And from the sounds of it, you would be well within your rights to send this. I think this is very calm, balanced and fair. You're not attacking in return, you're simply making your boundaries clear, and nothing could be healthier.
lol i don't mind at all! (kind of the thing of putting it on the blog, you know?). Thanks! It's actually really reassuring!! it's really hard for me to not attack back and I've been trying to be as level headed as possible, but I worried that I was being underhandedly cranky, you know?
The fact that you worried puts you miles ahead of so many other people who don't give a damn what they say and who they hurt, so you definitely have my respect.
That seems like a very reasonable thing to do, and sounds like some very healthy boundary setting.
My only suggestion (which you did not solicit, and I hope you will please disregard at will) is that if you want to keep it as emotionally "clean" as possible, you might delete this bit:
Maybe that's what you mean to do. If so, that's pretty toxic, because you don't know me either.
It would be satisfying to say -- and it sounds like it would be entirely fair to say it -- but out of everything you wrote, it's the only part that comes across as being about her (i.e., your judgment of her character) rather than about you and your boundaries and choices. If you want to keep it more neutral for the sake of future encounters and the general family context, removing that wee bit might be worth considering.
That's the line on re-read that I *totally* was thinking of deleting! Because yes, it definitely was not neutral :) and i think saying it here made it so I don't have to say i there, you know?
I'm pretty sure I read the conversation that provoked this, and I think that you're definitely within your rights to send this. (I was never that considerate of those of my cousins I did this with, to be honest--just defriended them, because while I'll be happy to be pleasant to them at a family gathering, I was incapable of doing anything but raging at them at that point.)
You have the right to avoid being abused and insulted on Facebook--especially on your OWN Facebook. Take whatever steps you need to in order to make that happen.
I'm pretty sure you did too, and I'm soooo close to sending this. And I was contemplating defriending without it too, don't get me wrong. But I do actually get a certain kind of satisfaction by pointing out why things didn't work, and considering the interactions she and I have had where she's always been the one to throw gas and light it on fire, part of me wants to be the one to lob back something level headed but final, you know?
The other part of me has my mom and my aunt (not her mother) in my head both feeling bad because our family is pretty disconnected sort of asking me to put up with her for their sake. Which, I know, not healthy, but sometimes is how family gets negotiated.
thanks for the support though Mir - I'm going to keep your encouragement in mind cuz you're right, I have the right not to be insulted on my own faceboook :)
Well, you've said here that you are perfectly willing to interact with her at family gatherings. If you feel like you have to keep her as a friend on Facebook (I understand, family is sometimes like that--mine isn't, but that's both a positive and a negative thing), maybe just stop responding to her when she leaves that kind of comment? Don't even acknowledge that kind of comment from her. If she leaves a normal, reasonable, pleasant comment, respond to those, but just don't engage at all.
Comments 8
(If you don't mind the opinion of a stranger.)
Reply
Reply
Reply
My only suggestion (which you did not solicit, and I hope you will please disregard at will) is that if you want to keep it as emotionally "clean" as possible, you might delete this bit:
Maybe that's what you mean to do. If so, that's pretty toxic, because you don't know me either.
It would be satisfying to say -- and it sounds like it would be entirely fair to say it -- but out of everything you wrote, it's the only part that comes across as being about her (i.e., your judgment of her character) rather than about you and your boundaries and choices. If you want to keep it more neutral for the sake of future encounters and the general family context, removing that wee bit might be worth considering.
Also: Hi, there. :-)
Reply
also HI!!!!
Reply
You have the right to avoid being abused and insulted on Facebook--especially on your OWN Facebook. Take whatever steps you need to in order to make that happen.
Reply
The other part of me has my mom and my aunt (not her mother) in my head both feeling bad because our family is pretty disconnected sort of asking me to put up with her for their sake. Which, I know, not healthy, but sometimes is how family gets negotiated.
thanks for the support though Mir - I'm going to keep your encouragement in mind cuz you're right, I have the right not to be insulted on my own faceboook :)
Reply
*hugs* Family is hard.
Reply
Leave a comment