Comments | katemacaroni: til my last breath...

katemacaroni

til my last breath...

Oct 25, 2006 21:00

'sso, um, without being dramatic or whatever, i'm losing it. my parents got all weepy cause they found out i've been cutting again, and i don't knwo if any of you have made your dads cry recently, but it sucks. and if one more person says "i don't understand what this is all about" i'm going to hurt them. i try not to bitch too much about all ( Read more... )

Comments 6

ragdoll1014 October 26 2006, 02:15:18 UTC

Well... I do the same thing, the whole self-destructive-because-it's-better-that-way thing. Only I pull hair and don't leave marks. So I know where you're coming from, and I know not to tell you to stop. Being able to have control over some pain in your life is something you need. Have you told you parents that?

I went from cutting to pulling hair years ago so I'm not sure how I went about switching, but it's nicer to be missing eyebrows or eyelashes than it is to have a scar or be in the hospital. Maybe you could try something like that... If you want to talk about it, I don't have AIM anymore but my yahoo is weelittlemidget.

And I can understand not having the fight to do the wrong things right. Sometimes you NEED to lay in bed eating for a week and let things pile up because you'll feel better later. Sometimes right then isn't the time to do things.

duckyshepherd October 26 2006, 03:43:29 UTC

Don't worry that you're letting anyone down, you're not. none of anything I know going on with you right now is easy for ANYONE to deal with and that you have several really really shitty things going on all at once, as far as I'm concerned, you're taking it well. call me, IM, LJ whatever, you know I'm here if you need me.

moviemaster October 26 2006, 16:10:58 UTC

So you're tired of disapointing people which means i am supposed to be a good friend by agreeing with the two dumbasses who say go ahead and cut yourself? That's a load of bullshit Kate and you know it.

I am not dissapointed...I am concerned. And if you have enough strength to actually cause yourself harm to the point of cutting your wrists or pulling out your hair or whatever, then why dont you have enough strength to not do those things. It doesn't accomplish anything, you know that, you're smarter then that and you need to take back control over your life and get help. If you want things to get better, then take the first step and do it. Nobody is going to fix this for you, but we will support you along the way....but you have to fight for it. Please.

katemacaroni October 26 2006, 18:32:23 UTC

ouch, ouch and fucking OUCH.

let me say in the nicest way possible that given your recent behavior, you have no right whatsoever to call anyone else a dumbass. period.

you want to talk about getting help? okay. in the past nine months i've gone on seven different psychoactive medications, spent over $2000 of my own money to see a psychiatrist so i can talk about what's going on as well as some pastoral counseling, gotten up the courage to talk to my parents about putting me in an inpatient program at a mental hospital, and seen five different specialists to rule out the possibility that there might be something physically wrong with me. what did i miss? what would you suggest i do next?

you seem to be under the impression that i can just will this all to go away. heaven knows i wish it were that simple. you think i like this, looking like a psycho bitch and alienating everyone who ever gave a damn about me? or maybe you think i'm practically killing myself from this inside out because i enjoy the kind of attention i get ( ... )

stankerthegreat October 27 2006, 04:19:03 UTC

I suggest you did what i did. Go check into a hospital, soon, and have them take a look at your medication. I know that when i had my problems it was because they had put me on medication that was making me act bipolar and that led them to diagnose me as bipolar. And as time went on and the medication wasnt working, they put me on a higher dose. That made it worse. I believe that the best thing you can do right now is to check yourself into a hospitsl and do something about all the medication.
Im sorry if this seems like im being mean but im really only trying to help.

mfpantst October 27 2006, 12:42:41 UTC

I gotta agree with david. Kate, you're taking 10 pills a day. I don't know many people under, say 55 that do that. And I don't think that its you that causes you to have to take so many pills. Among all of your friends, I don't take pills, I haven't been diagnosed with much of anything, but all I'm saying is I think David is right ( ... )