Scrying for Beginnings
Where should I begin?
For those of you who don’t know, after Ryan left for April’s open arms, I found a friend online named Ami. She was funny, charming, smart, and female trans-gender. I was depressed and curious and she made me smile.
Our friendship grew over the next few weeks and it was obvious that our attraction to each other was more than just friendly. I was transfixed. She was so full of life!
One night, she climbed on top of me and asked if there was sexual tension between us. I had to say "yes". That night has a really high spot on my list of "Best Moments Ever".
We started a "Friends with Benefits" relationship and it was amazing, full of fun and laughter and late night talks about anything!
As time went on and I grew to know her more, I fell faster and harder. I actually tried NOT to because I knew she had no interest in a relationship right now. She was happy being free to do what she wanted and I respected that. She also said she didn’t think it was fair to the other person to start a relationship when she was going through so many changes.
It didn’t stop my heart from becoming more attached.
Time passes.
Ami asks me if I would be ok with her starting another "friends with benefits" relationship with someone else who had expressed interest. My gut instinct was to say no and I knew then that I was going to have to tell her my true feelings toward her.
We spent the night talking, crying and hugging as I expressed my sentiments and she tried to let me down easy that a relationship wasn’t what she wanted. It was a hard night for me but in the end, I knew I wasn’t going to throw away what Ami and I had simply because my heart wanted more.
More time passes.
My friend Dave came back to town and we were playing around with the idea of having a threesome with him. I thought it would help my emotions not be so tangled up in Ami and I was always willing to try new things with people I trusted.
Dave wasn’t sure about having a threesome with me and Ami (mostly cause he was a virgin and some because Ami still had male equipment). I had the idea that if I had sex with Dave away from Ami, he would be more comfortable with the idea. I called Ami to ask, "I am really horny and I would love to break Dave's cherry. Would you be ok with that?"
To my complete surprise, she wasn't.
She said that when she heard what I wanted to do, she got nauseated. Ami told me that she had been thinking about a relationship with me but all of the unknowns were holding her back.
I knew I was telling Dave no at this point and I knew I needed to talk to Ami about this, right then and there. I drove Dave home, making sure he was ok with how things played out and then drove straight over to Amis.
We talked.
We talked about past relationship failures, present concerns, personal preference, emotional connections, happiness, obligation worries...we talked until we were all talked out and at the end of it all, we had to agree to try.
I am now in the second relationship of my life with Ami, and I am on cloud nine right now. I might not stay there forever but for right now, its an amazing way to be.
I love you all!
Rhonda