QAF story: Love-by date/Part II. Brian (2/2)
March 13th, 2015
"Yes. Yes, Mr. Doran, I understand. Of course. But if you'd let me just... but... well, fuck you, too!" Brian slammed the phone down and cursed. "Damn it!"
"Another one?" Ted asked cautiously, and Brian nodded, gritting his teeth.
"The sixth one. At such rate we'll lose Kinnetik before the end of the month! Fucking Stockwell!" Brian rubbed his eyes nervously, attempting to gain control over himself.
"Bri, I wouldn't want to mention it, but the Caperstones just called... they want a personal meeting."
"Fuck!" Brian spat. "I'm afraid I know what they want to discuss. We're so screwed..."
"What should I tell them?"
Brian thought for a moment, then waved his hand carelessly.
"Tell them to come in an hour. At least they want to talk, not cancel the contract right away. Maybe I'll be able to change their minds."
Ted looked at him sympathetically and opened his mouth, but Brian glared at him.
"I don't want to hear it! Just get out!"
Sighing, Ted left, closing the door quietly. Brian fell into his chair and shut his eyes, hoping to wake up and to realize the last month had been just a dream.
When the Chief of police Stockwell had come to him, asking to represent him, Brian wavered only for a moment before agreeing. He didn't care much about Stockwell's politics - the only thing that mattered to him was Stockwell's long list of potential wealthy clients that he was willing to share in case he won the elections. Brian assured him it could be arranged, but he thought carefully before signing the contract. He didn't need to discuss it with Justin to know how incredulous and furious with him he would be. His husband hated Stockwell, hated his homophobic promises to fight the decision to legalize same-sex marriage. Brian knew Justin would despise him for this, and more than anything he wanted to avoid seeing the disappointed look in his eyes. So, he agreed to help Stockwell, but was adamant that his name would not be mentioned publicly. He didn't need additional advertising for his agency - Stockwell's list would suffice just fine.
Now he understood what a dumb idea it had been. Justin was interested in politics, there was no way he wouldn't have found out. Brian had tried to resist his inner fear and doubts at first, but then one morning Justin had started a heated discussion about how Pennsylvania'd made a step forward having legalized same-sex marriage, and how with a mayor like Stockwell they were going to get stuck in the past again. He was so angry, so upset that Brian decided to go to extremes and terminate the contract with Stockwell. Another dumb move. He should have just let the bastard lose - his reputation might have suffered, but now, considering how things were going, he'd lose Kinnetik altogether in the next few weeks! Stockwell had been enraged. He'd promised to destroy him, and, well, he was more than successful. Six large companies had already refused to go on working with Kinnetik, and by this point, Brian was desperate. He didn't know what to do anymore. At least Justin was still in the dark.
He should have been smarter, damn it. He should have tried to explain his reasoning to Justin. He should have told him that everything he'd been doing was for him, and for him only.
After they'd gotten married, they'd moved to Britin. The house had been expensive, and it continued eating money practically every week, but it was worth it - Brian loved it, and Justin was happy. The problem was, Brian had been thinking about the possibility of retiring for some time, and he wanted to ensure Kinnetik was safe and stable. Alliance with Stockwell would have provided him with a lot of top-class clients, but now not only did he not have them, he was also losing his old ones.
It was a disaster. A hopeless disaster, Brian had no idea how get out of it. Maybe if he could persuade Caperstones... they were influential enough, they could help if he managed to charm them - again.
Fuck.
Brian sighed, glancing at the clock. The waiting was torturous.
Suddenly the door opened, and he almost jumped, startled.
"Hey!" Justin, smiling his brilliant sunshine smile, went to his table and leaned over to give him a quick, hot kiss. "I thought I'd come and surprise you."
"Good," Brian said, the wheels in his head turning. Caperstones were old-fashioned, but they didn't mind his being gay. More than that - Mrs. Caperstone had asked about Justin the first time they'd met. Apparently she was an art-lover and was impressed by some of his paintings. If Justin came to the meeting with him, he would have more chances. Brian could be welcoming and charming, but it was usually faked, while Justin was genuinely happy to meet new people.
"It's good that you came," he murmured and stood up. "Caperstones will be here in less than an hour, you'll go with me and act as WASPish as you can, got it?"
"Sure," Justin replied, a little surprised. Brian looked him over and frowned.
"Christ. What the hell are you wearing?!"
"I've come straight from my studio, Brian," the blond reminded. "I didn't have time to change."
"Yeah, well, maybe you should have," Brian sneered. "Having paint all over you may have been attractive before, but certainly not now, at your age. You look ridiculous."
Justin's confused expression quickly turned to hurt one, but Brian was too busy to apologize. He had to carefully think through what he would say to Caperstones, what he would do if they left Kinnetik, how he would manage if all other clients followed their example. He shouldn't have snapped at Justin, but he would make it up to him later.
After all, they had all time in the world, while Kinnetik needed to be saved now.
October 19th, 2016
Present days
Brian was sitting on the floor, near the bed, with a half empty bottle of Beam in his hand. He wanted to move, but it was like all his strength had left him. He felt... numb. Numb and empty inside.
In all his life, he had never thought that Justin would really leave him. When he'd been fucking Adam, he'd known it was a possibility, but even if some part of his mind tried to warn him, his other, bigger part was just shrugging it off. Because Justin couldn't leave - he'd been his partner for twenty years. Who would want to divorce after half of life spent together?
Well, Justin did, obviously.
Flinching, Brian carefully put the bottle away and hugged his knees to his chest, closing his eyes tightly.
Christ. Had it really happened? Or was it just a nightmare that could end at any moment? A few hours had already passed, and Justin still wasn't here.
Justin still wanted to leave.
What was killing Brian - absolutely killing him - was the realization that it was his fault. Justin wanted to leave because of him. Because Brian had stopped making him happy.
When had it happened?
Looking back now, contemplating and analyzing, Brian could see all of his mistakes.
He'd started taking Justin for granted. Not for those bullshit reasons Justin had come up with, definitely not - he loved his husband, Justin was everything to him. He couldn't imagine his life without his blond - artistic, bratty, compassionate, ingenious... Devoted. Yes, he'd gotten used to him, but it was more than that - Justin had become like air to him. He hadn't stopped needing him, but maybe... maybe he'd stopped showing him his appreciation. Problems with Kinnetik engulfed him - he'd managed to win the war with Stockwell, but now he worked like crazy, trying to cover damages. He was so concentrated on future that he forgot about the present. How many times had he hurt Justin with some caustic remark or thoughtless action? He had been taking his work-related frustration on him, and, even though he wanted to apologize hundreds of times, he always put it off. And now it was too late.
Sharp ache ran through him, and Brian grimaced, wishing desperately to take back time. To change something. Kinnetik, clients, new accounts - what would he do with them without Justin? They would become meaningless, worthless. He wouldn't have any incentives to go on, to achieve something. The only thing he'd be thinking would be about what he'd lost.
No.
Overcome with sudden resolve, Brian got up on his feet and blinked, trying to fight dizziness.
No. He refused to accept that it was too late to get Justin back, to make him change his mind. Brian'd fucked up, he admitted it, but after twenty years together it was pathetic to give up just like that. He would have to find his balls and apologize to Justin, at least to explain him everything, and then let him make his decision. If he still wanted to leave, because his feelings had changed, then Brian would try to let him go. But he'd be damned if Justin left thinking he didn't love him anymore! His husband deserved more - much more.
Determined, Brian stumbled to his computer, sat on the chair and typed: "The most creative ways to ask forgiveness."
It was early in the morning when he finally shut the computer off and fell on the bed, groaning from his sore back. Fucking Internet! All pieces of advice he'd found were bullshit. Flowers, letters, poems, romantic dinners? Talk about ‘creative'. Sing a song? Ridiculous. Buy a puppy? Right, and who would take care of it after that? Brian had no intention of letting something annoying and furry live in their house.
Maybe those things could be useful in some other situation, but he hadn't just stood Justin up or fucked a secretary accidentally. Their relationship suffered from a serious case of miscommunication, and the only thing he could do to make it better was simply talk. No matter how scary it was.
But maybe he'd also buy something small for Justin, after all. It wouldn't hurt.
***
"Brian, what..." Justin's voice trailed off when he saw the bottle of their favorite wine and two glasses in the middle of the table. "Oh, no," he stepped back, shaking his head. "Don't tell me you brought me here for another excruciating conversation!"
Brian huffed, closing the door after them.
"You know how to give someone confidence," he murmured.
"What confidence? Brian..." Justin sighed and lowered himself onto their bed tiredly. "Why are you making this harder than it has to be? We have already discussed everything. What more is there to add?"
"Justin, you discussed everything. You didn't give me a chance to talk," Brian walked to him and, after some hesitation, sank to the floor and took the blond's hands in his. "I want you to listen to me. To my side of story. And if you want to leave then, I won't stop you. Or, at least, I'll try," Brian smiled wryly. Justin bit his lip in concern, but nodded slightly and squeezed his hand encouragingly.
"Okay," Brian lowered his head for a moment, gathering his strength. He'd been rehearsing what he was going to say for the whole day, but now, when Justin was prepared to listen, it was as if he'd forgotten everything.
Oh, fuck it. There was only one thing he could offer anyway - honesty.
"First, about Adam," Brian started softly, grimacing at how Justin flinched at the name. "I've been fucking him for some time, that's true. But I've never felt anything to him. Anything, Justin. I used him to deliberately hurt you."
"What?" Justin's eyes widened. "Why?!"
"Because..." Brian licked his lips nervously. "Because I thought you were cheating on me."
The blond's eyebrows rose incredulously.
"Could you repeat that?" he asked slowly.
"I thought you were cheating on me," Brian said patiently. "I went to your gallery once and saw you with that fucking musician. He was playing for you, in your studio, and you looked... fuck!" he rumpled his hair in agitation. "Now I understand how stupid it was, but back then I felt furious, I jumped to conclusions. I thought you were tired of me - you spent all your time in the gallery...
"I was drawing those fucking eighteen paintings, Brian! I wanted to make you a surprise!"
"I know! Now I know, Justin, but I didn't know it then. I asked you once if you hired someone new to help you, but you said no, so I decided you were trying to hide him. I watched you for some time, and because I was suspecting it, I thought I was seeing all possible signs of your affair with someone else. I was..." Brian chuckled mirthlessly and shook his head. "I was angry. I was hurt, so I wanted to hurt you back. I chose the first good-looking guy who knew a little bit about advertising and who came interviewing for a job, and started fucking him. It was just sex, Justin," Brian stared in his eyes, desperately hoping that he would believe him. "It didn't mean anything to me. I was obsessed with the idea of causing you pain, I didn't have time to think about Adam at all."
Justin was silent for a minute, looking at him intently. Then a hint of vulnerability touched his eyes, and he whispered:
"You don't love him? Really?"
"Justin," Brian sighed and pressed his husband's hand to his lips briefly. "I couldn't feel for anyone what I feel for you. Don't you know that? When I met you, I was cursed - or blessed, depending on who to ask," his lips curved into a small smile. "With belonging solely to you. You're it for me. I'm one of those people who never fall in love, but if we do, for us there is no love-by date. You can be pretty damn sure it's forever."
Justin's laughed with abandon, and then his eyes welled up with tears.
"Oh, Brian," he murmured. "I can't believe you said it. I thought..."
"You thought wrong. Adam was never a threat to you - no one ever could be."
"But..." gradually, joy and happiness in Justin's eyes clouded over, and he frowned. "But what about now? I can understand that when you proposed, you meant it. But later? What happened? The way you've been behaving, Brian... you've never been so cold and distant before. These last two years were the longest ones in my entire life, because you were never there for me. You're constantly busy, or bored with me - or embarrassed! I don't understand why! What changed?!"
"Justin, I've never been embarrassed with you. How could I be? I've always been proud of you, usually I have to watch to prevent myself from bragging about you to our new clients. But all in all, that's a long story," Brian had just begun to relax, but now he tensed again. "I can't say I have some good excuses... I've been a shitty partner, nothing I will say can make it better. Last year, I've made a very stupid mistake..."
While he was talking, Justin's face grew shocked, then incredulous, then angry. When Brian finally stopped, he gritted through his teeth:
"And you couldn't have told me that earlier? What the hell, Brian?! Kinnetik is my company as well, I've put a part of myself in it, and I'd appreciate being informed that it's on the verge of being destroyed!"
"I know, Justin, but..." Brian hesitated. "I hoped to deal with it myself, so you wouldn't even have to know. I'm... I'm sorry," his voice dropped. Justin pursed his lips, shaking his head in disbelief.
"And after that?" he asked. "When you found wealthy gay-friendly sponsors, and things got better, why did you continue working like crazy? You still do, Brian!"
"Justin..."
"No," the blond jumped to his feet abruptly and began to pace. "No, Brian. Everything seems a little too convenient - first with Adam, now with Stockwell... You know, I can understand your fling with Adam. You were jealous of Ethan, you wanted revenge. Fine, I get it - even though I gave you no reason, no fucking reason to mistrust me! But even if Stockwell had succeeded and ruined Kinnetik, we still would have survived, Brian. We have enough money to lead a life we're used to - or maybe even we would have had to tighten our belts, but it still wouldn't be a disaster. So I can't believe you just suddenly became obsessed with wealth!"
"Justin, I was thinking about our future!" Brian growled, growing angry himself. "We lived in poverty once, and it was a nightmare. A nightmare that I have no intention of ever repeating!"
Justin's expression softened a bit.
"I know," he said in a normal voice. "I remember. But we wouldn't have had to live in poverty, Brian. Please don't forget that I'm an artist, and though I spent most of my life working for Kinnetik, I still get recognition and admirers, and, accordingly, money. We live in an expensive house that could always be sold and exchanged for something more modest. And most importantly, you would have come up with something. I believe in you - I always have."
"But I don't want us to live ‘more modest', Justin," Brian sighed in exasperation. "We love Britin, and I want us to keep it. I want you to be able to draw whenever you feel like it, not because you feel obligated to keep us going. I was considering the possibility of retiring soon... and I also know that you want to have a child."
Justin gasped.
"Yeah," Brian smiled at him slightly with the corners of his lips, "I remember. Just because I pretended to ignore you doesn't mean I didn't hear a thing. I was thinking about it - I can't say I decided something, but it's a possibility, and if we were to have a child, I'd want us to be as financially independent as possible. So I had to work. But I've crossed the line, and I treated you like shit. I..." Brian cleared his throat, his voice suddenly hoarse. "I'm sorry, Justin. I am. But you know I love you. You can't not know."
The blond licked his lips, then shook his head slightly, as if in answer to his thoughts.
Then he moved to the door, and Brian panicked.
"What?" he asked, involuntarily taking a step after his husband in attempt to stop him. "Justin, what? What's wrong?"
"I heard you," the blond told him calmly. "I'm glad you told me everything - finally. But I need time to think."
Brian stared at him, frozen, his heart beating wildly against his ribcage. He tried desperately to catch a glimpse of something that would give him hope in Justin's eyes, but there was nothing - blue gaze was absolutely inscrutable.
"I'll see you tomorrow," the blond said, cocking his head. "In the evening, I guess, since it's Friday and you're probably going to Kinnetik."
"I'm not," Brian interjected quickly. "I thought I'd take tomorrow off. And maybe a part of the next week, too."
A hint of smile touched Justin's lips.
"Okay."
Without saying anything else, he walked out the door and closed it softly.
Brian released the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, and slowly sat on the chair, looking at the bottle of wine gloomily. Well... it was better than nothing. Better than he'd expected, but worse than he'd hoped for. Justin needed time to think - he could understand it... but it meant another sleepless night, more hours of agonizing over whether or not he would have a chance to hold him or kiss him ever again.
Fuck.
Sighing, Brian closed his eyes and leaned against the back of the chair. Justin could forgive him Adam, now that he knew it hadn't meant anything to him, but could he forgive Stockwell? Could he forgive the way Brian had been hiding the truth from him? The thoughtless, shitty way he'd been treating him?
Brian knew Justin well enough to know that there was a limit to his patience. He'd put up with two years of his constant irritable mood, but he wasn't going to take it any longer. And Brian's distrust must have hurt him deeply - it didn't seem like something Justin would be able to get over quickly. Brian would have to try making up for it for years to come.
And he was ready. He'd do it gladly - anything, if only Justin gave him another chance.
The next few hours seemed endless. Brian tried to sleep, but his thoughts kept running, so after a while he went to the window and stared through it into the darkness, brooding.
It was nearly three when he suddenly heard the door creak open. Startled, Brian turned around sharply, and exhaled when he saw a small, beloved figure standing there, looking at him softly.
"Justin?" he asked hoarsely. Slowly, the blond approached him and put his arms around his neck, hugging him, hiding his face in his shoulder. Brian closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of familiar embrace.
Was this the opportunity he'd been hoping for?
"I'm sorry," he whispered, pressing Justin closer to his chest and kissing his blond hair. "Do you hear me? I'm sorry. I don't know what has come over me in the last two years. I forgot about the real world, forgot that no relationship could survive without both sides working on it. But I never stopped loving you, Justin - never. I just never considered you would leave me, so..."
"So you decided you can act like an asshole without repercussions," Justin finished, but from his tone it was obvious that he was smiling.
"Something like that," Brian admitted, stroking his partner's back lightly. For a few moments silence reigned, then Justin cleared his throat and said:
"I'm going to talk now, and I want you to listen. Just listen, without saying anything. Okay?"
Frowning, Brian nodded and tightened his hold around his partner's waist, breathing in the smell of his hair.
"Now that I know Adam didn't mean anything to you, it doesn't hurt me anymore. What does is your lack of faith in me, in our relationship. Brian... after we've been together for so long, how could you even think I'd cheat? If I liked someone, if I wanted to try a relationship with him, I would have told you. I would have never lied, trying to lead a double life. I would have never hurt you that way. We had our problems, sure, but every couple has them, it didn't mean I suddenly decided you were boring and wanted to try walking on a razor's edge. I love you. I always loved you. It hurts to think you believed I could betray you when I have never given you reasons to doubt me. It hurts that you chose to make me believe you had a romance with someone else instead of just talking to me. And Stockwell, too..." Brian couldn't see his face, but he felt Justin shake his head in disbelief. "Why didn't you tell me? What did you think could happen - I'd leave you because our political or ethical beliefs happened to be different? I would have been angry, yes. Probably disappointed. But eventually I would have cooled down, and we'd have figured something out. That's what partners do, Brian. Especially those who've been together practically forever," Justin sighed. "I know you like I know myself, but I'm still not a mind-reader - I can't realize there are problems with Kinnetik when you just ignore me and take all your anger and resentment on me! The only reason - the only reason, Brian - that could make me leave you was if I thought you stopped loving me. And I'm terrified that it has almost happened. That it would have happened if you had chickened out and decided not to tell me the truth."
"But I did," Brian couldn't keep silent any longer. "I did, Justin. Because you're too important. Because what I feel for you is too important to just throw it away. To give up on you. On us."
"Yes, it is," Justin agreed, and Brian could tell he was smiling again. "And if you ever do something like that again..."
Ever?
Brian suddenly felt dizzy with overwhelming, profound sense of relief. Could it be so easy? Had Justin really forgiven him?
Actually, he hadn't said it out loud, so...
"Justin," he tried carefully, still holding him tightly. "Do you think maybe we could... start over?"
Justin took a breath, mumbled something unintelligible and then only buried his head deeper in Brian's shoulder.
"Hey," Brian gently pushed him aside and looked in his eyes, concerned, "what's the matter?"
Justin lowered his head, but not before Brian had noticed wet trails on his cheeks.
"Oh, fuck!" he exclaimed, horrified. "Justin, you know I can't see you crying! What's wrong this time?"
"Nothing," the blond smiled and looked at him again, love shining in his eyes. Brian's breath caught in his throat. "It's more like... tears of happiness. I... I really thought I'd lost you, Brian. The last night was terrible. I thought our marriage, and Britin, and everything else was just an illusion. A lie. I've never been happier to be proved wrong."
"Stupid twat," Brian murmured, pulling him close again. "I can't imagine how you've come with the idea of my being passionately in love with some Adam who I don't even remember all that well. Your whole yesterday's theory is the most idiotic thing I've ever heard."
"Yeah, it is," Justin laughed, then got serious again. "We don't have to start over, Brian. We can just... continue from where we've taken a break."
"Sounds amazing to me," Brian told him quietly, staring at him fixedly. Justin shivered under the force of his look, and closed his eyes when Brian leaned over to kiss him.
This kiss felt like coming home again.
...Later, when they were lying in bed, Justin's blond head on Brian's chest, Justin asked:
"Why did you bring wine?"
"For better luck," Brian shrugged, a lazy smile stretching across his reddened lips. "I thought if everything went according to my plan, then we'd celebrate with it."
"I'd say we celebrated all right," Justin teased, rested his nose against Brian's shoulder and bit it lightly.
"By the way..." Brian looked at him. "There was something you said yesterday that hurt my feelings."
"What?" Justin craned his neck, trying to gauge whether he was kidding or not. "What do you mean? I know I've said a lot..."
"About monogamy," Brian interrupted him. "You said that I'd given up tricking for Kinnetik or for Adam, but not for you. Well, that's fucking not true, and I thought you knew that."
"I thought so, too," Justin sighed. "But you've become so strange right afterwards... and I knew that tricking was a very big issue. We'd been fighting over it for more than a decade, so it felt disappointing when I realized you did it not for me."
"Of course I did it for you," Brian suddenly rolled over and pinned him to bed. "But also I did for myself. Because by then tricking had started to feel off - I often caught myself thinking about you, about how much I'd rather be with you at this moment. My ego still needs flattering, but I'm satisfied with receiving admiring looks. That's quite enough for me," Brian nuzzled his husband's neck and added: "For now."
"Asshole!" Justin tried to fight him off, but Brian held him tightly. Then, with one swift movement, he grabbed the back of Justin's head and pulled him into a kiss, their teeth and lips clashing together in a lustful mess.
"Still," Justin said, finally pulling free and breathing heavily, "I'd understand if you didn't want to stop. Twenty years is a lot to constantly live with one and same person."
"Twenty years is perfect, when it comes to you and me," Brian whispered, and covered his lips with his own again.
Epilogue
Four months later
Justin stood on the porch, smiling, watching Brian work on his laptop. The mild wind was tousling his auburn hair, dispelling the steam coming out of the cup of his morning coffee. This scene was so domestic that Justin's smile widened, and he chuckled quietly.
Brian had retired two months ago, but he still followed every campaign meticulously, always grumbling how the idiots working for him couldn't get anything done right. Justin knew it was bullshit - his husband was more than pleased with Ted's work, but probably he felt if he stopped bitching, everyone would relax and the level of work would go down.
Justin didn't mind. He loved how passionate Brian was about Kinnetik - especially now, when he stopped obsessing over it.
"Hey," he said, and when Brian turned to him, he saw he was wearing his nerdy round computer glasses. Fuck, that looked hot!
Probably Justin had accidentally said it out loud, because Brian grinned cheekily and drawled:
"Yes, it does. Why do you sound surprised? After all, it's your gift."
"Yeah," Justin lowered himself near Brian and nudged him slightly, "the gift which resulted in your hissy fit. As I recall, you've thrown them away and swore you wouldn't be caught dead wearing them."
Brian rolled his eyes.
"I changed my mind. On me they actually look good, but I still wish you'd gotten me something else instead."
"Brian," Justin nuzzled his cheek and kissed it, "when will you finally get it in that stupid head of yours that you're not old? For some people life only begins at forty."
"Hey, I'm not fucking forty!" Brian glared at him. "Don't bury me earlier than necessary!"
"You're incorrigible," Justin put his head on his partner's shoulder and closed his eyes contentedly. "Daphne's coming over today, by the way. With Markus."
"Who the fuck is Marcus?"
"Her husband!" Justin elbowed him again, this time harder. "We've been on their wedding, how could you forget his name?"
"He's a nerd. I have no idea what Daphne sees in him."
"Talking about nerds..." Justin touched his glasses, and Brian slapped his hand away.
"Leave them alone! I'm not a fucking nerd!"
"Whatever you say," Justin snickered. Then he leaned closer to the monitor of the laptop and frowned, seeing the graphics for something that was supposed to be the product they needed to advertise. The most astonishing thing was - Justin couldn't even tell what it was right away. There was no product itself on the picture, no slogan that could help figure it out.
"Weird," he mused. "What the hell is this?"
When Brian didn't answer, the blond looked at him in bewilderment and froze, seeing intent, transfixed hazel eyes glued to his. Brian leaned over him and brushed his lips gently across Justin's, inhaling his smell deeply, then pulled back and stared at him. His eyes darkened, filled with lust, so he dipped his head and kissed him again, this time harder, more urgently, and Justin lost himself in his kiss, in lips and tongue that were hungrily exploring his mouth.
When Brian finally pulled back again, Justin had hard time catching his breath.
"What was that for?" he asked, sending him a bright, joyful smile. Brian shrugged, also smiling.
"For being here," he answered simply. "For being so fucking beautiful."
Justin's mouth fell open, and he blinked, trying not to let shock linger on his face. Brian rarely said something like that, and every time he did, Justin felt taken aback. Probably it was a good thing, though, because he remembered every romantic phrase his husband had ever told him. He savored each of them, pulling them on the surface when he and Brian fought and he needed them to remind himself that even though Brian could be a real asshole, he was also a loving, attentive partner who was so in tuned to his feelings most of times that it was scary. After their almost break-up their connection seemed to strengthen, become more powerful. Brian had also changed. Sometimes Justin caught him staring at him with nearly reverent expression, as if he couldn't believe Justin was still here with him, as if he couldn't get enough of being close, of being able to touch him.
Justin reveled in those feelings.
Brian cleared his throat a little awkwardly and glanced at the monitor. Justin, trying to stop smiling, uttered:
"I didn't believe you at first, but it does look bad. Are those the approved mock-ups?"
"Yes," Brian growled, his attention immediately snapped to the disastrous work. "I swear I'll fire that fucking Theodore. Since he's gotten back together with Blake he's been useless! No one in their right minds would have ever considered approving this piece of shit!"
"I can work on it," Justin suggested. "Just let me read the task."
"Here," Brian opened the file for him, and Justin looked at him briefly.
"Could you bring me some coffee meanwhile? I want some, too."
"You can drink mine."
"It's cold."
Sighing, Brian stood up, murmuring:
"Spoiled brat."
"I heard that," Justin commented.
"I intended you to hear that!"
But Justin wasn't listening anymore - he concentrated on the description of product.
When Brian came back, he had already started changing the mock-up.
"I'll need my computer, but I think it'll look better like this," he told him, turning the laptop so he could see it. Brian carefully placed the steaming cup of coffee on the floor and sat next to Justin, studying the new picture.
"That's better," he approved. "Very good, actually. The client will love it."
"It still needs to be changed a lot," Justin said, but he was pleased with the compliment. It'd been some time since he'd worked on Kinnetik campaigns.
"You gave them a brilliant idea - the least they could do now is make something worthy out of it. And if they can't, they're fucked, because I'll personally come for employee evaluation!" Brian adjusted his glasses irritably and opened the next file. "Let's see what they've done for Caperstones."
Justin watched him, drinking his coffee, with a small smile on his face.
Brian was a hopeless workaholic. He was sarcastic and rude to his employees when he thought they deserved it, but he could also be patient and understanding. People were fearing him and admiring him at the same time, and in Justin's opinion, it was the best combination. Brian was a good boss. However, he'd been trying to stay away from Kinnetik right after their reunification, paying all of his attention to Justin solely, and he stopped only after Justin had finally threatened to kick his ass. He accepted every part of his husband, the sulky and workaholic ones included; he loved all of him. It was incredible how Brian still managed to doubt it.
At some point Brian put his left arm around Justin's shoulders, pulling him closer, continuing to work with his right one. Justin snuggled up to him and closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth emanating from Brian's body.
He felt... complete. He felt happy.
And this time, he was sure those feelings wouldn't go anywhere. Because almost having lost their life together had made both him and Brian appreciate it more than ever before. Every day was cherished, every day was more precious than the last one.
Justin was ready to do anything to make it stay that way.
He knew Brian was, too.
The end
"Yes. Yes, Mr. Doran, I understand. Of course. But if you'd let me just... but... well, fuck you, too!" Brian slammed the phone down and cursed. "Damn it!"
"Another one?" Ted asked cautiously, and Brian nodded, gritting his teeth.
"The sixth one. At such rate we'll lose Kinnetik before the end of the month! Fucking Stockwell!" Brian rubbed his eyes nervously, attempting to gain control over himself.
"Bri, I wouldn't want to mention it, but the Caperstones just called... they want a personal meeting."
"Fuck!" Brian spat. "I'm afraid I know what they want to discuss. We're so screwed..."
"What should I tell them?"
Brian thought for a moment, then waved his hand carelessly.
"Tell them to come in an hour. At least they want to talk, not cancel the contract right away. Maybe I'll be able to change their minds."
Ted looked at him sympathetically and opened his mouth, but Brian glared at him.
"I don't want to hear it! Just get out!"
Sighing, Ted left, closing the door quietly. Brian fell into his chair and shut his eyes, hoping to wake up and to realize the last month had been just a dream.
When the Chief of police Stockwell had come to him, asking to represent him, Brian wavered only for a moment before agreeing. He didn't care much about Stockwell's politics - the only thing that mattered to him was Stockwell's long list of potential wealthy clients that he was willing to share in case he won the elections. Brian assured him it could be arranged, but he thought carefully before signing the contract. He didn't need to discuss it with Justin to know how incredulous and furious with him he would be. His husband hated Stockwell, hated his homophobic promises to fight the decision to legalize same-sex marriage. Brian knew Justin would despise him for this, and more than anything he wanted to avoid seeing the disappointed look in his eyes. So, he agreed to help Stockwell, but was adamant that his name would not be mentioned publicly. He didn't need additional advertising for his agency - Stockwell's list would suffice just fine.
Now he understood what a dumb idea it had been. Justin was interested in politics, there was no way he wouldn't have found out. Brian had tried to resist his inner fear and doubts at first, but then one morning Justin had started a heated discussion about how Pennsylvania'd made a step forward having legalized same-sex marriage, and how with a mayor like Stockwell they were going to get stuck in the past again. He was so angry, so upset that Brian decided to go to extremes and terminate the contract with Stockwell. Another dumb move. He should have just let the bastard lose - his reputation might have suffered, but now, considering how things were going, he'd lose Kinnetik altogether in the next few weeks! Stockwell had been enraged. He'd promised to destroy him, and, well, he was more than successful. Six large companies had already refused to go on working with Kinnetik, and by this point, Brian was desperate. He didn't know what to do anymore. At least Justin was still in the dark.
He should have been smarter, damn it. He should have tried to explain his reasoning to Justin. He should have told him that everything he'd been doing was for him, and for him only.
After they'd gotten married, they'd moved to Britin. The house had been expensive, and it continued eating money practically every week, but it was worth it - Brian loved it, and Justin was happy. The problem was, Brian had been thinking about the possibility of retiring for some time, and he wanted to ensure Kinnetik was safe and stable. Alliance with Stockwell would have provided him with a lot of top-class clients, but now not only did he not have them, he was also losing his old ones.
It was a disaster. A hopeless disaster, Brian had no idea how get out of it. Maybe if he could persuade Caperstones... they were influential enough, they could help if he managed to charm them - again.
Fuck.
Brian sighed, glancing at the clock. The waiting was torturous.
Suddenly the door opened, and he almost jumped, startled.
"Hey!" Justin, smiling his brilliant sunshine smile, went to his table and leaned over to give him a quick, hot kiss. "I thought I'd come and surprise you."
"Good," Brian said, the wheels in his head turning. Caperstones were old-fashioned, but they didn't mind his being gay. More than that - Mrs. Caperstone had asked about Justin the first time they'd met. Apparently she was an art-lover and was impressed by some of his paintings. If Justin came to the meeting with him, he would have more chances. Brian could be welcoming and charming, but it was usually faked, while Justin was genuinely happy to meet new people.
"It's good that you came," he murmured and stood up. "Caperstones will be here in less than an hour, you'll go with me and act as WASPish as you can, got it?"
"Sure," Justin replied, a little surprised. Brian looked him over and frowned.
"Christ. What the hell are you wearing?!"
"I've come straight from my studio, Brian," the blond reminded. "I didn't have time to change."
"Yeah, well, maybe you should have," Brian sneered. "Having paint all over you may have been attractive before, but certainly not now, at your age. You look ridiculous."
Justin's confused expression quickly turned to hurt one, but Brian was too busy to apologize. He had to carefully think through what he would say to Caperstones, what he would do if they left Kinnetik, how he would manage if all other clients followed their example. He shouldn't have snapped at Justin, but he would make it up to him later.
After all, they had all time in the world, while Kinnetik needed to be saved now.
October 19th, 2016
Present days
Brian was sitting on the floor, near the bed, with a half empty bottle of Beam in his hand. He wanted to move, but it was like all his strength had left him. He felt... numb. Numb and empty inside.
In all his life, he had never thought that Justin would really leave him. When he'd been fucking Adam, he'd known it was a possibility, but even if some part of his mind tried to warn him, his other, bigger part was just shrugging it off. Because Justin couldn't leave - he'd been his partner for twenty years. Who would want to divorce after half of life spent together?
Well, Justin did, obviously.
Flinching, Brian carefully put the bottle away and hugged his knees to his chest, closing his eyes tightly.
Christ. Had it really happened? Or was it just a nightmare that could end at any moment? A few hours had already passed, and Justin still wasn't here.
Justin still wanted to leave.
What was killing Brian - absolutely killing him - was the realization that it was his fault. Justin wanted to leave because of him. Because Brian had stopped making him happy.
When had it happened?
Looking back now, contemplating and analyzing, Brian could see all of his mistakes.
He'd started taking Justin for granted. Not for those bullshit reasons Justin had come up with, definitely not - he loved his husband, Justin was everything to him. He couldn't imagine his life without his blond - artistic, bratty, compassionate, ingenious... Devoted. Yes, he'd gotten used to him, but it was more than that - Justin had become like air to him. He hadn't stopped needing him, but maybe... maybe he'd stopped showing him his appreciation. Problems with Kinnetik engulfed him - he'd managed to win the war with Stockwell, but now he worked like crazy, trying to cover damages. He was so concentrated on future that he forgot about the present. How many times had he hurt Justin with some caustic remark or thoughtless action? He had been taking his work-related frustration on him, and, even though he wanted to apologize hundreds of times, he always put it off. And now it was too late.
Sharp ache ran through him, and Brian grimaced, wishing desperately to take back time. To change something. Kinnetik, clients, new accounts - what would he do with them without Justin? They would become meaningless, worthless. He wouldn't have any incentives to go on, to achieve something. The only thing he'd be thinking would be about what he'd lost.
No.
Overcome with sudden resolve, Brian got up on his feet and blinked, trying to fight dizziness.
No. He refused to accept that it was too late to get Justin back, to make him change his mind. Brian'd fucked up, he admitted it, but after twenty years together it was pathetic to give up just like that. He would have to find his balls and apologize to Justin, at least to explain him everything, and then let him make his decision. If he still wanted to leave, because his feelings had changed, then Brian would try to let him go. But he'd be damned if Justin left thinking he didn't love him anymore! His husband deserved more - much more.
Determined, Brian stumbled to his computer, sat on the chair and typed: "The most creative ways to ask forgiveness."
It was early in the morning when he finally shut the computer off and fell on the bed, groaning from his sore back. Fucking Internet! All pieces of advice he'd found were bullshit. Flowers, letters, poems, romantic dinners? Talk about ‘creative'. Sing a song? Ridiculous. Buy a puppy? Right, and who would take care of it after that? Brian had no intention of letting something annoying and furry live in their house.
Maybe those things could be useful in some other situation, but he hadn't just stood Justin up or fucked a secretary accidentally. Their relationship suffered from a serious case of miscommunication, and the only thing he could do to make it better was simply talk. No matter how scary it was.
But maybe he'd also buy something small for Justin, after all. It wouldn't hurt.
***
"Brian, what..." Justin's voice trailed off when he saw the bottle of their favorite wine and two glasses in the middle of the table. "Oh, no," he stepped back, shaking his head. "Don't tell me you brought me here for another excruciating conversation!"
Brian huffed, closing the door after them.
"You know how to give someone confidence," he murmured.
"What confidence? Brian..." Justin sighed and lowered himself onto their bed tiredly. "Why are you making this harder than it has to be? We have already discussed everything. What more is there to add?"
"Justin, you discussed everything. You didn't give me a chance to talk," Brian walked to him and, after some hesitation, sank to the floor and took the blond's hands in his. "I want you to listen to me. To my side of story. And if you want to leave then, I won't stop you. Or, at least, I'll try," Brian smiled wryly. Justin bit his lip in concern, but nodded slightly and squeezed his hand encouragingly.
"Okay," Brian lowered his head for a moment, gathering his strength. He'd been rehearsing what he was going to say for the whole day, but now, when Justin was prepared to listen, it was as if he'd forgotten everything.
Oh, fuck it. There was only one thing he could offer anyway - honesty.
"First, about Adam," Brian started softly, grimacing at how Justin flinched at the name. "I've been fucking him for some time, that's true. But I've never felt anything to him. Anything, Justin. I used him to deliberately hurt you."
"What?" Justin's eyes widened. "Why?!"
"Because..." Brian licked his lips nervously. "Because I thought you were cheating on me."
The blond's eyebrows rose incredulously.
"Could you repeat that?" he asked slowly.
"I thought you were cheating on me," Brian said patiently. "I went to your gallery once and saw you with that fucking musician. He was playing for you, in your studio, and you looked... fuck!" he rumpled his hair in agitation. "Now I understand how stupid it was, but back then I felt furious, I jumped to conclusions. I thought you were tired of me - you spent all your time in the gallery...
"I was drawing those fucking eighteen paintings, Brian! I wanted to make you a surprise!"
"I know! Now I know, Justin, but I didn't know it then. I asked you once if you hired someone new to help you, but you said no, so I decided you were trying to hide him. I watched you for some time, and because I was suspecting it, I thought I was seeing all possible signs of your affair with someone else. I was..." Brian chuckled mirthlessly and shook his head. "I was angry. I was hurt, so I wanted to hurt you back. I chose the first good-looking guy who knew a little bit about advertising and who came interviewing for a job, and started fucking him. It was just sex, Justin," Brian stared in his eyes, desperately hoping that he would believe him. "It didn't mean anything to me. I was obsessed with the idea of causing you pain, I didn't have time to think about Adam at all."
Justin was silent for a minute, looking at him intently. Then a hint of vulnerability touched his eyes, and he whispered:
"You don't love him? Really?"
"Justin," Brian sighed and pressed his husband's hand to his lips briefly. "I couldn't feel for anyone what I feel for you. Don't you know that? When I met you, I was cursed - or blessed, depending on who to ask," his lips curved into a small smile. "With belonging solely to you. You're it for me. I'm one of those people who never fall in love, but if we do, for us there is no love-by date. You can be pretty damn sure it's forever."
Justin's laughed with abandon, and then his eyes welled up with tears.
"Oh, Brian," he murmured. "I can't believe you said it. I thought..."
"You thought wrong. Adam was never a threat to you - no one ever could be."
"But..." gradually, joy and happiness in Justin's eyes clouded over, and he frowned. "But what about now? I can understand that when you proposed, you meant it. But later? What happened? The way you've been behaving, Brian... you've never been so cold and distant before. These last two years were the longest ones in my entire life, because you were never there for me. You're constantly busy, or bored with me - or embarrassed! I don't understand why! What changed?!"
"Justin, I've never been embarrassed with you. How could I be? I've always been proud of you, usually I have to watch to prevent myself from bragging about you to our new clients. But all in all, that's a long story," Brian had just begun to relax, but now he tensed again. "I can't say I have some good excuses... I've been a shitty partner, nothing I will say can make it better. Last year, I've made a very stupid mistake..."
While he was talking, Justin's face grew shocked, then incredulous, then angry. When Brian finally stopped, he gritted through his teeth:
"And you couldn't have told me that earlier? What the hell, Brian?! Kinnetik is my company as well, I've put a part of myself in it, and I'd appreciate being informed that it's on the verge of being destroyed!"
"I know, Justin, but..." Brian hesitated. "I hoped to deal with it myself, so you wouldn't even have to know. I'm... I'm sorry," his voice dropped. Justin pursed his lips, shaking his head in disbelief.
"And after that?" he asked. "When you found wealthy gay-friendly sponsors, and things got better, why did you continue working like crazy? You still do, Brian!"
"Justin..."
"No," the blond jumped to his feet abruptly and began to pace. "No, Brian. Everything seems a little too convenient - first with Adam, now with Stockwell... You know, I can understand your fling with Adam. You were jealous of Ethan, you wanted revenge. Fine, I get it - even though I gave you no reason, no fucking reason to mistrust me! But even if Stockwell had succeeded and ruined Kinnetik, we still would have survived, Brian. We have enough money to lead a life we're used to - or maybe even we would have had to tighten our belts, but it still wouldn't be a disaster. So I can't believe you just suddenly became obsessed with wealth!"
"Justin, I was thinking about our future!" Brian growled, growing angry himself. "We lived in poverty once, and it was a nightmare. A nightmare that I have no intention of ever repeating!"
Justin's expression softened a bit.
"I know," he said in a normal voice. "I remember. But we wouldn't have had to live in poverty, Brian. Please don't forget that I'm an artist, and though I spent most of my life working for Kinnetik, I still get recognition and admirers, and, accordingly, money. We live in an expensive house that could always be sold and exchanged for something more modest. And most importantly, you would have come up with something. I believe in you - I always have."
"But I don't want us to live ‘more modest', Justin," Brian sighed in exasperation. "We love Britin, and I want us to keep it. I want you to be able to draw whenever you feel like it, not because you feel obligated to keep us going. I was considering the possibility of retiring soon... and I also know that you want to have a child."
Justin gasped.
"Yeah," Brian smiled at him slightly with the corners of his lips, "I remember. Just because I pretended to ignore you doesn't mean I didn't hear a thing. I was thinking about it - I can't say I decided something, but it's a possibility, and if we were to have a child, I'd want us to be as financially independent as possible. So I had to work. But I've crossed the line, and I treated you like shit. I..." Brian cleared his throat, his voice suddenly hoarse. "I'm sorry, Justin. I am. But you know I love you. You can't not know."
The blond licked his lips, then shook his head slightly, as if in answer to his thoughts.
Then he moved to the door, and Brian panicked.
"What?" he asked, involuntarily taking a step after his husband in attempt to stop him. "Justin, what? What's wrong?"
"I heard you," the blond told him calmly. "I'm glad you told me everything - finally. But I need time to think."
Brian stared at him, frozen, his heart beating wildly against his ribcage. He tried desperately to catch a glimpse of something that would give him hope in Justin's eyes, but there was nothing - blue gaze was absolutely inscrutable.
"I'll see you tomorrow," the blond said, cocking his head. "In the evening, I guess, since it's Friday and you're probably going to Kinnetik."
"I'm not," Brian interjected quickly. "I thought I'd take tomorrow off. And maybe a part of the next week, too."
A hint of smile touched Justin's lips.
"Okay."
Without saying anything else, he walked out the door and closed it softly.
Brian released the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, and slowly sat on the chair, looking at the bottle of wine gloomily. Well... it was better than nothing. Better than he'd expected, but worse than he'd hoped for. Justin needed time to think - he could understand it... but it meant another sleepless night, more hours of agonizing over whether or not he would have a chance to hold him or kiss him ever again.
Fuck.
Sighing, Brian closed his eyes and leaned against the back of the chair. Justin could forgive him Adam, now that he knew it hadn't meant anything to him, but could he forgive Stockwell? Could he forgive the way Brian had been hiding the truth from him? The thoughtless, shitty way he'd been treating him?
Brian knew Justin well enough to know that there was a limit to his patience. He'd put up with two years of his constant irritable mood, but he wasn't going to take it any longer. And Brian's distrust must have hurt him deeply - it didn't seem like something Justin would be able to get over quickly. Brian would have to try making up for it for years to come.
And he was ready. He'd do it gladly - anything, if only Justin gave him another chance.
The next few hours seemed endless. Brian tried to sleep, but his thoughts kept running, so after a while he went to the window and stared through it into the darkness, brooding.
It was nearly three when he suddenly heard the door creak open. Startled, Brian turned around sharply, and exhaled when he saw a small, beloved figure standing there, looking at him softly.
"Justin?" he asked hoarsely. Slowly, the blond approached him and put his arms around his neck, hugging him, hiding his face in his shoulder. Brian closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of familiar embrace.
Was this the opportunity he'd been hoping for?
"I'm sorry," he whispered, pressing Justin closer to his chest and kissing his blond hair. "Do you hear me? I'm sorry. I don't know what has come over me in the last two years. I forgot about the real world, forgot that no relationship could survive without both sides working on it. But I never stopped loving you, Justin - never. I just never considered you would leave me, so..."
"So you decided you can act like an asshole without repercussions," Justin finished, but from his tone it was obvious that he was smiling.
"Something like that," Brian admitted, stroking his partner's back lightly. For a few moments silence reigned, then Justin cleared his throat and said:
"I'm going to talk now, and I want you to listen. Just listen, without saying anything. Okay?"
Frowning, Brian nodded and tightened his hold around his partner's waist, breathing in the smell of his hair.
"Now that I know Adam didn't mean anything to you, it doesn't hurt me anymore. What does is your lack of faith in me, in our relationship. Brian... after we've been together for so long, how could you even think I'd cheat? If I liked someone, if I wanted to try a relationship with him, I would have told you. I would have never lied, trying to lead a double life. I would have never hurt you that way. We had our problems, sure, but every couple has them, it didn't mean I suddenly decided you were boring and wanted to try walking on a razor's edge. I love you. I always loved you. It hurts to think you believed I could betray you when I have never given you reasons to doubt me. It hurts that you chose to make me believe you had a romance with someone else instead of just talking to me. And Stockwell, too..." Brian couldn't see his face, but he felt Justin shake his head in disbelief. "Why didn't you tell me? What did you think could happen - I'd leave you because our political or ethical beliefs happened to be different? I would have been angry, yes. Probably disappointed. But eventually I would have cooled down, and we'd have figured something out. That's what partners do, Brian. Especially those who've been together practically forever," Justin sighed. "I know you like I know myself, but I'm still not a mind-reader - I can't realize there are problems with Kinnetik when you just ignore me and take all your anger and resentment on me! The only reason - the only reason, Brian - that could make me leave you was if I thought you stopped loving me. And I'm terrified that it has almost happened. That it would have happened if you had chickened out and decided not to tell me the truth."
"But I did," Brian couldn't keep silent any longer. "I did, Justin. Because you're too important. Because what I feel for you is too important to just throw it away. To give up on you. On us."
"Yes, it is," Justin agreed, and Brian could tell he was smiling again. "And if you ever do something like that again..."
Ever?
Brian suddenly felt dizzy with overwhelming, profound sense of relief. Could it be so easy? Had Justin really forgiven him?
Actually, he hadn't said it out loud, so...
"Justin," he tried carefully, still holding him tightly. "Do you think maybe we could... start over?"
Justin took a breath, mumbled something unintelligible and then only buried his head deeper in Brian's shoulder.
"Hey," Brian gently pushed him aside and looked in his eyes, concerned, "what's the matter?"
Justin lowered his head, but not before Brian had noticed wet trails on his cheeks.
"Oh, fuck!" he exclaimed, horrified. "Justin, you know I can't see you crying! What's wrong this time?"
"Nothing," the blond smiled and looked at him again, love shining in his eyes. Brian's breath caught in his throat. "It's more like... tears of happiness. I... I really thought I'd lost you, Brian. The last night was terrible. I thought our marriage, and Britin, and everything else was just an illusion. A lie. I've never been happier to be proved wrong."
"Stupid twat," Brian murmured, pulling him close again. "I can't imagine how you've come with the idea of my being passionately in love with some Adam who I don't even remember all that well. Your whole yesterday's theory is the most idiotic thing I've ever heard."
"Yeah, it is," Justin laughed, then got serious again. "We don't have to start over, Brian. We can just... continue from where we've taken a break."
"Sounds amazing to me," Brian told him quietly, staring at him fixedly. Justin shivered under the force of his look, and closed his eyes when Brian leaned over to kiss him.
This kiss felt like coming home again.
...Later, when they were lying in bed, Justin's blond head on Brian's chest, Justin asked:
"Why did you bring wine?"
"For better luck," Brian shrugged, a lazy smile stretching across his reddened lips. "I thought if everything went according to my plan, then we'd celebrate with it."
"I'd say we celebrated all right," Justin teased, rested his nose against Brian's shoulder and bit it lightly.
"By the way..." Brian looked at him. "There was something you said yesterday that hurt my feelings."
"What?" Justin craned his neck, trying to gauge whether he was kidding or not. "What do you mean? I know I've said a lot..."
"About monogamy," Brian interrupted him. "You said that I'd given up tricking for Kinnetik or for Adam, but not for you. Well, that's fucking not true, and I thought you knew that."
"I thought so, too," Justin sighed. "But you've become so strange right afterwards... and I knew that tricking was a very big issue. We'd been fighting over it for more than a decade, so it felt disappointing when I realized you did it not for me."
"Of course I did it for you," Brian suddenly rolled over and pinned him to bed. "But also I did for myself. Because by then tricking had started to feel off - I often caught myself thinking about you, about how much I'd rather be with you at this moment. My ego still needs flattering, but I'm satisfied with receiving admiring looks. That's quite enough for me," Brian nuzzled his husband's neck and added: "For now."
"Asshole!" Justin tried to fight him off, but Brian held him tightly. Then, with one swift movement, he grabbed the back of Justin's head and pulled him into a kiss, their teeth and lips clashing together in a lustful mess.
"Still," Justin said, finally pulling free and breathing heavily, "I'd understand if you didn't want to stop. Twenty years is a lot to constantly live with one and same person."
"Twenty years is perfect, when it comes to you and me," Brian whispered, and covered his lips with his own again.
Epilogue
Four months later
Justin stood on the porch, smiling, watching Brian work on his laptop. The mild wind was tousling his auburn hair, dispelling the steam coming out of the cup of his morning coffee. This scene was so domestic that Justin's smile widened, and he chuckled quietly.
Brian had retired two months ago, but he still followed every campaign meticulously, always grumbling how the idiots working for him couldn't get anything done right. Justin knew it was bullshit - his husband was more than pleased with Ted's work, but probably he felt if he stopped bitching, everyone would relax and the level of work would go down.
Justin didn't mind. He loved how passionate Brian was about Kinnetik - especially now, when he stopped obsessing over it.
"Hey," he said, and when Brian turned to him, he saw he was wearing his nerdy round computer glasses. Fuck, that looked hot!
Probably Justin had accidentally said it out loud, because Brian grinned cheekily and drawled:
"Yes, it does. Why do you sound surprised? After all, it's your gift."
"Yeah," Justin lowered himself near Brian and nudged him slightly, "the gift which resulted in your hissy fit. As I recall, you've thrown them away and swore you wouldn't be caught dead wearing them."
Brian rolled his eyes.
"I changed my mind. On me they actually look good, but I still wish you'd gotten me something else instead."
"Brian," Justin nuzzled his cheek and kissed it, "when will you finally get it in that stupid head of yours that you're not old? For some people life only begins at forty."
"Hey, I'm not fucking forty!" Brian glared at him. "Don't bury me earlier than necessary!"
"You're incorrigible," Justin put his head on his partner's shoulder and closed his eyes contentedly. "Daphne's coming over today, by the way. With Markus."
"Who the fuck is Marcus?"
"Her husband!" Justin elbowed him again, this time harder. "We've been on their wedding, how could you forget his name?"
"He's a nerd. I have no idea what Daphne sees in him."
"Talking about nerds..." Justin touched his glasses, and Brian slapped his hand away.
"Leave them alone! I'm not a fucking nerd!"
"Whatever you say," Justin snickered. Then he leaned closer to the monitor of the laptop and frowned, seeing the graphics for something that was supposed to be the product they needed to advertise. The most astonishing thing was - Justin couldn't even tell what it was right away. There was no product itself on the picture, no slogan that could help figure it out.
"Weird," he mused. "What the hell is this?"
When Brian didn't answer, the blond looked at him in bewilderment and froze, seeing intent, transfixed hazel eyes glued to his. Brian leaned over him and brushed his lips gently across Justin's, inhaling his smell deeply, then pulled back and stared at him. His eyes darkened, filled with lust, so he dipped his head and kissed him again, this time harder, more urgently, and Justin lost himself in his kiss, in lips and tongue that were hungrily exploring his mouth.
When Brian finally pulled back again, Justin had hard time catching his breath.
"What was that for?" he asked, sending him a bright, joyful smile. Brian shrugged, also smiling.
"For being here," he answered simply. "For being so fucking beautiful."
Justin's mouth fell open, and he blinked, trying not to let shock linger on his face. Brian rarely said something like that, and every time he did, Justin felt taken aback. Probably it was a good thing, though, because he remembered every romantic phrase his husband had ever told him. He savored each of them, pulling them on the surface when he and Brian fought and he needed them to remind himself that even though Brian could be a real asshole, he was also a loving, attentive partner who was so in tuned to his feelings most of times that it was scary. After their almost break-up their connection seemed to strengthen, become more powerful. Brian had also changed. Sometimes Justin caught him staring at him with nearly reverent expression, as if he couldn't believe Justin was still here with him, as if he couldn't get enough of being close, of being able to touch him.
Justin reveled in those feelings.
Brian cleared his throat a little awkwardly and glanced at the monitor. Justin, trying to stop smiling, uttered:
"I didn't believe you at first, but it does look bad. Are those the approved mock-ups?"
"Yes," Brian growled, his attention immediately snapped to the disastrous work. "I swear I'll fire that fucking Theodore. Since he's gotten back together with Blake he's been useless! No one in their right minds would have ever considered approving this piece of shit!"
"I can work on it," Justin suggested. "Just let me read the task."
"Here," Brian opened the file for him, and Justin looked at him briefly.
"Could you bring me some coffee meanwhile? I want some, too."
"You can drink mine."
"It's cold."
Sighing, Brian stood up, murmuring:
"Spoiled brat."
"I heard that," Justin commented.
"I intended you to hear that!"
But Justin wasn't listening anymore - he concentrated on the description of product.
When Brian came back, he had already started changing the mock-up.
"I'll need my computer, but I think it'll look better like this," he told him, turning the laptop so he could see it. Brian carefully placed the steaming cup of coffee on the floor and sat next to Justin, studying the new picture.
"That's better," he approved. "Very good, actually. The client will love it."
"It still needs to be changed a lot," Justin said, but he was pleased with the compliment. It'd been some time since he'd worked on Kinnetik campaigns.
"You gave them a brilliant idea - the least they could do now is make something worthy out of it. And if they can't, they're fucked, because I'll personally come for employee evaluation!" Brian adjusted his glasses irritably and opened the next file. "Let's see what they've done for Caperstones."
Justin watched him, drinking his coffee, with a small smile on his face.
Brian was a hopeless workaholic. He was sarcastic and rude to his employees when he thought they deserved it, but he could also be patient and understanding. People were fearing him and admiring him at the same time, and in Justin's opinion, it was the best combination. Brian was a good boss. However, he'd been trying to stay away from Kinnetik right after their reunification, paying all of his attention to Justin solely, and he stopped only after Justin had finally threatened to kick his ass. He accepted every part of his husband, the sulky and workaholic ones included; he loved all of him. It was incredible how Brian still managed to doubt it.
At some point Brian put his left arm around Justin's shoulders, pulling him closer, continuing to work with his right one. Justin snuggled up to him and closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth emanating from Brian's body.
He felt... complete. He felt happy.
And this time, he was sure those feelings wouldn't go anywhere. Because almost having lost their life together had made both him and Brian appreciate it more than ever before. Every day was cherished, every day was more precious than the last one.
Justin was ready to do anything to make it stay that way.
He knew Brian was, too.
The end