up, searching the dimly lit room with his eyes……..it couldn’t be
“Reid?” he said neorvusly, feeling kind of stupid to say it out loud, like he was expecting an answer. It was just his mind paying tricks on him. He glanced down at the bottle briefly, as to see if he actually had open it and been drinking without remembering. No, still sealed.
“Don’t worry, you’re still sober” came the voice again…….. “But if you ever com that close to open it again, I just have to send someone to kick your ass for being such an idiot!!”
He couldn’t believe it, he looked around the room again, and then he could see him, just standing there in the middle of the room, looking as handsome as he always had.
“Reid!” Luke let out “it’s really you!”
“Sure, who else would I be? The tooth fairy?” He said with a shrug.
“I can’t believe this… how could you?…am I?….is this a dream?” Luke stuttered. Of course it’s a dream, he thought, just a very, very vivid dream. He probably should be freaking out, seeing Reid standing there, it just wasn’t possible, but for some reason he just had this peaceful feeling.
“Well, believe it, kid….. As for how I could be here, it’s not easy to explain, still new to this being dead thing….”
“Well, I can see that death hasn’t changed you that much, your still you” Luke said, with a sad smile, still not sure what to make of all this.
“Maybe not….. But you did” Reid said in a quiet voice. He looked more serious now, sad almost.
Luke just looked at him; his face also had a sad expression. “I just wish…I wish….”
“I know” Reid cut him of… “Me too”
“But why are you here? Why now? How?”
“What is this, twenty questions?”
“Reid!”
“Yeah.. I’m sorry Luke, for everything I’ve put you trough. I never wanted to make you feel this way, this alone.” It was quiet for a moment. Then Reid spoke again, his voice low and steady.
“When I died, I just couldn’t leave you, me, or my soul or whatever couldn’t move on. I could see it all, feel the pain you felt. And I never really believed in all this life after death, walking in to the light thing. When you’re dead your dead, I thought” He paused for a while, Luke, now standing on his feet, facing him, waiting for him to continue. “But there I was, going from you kissing me, to suddenly standing next to you, and it was just so hard seeing you like that, not being able to touch you, or talk to you. And then there were no one else there for you, well Katie, but she had enough with her own problems. I’ve been watching over you, you know, hoping you could find a way to live again. I guess I just had to make sure it was safe for me to leave, I needed to know you would be okay” Reid looked at him “It’s hard to explain, it’s not like I’ve been following you around, looking like this” he gesture with his hand to his body, “I kind of just, exist, in a way, independent of time, or place,… or form. And I seem to tune in to you from time to time. Mostly in times like this. And it has been so hard not to be able to talk to you.”
“But how is it you can talk to me now?” Luke wondered “And why not before?”
“Well, at first I didn’t know how to reach you, and I also thought I shouldn’t. I should just let things bee, I guess. But as I watched you working so much, and coming closer and closer to open that bottle, I just….”
“But I didn’t, and it was mostly because of you, I just kept hearing your voice in my head, like what I would expect you to say” Luke said.
“Yeah, I figured, but then I seemed unable to move on, to leave you. I needed to speak to you again, to get…. Closure, I think. It was just so many things we never get to say to each other.”
He paused again; before he continued “then I thought I try to reach you when you were sleeping, in your dreams.”
“So, when I was dreaming of you, it was really you reaching out to me?”
“Sometimes, but then it wasn’t enough anymore. I needed to actually speak with you, to have a conversation. You see, there’s different stages of sleep, and in some of those stages, a spirit like me can try to reach out to that person. Like now”
“So I’m really asleep, it doesn’t feel like a dream?” Luke said, with a confused look on his face. It was a lot to take in.
“That’s because I’ve never reached out to you in this stage in your sleep before. Earlier I’ve only tried when you where in your REM sleep as it is called. But then it seemed more dream like. We couldn’t talk like we do now, and it all seemed to be locked away in a more subconscious level.
Then I thought that this stage, this moment lingering between being awake and asleep, is the best moment for it. Your body is relaxed, and your brain activity is slowing down, but your it can still form quite vivid images. In the other stages of Non REM sleep you rarely forming dreams.” Reid explained. “It seems like when I reach out to you now, we have created our own little world, however long it will last, and we can actually have a conversation. And you feel like you are fully awake.”
“So, my parents won’t think I’m crazy, thinking I’m talking to myself, if they where to walk in here now?” Luke asked with a slight smile.
“Don’t worry, no one can see us. If anyone walked in here now, it would appear to them like you are sleeping” Reid paused for a moment, looking down at Luke’s bed.
“Although, I doubt you’d want them to walk in on you like that” Reid gesture towards the bed. Then Luke saw it; He could actually see himself from outside his body, lying there on his bed. And he saw Reid’s point, he wouldn’t want his parents see him like this, so….lost, -wearing his dead boyfriends shirt, not to mention the bottle, - unopened or not. He kept looking at himself; it was just such a strange feeling, being able to look at him like that, like he was a different person.
“Nice shirt” Reid suddenly said, causing Luke to focus his attention back at the man appearing in front of him.
“Looked better on me, though. Burgundy’s not really your color” Reid said with a smirk.
Then he looked serious again. “Look, I tried to move on, thinking it would be selfish of me to try to talk to you. I thought I should just let you move on with your life, without me making it harder for you. But I guess we both might need this….. Talk, time together or whatever. First, you need to know that WE mattered! There are so many things I want you to know. Like…..” He paused. “…having you in my life, to begin with. No one has ever cared that much about me before, and until I met you, I didn’t think I even wanted nor needed it. Even before we got together,and I saw how much you cared about the people around you, and how far you where willing to go for the ones you loved. Even if you didn’t get the same in return. I guess I just, for the first time in my life, wished someone would fight for me like that. And then you did, and…… It felt so good, to be wanted and cared for like that... like, not jus sexually, but wanted for ME, and…there I was, falling in love with you, actually wanting more in life than just to be a doctor. Making different priorities, even giving up my job to be with you. Going to a wedding with you, I actually wanted to be a part of your apparently crazy family”
Luke smiled a little, but didn’t say anything, just letting Reid talk. “And the jealousy! I never figured I was a jealous type, always thinking I was the best at what I did, no one would have anything I would be jealous about. But you where right, I was jealous….. I was jealous of a blind college student, working part time in a coffee shop…..That’s not me…………. But you, you just got to me, like no one before. You and Katie and the Kid, actually made me like living in a small town, having relations to other people.”
“And, you know what? You mad it worth it! You where right about something else to; about being grateful for having all that in your life, only for a short time. I just want you to know that I don’t regret coming to Oakdale.”
He paused for a moment, “knowing what I know now, given the opportunity again; I still would have come to Oakdale……for you”
And then Luke was there, his arms wrapped around him, his head buried in the crock of Reid’s neck they held on to that embrace for something feeling like eternity. Then Luke took a step back, looking into Reid’s eyes.
“I can touch you?!”