fic: all that matters
The phone rang in the middle of the night, and Reid grabbed it, recognizing the ring tone he’d assigned to Luke. He went from asleep to wide awake in an instant. “Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m okay,” Luke said, but he sounded far from it. “I’m sorry to call you this late.”
“No…no, it’s all right,” Reid said, wiping the sleep from his eyes, and running a hand over his face. “What’s up?”
“I…didn’t know who else to call.”
Reid’s stomach twisted and he said, “Where are you?”
“I’m at a hotel off interstate 57.”
“The name?”
“I..don’t know. I didn’t look when I checked in.” Reid could hear Luke rustling around in the background. “Ummm, Cozy Inn.”
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
“Reid, you don’t have to…I…I just wanted to hear your voice.”
Luke didn’t sound right, something was very off. Reid said, “Listen, Luke, I’ll be there.”
Five minutes later Reid was in his car, he'd just trowed on an old t-shirt, and one of his scrub bottoms, his hair still ruffled from the sleep. Headed for the hotel his friend Luke was staying in, he thought about how their relationship had changed between them these last few months.
His friend, like that's all they were. Reid had often wanted to take whatever they had to the next level, and he suspected, no he knew, Luke felt the same.
Sometime between mouthing off at each other every chance they got and now, something changed between them. Of course, Reid knew he had been attracted to Luke from day one, but that hadn't stopped him from also being pissed off at him for dragging him to this one horse town, Oakhell,or one of the many other nick names he had for what he now almost liked to refer to as home. But it had soon been clear to Reid that he had misjudged the young Mr. Snyder. The way he cared for everyone around him, the way he took care of......him, he couldn't even say his name in his thoughts! And the way he had been treated in return....... Not that Reid himself had made it any easier on him. Not at first, anyway. Some part of him loved it when Luke would follow him trough the hospital corridors, giving as good as he got.
If Reid wasn't so worried about what exactly it was going on with Luke, he would smile at the memory.
But here he was, in his car, in the middle of the night, driving to some shady hotel, from what he could gather, just because a guy called.
But then again, Luke wasn't just any guy.
But the problem was, Luke was all about doing the “right thing”. And right now, the right thing for Luke, was to stand by his selfish ass of a boyfriend. He'd tried to make that point to Luke before, but had put that discussion on hold for the moment, since Luke could become quite defensive and agitated about it. And Reid really didn't want to loose their friendship, so, for now, he took whatever he could get.
Reid is not a patient man, and he will not wait forever, only as long as he eyed some hope, some light in the end of the tunnel. And Reid does.
He was pretty sure something could have happened between them sooner, if it hadn't been for his....No! He was not going there, he would not blame himself! Not again!
Even though Luke and Noah never officially broke up, there was not much left of their relationship. Noah needing his space, Luke doing what he could to let him have that.
When it had been clear that Reid was staying in Oakdale, taking a position at Memorial, something started to change between the two of them. With Luke involved with the new neurology wing, they had to spend more time together. And to his own surprise, Reid liked it! Even when they were not fighting all the time. He found he genuinely liked Luke, not just his looks.
He'd tried to get some information from Katie as well, just casually getting the conversation on to the subject every now and then. Katie, not easily fooled, of cause, would talk about all the great things about Luke Snyder, all the time whit a knowing grin on her face. So until recently he dropped the subject. But now that he and Luke had become closer, and then...... well he needed his best friend to talk to, to try cheer him up.
It certainly had been some highs and lows outside the operating room lately. First when Luke helped him fight the Texas medical board when Mr. Judd filed that malpractice suit against him. He knew Luke said he did it for Noah, but it still felt nice to have someone in his corner, someone to cheer him on. And he got the feeling like Luke did it for him as well. Because that's what Luke Snyder does. And that is, surprisingly enough, one of the thing Reid likes so much about Luke. He also liked the way Luke managed to get his mind of his case, and actually have some fun!
And the supporting and cheerful smile on his face when it was clear that Reid was reinstated. “See, I knew you would!”
Reid had almost kissed him then, but instead he accepted the hug Luke gave him.
And then, after they got back, Luke had stuck around in Katie's place. Just sharing a pizza, watching tv. It was easy, comfortable. Until Noah called, asking Luke to come around, wanting someone to hold his hand, or whatever, since his surgery was scheduled in just a few days.
That was the first, but not the last, time Reid shared his opinion on the way Noah treated Luke. Luke had not responded well, and tried to rush out of there, not wanting to discuss the subject further. Reid, not wanting him to leave, had grabbed his arm asking him softly to stay, that they could talk about anything else, as long as he just stayed.
And, for a moment there, they'd just looked at each other, almost leaning in to kiss, Reid could swear they were. But, suddenly it was like the brakes went on in Luke's head, and he pulled away and with a guilty look on his face and had quickly excused himself, and left. And it was in that moment Reid had been sure. He wanted Luke Snyder, all of him! But it was also in that moment that Reid knew he was in for a bumpy ride. But he was ready for it! Reid eyed some hope, a small one maybe, but still. There were signs there that told him that Luke could feel something more than just friendship for him too. And Reid decided to stick around, waiting.
And it seemed like Reid might be right. The next few times they hung out, just lunch in the cafeteria the next day, and a quick coffee break at Java, gave Reid more signs that he might be right. The way Luke looked at him sometimes, before he again got that guilty look on his face again. And then there were Luke's talk about how things would be different when Noah's surgery was behind them. Luke could mean his relationship with Noah and how that could only get better, but Reid didn't think so.
Then, just like that, it all turned to shit!
Complications during Noah's surgery, left him in a coma, possibly with brain damage.
Dr. Reid Oliver have delivered bad news to more people than he'd like, and it never gets any easier. But deliver the news to Luke, was hell!
The confused and scared look on Luke's face was just too much. He wanted to hug him, comfort him in some way, but just couldn't. So he went in to full doctor mood instead. That only served to piss Luke off, screaming at him, asking him what the hell he had done. His parents had to step in. Reid knew it was fear and maybe guilt talking, but it still hurt.
He had come by later, to apologize. That was the night they first kissed each other. He could remember Luke's sad face as he talked about what he would do if Noah wasn't going to make it trough this, how if not,he couldn't.... He had never finished that sentance, ith ad just been hanging open in the air. He had tried to comfort Luke by gently cupping his cheek hushed him, just trying to get him to relax, and before he knew it, they had both leaned in and kissed. The kiss more or less turned in to making out on the couch. It had been such a bittersweet feeling for Reid. Feeling Luke's body against his own, kissing him, feeling Luke's strong hands grabbing his hair and hearing his soft moans escape sometimes felt so good. This was all he had wanted for so long. But the voice inside his head, telling him that this was not the right time, and how this was not what Luke needed right now was too loud to ignore.
And he was right; not before long Luke pulled away, almost in panic, terrified about himself for what he was about to do.
After calming down, he apologized the second time that night, and told him that he couldn't think about anything other than Noah's recovery.
And, it turned out, Noah had a long recovery ahead of him. When he finally started to come out of his coma, about a week later, it soon had been clear that he had trouble speaking, and his left side seemed to be paralyzed. His vision, however seemed to come around, day by day, so in that regard the surgery was a success.
But for Reid, that didn't help at all. Luke had done what he expected, and had stood by Noah, helping and supporting every way he could. He saw them together sometimes, and it was too painful. Whenever he would run in to Luke, he would treat him like he didn't know him, even calling him Mr. Snyder. At least whenever Noah was around. He could see that Luke had been hurt, at first, but he just couldn't. And pretty soon, Luke treated him the same way, calling him Dr. Oliver, staying out of the way as much as possible.
That had hurt even more! To much! And that's when Reid decided that he didn't want to live his life without Luke in it at all, and if friendship was all he could get, then fine. At least for now. Reid plan to stick around, knowing that with any sign he'd get that there was a chance of something more , he would grab it with both hands!
It hadn't been all that easy to just pick up their friendship again. But they did, never really addressing what had almost happened between them before. Reid had told Luke he would be on his side, when ever he needed it, even tried to be supportive about his relationship with Noah. Finding him a rehabilitation center near by, in Chicago, pulling some strings, he was a well known neurosurgeon after all.
So the days and weeks had gone. Noah went to Chicago, Luke would visit about once a week, rest of the time he and Reid hung out as often as they could. Reid never asked about how things were with Noah, but from what he could tell, it seemed like things between them were better, maybe he had been all wrong, maybe Luke really did belong with Noah, that they had gotten a new start. Maybe.
But after some time, it obvious that things wasn't so great. Luke would always seem to bee in an extra bad mood after he had visited Noah, or had a phone call from him. He would snap at Reid, and even Katie once, only to apologize the next second. Reid had again brought up the subject of Noah, and this all had something to do with him. Again Luke would get defensive, and agitated about it, so again Reid had dropped it.
After a few weeks with this behavior, he had finally confided in Katie, telling her that he felt like he and Noah had come back to were they had been a year ago. Noah had been doing better, and could move out of the center, only coming in for his therapy sessions. But ha was not ready to come back to Oakdale. He had gotten a place close to the center, even found a personal assistant to help him out a little. Luke had felt a bit hurt, but he could understand Noah's need to staying close for the time being. He had even asked if he wanted Luke to move in with him for a time. But no. Again was Noah's talk about needing independence, needing space, being his own man.
Just like before. Only now, Luke had explained, he wasn't so sure what he wanted anymore, but it was just so frustrating not really knowing were he stood. And that was just it! Because every time Luke had hinted that maybe Noah should really make it on his own, that maybe it was time for them to go separate ways Noah had been going on about how much they loved each other, how much he needed Luke and so on. Luke had fallen for it at first, feeling like he owed it to Noah, giving him whatever he needed, whether it be space or someone to talk to, be close to, sleep with. (Reid's stomach had turned when he heard that part of the story.)
But now, Luke was sick of it, and had told Katie that he didn't think he wanted to be with Noah any more, in fact he was sure of it. And he had actually known for a long time, he just hadn't allowed himself to think that it could be something or someone else for him. When Katie had asked if there was someone special he was thinking about, he had looked at Katie for a few seconds, before he had said “I think you know..... It's kind of obvious...” And then he had gotten up, telling her that he was late and had to leave if he wanted to go to Chicago that evening. At the door he had turned to Katie and said; “Not that I expect you will, but could you keep this to your self....for now anyway?”
With that he had been out the door. Katie had stood there, wondering a second whether she should be offended by Luke's parting words or not. She decided he was absolutely right, and had told Reid about their conversation as soon as he got home. And that's why Reid hadn't slept well this night, and why he had answered so quickly when Luke called.
And now he was here, minutes away to find out why Luke would be in this place, what had happened earlier.
He knocked on the door, and after a few moment's, Luke opened the door.
“What do you want” Luke 's voice came as he threw open the door. He looked like he'd been crying, but his facial expression was angry.
Until he saw Reid.
“Reid!” He practically threw himself at him, giving him a long hug. “I'm sorry, sorry, you had to come her tonight, you didn't have to. I'm so sorry, you were right all along...I'm so glad you're here...I can't believe you're her...I'm so sorry.....”
Luke kept going like that, mumbling into Reid's neck. Reid gently pushed Luke off of him, just so he could look Luke in the eyes, using his thumb to wipe away a stray tear running down Luke's cheek.
“Luke, calm down. I'm here, ok? So tell me what's going on?”
Luke turned, and walked further into the room. Reid followed, closing the door behind him.
“I don't know if Katie told you or not, but....” He turned to look at Reid and continued, “... I guess she did, so you might know that I went to Chicago tonight intending to end things whit Noah.......” Luke sat down on the bed, running a hand trough his hair. “ Noah didn't know that I was coming, and when I got there the door was locked. Reid clenched his fists as he listened, he had a feeling where this might be going, but he kept his mouth shut. “....after trying his sell phone a few times, I decided to knock on the door to the girl next door. I've met her a few times, and I know she had Noah's spare key, just in case.”
He paused a little, it was hard for him to continue, Reid could tell.
“Tree guesses who opened the door?”
“Noah?”
Luke only nodded.
“But what does that mean? You said it was the girl next door, so what's wrong?” Reid asked, mentally kicking himself for actually almost defending Noah.
“Well, Noah answered the door, in his underwear, apparently he was expecting the pizza they'd ordered.”
“But, Noah was with a girl??”
“Yeah! Can you believe that ?” Actually Reid could, but he decided to keep that piece of information to himself.
“Um, I....”
“Well, apparently that asshole thought he might be bisexual, and figured that he had every right to experiment to find out" Luke yelled, as he got up from the bed, pacing the room, before he stopped, his voice a little calmer now, but the anger still very present:
“You know, he actually said that I should try to understand, help him even, to get trough this very confusing time in his life.” Luke laughed a little, an angry almost hysterical laugh. “After all we went trough when he first came out, all the things he put both Maddie and me trough, and he actually expected me to stick around! I can't believe him" his voice raised again at the end.
"And there I was feeling guilty for what I was supposed to do, planning on offer to keep paying for his medical care as long as he needed it.”
"Well he can forget about that now!" He muttered said as sat back down on the bed.
“I don't get it, why couldn't he just let me go? Why hang on to something that clearly didn't work, for any of us.” His voice was still angry, but now with a more confused and sad tone.
Reid had remind silent trough Luke's rant, and could feel his own anger rising, his fists all balled up, and if Mr. Meyer had been in that room he wouldn't hesitate to risk his hands and give him a piece of his mind.
“So why are you here?” he asked instead. “Why not just go home?”
“Well, I was planning to, but Noah kept calling me, and finally I answered. We continued our argument, and after I almost hit a car, I decided to pull over while I was on the phone. Thing were said, on both ends, and he kept accusing me of cheating on him first!”
“What? how in the world did he get that idea?” Reid asked.
“Well, apparently from Alison, she had told him that you and I were becoming friendly, even more than that, and since I never told him about our friendship, he figured I didn't want him to know, because something really was happening between us. Witch isn't completely untrue” He said that last part quickly, looking away.
"Then what?" Reid asked carefully, deciding to let Luke finish his story, before addressing the last part of his comment.
“After I hung up, I just felt too upset to drive, so I checked in here trying to get some sleep, but I was too upset for that as well, and Noah kept calling me all the time. I ignored his calls, and all I could think about was you, and how much I missed you, just hearing your voice. And then I got so frustrated with myself. I mean I should have listened to you and ended it months ago.”
“Hey, hey...It's OK, these things are never easy I suppose....”
“Yeah, but Reid, you were right. Noah didn't treat me right, and I was staying because of guilt. Even though I knew he was not what I wanted anymore. I was staying so long, wasting so much time, keeping me from going after what I really wanted, and now I'm worried it might be to late” Luke had turned his upper body a little,facing Reid now. Looking straight in to his eyes.
“What...what do you want, Luke?” Reid asked, with a shaky breath, unable too keep the hope and anticipation out of his voice.
“I think you know..” Luke began, looking a little nervous.
“I think I might, but I need to hear you say it” he said, barely above a whisper.
Luke looked back up, straight into Reid's eyes again, not so nervous anymore.
“I want you!”
That was all Reid had wanted to hear for so long, and now that he finally did, all he could do was to grab the sides of Luke's face and press their lips together. It wasn't a soft kiss, not even a good one at first, he could sense Luke's body tense a little by the surprise, so he slowed down, feeling Luke relax a little, leaning closer. Their lips parted, and their eyes met, before their lips met again. It was sweet, small kisses, like they were trying it on for size. It went on for a few minutes, but suddenly something between them shifted, and it was like months of wanting each other exploded in them, neither one able to hold back anymore.
The kisses was deeper, hands roaming around. Reid sneaked a hand under Luke's shirt, he just had to touch the bare skin, and soon both their shirts was off, flung to the side of the bed. Reid, pushed Luke down on the bed, before climbing on top of him, bringing their lips together again. Luke used his arms and legs to pull Reid closer, like he couldn't get close enough, running his hands over Reid's back and up to Reid's already ruffled hair
Reid vent back and fourth kissing Luke's lips and this spot on the side of his neck. Kissing it, licking tasting, even biting lightly. The small moans coming from Luke and his heavy panting, encouraged him to continue.
He could feel Luke getting hard, and started to undo the buttons on his jeans, Luke's eager hands coming down to help, and then starting to tug on Reid's scrub bottoms. Writhing and kicking his jeans and boxers of as fast as he could. Reid did the same, before crashing into Luke again, even a few seconds of separation seemed too long. One of the pant legs of Luke's jeans still hung from his foot, but they could care less. After months of waiting they both just needed to feel each other.
The incredible feeling of naked skin against naked skin, their cocks rubbing together as they rocked against each other was almost too much, and Reid could tell it wouldn't last long for any of them.
He snaked a hand between them, and started to rub Luke's cock. Looking down at Luke, their eyes met for a second, and he could tell Luke was close, and the moment after Luke let out a loud gasp as he threw his head back a little.
“Oh god...I'm going to...oh god..Reid....so go....so good”
And that was all it took to send Reid over the edge as well, coming with Luke's name on his lips, collapsing down on his chest.
They didn't say anything after, just laid there, chests heaving. Luke brought the covers half way up, and now he was running his hand up an down Reid' back, occasionally planting small kisses to his forehead.
Reid changed his position a little, sliding of Luke, lying on his side, his head resting on Luke's shoulder, arm draped over his chest.
And suddenly Reid felt exhausted, it had been a long day and so much had happened, and all he could think of was getting some sleep.
A few minutes later, the movements of Luke's arm stilled and his breathing was heavier indicating that he was sleeping. Reid was just about to drift of to sleep as well, tugging Luke even closer, leaning up to give a soft kiss to his lips, before settling back down, briefly worrying about how many people had used this bed.
But in that moment, that was not so important anymore. He had Luke in his arms, and he wasn't going anywhere if Reid had anything to say about it. And no matter what would happen the next day, nothing, or no one, could take this moment away from him.
No one!