(no subject)
I wasn't going to say anything yet. Was going to wait as long as possible before telling anyone anything. At least other than the people that are most important to me. The ones that I wanted to tell right away, the ones that needed to know. But things have transpired that have made it so that I can't keep it a secret any longer, and honestly shouldn't have kept it a secret as long as I have.
For those of you who care enough to read this, and maybe we don't talk very much or not, either way. I'm pregnant. Doctor thinks not quite twelve weeks. I already look big, though. Had someone guess me at 5 months yesterday. That wasn't awesome.
This wasn't planned at all. A complete surprise on both of our parts. And while I won't be completely alone in raising this kid, I am doing it on my own. With help, but on my own. Fortunately this baby will have a lot of family to love it. Three crazy uncles, two dads, and one ridiculous aunt as well as the grandparents.
I never really imagined myself as a parent, and certainly never pictured being a single parent. As soon as I found out, though, there wasn't any other option. I knew right then, even though I was in denial for a long time, that this was going to happen. I was officially going to be somebody's mom.
Not completely sure if I want to find out the sex before the baby is born. Probably will end up doing it just because it'll make things easier as far as preparing things goes, and picking out a name. I've got it narrowed down. On the rare occasions that I thought about having a kid, I thought that Matthew would always be part of my son's name. That isn't the case here. It just didn't fit with the first names that I've chosen.
The more time that passes, the more I'm actually excited about this kid. I was absolutely terrified at first. Convinced there was no way I could actually keep another human being alive. Completely certain that the child would be doomed to have me for a mother. Fortunately the father has said that if I legitimately can't handle it, just to let him know and he'll take the baby. I have no doubt that he'll do an absolutely wonderful job as a father. Things are starting to get me to calm down a bit, though. I mean, I've been doing a lot of planning. I'm actually going to be able to get a house thanks to some money I've come into recently. I've got a great, safe car. I have basically three medical professionals in my life that can help out. I'm still scared, but I've been told that's normal for a first timer.
When I first told my dad, his response was "Welcome to never being not scared again." He's been really cool about this whole thing. I love my dad so much. Matt's parents and sister are being really awesome, too. His mom is already knitting and crocheting a bunch of stuff for his babies and now she's added on things for mine as well. She's really a wonderful woman. My mom.....I'm hoping eventually that she'll come around but we'll have to wait and see. Right now she can't see past her Bible to understand what a wonderful thing this is.
Wow, I had a lot more to say than I realized. This has gone on way longer than I expected and I am now late getting back from my break. Fortunately my appointment is late so that helps. When you need to get stuff off your chest, your brain lets you know it. Regardless of how.