Collide: Chapter 1 Part 2

[kyasuriin]

Chapter one, part two here. Most of this part is enough to make me blush while reading it over and over so if you're underage, I suggest you perhaps skip over this part. For the rest of you though, I suspect you're squirming in anticipation rather than embarrassment so I'll let you get to it.

Title: Collide
Pairing: Remus/Sirius of Harry Potter

Comments

[xrated13]

Great AU! :) That was hot, and the plot is really interesting! Awesome!

[kyasuriin]

thanks! I'm glad its interesting/hot to someone other than me *g*

[proteancharm]

Oh wow. Second part in and I'm already hooked and waiting for more! This part was very hot. I can't wait to see what else you have up your sleeve for these boys. :)

[kyasuriin]

thanks so much :) sorry about the delayed reply, I somehow missed this comment!

[ekaterin24]

*Wow!* I need someone to pour a pitcher of ice water over me. You weren't kidding about explicit sex and were your descriptions ever incredible! I love the combination of their urgency and the bits of teasing/drawing out the pleasure and how well your words describe all of it.

One or two minor suggestions, from the paragraph beginning "Come here" :

He could feel the tension in Sirius' body, knew how much he[I was confused at first thinking "he" referred to Remus, you might want to use "Sirius" instead] wanted to wrap a hand in Remus' hair and fuck his mouth properly until he came all the way down his throat. But Sirius must have had patience and an appreciation for the slow steady stream of pleasure [maybe put a comma here, it's not strictly grammatical but it makes the meaning of the sentence clearer] as he let Remus go at his own pace.

Other than that, utterly fantastic and I'm eagerly awaiting part 3!

[kyasuriin]

thanks so much! I always get so nervous about sex scenes - after you over analyse them so much it just drains the hotness right out. I did enjoy writing this one though.

and thanks so much for concrit. Pronouns are one of the reasons why sex scenes are difficult to write too, at least for me, and its always nice when someone points out something that is unclear. so thanks, I really do appreciate it :)

[momebie]

*snort* I need another icon that says 'All the pretty, drunk, fucking boys...'. :p

My vote, totally on the eyes.

[kyasuriin]

heh, but that is one pretty icon.. *drools a bit* yum. oh boys...

[looooongjacket]

yes. i love this. i, like, JUST joined the community when you posted the first one and now this. ahhh :)

[kyasuriin]

thanks so much, I'm so glad you're enjoying the fic thus far. I hope to have more installments on the way *g*