[Feb. 15] Mission debriefing: Proposal
For the sake of reference, so that anyone else who finds themselves in a similarly delicate situation can benefit from my assembled research:
Annotated field guide to proposing to a highly-skilled warrior from what is generally considered the equivalent to the opposing forces, rev. 1b (2008-02-15).
1. Make your checklist, memorize your checklist, and then be prepared to improvise.
Items not to be overlooked:
Ring
Ring box
Flowers
Chocolate or other lickable foods (in the event of an unfortunate chocolate allergy)
Candles
A small utensil with which to light candles in a controlled fashion not, for example, involving fire materia
Dining arrangements to please your beloved's taste
Champagne
Music
ETA: An assortment of medical equipment and supplies in the event that one's beloved collapses in unexpected neurological or coronary distress
2. Timing and choreography
Cloud is exceptionally forgiving on a great number of counts, ranging from planetary xenocide to irregularities of holiday celebrations, so your experience may vary. However, certain points did make themselves clear to me.
Be selective in the quantity and assortment of flowers you bring home.
I arrived with both cut roses (traditional but in my unprofessional assessment badly symbolized due to their rapid disintegration) and a pot of shamrocks (untraditional but more suited to my wish to express a union that would flourish with attention and care). However, this made the task of shuffling flowers, chocolate, and the door key less ...graceful than it might have been.
Do not shock one's war-trained beloved while he is occupied with either a chef's knife or a searing hot skillet.
I'm proud to say that I managed to avoid both of the potentially very painful and unromantic outcomes that could have happened if I were to have startled him while he was dissecting the fish or frying them. I leave the gory possibilities to your imagination.
Ring presentation
In general, it seems more prudent to choose the method of ring presentation which comes with the least potential for nerve-induced fumbling and accidental oversight. Ideas that were proposed by various magazines and which I discarded include:
Baking the ring into a dessert -- two problems: (a) it would require someone to eat something I had prepared and not become violently ill shortly thereafter; (b) assuming that you have greater culinary skill than I, it might well have caused damage to the dental work if bit into.
Dropping the ring into the glass of champagne -- likewise two problems: (a) efforts to remove the ring without spilling champagne all over the table could prove awkward, (b) residual stickiness and odor.
Wrapping the ring around the stem of some of the roses -- three problems: (a) thorn avoidance during the placement process, (b) thorn avoidance during the removal process, (c) potential for dropping ring down sink if ring is not noticed until roses are being placed in a pot of water.
The kneeling and presenting the ring box method had two ETA: three benefits:
a) Tradition
b) It allowed me to look up at him which is generally a rare thing, given the difference in our heights
ETA: c) I was in an appropriate position to help catch and support him in the event of musculoskeletal support failure apparently caused by shock
Preparing for all possible outcomes
I failed to anticipate the fourth possible outcome. The three outcomes I had anticipated included:
a) acceptance and joy
b) rejection coupled with gentle regret
c) rejection coupled with an attempt at substantial physical damage to my person
I hadn't anticipated that he might both be distressed by my proposal and also accept it.
I believe his distress may have been due to a complex interaction of our personal history, concern for the world's tendency to pull apart deeply bonded souls, and general shock that someone as socially impaired at myself would make an attempt at such a deeply interpersonal gesture. (It may also have been related to the fact that I forgot the musical part of the checklist, though in hindsight that seems less likely. I believe he would have been more distressed by lack of sustenance or lack of ring than by lack of musical entertainment.)
In the end, he has accepted my proposal despite the pain our other-selves offered each other, and despite my lack of skill with human interaction, arrogance, possessiveness, and a host of other clearly identifiable personal flaws.
I see now where the error in my reasoning lay, in the past. I no longer deceive myself so far as to think that I have any inherent right to his acceptance, but rather that he has offered me a gift I could never have hoped to win by force. It was necessary to humble myself in supplication in order to be freely granted the trust that I could never tear away from his other self, in the world I nearly destroyed. It was necessary to make myself vulnerable to rejection in order to give him the freedom to choose.
To my Cloud, I know that I will never have earned the gift that you have given me, but I intend to be thorough and expressive in my gratitude for it. Particularly with chocolate.
To the Cloud whom I wronged so greatly in our past lives -- I am more sorry than I can ever say, that it took so many lives and so much pain for me to learn what humans learn from their families in childhood: how to love, and how to be loved, rather than simply how to possess. I pray for your heart's healing, and I pray that this world can offer you the peace and the love and the family that I took away from you in my blind, arrogant need to make myself the only thing you had left to cling to. I'm so sorry. I understand, now, what you meant when you said that there was nothing that wasn't precious to you.
To those who face the need to admit to error, to perform penance, and to pray for absolution in the arms of one's beloved -- I hope that this may perhaps guide your steps in the journey from obsession, possession, and madness to a full understanding of the reflection required by love.
Annotated field guide to proposing to a highly-skilled warrior from what is generally considered the equivalent to the opposing forces, rev. 1b (2008-02-15).
1. Make your checklist, memorize your checklist, and then be prepared to improvise.
Items not to be overlooked:
2. Timing and choreography
Cloud is exceptionally forgiving on a great number of counts, ranging from planetary xenocide to irregularities of holiday celebrations, so your experience may vary. However, certain points did make themselves clear to me.
I arrived with both cut roses (traditional but in my unprofessional assessment badly symbolized due to their rapid disintegration) and a pot of shamrocks (untraditional but more suited to my wish to express a union that would flourish with attention and care). However, this made the task of shuffling flowers, chocolate, and the door key less ...graceful than it might have been.
I'm proud to say that I managed to avoid both of the potentially very painful and unromantic outcomes that could have happened if I were to have startled him while he was dissecting the fish or frying them. I leave the gory possibilities to your imagination.
In general, it seems more prudent to choose the method of ring presentation which comes with the least potential for nerve-induced fumbling and accidental oversight. Ideas that were proposed by various magazines and which I discarded include:
Baking the ring into a dessert -- two problems: (a) it would require someone to eat something I had prepared and not become violently ill shortly thereafter; (b) assuming that you have greater culinary skill than I, it might well have caused damage to the dental work if bit into.
Dropping the ring into the glass of champagne -- likewise two problems: (a) efforts to remove the ring without spilling champagne all over the table could prove awkward, (b) residual stickiness and odor.
Wrapping the ring around the stem of some of the roses -- three problems: (a) thorn avoidance during the placement process, (b) thorn avoidance during the removal process, (c) potential for dropping ring down sink if ring is not noticed until roses are being placed in a pot of water.
The kneeling and presenting the ring box method had two ETA: three benefits:
a) Tradition
b) It allowed me to look up at him which is generally a rare thing, given the difference in our heights
ETA: c) I was in an appropriate position to help catch and support him in the event of musculoskeletal support failure apparently caused by shock
I failed to anticipate the fourth possible outcome. The three outcomes I had anticipated included:
a) acceptance and joy
b) rejection coupled with gentle regret
c) rejection coupled with an attempt at substantial physical damage to my person
I hadn't anticipated that he might both be distressed by my proposal and also accept it.
I believe his distress may have been due to a complex interaction of our personal history, concern for the world's tendency to pull apart deeply bonded souls, and general shock that someone as socially impaired at myself would make an attempt at such a deeply interpersonal gesture. (It may also have been related to the fact that I forgot the musical part of the checklist, though in hindsight that seems less likely. I believe he would have been more distressed by lack of sustenance or lack of ring than by lack of musical entertainment.)
In the end, he has accepted my proposal despite the pain our other-selves offered each other, and despite my lack of skill with human interaction, arrogance, possessiveness, and a host of other clearly identifiable personal flaws.
I see now where the error in my reasoning lay, in the past. I no longer deceive myself so far as to think that I have any inherent right to his acceptance, but rather that he has offered me a gift I could never have hoped to win by force. It was necessary to humble myself in supplication in order to be freely granted the trust that I could never tear away from his other self, in the world I nearly destroyed. It was necessary to make myself vulnerable to rejection in order to give him the freedom to choose.
To my Cloud, I know that I will never have earned the gift that you have given me, but I intend to be thorough and expressive in my gratitude for it. Particularly with chocolate.
To the Cloud whom I wronged so greatly in our past lives -- I am more sorry than I can ever say, that it took so many lives and so much pain for me to learn what humans learn from their families in childhood: how to love, and how to be loved, rather than simply how to possess. I pray for your heart's healing, and I pray that this world can offer you the peace and the love and the family that I took away from you in my blind, arrogant need to make myself the only thing you had left to cling to. I'm so sorry. I understand, now, what you meant when you said that there was nothing that wasn't precious to you.
To those who face the need to admit to error, to perform penance, and to pray for absolution in the arms of one's beloved -- I hope that this may perhaps guide your steps in the journey from obsession, possession, and madness to a full understanding of the reflection required by love.