02-22 2:20
ive been cutting/disallowing comments on these entries because i know theyre long and im basically writing them for myself, and im not looking for sympathy; just need to get this all out of my system, but of course leave the opportunity for those that care to know whats going on :)
so i get to the flanagans tonight.
the kids usually go to sleep at 9 on weekends. parents usually get home latest 12ish. tonight michelle decided that they could stat up till 11, and that her and mike werent getting home until 2. and its not like i just sit there with these kids. im right there on the floor playing hardcore power rangers, or making batman skate like tony hawk. its hard work.
SO the last place i want to be.
but tongith they were unusually calm, actually SAT DOWN and watched a movie, and fell asleep at 9. God loves me.
so that made me happy and it gave me a good 4 hours to catch up on my lack of sleep
i randomly was thinming of nada yesterday. we havent talked in a good year or more. tonight she randomly IMed me. it couldnt have come at a better time really. i had just been catching up on some of my crying, reading a letter deniz wrote to me, and then she IMed me and i just got so happy
somebody is definetly watching over me
i got realyl excited to go see my dad today. but as soon as i initially see him i get scared and sad and all relatable feelings. its the same feeling right now. im really exicted to go see him tomorrow but i know when i initially see him i get sad. it takes a bit for me to get comfortable seeing him like this.
today he should have been better but he wasnt too much, due to his low blood. but he got it fixed and hopefully tomorrow will be good
its definetly nice having my family home. were all lookin out for eachother. mary yesterday kept leaving with me whenever i needed to get out; asically because she had to as well. but today she couldnt be there so laura and rob would walk around with me when i needed to get out. my brother and i are having real conversations. we are all there for my mom, not leaving her alone at all.
yesterday i went out with my friends for a short time. i didnt want to stay home, i wanted to get out. when i came home i was obviously upset and laura gave me a super big hug. then laura and my mom all lied in my moms bed and fell asleep.
my bro and i are gonna open the store. lauras been really helpful through this all because well she is a nurse and has worked at motown memorial before. so she can explain things to us. like this morning my mom got a call that my dad needed a transfusion and she was running around trying to get out to rush over. but laura calmed her down and told her that while it wasnt common, a transfusion isnt unusual and it would be ok.
so tomorrow is hospital day part 3. itll most likely be hard of course. my mom was telling me today how a nurse once told her that its sometimes just as hard to be sitting in the chair waiting for someone to recover, as it is to be the patient. although i dont think they are quite equal, i will agree to that extent. it is really hard you know?
like laura and rob are handling it very well, however only on the outside. i know that inside they are just as worried as i or mary. we just OBVIOUSLY dont handle ourselves well when it comes to emotions
so i get to the flanagans tonight.
the kids usually go to sleep at 9 on weekends. parents usually get home latest 12ish. tonight michelle decided that they could stat up till 11, and that her and mike werent getting home until 2. and its not like i just sit there with these kids. im right there on the floor playing hardcore power rangers, or making batman skate like tony hawk. its hard work.
SO the last place i want to be.
but tongith they were unusually calm, actually SAT DOWN and watched a movie, and fell asleep at 9. God loves me.
so that made me happy and it gave me a good 4 hours to catch up on my lack of sleep
i randomly was thinming of nada yesterday. we havent talked in a good year or more. tonight she randomly IMed me. it couldnt have come at a better time really. i had just been catching up on some of my crying, reading a letter deniz wrote to me, and then she IMed me and i just got so happy
somebody is definetly watching over me
i got realyl excited to go see my dad today. but as soon as i initially see him i get scared and sad and all relatable feelings. its the same feeling right now. im really exicted to go see him tomorrow but i know when i initially see him i get sad. it takes a bit for me to get comfortable seeing him like this.
today he should have been better but he wasnt too much, due to his low blood. but he got it fixed and hopefully tomorrow will be good
its definetly nice having my family home. were all lookin out for eachother. mary yesterday kept leaving with me whenever i needed to get out; asically because she had to as well. but today she couldnt be there so laura and rob would walk around with me when i needed to get out. my brother and i are having real conversations. we are all there for my mom, not leaving her alone at all.
yesterday i went out with my friends for a short time. i didnt want to stay home, i wanted to get out. when i came home i was obviously upset and laura gave me a super big hug. then laura and my mom all lied in my moms bed and fell asleep.
my bro and i are gonna open the store. lauras been really helpful through this all because well she is a nurse and has worked at motown memorial before. so she can explain things to us. like this morning my mom got a call that my dad needed a transfusion and she was running around trying to get out to rush over. but laura calmed her down and told her that while it wasnt common, a transfusion isnt unusual and it would be ok.
so tomorrow is hospital day part 3. itll most likely be hard of course. my mom was telling me today how a nurse once told her that its sometimes just as hard to be sitting in the chair waiting for someone to recover, as it is to be the patient. although i dont think they are quite equal, i will agree to that extent. it is really hard you know?
like laura and rob are handling it very well, however only on the outside. i know that inside they are just as worried as i or mary. we just OBVIOUSLY dont handle ourselves well when it comes to emotions