Amaranthine; A Mello↔Matt FST - Lyrics & Notes
WARNING: extreme tl;dr ahead!
While I was choosing songs I noticed that all of them could basically be from either Matt or Mello's POV instead of about both of them, so I had the idea to arrange them chronologically, alternating so it would almost looks like some sort back-and-forth exchange. Luckily, they both pretty much had the same number of songs each, so it worked out. The first two songs are instrumental so there... are no lyrics lmao. I could explain why I chose those two songs to represent Mello and then Matt but it would probably be even more incoherent than the normal notes /o\ so I'll just skip over them.
01. Placebo - Bulletproof Cupid
02. Crystal Castles - Bitter Hearts
03. Jack's Mannequin - The Resolution (Accoustic)
There’s a lot that I don’t know,
there’s a lot that I’m still learning
When I think I’m letting go,
I find my body it’s still burning
And you hold me down,
and you got me living in the past
Come on and pick me up,
somebody clear the wreckage from the blast
I’m alive,
and I don’t need a witness
to know that I survived
I’m not looking for forgiveness
Yeah I just need light,
I need a light in the dark as I search for the resolution
And the bars are finally closed
so I try living in the moment,
'till the moment it just froze
and I felt sick and so alone
I could hear the sound
of your voice still ringing in my ear
I’m going underground,
but you’ll find me anywhere I fear
I’m alive,
and I don’t need a witness
to know that I survived
I’m not looking for forgiveness
Yeah, I just need light
I need a light in the dark as I search for the resolution
I need a light in the dark as I search for the resolution
And you hold me down
Yeah, you hold me down.
I chose to start the "exchange" from where Mello leaves Wammy's, and that's what this is supposed to (hopefully) convey. Upon first listen it does sound a bit harsh, yes, but in my headcanon Mello leaving on such short notice and not taking him with him didn't fly well with Matt. I think this song does a good job of illustrating just how hard it was for Mello to do this, not because he wanted to, but because he had to.
04. The Smears - Distant Memory
Chemical spill, corroding love
Breaking the skin where we tore apart
Death could steal the rhythm of the flow back to your heart
Death could steal the rhythm as we fall apart
Soon, it won't feel the same when my lips say your name
I will only be a distant memory
Invent, disassemble
Surrender your intent to be a criminal
And death could steal the rhythm of the flow back to your heart
Death could steal the rhythm as we fall apart
Soon, you won't feel the same when my lips say your name
I will only be a distant memory
With every suture to the seam, we'll hear the echo of our screams
I will only be a distant memory
Autonomic, simplified
Simplified asthenic process
Autonomic, simplified
Simplified asthenic process
Autonomic, simplified
Simplified asthenic process
Autonomic, simplified
It's simplified
Soon...
I love the raw, powerful imagery in this song. I think an "autonomic, simplified asthenic process" is really what Matt must have endured the years after Mello left. It also almost seems to have an underlying message that Matt knows Mello is doing something he really shouldn't and is worried for him: "Invent, disassemble-- Surrender your intent to be a criminal" (...strangely literal) and "Death could steal the rhythm of the flow back to your heart".
05. Carrie - The Wrong Way
The way that I found you again
wasn't nice, everyone was crying around
But I feel it hasn't been the wrong way
We have a story already
It is a perfect time (I guess)
it is a perfect time, for you and me
I'll remember your eyes on me
It will change my mood
'Cause you don't know,
maybe you'll never know,
that I wrote this song for you
You had the perfect line (I guess)
You have all the stupid things I like
and even when I knew, probably
I wouldn't see you, dude
For a long time, I wanted to say...
Fast forward a few years to smoldering rubble and Mello clutching a cellphone, wavering in and out of consciousness, the fuzzy image Matt crying and yelling at him to keep his goddamn eyes open, Mello, so help me God...
06. Hot Hot Heat - My Best Friend
Where did it all go wrong?
From the age of 15 on, I was honest-- honest, I was
Half of my brain still knows
that somone has opened doors
that half of me still won't close
Well I want to know
Whoa oh, oh, oh
Whoa oh, oh, oh-oh
I never want,
I never wanted anyone
I never want,
I never wanted anybody
Where did it all get torn apart?
Got a shotgun by my side
You can make her laugh but you can't make her cry
Waving goodbye to innocence
Am I that obvious to read?
Am I in love with my best fiend?
Well I want to know
Whoa oh, oh, oh
Whoa oh, oh, oh-oh
I never want,
I never wanted anyone
I never want,
I never wanted anybody
Whoa oh, oh, oh
Whoa oh, oh, oh-oh
I never want,
I never wanted anyone
I never want,
I never wanted anybody
So basically, this is Matt finally coming to terms with how he might really feel about his best friend. I like how the tone is a bit distressed, haha. Also the line "From the age of fifteen on, I was honest, honest I was" could be read that as soon as Mello left (shortly after that, Matt would have turned fifteen as well) Matt felt he at least didn't have to hide any ~questionable feelings he might have had for him.
07. Jump Little Children - Habit*
Scene one.
Curtain up.
See the couple, coffee shop
Beatniks beating out beebop
Rainy day, skies are grey
but the couple feeling gay
Boy is laughing at her joke
Girl, embarrassed, takes a smoke
She should quit, yes she knows
but she's happy as she blows
Down the cafe, through the bar
past the hippies and the jars
of the bean that they drink
everyday, every week
They should quit; coffee's bad
Makes you crazy, fucking mad
but they say in defense:
(With a pause for suspense)
"It's the stuff of the gods
Sexy, smart hot rods
Roller coaster, Hurricanes
Super-sonic jet planes"
They should quit, yes they know
but where the hell would they go?
They're like me, in a bind
Don't you see?
Love ain't blind
I could make a habit out of you...
Scene two.
Same play,
Same people,
Different day
In a car with no top
No speed limits, no cops
Girl is driving, she's the queen
in control of this machine
She is talking much too loud,
excited by the sound
They are screaming, buzzing hard
Open road, super car
What they need is some speed
105 is the key
Life is short, so they say
Carpe diem, seize the day
Unlike me, in a bind
I don't get it, love ain't blind
I could make a habit out of you...
Scene three.
City streets.
Buying shit, selling too
Need a fix or some food?
Or some sex? There's a whore
looking beautiful but bored
Like to drink? There's a bar
Need a lift? Take my car
A stop for every whim
Your heart's desire lets you in
In this city, in this scene
At this party you're queen
You're addicted to the lights
To the sounds, to the sights
To the pleasure, to the pain
The hot nights, the cold rain
To the smoke
To the drink
To the buzz
Don't think
To danger to the fear
To the speed, it's fifth gear
All the time, night or day
There is no choice, that's just the way
Yeah, you should quit, yes you know
But where the hell would you go?
You're like me, in a bind
Now you see?
Love ain't blind
I could make a habit out of you...
Mello's turn! A lot less literal, but I think it captures Mello's clearly addictive and fearless personality really well. I love how this one is pretty chill and gung-ho compared to Matt's approach. Ha.
08. Buzzcocks - Raison D'être
You're an awful lot of fun,
forever on the run
You're my number one,
but if you're not late,
Then I guess you'll never come
You're always on my side boy
when it comes to playing games of who are we
We never find out why though,
that our own raison d'etre, we can't see
You're an awful lot of fun,
forever on the run
You're my number one,
But if you're not late,
Then I guess you never come
I said blue eyes would suit you
Yes they do, oh I knew I would be right
But watch your friends don't get you
'Cause if they do, I won't be seeing you tonight
This is that after a while of being together, Matt has realized while they both have changed quite a bit, they've still somehow remained best friends. The canon-appropriate lines make this song: "You're my number one" "I said blue eyes would suit you", as well as the use of "boy". Plus it's really... cute.
09. Silversun Pickups - Surrounded
Remember when you were the hunted?
Remember how I swallowed you in?
Remember the rewards shimmering on the floor
off the plastic chandelier?
Remember when I saw you in orbit?
Remember when I pulled you back in?
Remember looking on blinking into the dawn
thinking how this will never end?
Surrounded, let's romanticize our beloved memories
Surrounded, let's demonize our softest injuries
Surrounded, can we get behind distortion and liberties?
Surrounded, we're surrounded, spiraling
Remember when I played assassin?
Remember when my joking turned grim?
Remember how we thought if we follow the dots
it would stop all the accidents?
Remember when you broke my halo?
Remember how I tied your wings in?
Remember how we slipped on the lies we equipped
just to bring back the goods again?
Surrounded, let's romanticize our beloved memories
Surrounded, let's demonize our softest injuries
Surrounded, can we get behind distortion and liberties?
Surrounded. we're surrounded, spiraling
Is it perfect in our little hell?
Are you dancing, or stumbling beside me?
Well this might not be
We'll just wait and see
So now that we've stopped hearing echoes
and now that the replay wore thin,
Just remember who held you,
Remember who held you,
Remember who held you,
Remember who held you
Surrounded, let's romanticize our beloved memories
Surrounded, let's demonize our softest injuries
Surrounded, can we get behind distortion and liberties?
Surrounded, we're surrounded, spiraling
Is it perfect in our little hell?
Now that the reunion is over, Mello is right back on track. I'd like to think this is him trying to figure out how Matt fits in with their current situation; the reason they're back together in the first place. A lot of canon-able lines in this one as well.
10. Motion City Soundrtrack - The Future Freaks Me Out
I’m on fire, and now I think I’m ready to bust a move
Check it out, I’m rocking steady
(Go!)
Betty won’t stop listening to modern rock,
How she hates to be alone
I try to compensate her lack of love with coffeecake,
ice cream, and a bottle of ten dollar wine
She says, "Hey,
I rock the Haro sport,
I rock the cow girl blues,
I rock too fast for love
I’m footloose in my Velcro shoes
What’s up with Will & Grace?
I don’t get drum and bass
The future freaks me out"
I’m on fire, and now I think I'm ready to bust a move
Check it out I’m rocking steady,
to the beat in my head
That goes oh, oh, oh, oh
I know that she’s the only one
I’d rather waste our time together,
Yeah, ‘cause we can get down
Betty can’t quit carving question marks in my wrist
"How come we’re so alone?"
We waste away the days with nicotine and television samples
of an era we hate to admit we embrace
We fail to represent,
we fail to be content,
we fail at everything we ever even try to attempt
And so the story goes,
as only Betty knows,
it’s time we take control
I’m on fire, and now I think I'm ready to bust a move
Check it out, I’m rocking steady
to the beat in my head
that goes oh, oh, oh, oh
I know that she’s the only one
I’d rather waste my time with her...
Betty, I need you,
I miss you,
I’m so alone without you
to call up on the weekends with my cellular phone
Betty it’s so hard to relate (Betty, I need you)
to the whole human race (I miss you)
I don’t know where to begin, (I'm so alone without you)
I don’t know where to begin
If we could both find a way (Betty, I need you)
to do the things that we say, (I miss you)
we might not sit in our rooms
and drink our daydreams away (I'm so alone..)
Betty, I’m a dreamer (Betty)
I’m not a vicious schemer (I need you)
Oh Betty won’t you-- Ah, fuck it (I miss you)
I’m on fire, and now I think I'm ready to bust a move
Check it out I’m rocking steady
to the beat in my head
that goes oh, oh, oh, oh
I know that she’s the only one
I’d rather waste our time together,
Yeah, ‘cause we can get down
The title says it all, basically. While I don't think Matt is completely apathetic towards their cause, some of his painfully few lines in the manga suggest that he at least often vocalizes a nonchalant attitude. That and Matt seems to get bored easily without stimulation. Interpret that as you will. Also, Mello is now Betty, apparently.
11. The Pink Spiders - Awkward Time In Elevators
And now were hiding in towers,
cracking security codes
Camouflaged hearts to build jilted lovers,
and we are skyscrapers
And it's considered entrapment, and it's the deadliest sin
Nobody knows our sorrow,
No one's aware of the shit were in
Get down! Somebody's coming and were dead if we're found (Don't make a sound!)
Get down! Somebody's coming and were dead if we're found (Don't make a sound!)
This desperation is romance,
our sense or urgency's love
Shifting these sheets 'til our skins connected, waking up all alone
I only love you in distance, I only need you alone
Under these circumstances, every heartbeat's criminal
Get down! Somebody's coming and were dead if we're found (Don't make a sound!)
Get down! Somebody's coming and were dead if we're found (Don't make a sound!)
Brace yourself, here comes the impact
It's only worth it if it comes hard
Darling, trust yourself,
stick to your guns, no one said a revolution was easy
Mello finds an appropriate way to balance work and leisure.
12. Placebo - Special K
Coming up beyond belief
on this coronary thief
More than just a leitmotif,
more chaotic, no relief
I'll describe the way I feel:
Weeping wounds that never heal
Can the savior be for real,
or are you just my seventh seal?
No hesitation, no delay
You come on just like Special K
Just like I swallowed half my stash,
I never ever want to crash
No hesitation, no delay
You come on just like Special K
Now you're back with dope demand,
I'm on sinking sand
Gravity,
No escaping gravity
Gravity,
No escaping, not for free
I fall down, hit the ground
make a heavy sound,
every time you seem to come around
I'll describe the way I feel:
You're my new Achilles heel
Can the savior be for real,
or are you just my seventh seal?
No hesitation, no delay
You come on just like Special K
Just like I swallowed half my stash,
I never ever want to crash
No hesitation, no delay
You come on just like Special K
Now you're back with dope demand,
I'm on sinking sand
Gravity,
No escaping gravity
Gravity,
No escaping, not for free
I fall down, hit the ground,
make a heavy sound,
every time you seem to come around
No escaping gravity
No escaping gravity
No escaping gravity
No escaping gravity
Gravity...
This is once again only personal headcanon, but something leads me to believe Matt had a history of club life/drugs; they just seem to fit well with his escapist personality and awesome interesting fashion choices. They say K is the absolute best drug to cure boredom, and it's only understandable how being with Mello would be addictive.
13. Nine Inch Nails - The Greater Good**
Breathe... us in
Slowly... slowly...
Breathe... us in
Slowly...
Everything you do,
everywhere you go,
anything we want,
anything
Persuasion, (slowly)
coercion, (slowly)
submission, (breathe)
assimilation (us in)
Breathe... us in
Slowly... slowly...
.../coughs
14. Say Anything - Alive with the Glory of Love
When I...
watch you, wanna do you, right where you're standing
Yeah,
Right on the foyer, on this dark day, right in plain view
Oh, yeah
Of the whole ghetto, the boot-stomped meadows, but we ignore that
Yeah,
You're lovely, baby
This war is crazy
I won't let you down, oh no, no
No, I won't let them take you, won't let them take you, hell no, no
Oh no, I won't let them take you, won't let them take you, hell no, no
No,
oh no, no, no...
And when our city, vast and shitty, falls to the Axis
Yeah,
They'll search the buildings, collect gold fillings, wallets, and rings
Oh, yeah
But in this black eyeliner, you'd look finer with each day in hiding
Oh yeah,
Beneath the wormwood, ooh, love me so good
They won't hear us screw away the day
I'll make you say:
Alive, alive
Alive with love, alive with love tonight
Alive, alive
Alive with love, alive with love tonight
No, I won't let them take you, won't let them take you, hell no, no
Oh no, I won't let them take you, won't let them take you, hell no, no
Our Treblinka is alive with the glory of love
Treblinka is alive with the glory of love, yeah!
(Okay, speed it up, go!)
Should they catch us,
and dispatch us to those separate work camps,
I'll dream about you,
I will not doubt you with the passing of time
Oh yeah,
Should they kill me,
your love will fill me, as warm as the bullets
Yeah,
I'll know my purpose, this war was worth this
I won't let you down
No, I won't,
No, I won't,
No, I won't
This was probably the very first song I associated with Mello and Matt. Even though it actually refers to the Holocaust, I think it does a good job of paralleling what it must have felt like having to constantly hide just to survive. I'd like to think Matt felt the same love and devotion towards Mello, as sappy as that sounds.
15. The Birthday Massacre - To Die For
Tighten your tie boy,
you’re something to die for
But don’t hold your breath now,
you’re just killing time
Tonight you can dream boy,
imagine a whisper
If you can keep secrets,
then I’ll tell you mine
Remember a promise
you couldn’t hold on to
Though it brings me to tears now,
I need you to know
Look in my eyes boy,
nothing like yours now
It seems that a lifetime
is passing us by
(So open your eyes...)
This is forever but it won’t last long
This is a memory that fades away in neverending
In the death of all that’s long been said and done before,
we’ll wish that we were something more
Stop wasting time boy,
you’re late all your life boy
They won’t have the patience
for someone like you
Your memory’s fading,
I’ll love you forever
I’ll try to remember,
I’ll try to hold on
You’re standing alone boy,
Waiting for dreams boy,
Waiting for something
to make them come true
Don’t ever leave boy,
I’d miss you too much boy
I’ll never forget you,
as long as I’m here
I like to picture this as the song playing in the background of their last night together.
16. Brand New - The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot
If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand
I hope you find out what you want,
I already know what I am
And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again
and you can tell me how vile I already know that I am
I'll grow old, and start acting my age
I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate
A crown of gold, a heart that's harder than stone
and it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone
Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget
If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state
You can keep to yourself, I'll keep out of your way
And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room,
when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds
So call it quits, or get a grip
Say you wanted a solution, you just wanted to be missed
Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget
You are calm and reposed, let your beauty unfold
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin
Standing trial for your sins
Holding onto yourself the best you can
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins
Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget
I'll admit I never thought of this song in a M/M context before theminion2001's video (I hope me using it is okay!). Go watch it!
17. Garbage - Tell Me Where It Hurts
What is my day going to look like?
What will my tomorrow bring me?
If I had x-ray eyes, I could see inside
I wouldn’t have to predict the future
I wish that you would do with some talking
How else am I to know what you’re thinking?
If only people would say what it really was
what it really was,
what it really was that they wanted
Tell me where it hurts,
to hell with everybody else
All I care about is you, and that's the truth
They don't love me; I can tell
But you do, so they can go to hell
Did they ever give you a reason
to believe in something different?
If you’re looking for love, for what it's worth,
I have plenty of it lying around here somewhere
If you are looking for disappointment,
you can find it around any corner
In the middle of the night I hold on to you tight
so both of us can feel protected
Tell me where it hurts,
to hell with everybody else
All I care about is you, and that's the truth
They don't love me; I can tell
But you do, so they can go to hell
I’ve been loved but I didn’t know how to feel it
and I’ve been adored but I don’t know if I ever believed it
I’ve been loved my whole life but I didn’t know how to take it
until you
So tell me where it hurts,
to Hell with everybody else
All I care about is you, and that's the truth
They don't love me, yeah, I can tell
but you do, so they can go to hell
But you do, so they can go to hell
Tell me where it hurts,
Tell me where it hurts,
Tell me where it hurts now
Mello showing his rare dere side as the hours count down before their final mission.
18. AFI - End Transmission
Pull the top down, use your knees to drive
I'll make it worth your while, just let me taste the sky
You pressed your mouth on mine and fed me a star
and said "We never can truly know who we are"
With the lights out and the night inside,
the broken radio was playing suicide
I felt myself falling,
I confessed to you: "I saw a body"
You said you'd seen a few
This night has only just begun
If there's discretion that you've not abandoned, now's the time
We'll burn to best the morning sun
Go grab your bag, I'll bring the gun
the gun
Keep the top down, use your knees to drive
I'll hide these words; they're only yours to find
You pressed your mouth on mine and said they'd call us stars
then said "We never can truly know who we are"
This night has only just begun
If there's discretion that you've not abandoned, now's the time
We'll burn to best the morning sun
Go grab your bag, I'll bring the gun
Everything was burning bright,
everyone was frightened
You said stay strong
Everybody knowing that what we'd invited
still remains when we're gone
I'd like to imagine neither of them could really sleep that night, so they went for a late night/early morning joy ride, just enjoying each other's company. The lyrics in this song are foreboding yet still somehow optimistic (yes I know this is a contradiction-- just work with me), and certain lines, again, fit in very well with canon and also Matt's POV.
Blonde Redhead - 23
Twenty-three seconds
All things we love will die
Twenty-three magic
if you can change your life
Your tainted heart, (your tainted heart)
My tainted love (my tainted love)
Repent now
How many times?
As long as you live
How many times?
The world will go around
He was a friend of mine, son of a gun
He was a son of God
He was a son of God
He was a friend of mine, son of a gun
He was a son of God
He was a son of God
Twenty-three seconds
In you, I see a chance
Twenty-three magic
if you change the name of love
Your crazy heart, (your crazy heart)
my crazy love (my crazy love)
Repent now
How many times?
As long as you wish
How many times?
The world will go around
How many times?
As long as you want
How many times?
The world will go around
He was a friend of mine, son of a gun
He was a son of God
He was a son of God
Twenty-three
During their mission everything is going smoothly on Mello's end... until he glances at the dashboard tv for just a second.
Jimmy Eat World - May Angels Lead You In
There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go
I never said thank you for that,
I thought I might get one more chance
What would you think of me now?
so lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance
May angels lead you in
Hear you me, my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
Now what would you think of me now?
so lucky so strong so proud
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance
May angels lead you in
Hear you me, my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live
May angels lead you in
Hear you me, my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
This song might not stick to canon exactly, but the reason I chose it is because I imagine this as Matt's POV from where he is right now; on another plane of existence, waiting for Mello to pass through and find him ♥
And that's it! Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it~ :D
*song originally suggested by bip_bebop, so she gets all the indie cred
** courtesy of zealmightyspork and her NIN expertise
