Even More Batfic! (Dick/Tim, of course. )
Warning: R, for adult situations and general squicks for people not quite as crack headed as myself. You may want to look away. If you do choose to click under the cut, you have over 5,000 words of fic waiting for you. Enter at your own risk.
Upheaval
The members of the Teen Titans were gathered in their meeting room. Now, this was not at all an unusual occurrence, but it just so happened that a member was missing. Their leader, Robin, also known as Tim Drake was currently upstairs in his room, oblivious to the plotting of his team, and the help they had called in. That help went by the name of Batgirl. She was currently sitting in Tim’s chair, raising an eyebrow at the gathered Titans.
“I’m not sure what you can do about that. Tim’s been serious and broody and distant as long as any of us have known him,” she said.
“Yes,” acceded Superboy, “but lately he’s been more distant then ever. We’ve hardly even seen him smile the last few months, not even one of those creepy ones. And he’s been such a stick in the mud and all focused on the mission that if we have to go through another of his training sessions it’s going to kill us, superpowers or no.”
“Why not try luring him into some sort of group activity? Say it’s to help the team work better together, and then make sure it’s something really fun.”
“We already tried that. We’ve tried everything from going to the Zoo to making him play Twister.”
“And? It couldn’t have gone that badly.”
“We ended up having to stop a supervillian who was possessing the animals at the Zoo, and when we played Twister - well, he definitely got into that game, the same way he does in training. My back won’t be the same for weeks,” sighed Raven.
“Maybe he needs to get laid,” snickered Kid Flash.
“Actually,” said Superboy in a disturbingly thoughtful voice, “that wouldn’t be a horrible idea. It could definitely work. One problem though. Who are we going to get to sleep with him?”
“Yes, we can’t hire someone, that’s going against what we stand for as Titans,” said Speedy. There was a moment of silence, and then pointed looks ensued.
“Hey!” exclaimed Wondergirl, “Why are you all looking at me? Why does everyone automatically assume it’s going to be me who flirts with the guards or wears the distracting outfit or sleeps with our team leader?” Superbody clapped a hand quickly and firmly on Kid Flash's mouth, using his other hand to make sure he wouldn’t speed away from it. “Because I’m not sleeping with him! Ask somebody else, like Raven or Ravenger or Starfire or Batgirl.”
“Hey now! I’m not even part of your team. Besides, who ever said that Tim even likes girls?” There was a shocked moment of consideration after that statement. “Would you sleep with him Kon? How about you Bart?” She rounded on the two boys closest to her.
“Well someone’s got to!” exclaimed Superboy.
“Volunteering then?”
“Most definitely not.” The titans then proceeded to all get into a very large, loud fight over who was and was not sleeping with Tim. It was several minutes before Batgirl finally shouted. “Enough!” Upon seeing the team quiet down, she took a breath.
“Alright,” she continued, “here’s what we’re going to do. It’s no use us all fighting over this and ruining friendships.” She reached over to the counter behind her for the jar of straws and quickly counted out a straw for each person, then shortened one of them. “We’re all going to draw straws, and whoever gets the short one, sleeps with Tim.” The group nodded resolutely and went to draw straws.
“Wait!” said Superboy, just before they were about to start. “We’re a team, right?” The group nodded hesitantly. “And teams work together. We’ll share. Does that sound okay?” The group nodded. “Right, let’s go find Tim.” They turned towards the door to go to Tim’s room, and stopped dead at the sight of the League standing in the door with various degrees on shock, horror and disgust on their faces.
~
The League, as well as some help called in from the Outsiders, had just finished a major battle with some cocky supervillians, new and old, who had decided to team together to get rid of them. They had just gotten to the Tower with the purpose of warning the Titans, when they heard shouting coming from the meeting room. They quickly ran in that direction, and stopped dead in the door as they watched an argument of gigantic proportions take place. They were just about to step in and break it up when they heard Batgirl, who was apparently there as well, shout “Enough.” With glances to each other, they decided not to make their presence known until the Titans had sorted out their argument.
“Alright,” Batgirl continued, “here’s what were going to do. It’s no use us all fighting over this and ruining friendships.” She reached over to the counter behind her for the jar of straws and quickly counted out a straw for each person, then shortened one of them. “We’re all going to draw straws, and whoever gets the short one, sleeps with Tim.” The group nodded resolutely and went to draw straws. The League went slack jawed. There was a silent whooshing sound as Superman had a dizzy spell and had to be held up by Batman. Nightwing had wisely retained enough sense to restrain the Huntress and cover her mouth to prevent her from demanding to be let in on the draw. He was about to step in and sort out this nonsense when Superboy shouted “Wait!”. The adults breathed a sigh of relief, and Superman regained his balance.
“We’re a team right?” Superboy continued, “And teams work together. We’ll share.” There was a soft thump as Superman fainted and landed on Batman. Everyone was pretty much too shocked to notice, though. The Titans turned towards the door, and stopped.
~
Batgirl’s eyes ran over the collection of adults standing in the door. The shock, horror, and disgust was evident on all their faces, except for Superman, who had fainted dead away, Batman, who was looking as grim and serious as ever, despite the fact he was currently holding Superman up, and the Huntress, who was being restrained by Nightwing, and looked as if she desperately wanted to ask to join them. Cass took a breath, and tried to rack her brain for something to say that would explain them and break the increasingly awkward silence. Her brain finally provided her with two words, and she grasped at them desperately.
“Um. Hi?” The room exploded to life.
~
There was an explosion of sound after Batgirl’s greeting as explanations were demanded and provided, but everyone was too busy trying to say something to sort out what anyone else was saying. Finally, there was a quiet but firm voice that interrupted them all.
“Attention.” It was Batman, who was still in the doorway holding up the still unconscious Superman. “Alright. Would all the Titans please stand on that side of the room? You too Batgirl. All other persons, please take a seat on this side.” People scrambled to do as they were told and, with the help of Nightwing, Batman propped Superman up in a chair. He then went to the head of the room. “First and most important question. Does Robin know about this?”
“No,” stated Batgirl immediately. The entire League breathed a collective sigh of relief.
“Right. Nightwing?”
“I’ll go check on him, sir.”
“And fill him in on what we were going to tell the Titans too.” Nightwing nodded and headed off. The rest of the rooms gave him jealous glares as he left. “Now, I think some explanations are in order.”
~
Nightwing pulled off his mask before knocking on Tim’s door, deciding this was something he’d need to hear from Dick, and not Nightwing. He made two short knocks.
“Come in.” Dick opened the door to find Tim sitting on his bed reading a book.
“Dick! What are you doing here? Is something wrong? Is anyone hurt? Dick, the look on your face is not good, please, tell me what happened!”
“It’s okay Tim. No one’s badly hurt, well, Superman’s unconscious, but he’s fine - and I’m babbling.”
“Superman’s unconscious?” Tim exclaimed, “Who did that?”
“Your team, actually. I can’t explain - you won’t believe me. This is something you’re going to have to see for yourself. Got a screen in here?” Tim nodded warily, and pressed a panel of his headboard. As the screen revealed itself, Dick detached the hidden camera from his costume, setting it to feed to the screen.
~
“Well, you see, Tim’s himself, and we decided to do something.” Superboy had been assigned the task of speaking for the team, seeing as Tim was not present. The team was beginning to regret this, but the rest of them had been forbidden from speaking unless questioned directly. “And then we were talking about group activities -”
“So you decided to have an ORGY?” exclaimed Flash, apparently unable to contain himself anymore. Batman gave him a look, and Flash shut up. He nodded for Superboy to continue. The poor teen looked like he was going to take the same route as Superman for a moment, but then continued resolutely.
“And then we started arguing because someone was going to sleep with Tim, but no one could agree who should. That’s when Batgirl got the idea to draw straws.”
“Yes,” said Batman pensively, “We saw that.”
“But then I thought, no matter who ends up sleeping with Tim, there’s going to be people upset about it, so I came up with the idea we should share!” He sounded proud of this for a moment, but quickly tried to regain a serious look when he saw the expressions on everyone else’s faces.
“What were you going to do next?”
“Well, er, we were going to go up to Tim’s room, and offer him sex.”
“Just - offer him sex?” Batman actually sounded a bit confused over this.
“Well, er, yes, that was the general idea.”
“And what if Tim said no?”
“I, er, hadn’t thought of that.”
“I have some sex pollen you can use!” piped up the Huntress, showing them a jar. The person sitting next to her quickly confiscated it. The Huntress had the grace to look somewhat guilty under the looks that the others were giving her. “I was bringing it to a lab for testing!” she said defensively.
No one believed her.
~
Tim sat in shock. Dick had finished playing him the scene that had gone on downstairs a few minutes ago, and Tim had no idea what to say.
“Tim? Tim, are you okay?” Dick was apparently starting to get worried over his lack of response. Tim waved his arms in an expressive gesture. “Yah, it is quiet disturbing, isn’t it?” Tim nodded and scrunched his eyebrows slightly. “Unfortunately, yes, they did all just propose having group sex. And I thought things in the Titans got a little wild under my command.” Tim gave a tiny shrug, and let himself fall backwards from his sitting position so that he was slumped on the bed. “It’s not your fault Tim. Don’t worry about it. Batman is down there right now, sorting things out. I’m sure they just accidentally stumbled on some watered down sex pollen or something.”
“I sure hope so,” said Tim, speaking finally, “or I’ll never be able to look at any of them the same way again. I still won’t be able to look at any of them the same way again. They were just going to walk up here and demand I have sex with them?”
“Apparently.”
“Gah.”
“Yes, that would express it just about right.”
“I’m not even remotely interested in any of them that way.”
“No?” inquired Dick, with a touch of something that Tim decided must be curiosity.
“No. What am I going to do?” Dick shrugged.
“I’ve no idea.” Then Tim got an idea. He reached for the phone, and quickly brought up the address book. He dialled a number.
“Hello, Leslie? It’s Tim. Would you be able to make it to the Tower anytime soon? It’s a bit of an emergency.” He paused, listening to her response. “Ten minutes? Great. Thanks. Just go directly to the meeting room when you get here. Thanks. Bye.” Tim hung up.
“Do you think that will help?”
“Well, she’ll certainly be able to sort out more than Batman. World’s greatest detective or not, he’s not the person I’d want dealing with the problems of teen hormones.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to meet Leslie at the door, brief her with that video, and send her to the meeting room. Then I’m going to lock myself in here until it’s all over.”
“Mind if I join you?”
“Not at all.”
~
Batman was now having all the Titans, and Batgirl, list every single thing they could remember touching that day on a sheet of paper. It was a long silent process, as he had forbidden anyone from talking. The titans were silently cursing Superboy for his horrible explanation of the events, while admitting they probably wouldn’t have done much better. Batgirl looked like she was about to strangle someone. The League and the Outsiders were currently searching the meeting room for any sign of something being tampered with or contaminated. Batman was currently crouched by Superman, attempting to revive the man. When he finally gave up, declaring he would wake up eventually, Superboy thought he saw him open one eye slightly and glance around. He shut it quickly though, and it might have been a hallucination. No, because then he got winked at. Superboy had to hold back a laugh. Well, that was one person saved from the horrors of Batman in detective mode. He decided at the next opportunity, he should take his adult counterpart’s example and faint away.
~
Dr. Leslie took only a moment to recover from the shock of what she saw on the screen.
“Right, they’re in the meeting room? I’ll get going. It looks like I have a lot of work to do.”
As soon as she left, Tim and Dick made a quickly raid of the kitchen, then settled into Tim’s room, activating all the security measures they had. It might be a long night.
~
It, surprisingly only took Leslie a few minutes to get everyone to do as she asked, and she was suspicious that this was all thanks to Batman, who seemed to be hovering behind her glaring whenever some looked like they were going to protest. She’d deal with Bruce later. She then began taking notes on each individual’s account of what had happened. She sighed as she took notes on the fourth rambling teen to recount the same story. This might be a long night.
~
Dick and Tim watch the door cautiously for the first few minutes, as if afraid that it might be broken down. When nothing happened Tim relaxed.
“I think we’re safe.” Dick breathed a sigh of relief and let his guard down a bit as well.
“So, are we going to have to get Leslie up here to deal with you after?” Dick teased.
“No, I don’t think so,” Tim said seriously, “I’m surprisingly okay. I’m sure Leslie will be able to sort everything out by tomorrow. One thing though, what were you all doing here?”
“Oh that! I completely forgot. We were coming to warn you that the supervillians have apparently decided they can all get along long enough to group together and try to take us on.”
“Fuck.”
“Yes, that seems to be the reaction of the night.”
“Not even funny Dick.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it Tim, unlike the rest of them, I’m not at all confident about the villains being able to work together. Pretty soon, someone’s going to want a bigger piece of the pie, and there’ll be infighting and the problem will practically take care of itself.”
“You think?”
“I’m sure. Now relax! You look so tense! Not that I blame you.”
“Things have just been getting crazy lately. I mean, a few weeks ago I took the team to the Zoo, we were going to have a break, everyone was going to have a few hours where they wouldn’t have to worry about anything. And then someone started possessing the animals.”
“We just aren’t made for relaxation, are we?”
“I guess not.” Tim sighed and glanced at the door again.
“Tim, don’t worry. You team will be fine. You said so yourself.”
“I know, I just worry about them.” Dick rolled his eyes, and clapped a hand to Tim’s shoulder. Then he frowned.
“What on earth did you do to that shoulder?”
“We were training this morning, and Kon came up with the idea to play Twister to help with our flexibility.”
“Who won?”
“I did. But my shoulder isn’t thanking me for it. You wouldn’t believe the way we were all bending though, I think I’m going to incorporate it into regular training sessions, it really worked.” Dick rolled his eyes again.
“Come here, I’ll take care of those knots for you.” Tim moved closer and Dick began massaging his shoulder. Tim closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax, relaxing the muscles would help his shoulder. A few minutes later, Dick had removed his hands and Tim glanced up. “There, good as new.” Tim carefully moved it.
“Thanks, Dick.”
“No problem. So, how have things been going other than the Titans being crazy and Bruce being his usual self?”
“That’s pretty much all there is to my life right now, actually. The Titans being crazy and Bruce being his usual self. I’m still a solid B student, and Alfred made those really good shortbread cookies last Friday, the ones with the chocolate. My ‘normal’ life is really boring.”
“Well, all of our ‘normal’ lives are boring, they kind of have to be, if we want to have the other one. Do you have any of the cookies left?”
“Right here,” Tim handed him a tin, “I stashed them where none of the Titans would think to look.”
“Where’s that?”
“The vegetable crisper.”
~
Leslie sighed, and stood in front of the room.
“Alright everybody, we seem to have this all sorted out. The ten basic facts of the incident are that 1) Tim has been out of sorts lately 2) The Titans decided that Tim would cheer up if he got laid 3) They wouldn’t hire someone because that goes against what they stand for, leading to 4) someone would have to sleep with him, leading to 5) No one was going to volunteer, leading to 6) the argument, solved by 7) the decision to draw straws, interrupted by 8) the idea of the team sharing responsibility, which lead to 9) The League and Outsiders being shocked, which brings us to 10) Tim finding out and calling me.” The people gathered in front of her nodded. “Good. Now Tim would like you all to know that while he appreciates you all trying to cheer him up, he would like to politely decline your offers.” There was a collective sigh of relief at this statement. “Now, I have come to the conclusion that this entire incident was brought about by, rather than a lack of rational thinking, far too much rational thinking. Which is why I’m going to suggest that all of you take a break tonight. I’m sure that after a good night’s rest you will all be feeling much better about today’s incident and will be able to move on. Any questions?”
“Actually, yes.” This was Batgirl. “We still haven’t solved the problem of Tim being far too serious and broody and distant lately.”
“But Tim isn’t broody or distant, and being serious is a good thing,” stated Batman. The entire room turned to him with identical looks. "What?"
“Well, we know where Tim gets it from at least,” sighed Flash, “and it also looks like Tim isn’t the only one who needs to get laid.” Leslie quickly interrupted before anything could happen in response to that statement.
“When I saw Tim a little while ago, he was looking far better. I think maybe just knowing you all wanted to help him cheered him up.”
“Where is Tim, anyways?” questioned Batman.
“Oh,” replied Leslie offhandedly, “He and Dick have locked themselves in Tim’s bedroom for the night.” Batman promptly fainted, and was caught by Superman, who had apparently chosen this time to finally wake up. The room once again became filled with the sounds of the League and the Outsider’s panic. The Titans edged towards the door, and Leslie gave them a nod, indicating it was fine for them to leave. Leslie settled down for another long session.
~
“The vegetable crisper.”
Dick couldn’t help it; he burst into laughter. Tim eventually gave in and chuckled as well. This was turning out to be a better night than expected.
Dick and Tim had finally recovered from laughing enough to get started on the food supplies Tim had brought up and set on his bedside table. They were saving the cookies, planning on making them last throughout the night. Tim didn’t tell Dick that there were three more tins of them because he knew Dick’s resolve not to eat them all at once could cave at any second. Most likely the second after which he had finished eating the first one. Tim munched happily away on a carrot, one eye on Dick who had one eye on the cookie container. Dick was still chattering away, but Tim could tell he wasn’t actually paying attention to Tim’s responses or even what he himself said, because Tim could, and did reply, that “yes, and my motorbike and my batarang ran off and eloped the other day” and Dick just kept on talking, though now about motorbikes. Tim finally sighed.
“Dick, just eat the cookies.” Dick had climbed over Tim to get them before he’d finished the sentence, making Tim speak the rest of it directly to Dick stomach. Dick sat back down, but didn’t get off Tim, but rather sat somewhat on Tim’s legs as he opened the cookie tin. Dick handed one to Tim immediately, and Tim knew that Dick was just making sure Tim got at least one cookie before Dick devoured them all. Dick took a small bite out of one of the cookies and let out an appreciative moan.
“God, Tim that’s good.”
~
The Titans and Batgirl were currently standing outside Tim’s door wondering if they should try and find out what was going on inside by getting Kon to use his X-ray vision, when they heard a load moan come from the room.
“God, Tim that’s good.”
It was rather harder to convince Kon about the merits of using X-ray vision after that.
~
Dick had now rolled so that his head was on Tim’s stomach, looking up at the cookie Tim still had in his hand. Dick had eaten all the cookies in the tin already. Tim quickly moved to take a bite of the cookie before Dick ate it right from his hand. Unfortunately, this did not work, because nothing would ever come between Dick and Alfred’s Chocolate Shortbread Cookies. Dick merely sprung forward to bite down on the half of the cookie that was sticking out of Tim’s mouth, locking Tim in a cookie kiss.
~
Kon finally caved and used his X-ray vision, after being convinced that Dick’s moan could’ve just been over cookies, because they all knew how Dick got around cookies, especially those of the chocolate shortbread variety. The Titans also managed to convince him of their need to know what was going on in there ‘just to make sure Tim was okay’. Kon shut off his X-ray vision only a moment after he turned it on though, and took a few steps back from the door, blushing.
“What?” demanded the others, looking too excited for Kon’s tastes. Kon shrugged.
“Let’s just say that moan was not cookie related. Now let’s go everyone, it’s been a long day and they deserve a bit of privacy.” Kon began herding everyone towards his or her room.
~
Tim stared. Dick stared. Tim stared some more. Dick actually began to let go of the cookie. Tim bit it in half instead, letting Dick pull away to eat his half. It took Tim a moment to realise he should probably chew. He did so, and then swallowed. Dick was still on top of him, looking down at him with an odd expression. Then Dick leaned down and kissed him. He pulled away gently after that.
“You had crumbs on your lip,” he said softly, as if providing an explanation. Tim didn’t need one. He kissed Dick back tenderly.
“So did you.”
~
Leslie had just finished explaining how Dick and Tim had, quiet rationally, decided it was safer if they locked themselves in for the night with all the insanity that had been going on, and that it was perfectly rational for them to just want company while they sat everything out. The people gathered in front of her were eying her incredulously.
“Honestly, I can assure you that there is nothing going on. I don’t believe that Tim and Dick would be doing anything like that. Tim is practically Dick’s little brother.” A few people looked like they might believe her a little. Leslie finally sighed. “The Tower has surveillance everywhere, right?”
“Yes,” said Batman cautiously, who had recovered from the fainting spell he would still not admit happened rather quicker than Superman had.
“Then we can tune in to the camera in Tim’s room and prove it. I’m sure Tim wouldn’t mind.” The collection of superheroes in front of her nodded in agreement and Arsenal went to the meeting room’s screen to adjust the feed. When it came on, there was a thump at the back of the room, as both Batman and Superman hit the floor because with them both fainting at the sight, there was no one observant enough to catch either of them.
~
“So did you.” At Tim’s soft statement, Dick immediately leant down to capture Tim’s mouth, tongue coming to lick his lips to gain entry. Tim tasted like cookies, which only made Dick even more eager. Tim arms came to wrap around him, pulling him tightly against Tim’s body. Dick slid a hand under Tim’s shirt, causing Tim to moan into his mouth. Tim was now pulling the top half of Dick’s costume off, and Dick hurriedly returned the favour, hands roaming over the expanse of skin now available to his sight and touch. Tim’s fingers roamed his back, finding scars and tracing them gently. Dick slid his hand into Tim’s hair, and used the other to caress the outline of his face. They were both hard now and-
“God, Tim.” The moan is lower, softer, more fervent than the previous one. Tim just kisses Dick softly on the lips, then neck, then chest, moving lower.
~
Everyone watches the screen in a sort of morbid fascination as Tim is pulling Dick’s pants off. Belatedly, Leslie comes to her senses enough to shut off the screen. Luckily, Batman and Superman are still on the floor at the back of the room, out cold. The rest of the people gathered who still retain enough of their sense to do anything glare at her.
“Well,” states Leslie, “maybe not quite so brotherly.”
~
Dick and Tim are under the covers now panting and shaking as they finish. Tim shifts to bury his head in Dick’s chest. Dick just moans.
“God. I. Wow. Tim.” Tim actually chuckles.
“If I knew all I needed to seduce you was cookies, I’d have gotten some weeks ago.” Dick leans down to kiss his way along Tim’s jaw line to his lips.
“You didn’t even need the cookies.”
“Is that so? Because I’ve got another tin of them hidden.” Tim chuckles a Dick tries to act unaffected by this statement. Tim disentangles one arm from his hold on Dick to reach under the bed and hand over another tin.
“You are the Best. Person. Ever.” Dick opens the tin with one hand. To Tim’s surprise, he hands the tin back to him. Tim pulls out a cookie, and Dick is soon nibbling at it, then eating it, then sucking the remainder of it off Tim’s fingers. Tim has to bite his lip. Dick draws gently away, and Tim quickly grabs another cookie. Dick snatches it out of his hand and feeds it to him. Tim sighs around the delicious taste of cookie and tries to eat it quicker so he can just get to Dick’s fingers already. He lets his tongue roam over them playfully before sucking on them gently, causing Dick to moan. Dick pulls away from him, reaches for the cookie tin and… shuts it. Tim is surprised to see Dick chuck it off the bed. “I really want to fuck you now.” Tim is not sure what to say to this statement, he’s never done this, but Dick is looking at him with those eyes, and he’s nervous, and the Tower is definitely not the place to be doing these kinds of things - but Dick just threw away cookies for him.
“Alright then.”
~
Leslie is now only barely resisting the urge to just lock them all up and get things over with. She has practically had to have ‘the talk’ with the superheroes still looking at her with various degrees of dread. She still hadn’t managed to rouse either Superman or Batman, and instead had them carried to the medical room and set on cots. If it weren’t for the fact that they couldn’t possibly be faking it that good, she’d have thought it a ploy to escape this. She had the urge to try it herself, but she was supposed to be here to help.
“Alright, let’s all just take some deep breaths. I’m sure you’re all just freaking out now because of the sheer overload of things you’ve had to deal with today.” The superheroes continued to give her horrified stares. Some of them were rocking where they sat. A few sane people looked mildly amused at the entire evening, and Leslie took a moment to thank whatever deities were listening. None of them could be convinced to take an optimistic point of view on relationships though. Leslie sighed again. “Honestly. You’d think you all were children. Does anyone here have any interest what-so-ever in a healthy relationship?” Leslie noticed someone raise their hand. “Yes?” It was the Huntress.
“What are you doing after this, doctor?”
~
Tim woke up at his usual time, but not in his usual manner. He was most definitely cuddling into his lover. Who was also awake, and looking mildly amused.
“I might have eaten the rest of the cookies while you were asleep,” Dick says by way of greeting.
“I might have more hidden.”
“Are you going to tell me where?”
“Maybe if you’re very, very good.”
“What if I’m very, very bad?”
“You might be able to convince me to give them to you sooner, yes.” Their conversation is interrupted by the sound of the alarm by Tim’s bedside beeping.
“You have to be at morning training.”
“Yes,” Tim stated, but snuggled closer to Dick, “But I think I might be a bit late today.”
~
The Titans were, on the whole, not exactly surprised when Tim didn’t show up for training. They were however, surprised when he showed up late. Most had figured Tim had chosen to work out separately that morning. It was also clear that Tim had difficulty getting out of bed, though this, it could be wisely suspected, was probably Dick’s fault. Tim’s hair was in a state such as they had never seen.
“Hi,” said Tim, offering them only a sheepish smile as explanation. This caused the team to stare openly in amazement. Tim Drake had just smiled.
“You really did need to get laid, didn’t you Boy,” Kid Flash cut himself off, “Wonder.”
“Alright everybody, how about another game of Twister?” asked Tim. He snickered quietly at the looks of utter dismay on his team’s faces. “Kidding! Kidding!”
~
Leslie was finally out of the Tower, having successfully dealt with everyone. But the next time Tim called saying it was an emergency, she was going to ask precisely what kind before coming.
~
Far away from the Tower, in an abandoned warehouse there was a large fight going on. Oracle watched from her surveillance cameras as a bunch of villains were participating in what looked like the world’s largest catfight. That happened to involve an incredibly large number of military grade weapons. It looked like Nightwing would be coming into some money soon.
~
Superman and Batman sat in a small room in the Tower, where they were currently being held captive ‘for their own good’.
“Can’t you just melt the door or the wall or something?” Bruce demanded finally.
“No,” sighed Clark, “apparently this room was designed to hold Kon when he was recovering from some incident and had to be restrained. I can’t do a thing to get out of here. Don’t you have any of those clever bat tricks up your sleeve.”
“Apparently one or both of my former Robins have had a hand in trying to help improve our health, because I don’t have anything that would be remotely helpful.” They both sighed, and glanced around the room, which was pretty much bare except for two cots, a couch, a television screen, and food. Bruce saw a box that was barely visible under the vegetables and other healthy foods provided for them. There was a small, familiar “R” sign doodled on the corner that was visible. Bruce quickly stood up and went over to the table to extract the box. “Thank you, Tim.”
“What is it?” asked Clark, who had come to stand beside him.
“I don’t know, but it was clearly snuck in here, so that in itself is a good sign.” Bruce opened that box. On top, there was a key, two grapples, and a batarang. Bruce moved them aside to find some of Alfred’s Chocolate Shortbread Cookies. He quickly tossed the key, batarang and grapples onto the table, and concentrated on the cookies. He offered the box to Clark. Clark hesitated, and then took one. He bit into it.
“Mm, that’s good.”
~
End.
Upheaval
The members of the Teen Titans were gathered in their meeting room. Now, this was not at all an unusual occurrence, but it just so happened that a member was missing. Their leader, Robin, also known as Tim Drake was currently upstairs in his room, oblivious to the plotting of his team, and the help they had called in. That help went by the name of Batgirl. She was currently sitting in Tim’s chair, raising an eyebrow at the gathered Titans.
“I’m not sure what you can do about that. Tim’s been serious and broody and distant as long as any of us have known him,” she said.
“Yes,” acceded Superboy, “but lately he’s been more distant then ever. We’ve hardly even seen him smile the last few months, not even one of those creepy ones. And he’s been such a stick in the mud and all focused on the mission that if we have to go through another of his training sessions it’s going to kill us, superpowers or no.”
“Why not try luring him into some sort of group activity? Say it’s to help the team work better together, and then make sure it’s something really fun.”
“We already tried that. We’ve tried everything from going to the Zoo to making him play Twister.”
“And? It couldn’t have gone that badly.”
“We ended up having to stop a supervillian who was possessing the animals at the Zoo, and when we played Twister - well, he definitely got into that game, the same way he does in training. My back won’t be the same for weeks,” sighed Raven.
“Maybe he needs to get laid,” snickered Kid Flash.
“Actually,” said Superboy in a disturbingly thoughtful voice, “that wouldn’t be a horrible idea. It could definitely work. One problem though. Who are we going to get to sleep with him?”
“Yes, we can’t hire someone, that’s going against what we stand for as Titans,” said Speedy. There was a moment of silence, and then pointed looks ensued.
“Hey!” exclaimed Wondergirl, “Why are you all looking at me? Why does everyone automatically assume it’s going to be me who flirts with the guards or wears the distracting outfit or sleeps with our team leader?” Superbody clapped a hand quickly and firmly on Kid Flash's mouth, using his other hand to make sure he wouldn’t speed away from it. “Because I’m not sleeping with him! Ask somebody else, like Raven or Ravenger or Starfire or Batgirl.”
“Hey now! I’m not even part of your team. Besides, who ever said that Tim even likes girls?” There was a shocked moment of consideration after that statement. “Would you sleep with him Kon? How about you Bart?” She rounded on the two boys closest to her.
“Well someone’s got to!” exclaimed Superboy.
“Volunteering then?”
“Most definitely not.” The titans then proceeded to all get into a very large, loud fight over who was and was not sleeping with Tim. It was several minutes before Batgirl finally shouted. “Enough!” Upon seeing the team quiet down, she took a breath.
“Alright,” she continued, “here’s what we’re going to do. It’s no use us all fighting over this and ruining friendships.” She reached over to the counter behind her for the jar of straws and quickly counted out a straw for each person, then shortened one of them. “We’re all going to draw straws, and whoever gets the short one, sleeps with Tim.” The group nodded resolutely and went to draw straws.
“Wait!” said Superboy, just before they were about to start. “We’re a team, right?” The group nodded hesitantly. “And teams work together. We’ll share. Does that sound okay?” The group nodded. “Right, let’s go find Tim.” They turned towards the door to go to Tim’s room, and stopped dead at the sight of the League standing in the door with various degrees on shock, horror and disgust on their faces.
~
The League, as well as some help called in from the Outsiders, had just finished a major battle with some cocky supervillians, new and old, who had decided to team together to get rid of them. They had just gotten to the Tower with the purpose of warning the Titans, when they heard shouting coming from the meeting room. They quickly ran in that direction, and stopped dead in the door as they watched an argument of gigantic proportions take place. They were just about to step in and break it up when they heard Batgirl, who was apparently there as well, shout “Enough.” With glances to each other, they decided not to make their presence known until the Titans had sorted out their argument.
“Alright,” Batgirl continued, “here’s what were going to do. It’s no use us all fighting over this and ruining friendships.” She reached over to the counter behind her for the jar of straws and quickly counted out a straw for each person, then shortened one of them. “We’re all going to draw straws, and whoever gets the short one, sleeps with Tim.” The group nodded resolutely and went to draw straws. The League went slack jawed. There was a silent whooshing sound as Superman had a dizzy spell and had to be held up by Batman. Nightwing had wisely retained enough sense to restrain the Huntress and cover her mouth to prevent her from demanding to be let in on the draw. He was about to step in and sort out this nonsense when Superboy shouted “Wait!”. The adults breathed a sigh of relief, and Superman regained his balance.
“We’re a team right?” Superboy continued, “And teams work together. We’ll share.” There was a soft thump as Superman fainted and landed on Batman. Everyone was pretty much too shocked to notice, though. The Titans turned towards the door, and stopped.
~
Batgirl’s eyes ran over the collection of adults standing in the door. The shock, horror, and disgust was evident on all their faces, except for Superman, who had fainted dead away, Batman, who was looking as grim and serious as ever, despite the fact he was currently holding Superman up, and the Huntress, who was being restrained by Nightwing, and looked as if she desperately wanted to ask to join them. Cass took a breath, and tried to rack her brain for something to say that would explain them and break the increasingly awkward silence. Her brain finally provided her with two words, and she grasped at them desperately.
“Um. Hi?” The room exploded to life.
~
There was an explosion of sound after Batgirl’s greeting as explanations were demanded and provided, but everyone was too busy trying to say something to sort out what anyone else was saying. Finally, there was a quiet but firm voice that interrupted them all.
“Attention.” It was Batman, who was still in the doorway holding up the still unconscious Superman. “Alright. Would all the Titans please stand on that side of the room? You too Batgirl. All other persons, please take a seat on this side.” People scrambled to do as they were told and, with the help of Nightwing, Batman propped Superman up in a chair. He then went to the head of the room. “First and most important question. Does Robin know about this?”
“No,” stated Batgirl immediately. The entire League breathed a collective sigh of relief.
“Right. Nightwing?”
“I’ll go check on him, sir.”
“And fill him in on what we were going to tell the Titans too.” Nightwing nodded and headed off. The rest of the rooms gave him jealous glares as he left. “Now, I think some explanations are in order.”
~
Nightwing pulled off his mask before knocking on Tim’s door, deciding this was something he’d need to hear from Dick, and not Nightwing. He made two short knocks.
“Come in.” Dick opened the door to find Tim sitting on his bed reading a book.
“Dick! What are you doing here? Is something wrong? Is anyone hurt? Dick, the look on your face is not good, please, tell me what happened!”
“It’s okay Tim. No one’s badly hurt, well, Superman’s unconscious, but he’s fine - and I’m babbling.”
“Superman’s unconscious?” Tim exclaimed, “Who did that?”
“Your team, actually. I can’t explain - you won’t believe me. This is something you’re going to have to see for yourself. Got a screen in here?” Tim nodded warily, and pressed a panel of his headboard. As the screen revealed itself, Dick detached the hidden camera from his costume, setting it to feed to the screen.
~
“Well, you see, Tim’s himself, and we decided to do something.” Superboy had been assigned the task of speaking for the team, seeing as Tim was not present. The team was beginning to regret this, but the rest of them had been forbidden from speaking unless questioned directly. “And then we were talking about group activities -”
“So you decided to have an ORGY?” exclaimed Flash, apparently unable to contain himself anymore. Batman gave him a look, and Flash shut up. He nodded for Superboy to continue. The poor teen looked like he was going to take the same route as Superman for a moment, but then continued resolutely.
“And then we started arguing because someone was going to sleep with Tim, but no one could agree who should. That’s when Batgirl got the idea to draw straws.”
“Yes,” said Batman pensively, “We saw that.”
“But then I thought, no matter who ends up sleeping with Tim, there’s going to be people upset about it, so I came up with the idea we should share!” He sounded proud of this for a moment, but quickly tried to regain a serious look when he saw the expressions on everyone else’s faces.
“What were you going to do next?”
“Well, er, we were going to go up to Tim’s room, and offer him sex.”
“Just - offer him sex?” Batman actually sounded a bit confused over this.
“Well, er, yes, that was the general idea.”
“And what if Tim said no?”
“I, er, hadn’t thought of that.”
“I have some sex pollen you can use!” piped up the Huntress, showing them a jar. The person sitting next to her quickly confiscated it. The Huntress had the grace to look somewhat guilty under the looks that the others were giving her. “I was bringing it to a lab for testing!” she said defensively.
No one believed her.
~
Tim sat in shock. Dick had finished playing him the scene that had gone on downstairs a few minutes ago, and Tim had no idea what to say.
“Tim? Tim, are you okay?” Dick was apparently starting to get worried over his lack of response. Tim waved his arms in an expressive gesture. “Yah, it is quiet disturbing, isn’t it?” Tim nodded and scrunched his eyebrows slightly. “Unfortunately, yes, they did all just propose having group sex. And I thought things in the Titans got a little wild under my command.” Tim gave a tiny shrug, and let himself fall backwards from his sitting position so that he was slumped on the bed. “It’s not your fault Tim. Don’t worry about it. Batman is down there right now, sorting things out. I’m sure they just accidentally stumbled on some watered down sex pollen or something.”
“I sure hope so,” said Tim, speaking finally, “or I’ll never be able to look at any of them the same way again. I still won’t be able to look at any of them the same way again. They were just going to walk up here and demand I have sex with them?”
“Apparently.”
“Gah.”
“Yes, that would express it just about right.”
“I’m not even remotely interested in any of them that way.”
“No?” inquired Dick, with a touch of something that Tim decided must be curiosity.
“No. What am I going to do?” Dick shrugged.
“I’ve no idea.” Then Tim got an idea. He reached for the phone, and quickly brought up the address book. He dialled a number.
“Hello, Leslie? It’s Tim. Would you be able to make it to the Tower anytime soon? It’s a bit of an emergency.” He paused, listening to her response. “Ten minutes? Great. Thanks. Just go directly to the meeting room when you get here. Thanks. Bye.” Tim hung up.
“Do you think that will help?”
“Well, she’ll certainly be able to sort out more than Batman. World’s greatest detective or not, he’s not the person I’d want dealing with the problems of teen hormones.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to meet Leslie at the door, brief her with that video, and send her to the meeting room. Then I’m going to lock myself in here until it’s all over.”
“Mind if I join you?”
“Not at all.”
~
Batman was now having all the Titans, and Batgirl, list every single thing they could remember touching that day on a sheet of paper. It was a long silent process, as he had forbidden anyone from talking. The titans were silently cursing Superboy for his horrible explanation of the events, while admitting they probably wouldn’t have done much better. Batgirl looked like she was about to strangle someone. The League and the Outsiders were currently searching the meeting room for any sign of something being tampered with or contaminated. Batman was currently crouched by Superman, attempting to revive the man. When he finally gave up, declaring he would wake up eventually, Superboy thought he saw him open one eye slightly and glance around. He shut it quickly though, and it might have been a hallucination. No, because then he got winked at. Superboy had to hold back a laugh. Well, that was one person saved from the horrors of Batman in detective mode. He decided at the next opportunity, he should take his adult counterpart’s example and faint away.
~
Dr. Leslie took only a moment to recover from the shock of what she saw on the screen.
“Right, they’re in the meeting room? I’ll get going. It looks like I have a lot of work to do.”
As soon as she left, Tim and Dick made a quickly raid of the kitchen, then settled into Tim’s room, activating all the security measures they had. It might be a long night.
~
It, surprisingly only took Leslie a few minutes to get everyone to do as she asked, and she was suspicious that this was all thanks to Batman, who seemed to be hovering behind her glaring whenever some looked like they were going to protest. She’d deal with Bruce later. She then began taking notes on each individual’s account of what had happened. She sighed as she took notes on the fourth rambling teen to recount the same story. This might be a long night.
~
Dick and Tim watch the door cautiously for the first few minutes, as if afraid that it might be broken down. When nothing happened Tim relaxed.
“I think we’re safe.” Dick breathed a sigh of relief and let his guard down a bit as well.
“So, are we going to have to get Leslie up here to deal with you after?” Dick teased.
“No, I don’t think so,” Tim said seriously, “I’m surprisingly okay. I’m sure Leslie will be able to sort everything out by tomorrow. One thing though, what were you all doing here?”
“Oh that! I completely forgot. We were coming to warn you that the supervillians have apparently decided they can all get along long enough to group together and try to take us on.”
“Fuck.”
“Yes, that seems to be the reaction of the night.”
“Not even funny Dick.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it Tim, unlike the rest of them, I’m not at all confident about the villains being able to work together. Pretty soon, someone’s going to want a bigger piece of the pie, and there’ll be infighting and the problem will practically take care of itself.”
“You think?”
“I’m sure. Now relax! You look so tense! Not that I blame you.”
“Things have just been getting crazy lately. I mean, a few weeks ago I took the team to the Zoo, we were going to have a break, everyone was going to have a few hours where they wouldn’t have to worry about anything. And then someone started possessing the animals.”
“We just aren’t made for relaxation, are we?”
“I guess not.” Tim sighed and glanced at the door again.
“Tim, don’t worry. You team will be fine. You said so yourself.”
“I know, I just worry about them.” Dick rolled his eyes, and clapped a hand to Tim’s shoulder. Then he frowned.
“What on earth did you do to that shoulder?”
“We were training this morning, and Kon came up with the idea to play Twister to help with our flexibility.”
“Who won?”
“I did. But my shoulder isn’t thanking me for it. You wouldn’t believe the way we were all bending though, I think I’m going to incorporate it into regular training sessions, it really worked.” Dick rolled his eyes again.
“Come here, I’ll take care of those knots for you.” Tim moved closer and Dick began massaging his shoulder. Tim closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax, relaxing the muscles would help his shoulder. A few minutes later, Dick had removed his hands and Tim glanced up. “There, good as new.” Tim carefully moved it.
“Thanks, Dick.”
“No problem. So, how have things been going other than the Titans being crazy and Bruce being his usual self?”
“That’s pretty much all there is to my life right now, actually. The Titans being crazy and Bruce being his usual self. I’m still a solid B student, and Alfred made those really good shortbread cookies last Friday, the ones with the chocolate. My ‘normal’ life is really boring.”
“Well, all of our ‘normal’ lives are boring, they kind of have to be, if we want to have the other one. Do you have any of the cookies left?”
“Right here,” Tim handed him a tin, “I stashed them where none of the Titans would think to look.”
“Where’s that?”
“The vegetable crisper.”
~
Leslie sighed, and stood in front of the room.
“Alright everybody, we seem to have this all sorted out. The ten basic facts of the incident are that 1) Tim has been out of sorts lately 2) The Titans decided that Tim would cheer up if he got laid 3) They wouldn’t hire someone because that goes against what they stand for, leading to 4) someone would have to sleep with him, leading to 5) No one was going to volunteer, leading to 6) the argument, solved by 7) the decision to draw straws, interrupted by 8) the idea of the team sharing responsibility, which lead to 9) The League and Outsiders being shocked, which brings us to 10) Tim finding out and calling me.” The people gathered in front of her nodded. “Good. Now Tim would like you all to know that while he appreciates you all trying to cheer him up, he would like to politely decline your offers.” There was a collective sigh of relief at this statement. “Now, I have come to the conclusion that this entire incident was brought about by, rather than a lack of rational thinking, far too much rational thinking. Which is why I’m going to suggest that all of you take a break tonight. I’m sure that after a good night’s rest you will all be feeling much better about today’s incident and will be able to move on. Any questions?”
“Actually, yes.” This was Batgirl. “We still haven’t solved the problem of Tim being far too serious and broody and distant lately.”
“But Tim isn’t broody or distant, and being serious is a good thing,” stated Batman. The entire room turned to him with identical looks. "What?"
“Well, we know where Tim gets it from at least,” sighed Flash, “and it also looks like Tim isn’t the only one who needs to get laid.” Leslie quickly interrupted before anything could happen in response to that statement.
“When I saw Tim a little while ago, he was looking far better. I think maybe just knowing you all wanted to help him cheered him up.”
“Where is Tim, anyways?” questioned Batman.
“Oh,” replied Leslie offhandedly, “He and Dick have locked themselves in Tim’s bedroom for the night.” Batman promptly fainted, and was caught by Superman, who had apparently chosen this time to finally wake up. The room once again became filled with the sounds of the League and the Outsider’s panic. The Titans edged towards the door, and Leslie gave them a nod, indicating it was fine for them to leave. Leslie settled down for another long session.
~
“The vegetable crisper.”
Dick couldn’t help it; he burst into laughter. Tim eventually gave in and chuckled as well. This was turning out to be a better night than expected.
Dick and Tim had finally recovered from laughing enough to get started on the food supplies Tim had brought up and set on his bedside table. They were saving the cookies, planning on making them last throughout the night. Tim didn’t tell Dick that there were three more tins of them because he knew Dick’s resolve not to eat them all at once could cave at any second. Most likely the second after which he had finished eating the first one. Tim munched happily away on a carrot, one eye on Dick who had one eye on the cookie container. Dick was still chattering away, but Tim could tell he wasn’t actually paying attention to Tim’s responses or even what he himself said, because Tim could, and did reply, that “yes, and my motorbike and my batarang ran off and eloped the other day” and Dick just kept on talking, though now about motorbikes. Tim finally sighed.
“Dick, just eat the cookies.” Dick had climbed over Tim to get them before he’d finished the sentence, making Tim speak the rest of it directly to Dick stomach. Dick sat back down, but didn’t get off Tim, but rather sat somewhat on Tim’s legs as he opened the cookie tin. Dick handed one to Tim immediately, and Tim knew that Dick was just making sure Tim got at least one cookie before Dick devoured them all. Dick took a small bite out of one of the cookies and let out an appreciative moan.
“God, Tim that’s good.”
~
The Titans and Batgirl were currently standing outside Tim’s door wondering if they should try and find out what was going on inside by getting Kon to use his X-ray vision, when they heard a load moan come from the room.
“God, Tim that’s good.”
It was rather harder to convince Kon about the merits of using X-ray vision after that.
~
Dick had now rolled so that his head was on Tim’s stomach, looking up at the cookie Tim still had in his hand. Dick had eaten all the cookies in the tin already. Tim quickly moved to take a bite of the cookie before Dick ate it right from his hand. Unfortunately, this did not work, because nothing would ever come between Dick and Alfred’s Chocolate Shortbread Cookies. Dick merely sprung forward to bite down on the half of the cookie that was sticking out of Tim’s mouth, locking Tim in a cookie kiss.
~
Kon finally caved and used his X-ray vision, after being convinced that Dick’s moan could’ve just been over cookies, because they all knew how Dick got around cookies, especially those of the chocolate shortbread variety. The Titans also managed to convince him of their need to know what was going on in there ‘just to make sure Tim was okay’. Kon shut off his X-ray vision only a moment after he turned it on though, and took a few steps back from the door, blushing.
“What?” demanded the others, looking too excited for Kon’s tastes. Kon shrugged.
“Let’s just say that moan was not cookie related. Now let’s go everyone, it’s been a long day and they deserve a bit of privacy.” Kon began herding everyone towards his or her room.
~
Tim stared. Dick stared. Tim stared some more. Dick actually began to let go of the cookie. Tim bit it in half instead, letting Dick pull away to eat his half. It took Tim a moment to realise he should probably chew. He did so, and then swallowed. Dick was still on top of him, looking down at him with an odd expression. Then Dick leaned down and kissed him. He pulled away gently after that.
“You had crumbs on your lip,” he said softly, as if providing an explanation. Tim didn’t need one. He kissed Dick back tenderly.
“So did you.”
~
Leslie had just finished explaining how Dick and Tim had, quiet rationally, decided it was safer if they locked themselves in for the night with all the insanity that had been going on, and that it was perfectly rational for them to just want company while they sat everything out. The people gathered in front of her were eying her incredulously.
“Honestly, I can assure you that there is nothing going on. I don’t believe that Tim and Dick would be doing anything like that. Tim is practically Dick’s little brother.” A few people looked like they might believe her a little. Leslie finally sighed. “The Tower has surveillance everywhere, right?”
“Yes,” said Batman cautiously, who had recovered from the fainting spell he would still not admit happened rather quicker than Superman had.
“Then we can tune in to the camera in Tim’s room and prove it. I’m sure Tim wouldn’t mind.” The collection of superheroes in front of her nodded in agreement and Arsenal went to the meeting room’s screen to adjust the feed. When it came on, there was a thump at the back of the room, as both Batman and Superman hit the floor because with them both fainting at the sight, there was no one observant enough to catch either of them.
~
“So did you.” At Tim’s soft statement, Dick immediately leant down to capture Tim’s mouth, tongue coming to lick his lips to gain entry. Tim tasted like cookies, which only made Dick even more eager. Tim arms came to wrap around him, pulling him tightly against Tim’s body. Dick slid a hand under Tim’s shirt, causing Tim to moan into his mouth. Tim was now pulling the top half of Dick’s costume off, and Dick hurriedly returned the favour, hands roaming over the expanse of skin now available to his sight and touch. Tim’s fingers roamed his back, finding scars and tracing them gently. Dick slid his hand into Tim’s hair, and used the other to caress the outline of his face. They were both hard now and-
“God, Tim.” The moan is lower, softer, more fervent than the previous one. Tim just kisses Dick softly on the lips, then neck, then chest, moving lower.
~
Everyone watches the screen in a sort of morbid fascination as Tim is pulling Dick’s pants off. Belatedly, Leslie comes to her senses enough to shut off the screen. Luckily, Batman and Superman are still on the floor at the back of the room, out cold. The rest of the people gathered who still retain enough of their sense to do anything glare at her.
“Well,” states Leslie, “maybe not quite so brotherly.”
~
Dick and Tim are under the covers now panting and shaking as they finish. Tim shifts to bury his head in Dick’s chest. Dick just moans.
“God. I. Wow. Tim.” Tim actually chuckles.
“If I knew all I needed to seduce you was cookies, I’d have gotten some weeks ago.” Dick leans down to kiss his way along Tim’s jaw line to his lips.
“You didn’t even need the cookies.”
“Is that so? Because I’ve got another tin of them hidden.” Tim chuckles a Dick tries to act unaffected by this statement. Tim disentangles one arm from his hold on Dick to reach under the bed and hand over another tin.
“You are the Best. Person. Ever.” Dick opens the tin with one hand. To Tim’s surprise, he hands the tin back to him. Tim pulls out a cookie, and Dick is soon nibbling at it, then eating it, then sucking the remainder of it off Tim’s fingers. Tim has to bite his lip. Dick draws gently away, and Tim quickly grabs another cookie. Dick snatches it out of his hand and feeds it to him. Tim sighs around the delicious taste of cookie and tries to eat it quicker so he can just get to Dick’s fingers already. He lets his tongue roam over them playfully before sucking on them gently, causing Dick to moan. Dick pulls away from him, reaches for the cookie tin and… shuts it. Tim is surprised to see Dick chuck it off the bed. “I really want to fuck you now.” Tim is not sure what to say to this statement, he’s never done this, but Dick is looking at him with those eyes, and he’s nervous, and the Tower is definitely not the place to be doing these kinds of things - but Dick just threw away cookies for him.
“Alright then.”
~
Leslie is now only barely resisting the urge to just lock them all up and get things over with. She has practically had to have ‘the talk’ with the superheroes still looking at her with various degrees of dread. She still hadn’t managed to rouse either Superman or Batman, and instead had them carried to the medical room and set on cots. If it weren’t for the fact that they couldn’t possibly be faking it that good, she’d have thought it a ploy to escape this. She had the urge to try it herself, but she was supposed to be here to help.
“Alright, let’s all just take some deep breaths. I’m sure you’re all just freaking out now because of the sheer overload of things you’ve had to deal with today.” The superheroes continued to give her horrified stares. Some of them were rocking where they sat. A few sane people looked mildly amused at the entire evening, and Leslie took a moment to thank whatever deities were listening. None of them could be convinced to take an optimistic point of view on relationships though. Leslie sighed again. “Honestly. You’d think you all were children. Does anyone here have any interest what-so-ever in a healthy relationship?” Leslie noticed someone raise their hand. “Yes?” It was the Huntress.
“What are you doing after this, doctor?”
~
Tim woke up at his usual time, but not in his usual manner. He was most definitely cuddling into his lover. Who was also awake, and looking mildly amused.
“I might have eaten the rest of the cookies while you were asleep,” Dick says by way of greeting.
“I might have more hidden.”
“Are you going to tell me where?”
“Maybe if you’re very, very good.”
“What if I’m very, very bad?”
“You might be able to convince me to give them to you sooner, yes.” Their conversation is interrupted by the sound of the alarm by Tim’s bedside beeping.
“You have to be at morning training.”
“Yes,” Tim stated, but snuggled closer to Dick, “But I think I might be a bit late today.”
~
The Titans were, on the whole, not exactly surprised when Tim didn’t show up for training. They were however, surprised when he showed up late. Most had figured Tim had chosen to work out separately that morning. It was also clear that Tim had difficulty getting out of bed, though this, it could be wisely suspected, was probably Dick’s fault. Tim’s hair was in a state such as they had never seen.
“Hi,” said Tim, offering them only a sheepish smile as explanation. This caused the team to stare openly in amazement. Tim Drake had just smiled.
“You really did need to get laid, didn’t you Boy,” Kid Flash cut himself off, “Wonder.”
“Alright everybody, how about another game of Twister?” asked Tim. He snickered quietly at the looks of utter dismay on his team’s faces. “Kidding! Kidding!”
~
Leslie was finally out of the Tower, having successfully dealt with everyone. But the next time Tim called saying it was an emergency, she was going to ask precisely what kind before coming.
~
Far away from the Tower, in an abandoned warehouse there was a large fight going on. Oracle watched from her surveillance cameras as a bunch of villains were participating in what looked like the world’s largest catfight. That happened to involve an incredibly large number of military grade weapons. It looked like Nightwing would be coming into some money soon.
~
Superman and Batman sat in a small room in the Tower, where they were currently being held captive ‘for their own good’.
“Can’t you just melt the door or the wall or something?” Bruce demanded finally.
“No,” sighed Clark, “apparently this room was designed to hold Kon when he was recovering from some incident and had to be restrained. I can’t do a thing to get out of here. Don’t you have any of those clever bat tricks up your sleeve.”
“Apparently one or both of my former Robins have had a hand in trying to help improve our health, because I don’t have anything that would be remotely helpful.” They both sighed, and glanced around the room, which was pretty much bare except for two cots, a couch, a television screen, and food. Bruce saw a box that was barely visible under the vegetables and other healthy foods provided for them. There was a small, familiar “R” sign doodled on the corner that was visible. Bruce quickly stood up and went over to the table to extract the box. “Thank you, Tim.”
“What is it?” asked Clark, who had come to stand beside him.
“I don’t know, but it was clearly snuck in here, so that in itself is a good sign.” Bruce opened that box. On top, there was a key, two grapples, and a batarang. Bruce moved them aside to find some of Alfred’s Chocolate Shortbread Cookies. He quickly tossed the key, batarang and grapples onto the table, and concentrated on the cookies. He offered the box to Clark. Clark hesitated, and then took one. He bit into it.
“Mm, that’s good.”
~
End.