I'm fed up with my food allergies.
Today at work we're having cupcakes for employees who have June birthdays or work anniversaries. Or should I say everyone else will have cupcakes and I will stand and watch. I'm celiac, of course, and I can't eat gluten.
The person ordering the cupcakes knows this ("I'll remember that for next time!"), but either she hasn't asked or the bakery we get them from can't make something for me. So every month around this time I get to watch everyone eat cake. Or cupcakes. Or cookies. Sometimes I'll bake gluten-free brownies for myself and bring them in, but usually I forget.
I understand that not everyone will keep track of my food allergies. But if someone tells me they'll remember it, then I expect them too.
Even worse, though, than people not remembering that I can't eat gluten are the ones who walk by my desk every day, look at what I'm eating, and say "Ahhh, gluten-free?" while nodding and smiling, proud of themselves for remembering. I just smile, but inside I'm seething. Of course it's gluten free, or I wouldn't be eating it! "No, it's made of wheat, but I thought I'd give myself a few hours in pain and crying on the toilet to look forward to."
Or the people who taste something I've made (I make killer banana bread), and say something like "It's actually not that bad!" Wow, it actually isn't! Know what? Steak doesn't have gluten in it, and that's pretty good. Apples don't have gluten, and those are good too. Why are you so surprised that something can be good without gluten? Do you think I eat stuff that tastes like shit every day?
I also cannot have artificial sweeteners or MSG either, because they give me migraines. I know, it's amazing and interesting. Know what this means? When we run out of sugar at work and I ask you to get more, don't tell me to use the Equal. There's a reason I don't use it, and if I didn't care I wouldn't be asking you to get more, I'd already be using the Equal.
On those rare occasions I get fast food, I get a burger with no bun and a Coke. Don't assume I want a Diet Coke because I am doing some shitty low carb diet. Give me what I ask for. And don't make a big deal out of me asking for no bun, telling every one of your coworkers within earshot "She doesn't want a bun... that's so weird!"; I don't make a big deal about your ugly face, so treat me with the same respect.
At restaurants, when I ask for no breadstick, don't put a fucking breadstick on my plate. When I complain that there is a breadstick, don't tell me you'll "just take that off the plate" for me. If it was that easy, would I be making a fuss about it, or would I just take it off the plate myself and give it to my fiance? If you got it right the first time I asked, you wouldn't need to worry about it.
And you know what? Just because you have never heard of anyone being allergic to wheat (it's easier than saying "gluten", don't get a completely blank stare or "Glue?" as much), doesn't mean I'm not! You thinking something doesn't exist does not magically *poof* it out of being. I'm not going to magically be able to eat the french fries you've fried in oil that you also fry onion rings in simply because you refuse to believe that it could make me sick. Trust me, I know what makes me sick a little more than you do.
And for god's sake, don't get annoyed at me when I ask to see the ingredient label of something you're being ambiguous about. I'm not going to put myself in danger because you don't know what's in what you just made. Don't tell me you can't let me see it. I don't care what brand of chocolate it is that you put on those strawberries, but if you can't confirm that there's no malt extract or modified food starch in it, I can't eat it.
One last thing: After I've explained that I can't eat wheat, barley, or rye... please, please PLEASE don't be surprised to see me eating potatoes. Or rice. Or a dairy product. Or, frankly, anything else that doesn't contain wheat, barley, or rye. What the hell do you think I eat otherwise?
I've also been feeling really "off" lately, like I've been getting just slightly glutened every day. I'm sick of feeling like crap, and I'm crabby because of it.
Argh.
The person ordering the cupcakes knows this ("I'll remember that for next time!"), but either she hasn't asked or the bakery we get them from can't make something for me. So every month around this time I get to watch everyone eat cake. Or cupcakes. Or cookies. Sometimes I'll bake gluten-free brownies for myself and bring them in, but usually I forget.
I understand that not everyone will keep track of my food allergies. But if someone tells me they'll remember it, then I expect them too.
Even worse, though, than people not remembering that I can't eat gluten are the ones who walk by my desk every day, look at what I'm eating, and say "Ahhh, gluten-free?" while nodding and smiling, proud of themselves for remembering. I just smile, but inside I'm seething. Of course it's gluten free, or I wouldn't be eating it! "No, it's made of wheat, but I thought I'd give myself a few hours in pain and crying on the toilet to look forward to."
Or the people who taste something I've made (I make killer banana bread), and say something like "It's actually not that bad!" Wow, it actually isn't! Know what? Steak doesn't have gluten in it, and that's pretty good. Apples don't have gluten, and those are good too. Why are you so surprised that something can be good without gluten? Do you think I eat stuff that tastes like shit every day?
I also cannot have artificial sweeteners or MSG either, because they give me migraines. I know, it's amazing and interesting. Know what this means? When we run out of sugar at work and I ask you to get more, don't tell me to use the Equal. There's a reason I don't use it, and if I didn't care I wouldn't be asking you to get more, I'd already be using the Equal.
On those rare occasions I get fast food, I get a burger with no bun and a Coke. Don't assume I want a Diet Coke because I am doing some shitty low carb diet. Give me what I ask for. And don't make a big deal out of me asking for no bun, telling every one of your coworkers within earshot "She doesn't want a bun... that's so weird!"; I don't make a big deal about your ugly face, so treat me with the same respect.
At restaurants, when I ask for no breadstick, don't put a fucking breadstick on my plate. When I complain that there is a breadstick, don't tell me you'll "just take that off the plate" for me. If it was that easy, would I be making a fuss about it, or would I just take it off the plate myself and give it to my fiance? If you got it right the first time I asked, you wouldn't need to worry about it.
And you know what? Just because you have never heard of anyone being allergic to wheat (it's easier than saying "gluten", don't get a completely blank stare or "Glue?" as much), doesn't mean I'm not! You thinking something doesn't exist does not magically *poof* it out of being. I'm not going to magically be able to eat the french fries you've fried in oil that you also fry onion rings in simply because you refuse to believe that it could make me sick. Trust me, I know what makes me sick a little more than you do.
And for god's sake, don't get annoyed at me when I ask to see the ingredient label of something you're being ambiguous about. I'm not going to put myself in danger because you don't know what's in what you just made. Don't tell me you can't let me see it. I don't care what brand of chocolate it is that you put on those strawberries, but if you can't confirm that there's no malt extract or modified food starch in it, I can't eat it.
One last thing: After I've explained that I can't eat wheat, barley, or rye... please, please PLEASE don't be surprised to see me eating potatoes. Or rice. Or a dairy product. Or, frankly, anything else that doesn't contain wheat, barley, or rye. What the hell do you think I eat otherwise?
I've also been feeling really "off" lately, like I've been getting just slightly glutened every day. I'm sick of feeling like crap, and I'm crabby because of it.
Argh.