hehehe a letter to Santa
Dear Obese Trespassing Altruist,
This year, I have been a very Ritalin-addled little girl. I have compulsively lied, and I have rarely helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their taxes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of age-inappropriate pants this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring daddy’s testicles in a vise. For my daddy, please bring a new topaz-studded ass plug. For my big brother, please bring a diaphragm. For my ferret, please bring kibble. Oh - and for my pool boy, please bring some worthless tchotchkes.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Anna Nicole Smith toilet paper, and front row tickets to Mary-Kate and Ashley - plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my amputee Afghan orphan. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the cognac I left out for you.
Love,
Martha
PS: Please say hello to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Mork? He has been a really naughty weener all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put ebola in their stocking. Thanks!
Or click here to make your own.
Sorry for polluting your friends list, but I thought it was amusing.
This year, I have been a very Ritalin-addled little girl. I have compulsively lied, and I have rarely helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their taxes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of age-inappropriate pants this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring daddy’s testicles in a vise. For my daddy, please bring a new topaz-studded ass plug. For my big brother, please bring a diaphragm. For my ferret, please bring kibble. Oh - and for my pool boy, please bring some worthless tchotchkes.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Anna Nicole Smith toilet paper, and front row tickets to Mary-Kate and Ashley - plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my amputee Afghan orphan. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the cognac I left out for you.
Love,
Martha
PS: Please say hello to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Mork? He has been a really naughty weener all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put ebola in their stocking. Thanks!
Or click here to make your own.
Sorry for polluting your friends list, but I thought it was amusing.