The Grand Gesture-Olivia/Natalia
Title: A Grand Gesture
Author: Karjens40
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: PG
Summary: Natalia goes a-wooing. Sort of.
Spoilers: None really. This is set after Natalia’s return.
Olivia Spencer sighed when she heard the knock on her door. She put down the photo of Natalia she’d been unable to remove from the bedside table and went to see who was stupid enough to disturb her at that moment.
“Have you ever heard of the telephone?” She snapped as she opened the door. The breath left her body in a rush as she met the pair of sad brown eyes that had been following her into sleep for longer than she could remember.
Natalia smiled tentatively. “I have, but as you don’t seem to be answering yours lately, I decided to just drop by.”
Olivia willed her heart to stop pounding in her ears and she stiffened. “I answer my phone, when it’s someone I want to talk to.”
Natalia flinched but didn’t say anything. She knew that she more than deserved the bitterness after the way she left, but she’d spent the last two weeks trying to reach out to her and Olivia simply ignored her. Thankfully, Olivia hadn’t kept Emma away from her too. Natalia loved that little girl and the thought of not being able to see her as well as her mother was devastating.
Emma had told Natalia almost immediately that her mother was sad and she had been moved by the innocent understatement of the child. Even while she was gone all she could think about was what Olivia had to be thinking. Unfortunately, she had made her bed the moment she left Springfield without a word. She had just hoped the woman would at least give her the chance to explain. Obviously she had forgotten how hard headed Olivia Spencer could be.
Natalia wasn’t a stupid woman, but she was a woman who was used to dealing with crisis on her own. When she left she had been driven by fear, insecurity and panic and she’d been unable to think of anything else. It was only after she had settled in at the retreat that it finally occurred to her what she’d done. Olivia was not a woman who trusted or gave her heart easily. She had taken a big risk opening herself to Natalia and Natalia had betrayed her. When the seriousness of what she’d done finally hit her, Natalia had become too afraid to contact Olivia, fearing what the woman would say to her and knowing she would deserve every word of it.
Now she was back and after two weeks of being shut out, she had started to grow frustrated and slightly desperate. When Emma had mentioned she’d be staying the weekend with her father, Natalia began to plan.
“Are you going to let me in,” she said after the silence and the cold stare became too much.
“I’ve already done that once. We’ve seen how well that turned out.”
It took all Natalia had, not to turn around right then. Olivia was not giving an inch. Even her eyes which had always revealed emotions that her face didn’t were totally blank. She’d seen that look once before. It had been the first time Natalia had seen Olivia since she’d told her she loved her and backed away. It seemed like she managed to hurt Olivia at every turn. Natalia fiddled with the belt of the raincoat she wore, and stayed put. No, she was not going to run away again.
“Please?” She pleaded quietly.
Olivia shrugged and stepped aside, closing her eyes as Natalia walked past her. She could do this. She would listen to whatever Natalia had to say, and then she would simply tell her that it would be best if they didn’t pursue a relationship and then it would be over. She and Emma would move to Indianapolis where the newest Beacon was being built and start over.
“What do you want, Natalia?” Olivia asked tiredly, refusing to look too long at the sad, innocent face. “What could you possibly have to say now, that you couldn’t have said a month ago?”
Natalia sat dejectedly on the edge of the bed, suddenly worried that she was too late. “Olivia, I’m sorry,” she started.
“Don’t,” Olivia interrupted shortly. “A simple ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t going to fix this. You ran out on me without even so much as a goodbye.”
“I know but…”
“But what, Natalia?”Olivia asked in frustrated anger. “It’s always the same thing with you. As soon as I let my guard down and start to think we can finally be a family, you run away because of one damned thing or another.” Olivia ran her hand through her hair and began to pace, trying to calm herself, but it wasn’t working.
“I asked you,” she said her voice cracking, “I asked you to tell me if you were up for this, but you didn’t. You let me think you wanted us to be together. That you wanted me. All the way up until we were supposed to make it public. Suddenly you decide you don’t want to talk to me. Hell you didn’t even have the courage to tell me yourself.”
“I couldn’t tell you,” Natalia begged for understanding. “Olivia I do want you. More than anything. My leaving had nothing to do with that.”
“You’ll understand if I don’t believe you.” Olivia turned away from the brown eyes that could have her surrendering everything with just one heartbreaking gaze. She walked to the mini-bar and pulled out a small bottle of chardonnay, debating on whether she should offer some to her uninvited guest.
Natalia sighed. God, what had she done? She’d not seen this side of Olivia in over a year and it was tearing her up that it was her fault. “Yes. I do understand, but one day I hope you’ll let me explain what happened.” She took a deep breath and stood up. It was time. Somehow she knew that this was her last chance to convince Olivia that she was done running. While Olivia’s back was turned, she loosened her ponytail so that her dark hair fell around her shoulders and removed her jacket, praying she wasn’t about to be humiliated.
Olivia braced herself and turned to tell Natalia that she needed to go and the wineglass dropped unnoticed to the carpet. Guhh was all Olivia could think as she took in the loose, thick dark hair setting off the redder than sin dress that Natalia was wearing. It was a form fitting dress that was not necessarily designed to be worn in public with a hem that stopped just above the knee and a slit on the side that went even higher. The neckline exposed way more of Natalia than Olivia had ever seen. This was not a dress that she would have imagined the religious and reserved woman ever wearing. Even in private. But dear god, it was most definitely made for her.
“What...” she paused to clear the throat that had gone desert dry. “What are you doing?”
Natalia relaxed a tiny bit. Apparently the dress had been a good choice, even if it had taken hours for her to work up the courage to put it on and then another hour to leave the house in it. “I think it should be fairly obvious,” she answered. She shivered as Olivia’s eyes took on the heated look that she used to give Natalia before the ill fated barbeque. “I’m seducing you.”’
Olivia stared at the brunette as if she’d never seen her before, and despite the anger and hurt that still filled her, her lips twitched. Natalia’s definition of seduction and hers apparently differed greatly. “Why?” she asked bluntly, not about to give her desires power over her.
Olivia’s reluctant reaction was all Natalia needed. There was still hope. She ran her eyes over the woman she’d missed, awed as always by the sheer sexuality Olivia exuded even in jeans, a too snug t-shirt and a belligerent expression. How had it taken her so long to recognize what that woman did to her? She walked toward Olivia cautiously, as if approaching a skittish deer.
“Because,” she said as she intruded deeply into Olivia’s personal space. They were so close that Natalia could almost feel Olivia trembling. It broke her heart to see such a powerful woman so afraid. Especially because of her. “Because I want to show you that I’m ready. That nothing will ever pull me away from you again. That I need you.”
She carefully reached up to stroke Olivia’s cheek and then died a little when Olivia pulled away and stepped back. Tears were already filling the green eyes. “That’s funny. I needed you too. I needed you to come with me to the barbeque. I needed you to tell me why you ran away from me and I needed you when Jeffery was killed and I had to comfort Ava all alone.”
Olivia walked away before she did something stupid, like kiss the trembling lips in front of her. She opened the French doors and stepped out onto the balcony, her legs trembling as she sensed Natalia moving up behind her. “I think you should go now,” she said quietly.
Natalia bit her lip and moved closer to Olivia. She tentatively placed her hand on the strong back and slowly began to stroke up and down. “No,” she whispered.
Olivia stiffened but stayed frozen. She closed her eyes instead at the feeling of that gentle hand touching her the way she’d dreamed of. “Don’t do this to me, Natalia.” Olivia hated herself for the begging tone of her voice. She hated Natalia for causing it.
Natalia was totally out of her element but decided to simply follow her instincts. Her instincts were to spoon up behind Olivia, trapping her against the rail and sliding her arms around her waist. She gently nuzzled Olivia’s back with her cheek. “Don’t what, Olivia? Love you?”
Olivia wanted to move away. She wanted to tell Natalia to get out and leave her alone with her anger. She wanted to lash out and hurt Natalia the way she’d been hurt, but she couldn’t. For the first time in her life, Olivia was unable to respond to pain by causing it. Instead, she just stood still and let Natalia do as she wished, wondering how long before the inexperienced woman panicked and fled. She wasn’t sure she could survive that. Not now.
Natalia lifted her head and pressed her lips gently to the spot behind Olivia’s ear. She had no way to describe the feelings that began to race through her at the brief contact. The hiss that Olivia made only spurred on the fire.
Olivia clenched the rail in near defiance as Natalia began to explore with her lips. Thank God the hands stayed firmly on her stomach or Olivia knew she would have collapsed on the spot. Lips ran across the back of her neck and across her shoulder and before she knew what was what, Olivia found herself almost roughly turned around.
“What are you playing at?” Olivia asked almost angrily. She couldn’t keep doing this. It was killing her.
“I’m not playing at anything,” Natalia insisted. “You know me, Olivia. Do you really think this is a game to me?”
Olivia stared at the woman standing before her. No, despite everything, sex was something Natalia took very seriously. She would never use it merely as a cheap tactic to get her way.
“This,” she gestured at the insanely seductive dress Natalia was almost wearing, “is so not fair.”
Natalia offered a smile, shivering when green eyes zoomed in on her dimples. “Maybe not, but you’re the one who taught me that sometimes, to get what you want, you need to cheat a little.”
Olivia’s lips lifted in a slight smile and Natalia’s heart began to ache a little less. She had a chance.
“I love you, so much Olivia. Even if you throw me out of your life forever, you’ve got to believe that. If you’ll let me, I’ll spend every second of my life trying to make it up to you.” This time she was allowed to touch the tear streaked face. Hope stirred when Olivia tilted her head into the caress. “I need you,” she breathed. “You fill a part of me that I never knew was empty until I met you. Yes I had doubts, but they were NEVER about my love for you.”
“This doesn’t change anything,” Olivia said honestly, even as she brought her hands up to Natalia’s hips.
“I know.” Natalia understood that her work was cut out for her. Earning back Olivia’s trust was not going to be easy but the woman currently in her arms was very much worth the time it would take.
Olivia had never had never had a willpower problem before. Not until one pushy little maid had managed to shove her way into her heart. She wasn’t yet ready to say ‘I love you,’ but she couldn’t help herself. Seven months ago she’d had her first and only taste of Natalia’s lips. She’d been craving that taste ever since.
Her eyes lowered to Natalia’s mouth and she leaned forward. “I can’t forgive you,” she added. “Not yet.”
“I know that too,” Natalia whispered again, even as she slid her arms around Olivia’s shoulders. Her knees buckled at the feeling of Olivia’s lips finally meeting her own after so long and within a second the heat had consumed both of them and all the pain, fear and hurt were temporarily pushed aside to be dealt with later. Much, much later.
The End.