What to do...?
OK, here's the situation...
Me and my housemate have been seeing each other for a few months now. We started off as just casual lovers, cos we both had others on the side (others who knew about others, so there was no cheating involved). We then decided that we liked each other enough to be exclusive. It wasn't what I was looking for, but I thought I'd give it a try cos I like this girl. So we did, and all was good. Well, I say good, but we'd have our moments of fighting, breaking up and getting back together. But even when we'd fight, I'd still enjoy her company etc. We never got to the stage of throwing shit at each other or screaming "FUCK YOU CUNT!" etc across the room, which is good, but we would still fight. We're both headstrong. Plus I can't stand girls who are all like "Yes dear, anything you want dear!" UGHHHH! So I guess this is to be expected to some degree. But we're always able to calm down, sit and sort things out soon after the argument. We're fucken good like that!
Anyway, all was going OK. Not great, but OK. I was getting comfortable with the fact that I was in a relationship (although I'm sure that's part of the issue...). Sounds strange to even say it, but that's exactly what's been going on. People started inviting us out as a couple blah blah. But J, the housemate, realised that she needed some time on her own. She hasn't really been out of relationships long enough to know who she is without a partner. I understand this completely. I've been there myself. Sometimes you need to be alone to appreciate and understand yourself more. We had the "It's not you it's me" thing, but I believe her in that she wants this for herself, and not as an excuse to not be with me.
So we separated. We got back 'together' a couple of times since, but would separate after. Kind of a relapse sort of thing. But we've put a stop to that now, and we're just friends. She even stopped going on the pill, one of the reasons was so we'd stop sleeping together (I don't want a baby just yet, and she's not keen on condoms!)
She's said to me in the past that there's no going back after she separates with someone - why would you go back when it didn't work in the first place. I asked her about this the other day, and she said I'm different - there is a possibility that we'll get back together. I like this, and I fucken hope so. But part of having a true separation is being able to see other people. Otherwise, there is not true freedom. But I don't want her sleeping with other guys, and I'm quite sure she doesn't want me sleeping with other girls. I have no plans to, but the other night, in the midst of another drunken row, she told me she'd gone out that night on a 'mission' to get laid. Apparently she tried to get in contact with a guy she was sleeping with when we got together, but he was a bit weird to her. She tried another one, but couldn't get in contact.
So, from what I can understand, she really likes me (she's talked before about raising a family with me etc), but needs her space at this moment in time. Cool. But then she won't sleep with me, but will sleep with anyone else on the planet. Well, not exactly, but you get what I mean. I've talked to her about this, and she's said now that she doesn't even know if she will sleep with any one else. I don't know how long that will last though, as she's a very sexual person (OH YEAH!! ;) )
But the point is, she says at this stage there is a possible future for us. I'm not holding my breath, because I can see us slipping apart the longer we're not together. I can see it and feel it in the way we relate to each other now. And I hate it. I do love this girl, as a friend, as a person, and as a lover. I honestly think that we have the possibility to create something incredible between us. At this stage, I don't think either of us are up for the task (I know I'm not 100% right at this point in time either).
I've told her I'm extremely happy that she's not written us off, and that there is some hope for our future. But like I said, I can feel that slipping each day we're separated. I can't ask her to get back with me, cos she won't/can't until she knows who she is and what she wants.
I don't know what to do.
Advice...?
Me and my housemate have been seeing each other for a few months now. We started off as just casual lovers, cos we both had others on the side (others who knew about others, so there was no cheating involved). We then decided that we liked each other enough to be exclusive. It wasn't what I was looking for, but I thought I'd give it a try cos I like this girl. So we did, and all was good. Well, I say good, but we'd have our moments of fighting, breaking up and getting back together. But even when we'd fight, I'd still enjoy her company etc. We never got to the stage of throwing shit at each other or screaming "FUCK YOU CUNT!" etc across the room, which is good, but we would still fight. We're both headstrong. Plus I can't stand girls who are all like "Yes dear, anything you want dear!" UGHHHH! So I guess this is to be expected to some degree. But we're always able to calm down, sit and sort things out soon after the argument. We're fucken good like that!
Anyway, all was going OK. Not great, but OK. I was getting comfortable with the fact that I was in a relationship (although I'm sure that's part of the issue...). Sounds strange to even say it, but that's exactly what's been going on. People started inviting us out as a couple blah blah. But J, the housemate, realised that she needed some time on her own. She hasn't really been out of relationships long enough to know who she is without a partner. I understand this completely. I've been there myself. Sometimes you need to be alone to appreciate and understand yourself more. We had the "It's not you it's me" thing, but I believe her in that she wants this for herself, and not as an excuse to not be with me.
So we separated. We got back 'together' a couple of times since, but would separate after. Kind of a relapse sort of thing. But we've put a stop to that now, and we're just friends. She even stopped going on the pill, one of the reasons was so we'd stop sleeping together (I don't want a baby just yet, and she's not keen on condoms!)
She's said to me in the past that there's no going back after she separates with someone - why would you go back when it didn't work in the first place. I asked her about this the other day, and she said I'm different - there is a possibility that we'll get back together. I like this, and I fucken hope so. But part of having a true separation is being able to see other people. Otherwise, there is not true freedom. But I don't want her sleeping with other guys, and I'm quite sure she doesn't want me sleeping with other girls. I have no plans to, but the other night, in the midst of another drunken row, she told me she'd gone out that night on a 'mission' to get laid. Apparently she tried to get in contact with a guy she was sleeping with when we got together, but he was a bit weird to her. She tried another one, but couldn't get in contact.
So, from what I can understand, she really likes me (she's talked before about raising a family with me etc), but needs her space at this moment in time. Cool. But then she won't sleep with me, but will sleep with anyone else on the planet. Well, not exactly, but you get what I mean. I've talked to her about this, and she's said now that she doesn't even know if she will sleep with any one else. I don't know how long that will last though, as she's a very sexual person (OH YEAH!! ;) )
But the point is, she says at this stage there is a possible future for us. I'm not holding my breath, because I can see us slipping apart the longer we're not together. I can see it and feel it in the way we relate to each other now. And I hate it. I do love this girl, as a friend, as a person, and as a lover. I honestly think that we have the possibility to create something incredible between us. At this stage, I don't think either of us are up for the task (I know I'm not 100% right at this point in time either).
I've told her I'm extremely happy that she's not written us off, and that there is some hope for our future. But like I said, I can feel that slipping each day we're separated. I can't ask her to get back with me, cos she won't/can't until she knows who she is and what she wants.
I don't know what to do.
Advice...?