Title: Scarf
Prompt/Theme: #23, Cold
Pairing: Jay/Junho, Jaebeom/Junho
Rating: PG 13 for language
Summary: It started to snow~ and a scarf to bring back a few memories...
Scarf
~Junho’s point of view~
I held my head down and I watch my feet take turns hitting the ground. I promised myself not to go here again… not after what he did. The place just held too much painful memories… But somehow… on this cold November night, my body worked on itself to bring me back here again.
The familiar warmth I used to feel was now gone… The members are all hopefully asleep because I didn’t want them to find me… But they don’t have to worry; I’ll be back soon enough to climb back to my bed and to pretend nothing happened and to pretend I’m okay.
Then it started snowing.
I used to love snow. I loved the feeling of coldness onto my arms and my neck… but now, it just felt like small knives that cut trough me, making me feel so dejected so guilty. Then, as I arrived, I felt a sudden rush of slight pain when I saw it.
It already became a habit of mine to leave the dorms to go here. Oh, the memories this place held. I trace my hands on the bench… begging myself not to cry, begging my self to stay strong… for him… for me… but my tears betrayed me. They fell down one by one.
I sat on the bench closing my eyes as a familiar scene replays in my head…
Flashback
It was November 30 at 11:00pm when I started to walk towards the park again. Silently humming our song ‘Angel’. As I spin around I saw that someone was on MY side of the bench.
“Yah! That’s my side you…” I fell silent. It’s Jay. I noticed that he looked nervous somehow. I gulped “Umm… Hyung… what are you doing here?” I asked and I sat down on the other swing.
“Sorry… if you want some time to be by yourself I could leave…” he said as he stood up but I held his hand.
“No, Stay.” I pulled him down onto the bench and we sat quietly for a while and it started to snow and I smiled.
“Hey… why are you smiling?” he asked and I turned to his direction and replied,
“Nothing… I just love the snow.” He nodded as he said,
“Ahh… I’m not much of a fan on cold winter days… I’m more of a summer person. You know, gotta love the heat.” I laughed a little after he said that. “Why? What’s wrong? What? So you’re gonna tell me that you hate summer now??? huh homie?!” I laughed even more. “What??? Tell meeeee~ Tell me~ Tatatatata tell me~ Please Junho tell meeeeee~” he sang he danced in his place so much. He was leaning here and there then bouncing until he kinda slipped and fell on me. Our lips touched and I closed my eyes. He immediately pulled away though.
“Ahh!!! Junho-ah! I’m sorryyyy… I’m so sorry… I promise I’ll never do that again! I’m so sorry!!!” He shouted then I just nodded to him telling him that it’s fine.
When he wasn’t looking, I touched my lips… his warm lips felt like it was melting my cold ones… this warm sensation I’m suddenly feeling and my increasing heart beat… ahhh… ‘it’s just a kiss Junho… stop over reacting’ I said to myself to stop my cheeks from burning…
“Hehehehehe… Sorry Junho… I’m really sorry… But Junho-ah, I remember what you said earlier and I just can’t help but ask… Why do you like this part of the bench anyway? Isn’t it just the same?”
“Yeah, pretty much it’s the same on the outside, but I prefer that side because it’s colder there and it has a very pretty view of the sunrise and the sunset.”
“Sunset? I don’t see you leaving the dorm that early… wait… how many times have you been here???”
“Umm… hehehehehehe about that… Look hyung, I know you said that we can’t go out without asking permission but I just can’t help it… sorry… But can this secret stay between us? You know, as brothers?”
“Fine. But let’s also keep it between us that I was here too.”
“Deal.” It was silent again and then the street lamp flickered. “Hyung, why are you here anyway… it’s far from our dorm and there are lots of other parks nearer to our dorm… don’t tell me… You’re my stalker aren’t you?!” I said, putting my hand on my mouth and pointing to him. I thought that he would deny it but he just chuckled.
“Not really a stalker… but the truth is that I really wanted to be the first one who gave you a present for Christmas… I sort of followed you a few nights before so I can give it to you and to prove that I am a keep pink grandpa!” I immediately laughed so hard. “Heh, so I was right! You were underestimating the mighty powers of the leadja! How could you?! Ouch!!” he said as he traced tears from his eyes with one hand while fake sobbing and his other hand was on his chest.
“I didn’t!!! I just didn’t want to raise any questions!!! Anyway~ give it~ I wanna see it~ Give me the gift you said that was the reason why you followed me.”
“Okay, Okay… here.” He handed me a paper bag and I quickly opened it. I hope it was something really nice~ I hope it was the scarf I wanted~ But smile faded when I saw what was inside…
“Mangoes???”
“Oh! It’s not that. Sorry… but can you give that to Chansung? I know that he loves them so much. Here’s your gift.” He handed it to me and I held it… but he won’t let go…
“Wait. Wait. Wait. Don’t open it yet… I have to go already since I think my… um… my… my mother! Yeah, my mother might call! BYEEE!!!!” he quickly ran away.
“Wierdo…” I said as I slowly opened the bag. I was expecting another picture of him posing or a mango but when I opened it… I can’t believe my eyes… Oh my God… It’s the scarf. Oh my god… this thing costs so much… It was my dream… I can’t believe he bought it for me… wow…
When I tried it on a letter fell… I got it, opened the envelope it read…
‘Hi Junho~ I hope you like the scarf I got you~ I got it for you because I saw that you really really liked it and don’t ask me where I got the money. Kekekekeke~ But the real reason why I kind of stalked you was because… how do I put this… Umm… I love you.’
I stopped reading as my heart began to beat even faster… Oh my god…
‘Umm… you don’t have to like me back and nothing will change between us if you didn’t. It’s okay… I am just telling you this because it is my new year’s resolution and I won’t back out from it. But maybe… if maybe you do like or love me back… come after me… don’t raise my hopes up if you just run towards me to just laugh and say “I’m not gay.” That’s just too cruel… but if you do… go after me right now… because I might be just around the corner… waiting for you… hoping…’
My eyes are wide with astonishment… I can’t believe it… and then there’s this voice inside of me that said, ‘What are you waiting for Junho! Run after him! It’s you chance!’ I got to my feet and ran as fast as my feet can take me… when I was at one of the streets by the corner; I felt a hand grab me. It was Jay.
He immediately smashed his lips onto mine, holding me so tight… I dropped the things on the floor and I just wrapped my arms around his shoulder… and yes, I too love him…
And that’s how our secret relationship started.
End of flashback
I felt numb even after the cold breeze swept pass me… and I remember that I never gave Chansung Jay’s gift to him… Well… I ate it…
I still remember the time when he left…
Flashback part 2
“Yah… Junho-ah… did you hear?” I smiled and I turned to Junsu who was talking to me
“What?” I said. I was in such a good mood today~ I mean Jay and I spent almost the whole day together~ But somehow… Junsu’s facial expression was sad… but why? Today is the day that we didn’t have any recordings and schedules~ Today was the day of freedom!
“Junho-ah…” he whispered, holding onto my shoulders. This doesn’t sound good… “It’s about Jay… He’s leaving.” My eyes grew wide in disbelief and I laughed
“Aishh… Junsu ah! You got me! Heh. You should audition as an actor because you’re good~ Hahaha bye~” I got out of his grasp and I quickly ran to our room just to see Jay packing.
I immediately went to him and sat on the bed.
“Jay, what are you doing?! Why are you packing?! No! Don’t pack! Don’t!!! I promise I’ll not bother you again! If it’s my fault, I promise just say anything and I’ll do it!” I uttered and I hugged him. He pried my hands off almost like shooing me like a piece of dirt… “It’s me isn’t it…” I said again, looking down…
“Don’t make it even harder Junho...”
“Then don’t leave.”
“Junho, there isn’t a choice here. I can’t say that I don’t want to plus, all I have been doing to you is to bother you.”
“If you were just going to leave, you shouldn’t have gave me that letter… I thought that we would be forever…” I silently sobbed
“Junho-ah…”
“I thought that you said that you would never leave me!!! I thought that you said that you’ll always be there!!! I believed you! I really did believe you and now… and now… it’s like you’re just going to throw my heart away!”
“I’m not needed here anymore… didn’t you hear the news?”
“No! and I don’t care about the fucking news! You think no one needs you? Huh? You think that none of our members would miss you huh?! How could you hyung?! I thought that we were all brothers!” he pulled me into a hug. “Screw the news if they say they don’t need you… I need you… Jay… I need you… Please… don’t leave me…” I sobbed onto his chest for awhile... taking in his scent… I really don’t want him to leave… I love him all too much… We stayed like that until I fell asleep in his arms.
Later
I woke up… it was 12am… I looked to my side, feeling for a familiar body… but there was nothing. My eyes shot open and I looked onto his bed… to find no one in it. I quickly ran out of the room and rushed to the ground floor… to see him and Minjae hyung… putting in all of his suitcases into the van…
I guess he saw me since he whispered my name. Tears were welling up in my eyes as I quickly ran towards him, clinging to him as if it’s my only chance of survival but he shrugged me off.
“Hyung!!! Hyung!!! Don’t leave me hyung!!! 2pm needs you!!! Hyung!!!” I screamed but Minjae hyung grabbed me and let Jay go in the car. “Hyung!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!!” with my sudden adrenaline rush I pushed Minjae hyung to the side and ran after the car… Jay was seated on the front seat with the windows open… “Stop the car!!!!! Hyung!!!!!! Jay!!! Don’t go!!!!!!! 2pm needs you!!! Please hyung!!!!!! Don’t leave us!!!!!! 2pm needs you!!!!!!!!!! I need you!!!!!!!!! I love you hyung!!!!! Please!!!!!! Please stay!!!! Don’t leave me!!! I can’t go on without you!!!” But that was as far as my feet could take me and the car just sped more and he left me…
End of flashback #2
I felt into my pockets, hoping to find at least a pack of tissue in it… I felt something and I pulled it out of my pocket. I always carry tissues around, I forgot. But then something else fell out… it was the picture jay and I took that day… I still love him…
But there’s nothing left for me to do… I can give him my heart but that won’t change the fact that he’s gone…
It’s so cold… even with the scarf around my neck… it was still freezing… Tears were still running from my face… and my heart feels like it was going to explode… Like our new single… my heart still beats for you Jay… even if we’re far apart… I’ll still and always love you…
“Hey you…” a voice said I looked up, unable to see the face of the figure walking towards me… when the person stepped closer, my eyes grew wide and I saw him there… walking towards me.
“Jay? Is… Is that you?!” I stood up immediately and ran to him. “Hyung… I knew you would come back! I just knew you would!!!!” I said and he pulled me into his arms once again and I just can’t help but cry even more now.
“Jay… you came back…” I whispered again and he just hugged me tighter… It felt so good to say his name again… It felt good to be in his arms again… I don’t care that he left me anymore…
“It’s glad to be back. I missed you…Saranghae…” The hug felt like it would suffocate me but I didn’t care. As long as he is here by my side I don’t care. We pulled away and without warning, he kissed me...
I truly miss the warmth of his lips that really melts my cold ones… I really miss his hands that circled around me… making me feel so safe and protected. The kiss was really long, long enough to make up for all the time we didn’t spend together… I won’t even be mad… that’s how much I love him. I won’t even ask why he let me go… I won’t ask why he lied… I won’t even ask for a Christmas gift anymore… him being here is already a gift from the heavens…All I care about is that he’s finally back… and I won’t ever let him go… not this time… no, not ever.
~End of Junho’s point of view~
---------- Little did they know ------------
“Daebak… I didn’t know it would be THIS emotional.” This voice said
“Yah… keep quiet they might hear you…” another voice whispered
“Kekekekeke… I can’t wait to put this on youtube~”
“Chansung-ah, aim a little higher. We won’t post it only in youtube… but also in Mnet!”
“Taecyeonnie~ We’re so smart~ That’s what Junho gets for not giving me my mangoes!”
“Yep. The perfect revenge and the best way to get 2pm as the most searched for group in Korea! As I always say, make a scandal to boost up your popularity! Works all the time!”
“Ahem, the whole world!” Chansung said
“True that, true that. And we’ll be famous too since we taped it! Hahahahahahaha!”
The two laughed silently getting enough footage for proof. And they walked happily towards the 2pm dorm, holding hands… hey… aren’t they another couple?! Khun! Woodong-ah! Tape this moment to make you guys famous too!!!
Bonus:
Wild Bunny episode 7, Taecyeon’s self cam quotes,
“And Chansung, Chansung’s true love is Seulong hyung!”
2am dorm:
“Wahhhh!!!! My Chansung’s cheating on meee!!!!” Seulong cried