Fic: [07-Ghost] Left Unsaid
F-ficpost dear god what.
Title: Left Unsaid
Series: 07-Ghost
Rating/Warnings: Fluff. PG at most.
Pairings/Characters: Teito/Mikage-ish, extra bonus babydragon.
Notes: In dreams...
Left Unsaid
"Dragons do not dream as humans do. To a telepathic creature, that loosening of the conscious mind's strictures which comes with dreams is anathema, potentially disastrous. Theirs is a protective evolution, to shut down the mind entirely in sleep, lest wayward dreams tap into even their latent psychic potential. Thus, dragons do not dream."
~Professor Murray Hall-Oak, Draconic Habits and Habitats.
Teito dreams in the familiar muted grey tones of the Military Academy. These are not uncommon or unpleasant dreams, though others might call them nightmares and he often wakes from them with an ache in his chest and tears forming in his eyes. Teito has another perspective on nightmare, and vastly prefers awakening to the memory of loss to the truly bad dreams where he relives Mikage's death in slow and painful detail.
This time, though, he knows he's dreaming, and he feels a twinge of fear as he looks around their old room - tiny, grey-painted and not a little shabby - from beneath lowered eyelids. Above all, he doesn't want to see Mikage's sad and reproachful face, and that's how he knows this a dream.
Teito watches his hands, carefully bandaging up Mikage's arm, and doesn't dare look up. He can't help it, though; it's like he's a passenger in his own body, watching this memory play out.
"If you ever get into trouble on the battlefield, I'll never abandon you!" and Teito wants to cry out, to tell Mikage no and stop this promise that will claim his life, but his own mouth is without his control.
"I swear by the name of God that we'll die together!" and surely the innocent joy on his face belongs to someone else, someone who hasn't already lived to break this vow.
Perhaps something finally shows, because Mikage's face changes, softening in something like sympathy, and he lifts a bandaged hand to push a strand of hair back from Teito's eyes. Teito blinks stupidly, because he doesn't remember this, and it's not like he hasn't lived this memory over a hundred times. But then Mikage is gone, and there is only Capella muttering in his sleep and Teito staring up at the roof of the tent, left with the fading memory of a touch that never happened.
Teito is warm. Burupya chirrups his satisfaction to the world and burrows his way inside Teito's scarf, curling into the join of his neck and shoulder. Teito has been somewhere today, doing something that dragonlings evidently can't do, and so Burupya has been dividing his time between sitting on the tall one's head and playing with the little human nestling. While the nestling is good for cuddles and jumping through leaf-piles, and the tall one makes an excellent launching post when he wants to try his wings, neither them are Teito. Burupya purrs as Teito nuzzles the side of his face into his fur, one hand gently petting his wings. Teito is his, Burupya feels it in the same place where he feels Teito's sadnesses, has known it since he first felt that sadness, strong enough to pull him from the safety of his nest. When he tries to remember a time before Teito, he can't.
The worst of the dreams is the one where he's back in the dead space of the examination, staring helplessly as Ayanami's cold and merciless eyes turn inevitably into his own, twisted and bright with cruelty. It all plays out with hideous clarity; he is frozen with despair, beginning to falter, and then Mikage's strong arms come around him. It's one of his most precious memories, only this time Mikage's hands are cold and his voice is empty and accusing, blaming Teito for everything, dragging him down.
It's Burupya who pulls him out of the dream-pit of pain and guilt, by dint of increasingly violent head-butting until Teito flails awake, sobbing spasmodically. And it's Burupya who comforts him, nuzzling close and purring as loudly as he can, ignoring the tears soaking through fur and feathers as he tells Teito without words that it's okay. He's here.
Burupya dreams. Sometimes this confuses him, because in his dreams he walks on two feet, but what is a confusing half-memory when awake is entirely natural in dreams.
Burupya dreams of Teito. Teito stalking the Acadamy halls with the hunched shoulders and forbidding scowl he uses to ward off unwanted attention. Teito in chains, drawn with desperation as he's forced to escape alone. Teito wracked with pain and despair as he realises this is goodbye. (These are the dreams which make Burupya shiver in his sleep, calming only at the touch of a gentle hand smoothing his wings.)
Most often, though, Burupya dreams of Teito's rare, rare smile, all the warmer for being unexpected, and of the heat of a promise that had defied death and changed the world.
Teito dreams that he is sitting on Mikage's bunk at the Academy (Mikage had triumphantly claimed the top one on the first day, only to immediately offer it to Teito anyway), with Mikage's hand warm in his. It's all familiar, too familiar, until Teito winces at the naivete of the vow they'd sworn, and Mikage lifts a hand to brush hair out of Teito's eyes, fingers lingering over his cheekbone in a way that might make him blush if this weren't so obviously a dream.
"You don't regret it, right, Teito?"
"What are you saying?" Teito protests, trying to turn away, but Mikage's palm cradles his cheek and he really does blush now, dream or no dream. Mikage's eyes are very blue. "Y-you died, and it was my fault - I -"
"Idiot." Mikage's smile is painfully sweet, and Teito feels his heartbeat stutter in his chest. "I would have saved you either way! But I swore I'd look out for you forever, and I meant it, Teito."
Burupya is under the bed, stalking a particularly persistent dust bunny, when Teito cries out in his sleep and starts thrashing hard enough that the bedframe creaks. Burupya chirrups in dismay, bolting for the dim glow of the nightlight and shaking himself free of dust with a tiny feather-ruffling sneeze before intrepidly scaling the blankets to reach Teito's side.
Even a nestling's unpractised empathic talents could feel the fear and guilt and and self-loathing pouring off the huddled form in the bed. Burupya whines unhappily, unsure whether Teito is even awake, but hops up onto his chest anyway, curling up into a fuzzy ball over his heart and trying to consciously project love and affection at Teito. Humans might be stuff-headed and difficult to talk to, but his Teito isn't allowed to feel sad or have bad dreams, not while Burupya is around to chase them off.
By the time Frau, reluctantly roused by the noise, comes to check on the kid, Teito is sleeping peacefully with a slight smile on his face and a purring dragonling cradled in his arms.
Teito has decided that he likes this dream, even if the memory never actually happened. Happy dreams of Mikage, even if he wakes missing him worse than ever, are worth the pain. Mikage's smile has always been worth anything, though at first he hadn't understood. Mikage had been the one to show him that laughter could be shared, and didn't have to be at anyone's expense.
"I swore I'd stay with you forever," Mikage says with his hand cradling the side of Teito's face, and Teito can only stare, furiously flushed and knowing it as the teasing lilt in Mikage's voice is underlaid by something deeper and more meaningful. "Do you regret that?"
"Why shouldn't I, when it got you killed?!" Teito flares, starting to pull away, but he's silenced by Mikage's thumb brushing over his lips.
"Well, I don't. Regret it." Mikage smiles, pure and bright and just for him, and suddenly Teito can barely breathe. "If you're gonna regret something, make it something worth regretting -" and then Mikage leans in, still with that heartbreaking smile, and kisses him, just once, on the lips. A single warm and startled moment, and Teito is still clumsily trying to respond when he wakes with a start, the dream vanishing like smoke.
Curled up on his chest, Burupya sleepily protests the disruption, burrowing his head under Teito's hand. Teito blinks into the darkness and stretches still-tingling lips in a tiny, tentative smile.
"These things alone do I now regret: things left unsaid."
~Sandman vol. 10
Title: Left Unsaid
Series: 07-Ghost
Rating/Warnings: Fluff. PG at most.
Pairings/Characters: Teito/Mikage-ish, extra bonus babydragon.
Notes: In dreams...
Left Unsaid
"Dragons do not dream as humans do. To a telepathic creature, that loosening of the conscious mind's strictures which comes with dreams is anathema, potentially disastrous. Theirs is a protective evolution, to shut down the mind entirely in sleep, lest wayward dreams tap into even their latent psychic potential. Thus, dragons do not dream."
~Professor Murray Hall-Oak, Draconic Habits and Habitats.
Teito dreams in the familiar muted grey tones of the Military Academy. These are not uncommon or unpleasant dreams, though others might call them nightmares and he often wakes from them with an ache in his chest and tears forming in his eyes. Teito has another perspective on nightmare, and vastly prefers awakening to the memory of loss to the truly bad dreams where he relives Mikage's death in slow and painful detail.
This time, though, he knows he's dreaming, and he feels a twinge of fear as he looks around their old room - tiny, grey-painted and not a little shabby - from beneath lowered eyelids. Above all, he doesn't want to see Mikage's sad and reproachful face, and that's how he knows this a dream.
Teito watches his hands, carefully bandaging up Mikage's arm, and doesn't dare look up. He can't help it, though; it's like he's a passenger in his own body, watching this memory play out.
"If you ever get into trouble on the battlefield, I'll never abandon you!" and Teito wants to cry out, to tell Mikage no and stop this promise that will claim his life, but his own mouth is without his control.
"I swear by the name of God that we'll die together!" and surely the innocent joy on his face belongs to someone else, someone who hasn't already lived to break this vow.
Perhaps something finally shows, because Mikage's face changes, softening in something like sympathy, and he lifts a bandaged hand to push a strand of hair back from Teito's eyes. Teito blinks stupidly, because he doesn't remember this, and it's not like he hasn't lived this memory over a hundred times. But then Mikage is gone, and there is only Capella muttering in his sleep and Teito staring up at the roof of the tent, left with the fading memory of a touch that never happened.
Teito is warm. Burupya chirrups his satisfaction to the world and burrows his way inside Teito's scarf, curling into the join of his neck and shoulder. Teito has been somewhere today, doing something that dragonlings evidently can't do, and so Burupya has been dividing his time between sitting on the tall one's head and playing with the little human nestling. While the nestling is good for cuddles and jumping through leaf-piles, and the tall one makes an excellent launching post when he wants to try his wings, neither them are Teito. Burupya purrs as Teito nuzzles the side of his face into his fur, one hand gently petting his wings. Teito is his, Burupya feels it in the same place where he feels Teito's sadnesses, has known it since he first felt that sadness, strong enough to pull him from the safety of his nest. When he tries to remember a time before Teito, he can't.
The worst of the dreams is the one where he's back in the dead space of the examination, staring helplessly as Ayanami's cold and merciless eyes turn inevitably into his own, twisted and bright with cruelty. It all plays out with hideous clarity; he is frozen with despair, beginning to falter, and then Mikage's strong arms come around him. It's one of his most precious memories, only this time Mikage's hands are cold and his voice is empty and accusing, blaming Teito for everything, dragging him down.
It's Burupya who pulls him out of the dream-pit of pain and guilt, by dint of increasingly violent head-butting until Teito flails awake, sobbing spasmodically. And it's Burupya who comforts him, nuzzling close and purring as loudly as he can, ignoring the tears soaking through fur and feathers as he tells Teito without words that it's okay. He's here.
Burupya dreams. Sometimes this confuses him, because in his dreams he walks on two feet, but what is a confusing half-memory when awake is entirely natural in dreams.
Burupya dreams of Teito. Teito stalking the Acadamy halls with the hunched shoulders and forbidding scowl he uses to ward off unwanted attention. Teito in chains, drawn with desperation as he's forced to escape alone. Teito wracked with pain and despair as he realises this is goodbye. (These are the dreams which make Burupya shiver in his sleep, calming only at the touch of a gentle hand smoothing his wings.)
Most often, though, Burupya dreams of Teito's rare, rare smile, all the warmer for being unexpected, and of the heat of a promise that had defied death and changed the world.
Teito dreams that he is sitting on Mikage's bunk at the Academy (Mikage had triumphantly claimed the top one on the first day, only to immediately offer it to Teito anyway), with Mikage's hand warm in his. It's all familiar, too familiar, until Teito winces at the naivete of the vow they'd sworn, and Mikage lifts a hand to brush hair out of Teito's eyes, fingers lingering over his cheekbone in a way that might make him blush if this weren't so obviously a dream.
"You don't regret it, right, Teito?"
"What are you saying?" Teito protests, trying to turn away, but Mikage's palm cradles his cheek and he really does blush now, dream or no dream. Mikage's eyes are very blue. "Y-you died, and it was my fault - I -"
"Idiot." Mikage's smile is painfully sweet, and Teito feels his heartbeat stutter in his chest. "I would have saved you either way! But I swore I'd look out for you forever, and I meant it, Teito."
Burupya is under the bed, stalking a particularly persistent dust bunny, when Teito cries out in his sleep and starts thrashing hard enough that the bedframe creaks. Burupya chirrups in dismay, bolting for the dim glow of the nightlight and shaking himself free of dust with a tiny feather-ruffling sneeze before intrepidly scaling the blankets to reach Teito's side.
Even a nestling's unpractised empathic talents could feel the fear and guilt and and self-loathing pouring off the huddled form in the bed. Burupya whines unhappily, unsure whether Teito is even awake, but hops up onto his chest anyway, curling up into a fuzzy ball over his heart and trying to consciously project love and affection at Teito. Humans might be stuff-headed and difficult to talk to, but his Teito isn't allowed to feel sad or have bad dreams, not while Burupya is around to chase them off.
By the time Frau, reluctantly roused by the noise, comes to check on the kid, Teito is sleeping peacefully with a slight smile on his face and a purring dragonling cradled in his arms.
Teito has decided that he likes this dream, even if the memory never actually happened. Happy dreams of Mikage, even if he wakes missing him worse than ever, are worth the pain. Mikage's smile has always been worth anything, though at first he hadn't understood. Mikage had been the one to show him that laughter could be shared, and didn't have to be at anyone's expense.
"I swore I'd stay with you forever," Mikage says with his hand cradling the side of Teito's face, and Teito can only stare, furiously flushed and knowing it as the teasing lilt in Mikage's voice is underlaid by something deeper and more meaningful. "Do you regret that?"
"Why shouldn't I, when it got you killed?!" Teito flares, starting to pull away, but he's silenced by Mikage's thumb brushing over his lips.
"Well, I don't. Regret it." Mikage smiles, pure and bright and just for him, and suddenly Teito can barely breathe. "If you're gonna regret something, make it something worth regretting -" and then Mikage leans in, still with that heartbreaking smile, and kisses him, just once, on the lips. A single warm and startled moment, and Teito is still clumsily trying to respond when he wakes with a start, the dream vanishing like smoke.
Curled up on his chest, Burupya sleepily protests the disruption, burrowing his head under Teito's hand. Teito blinks into the darkness and stretches still-tingling lips in a tiny, tentative smile.
"These things alone do I now regret: things left unsaid."
~Sandman vol. 10