The Rush Is Worth It 2/?
Title: The Rush is Worth it. 2/?
Pairing: Kogan wootwoot
Rating: PG:13 to T ish... I'm not sure where I'm going with it yet.
Word Count: 2389 words :D
Disclaimer:I don't own the show, the boys, or anything in the world except my imagination.
“Okay James. That's enough for tonight. I think we've got it.” James nodded through the glass as the mics clicked off and someone opened the door for him. He had a water handed to him as he walked around to the sound board to listen to the track he had just laid down.
“You know that stunt you pulled was idiotic and juvenile.” Gustavo's voice sounded from behind him. James just rolled his eyes and messed with some buttons, ignoring his manager.
“You're a spiteful, mean, and hateful child.” James felt his anger rising as Gustavo went on, “I don't know what was going through your head, if anything was going through your head, but that was selfish of you. Did you even think of the other guys? How this is going to affect them? What if Kendall's band can't take the attention and decide not to work with him anymore. Carlos is just getting his life calmed down and now people are going to be all over him again. I can't even imagine what Logan is going through right now. You don't know how the people working on his show might feel about him now. He could face horrible discrimination, they could try to hurt him. And you don't even care.”
James stood and spun around. His fists were clenched and he was visibly holding himself back from saying things he would regret. Even though he and Gustavo had worked together for years, he knew that the man would fire him in a heartbeat. Sure he might call a week later asking why James wasn't in the studio, but the week of panicking over whether he would be out in the cold without a career.
“I'm going to be 20 in a few months. So don't call me a child.” James said, voice low and eyes narrowed.
“I guess I struck a nerve. You have the rest of the week off. I don't want to see your face until Monday.” Gustavo watched James stalk towards the door “You can't just hurt people because your upset James. Life doesn't work that way.”
The door slammed shut behind James as he left Rocque Records. The hair on the back of his neck lifted as he paced to his car. What Gustavo said was too true. He hadn't been thinking of the consequences, the only thing that had been on his mind was the look that would be on Logan's face when he heard. It was perverse, the pleasure he got from imagining that, but it didn't change the fact that he just wanted to hurt Logan.
As he walked through the parking lot he pulled out his cell to check his messages. The little blinking lights told him that he had a few texts. He sighed and opened the first one, grimacing as he read.
Katie: I hope you burn in hell you fucking hypocrite.
He sighed and hit delete. He scanned through the rest and deleted all of the ones that were angry or threatening. Finally he only had one left. He smiled slightly as he hit the button to open it.
Carlitos: You're coming over tonight. No excuses. I'm pissed off at you and I will find you if you don't show up. Also, I made spaghetti. Consider it bribery.
James groaned. Carlos was still friends with Logan and Kendall. Of course he would be mad. As James saw his car draw near he thought about blowing Carlos off. But he knew that if he did Carlos would just show up wherever he was and probably yell. And he wouldn't get any spaghetti. Carlos made really really good spaghetti.
He got to his car and unlocked it, feeling paranoid for some reason. He got the door open an inch before a hand came down from behind him and slammed the door shut again. He spun and tried to step backwards when he saw the fire bright in Kendall's eyes.
“Hey... Kendall. I uh.. what's up?” he said, pressing himself into the car door to try and get away from Kendall.
“What's up? Huh let's see, my boyfriend is sitting at home in tears because of you. My phone has been ringing off the hook with people asking what's going on. And it's all because of you. So yeah, my anger level is what's up.” Kendall said, his jaw set and fists tight against the car.
“I... I don't...” James stuttered, eyes widening as Kendall grabbed onto his jacket and smashed him harder into the car.
“Don't talk. You've done enough of that already. You hurt Logan. Now I'm going to hurt you.”
Kendall pulled his fist back and sent a punch at James face but hit the car when James ducked. He yelped in pain as his hand hit the metal, but it only made him angrier. He let go of James and aimed again, this time landing the punch dead center on James' cheek. He felt a grim sense of satisfaction as James head snapped backwards.
“Son of a..” James panted out, wiping off the blood that was dripping out of his mouth. They stood for a minute, both breathing roughly before they jumped at each other and fists went flying. James landed a few punches, but couldn't deny that Kendall had the upper hand on him. Sure, James liked to stay in shape, but Kendall had blind rage and his fierce protectiveness fueling him.
Suddenly James felt Kendall's knee jerk up and smash up in between his legs and he dropped like a rock. He stared up at Kendall as his eyes focused and unfocused.
“Now you're going to listen to me” Kendall snarled, dropping into a crouch and lifting James' head by his hair, “I don't want you anywhere near me or Logan. I don't want you talking about us or even thinking about us. You were our friend. Why would you hurt him when he did nothing to you? The worst thing is, he isn't even mad at you. Just confused and sad that you would do this to him when he did nothing.”
He let James head fall and stood. When he turned to walk away James lifted himself a little off the ground.
“Nothing? You think he did nothing to me?” James called out, noting that Kendall stopped walking and turned his head a bit, “He did everything. He hurt me more than you ever knew.”
Kendall turned sharply back and stared at James.
“You never knew...” James whispered, tears rolling down his bruised cheeks “He got you. He took you. He stole you from me. That's what he did.”
James kept sobbing, while Kendall just stared at him.
“You never had me.” he said, turning on his heel and finally walking away.
James had no idea how he got off the ground and into the car. Some part of his mind knew that he shouldn't drive when he couldn't even think straight, but he ignored it. The drive blurred past, and before he knew it he was standing outside of a familiar apartment door. Out of habit he ran his fingers through his hair, wincing as the strands pulled at his tender scalp. He kicked at the door, afraid his knuckles would protest too much if he knocked.
The door swung open and let out a gust of familiar air.
“I can't believe you wou--” Carlos let out a gasp as he finally looked at James. His eyes drifted over James, lighting on his black eye, split lip and overall beat up look. He didn't say anything, just opened the door fully and let him in.
James felt the entire story spill out of him as Carlos dabbed a wet cloth over his face. As he spoke Carlos just stared blankly at him, lip caught between his teeth as his hands worked gently and slowly. James winced as the cloth came into contact with the darkening skin under his eye.
“Just say it. You know you want to.” James said, his one of his eyes swollen almost shut and the other wide as he stared up at Carlos.
“You deserved it.” Carlos said, tossing the cloth in the general direction of the kitchen. “What you did was stupid. I can't fix it. I'm not even sure if I want to.”
He avoided James eyes as he started getting the table cleared off for the food. James just sat there, trying to gauge exactly how mad Carlos was. As the years went by it had gotten harder and harder to tell. Carlos was no longer the wild kid he had been during their years in the band. He had moved to New York after they disbanded and made a name for himself on Broadway. That had ended when Carlos got a little too into the partying scene and seemed to always be in the tabloids. After a few months of not getting any jobs, he had returned to LA. Logan had gotten him a job and he had finally gained some semblance of normalcy.
“I'm sick of this.” Carlos said, setting the plates down a little too roughly “I'm sick of trying to clean up after you. Both literally and figuratively. I tried calling both Logan and Kendall today. Neither would answer. I texted, emailed, everything. Katie just told me to fuck off, and apparently Mrs. Knight is locked in her room.”
James felt his heart drop to his feet. If Carlos didn't want him around then he wouldn't have anyone. Tears pricked his eyes as he thought of the time Carlos had spent in New York. He had been so alone, living just for the letters and phone calls that came sporadically.
“I can try to.. I'm sorry. I'm just sorry.” James blurted, standing and grabbing at Carlos. “Please, I need you. Just don't make me be alone. Please.”
Carlos wrapped his arms around James and let him sob into his shoulder, his own chest feeling tight.
“I'm not going to leave you alone James. I just wish you would think about other people before you opened your mouth.” Carlos said, rubbing small circle on James back.
“I just love him. I love him so much.” James rasped out, glad that at least he had Carlos to talk to. Glad that he had told Carlos ages ago why he was so mad, why his heart hurt.
“I know Jay.” Carlos said, his heart shattering into a million pieces as James just cried. He pressed his face into James' hair and breathed in deeply. “I know exactly how you feel.”
Kendall stalked back to his and Logan's apartment, stopping only to retrieve his guitar from it's hiding place. He had gone on a very long walk after leaving James, to think about everything. James loving him was nothing new to his thoughts. When they were still in school he had had a small crush on James, but it had turned to friendship and nothing more as they became better friends.
But suddenly everything made sense. When he and Logan had finally gotten together James had flipped. Freezing them out and basically saying that he was done with them. That had been when the band had broken up, and Logan had fought hard against a strong bout of depression. That had been the first time Kendall hated James.
This was the second time. When Kendall finally felt the need to get home he wondered what he would find. His mind ran through a thousand possibilities, Logan right where he left him. Logan confused, crying in the shower. Logan lying on the floor...
He took a shaky breath and unlocked the door. He scanned the room but there was no sign of Logan. He ventured into the kitchen and was relieved to see dishes in the sink. That meant Logan was eating, which was a good sign. He finally made his way to their bedroom and smiled as he stood in the doorway.
Logan was curled up in bed, a book resting by his head and his reading glasses crooked on his face. Kendall quietly made his way over and gently took off the glasses. He picked up the book and put it on the little table next to Logan's side of the bed and placed the glasses on top. Unable to resist, he leaned down and gently pressed a kiss to Logan's forehead.
“What happened to you?” Logan said quietly after he had turned away and pulled his shirt off.
“Nothing, went to practice, made some music. The usual.” Logan's eyebrows shot up and his mouth went into a frown.
“Why do you feel the need to lie to me?” he asked. Kendall just sighed and sat on the bed next to him.
“Because sometimes I forget how smart you are and that you don't need me to protect you as much as you used to?” Kendall asked, attempting to distract Logan by reaching out and tracing a pattern on his arm.
“You fought with James.” Logan said simply. Kendall gaped at him and tried to think of something to say.
“Don't even, love. All my proof is right here.” Logan said as he held up Kendall's red and swollen hand. “and here.” he pressed his fingers against a bruise on Kendall's chest, where James must have gotten in a good hit.
“I'm sorry. But no one does that to you and gets away with it. I stick by what I did.” Kendall said, rubbing Logan's cheek affectionately. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” Logan said, leaning over and kissing Kendall.
Logan laughed when Kendall's arms pulled him even closer, wrapping around him and slipping up the back of his shirt. They kissed and playfully pushed each other around for a few minuted until Logan somehow ended up in Kendall's lap.
Somehow it became less playful as Logan's arms went around Kendall's neck and they fell backwards.
“I really, really, love you.” Kendall gasped as Logan moved against him and smirked against his neck.
“I know.”
lj-cut>
Pairing: Kogan wootwoot
Rating: PG:13 to T ish... I'm not sure where I'm going with it yet.
Word Count: 2389 words :D
Disclaimer:I don't own the show, the boys, or anything in the world except my imagination.
“Okay James. That's enough for tonight. I think we've got it.” James nodded through the glass as the mics clicked off and someone opened the door for him. He had a water handed to him as he walked around to the sound board to listen to the track he had just laid down.
“You know that stunt you pulled was idiotic and juvenile.” Gustavo's voice sounded from behind him. James just rolled his eyes and messed with some buttons, ignoring his manager.
“You're a spiteful, mean, and hateful child.” James felt his anger rising as Gustavo went on, “I don't know what was going through your head, if anything was going through your head, but that was selfish of you. Did you even think of the other guys? How this is going to affect them? What if Kendall's band can't take the attention and decide not to work with him anymore. Carlos is just getting his life calmed down and now people are going to be all over him again. I can't even imagine what Logan is going through right now. You don't know how the people working on his show might feel about him now. He could face horrible discrimination, they could try to hurt him. And you don't even care.”
James stood and spun around. His fists were clenched and he was visibly holding himself back from saying things he would regret. Even though he and Gustavo had worked together for years, he knew that the man would fire him in a heartbeat. Sure he might call a week later asking why James wasn't in the studio, but the week of panicking over whether he would be out in the cold without a career.
“I'm going to be 20 in a few months. So don't call me a child.” James said, voice low and eyes narrowed.
“I guess I struck a nerve. You have the rest of the week off. I don't want to see your face until Monday.” Gustavo watched James stalk towards the door “You can't just hurt people because your upset James. Life doesn't work that way.”
The door slammed shut behind James as he left Rocque Records. The hair on the back of his neck lifted as he paced to his car. What Gustavo said was too true. He hadn't been thinking of the consequences, the only thing that had been on his mind was the look that would be on Logan's face when he heard. It was perverse, the pleasure he got from imagining that, but it didn't change the fact that he just wanted to hurt Logan.
As he walked through the parking lot he pulled out his cell to check his messages. The little blinking lights told him that he had a few texts. He sighed and opened the first one, grimacing as he read.
Katie: I hope you burn in hell you fucking hypocrite.
He sighed and hit delete. He scanned through the rest and deleted all of the ones that were angry or threatening. Finally he only had one left. He smiled slightly as he hit the button to open it.
Carlitos: You're coming over tonight. No excuses. I'm pissed off at you and I will find you if you don't show up. Also, I made spaghetti. Consider it bribery.
James groaned. Carlos was still friends with Logan and Kendall. Of course he would be mad. As James saw his car draw near he thought about blowing Carlos off. But he knew that if he did Carlos would just show up wherever he was and probably yell. And he wouldn't get any spaghetti. Carlos made really really good spaghetti.
He got to his car and unlocked it, feeling paranoid for some reason. He got the door open an inch before a hand came down from behind him and slammed the door shut again. He spun and tried to step backwards when he saw the fire bright in Kendall's eyes.
“Hey... Kendall. I uh.. what's up?” he said, pressing himself into the car door to try and get away from Kendall.
“What's up? Huh let's see, my boyfriend is sitting at home in tears because of you. My phone has been ringing off the hook with people asking what's going on. And it's all because of you. So yeah, my anger level is what's up.” Kendall said, his jaw set and fists tight against the car.
“I... I don't...” James stuttered, eyes widening as Kendall grabbed onto his jacket and smashed him harder into the car.
“Don't talk. You've done enough of that already. You hurt Logan. Now I'm going to hurt you.”
Kendall pulled his fist back and sent a punch at James face but hit the car when James ducked. He yelped in pain as his hand hit the metal, but it only made him angrier. He let go of James and aimed again, this time landing the punch dead center on James' cheek. He felt a grim sense of satisfaction as James head snapped backwards.
“Son of a..” James panted out, wiping off the blood that was dripping out of his mouth. They stood for a minute, both breathing roughly before they jumped at each other and fists went flying. James landed a few punches, but couldn't deny that Kendall had the upper hand on him. Sure, James liked to stay in shape, but Kendall had blind rage and his fierce protectiveness fueling him.
Suddenly James felt Kendall's knee jerk up and smash up in between his legs and he dropped like a rock. He stared up at Kendall as his eyes focused and unfocused.
“Now you're going to listen to me” Kendall snarled, dropping into a crouch and lifting James' head by his hair, “I don't want you anywhere near me or Logan. I don't want you talking about us or even thinking about us. You were our friend. Why would you hurt him when he did nothing to you? The worst thing is, he isn't even mad at you. Just confused and sad that you would do this to him when he did nothing.”
He let James head fall and stood. When he turned to walk away James lifted himself a little off the ground.
“Nothing? You think he did nothing to me?” James called out, noting that Kendall stopped walking and turned his head a bit, “He did everything. He hurt me more than you ever knew.”
Kendall turned sharply back and stared at James.
“You never knew...” James whispered, tears rolling down his bruised cheeks “He got you. He took you. He stole you from me. That's what he did.”
James kept sobbing, while Kendall just stared at him.
“You never had me.” he said, turning on his heel and finally walking away.
James had no idea how he got off the ground and into the car. Some part of his mind knew that he shouldn't drive when he couldn't even think straight, but he ignored it. The drive blurred past, and before he knew it he was standing outside of a familiar apartment door. Out of habit he ran his fingers through his hair, wincing as the strands pulled at his tender scalp. He kicked at the door, afraid his knuckles would protest too much if he knocked.
The door swung open and let out a gust of familiar air.
“I can't believe you wou--” Carlos let out a gasp as he finally looked at James. His eyes drifted over James, lighting on his black eye, split lip and overall beat up look. He didn't say anything, just opened the door fully and let him in.
James felt the entire story spill out of him as Carlos dabbed a wet cloth over his face. As he spoke Carlos just stared blankly at him, lip caught between his teeth as his hands worked gently and slowly. James winced as the cloth came into contact with the darkening skin under his eye.
“Just say it. You know you want to.” James said, his one of his eyes swollen almost shut and the other wide as he stared up at Carlos.
“You deserved it.” Carlos said, tossing the cloth in the general direction of the kitchen. “What you did was stupid. I can't fix it. I'm not even sure if I want to.”
He avoided James eyes as he started getting the table cleared off for the food. James just sat there, trying to gauge exactly how mad Carlos was. As the years went by it had gotten harder and harder to tell. Carlos was no longer the wild kid he had been during their years in the band. He had moved to New York after they disbanded and made a name for himself on Broadway. That had ended when Carlos got a little too into the partying scene and seemed to always be in the tabloids. After a few months of not getting any jobs, he had returned to LA. Logan had gotten him a job and he had finally gained some semblance of normalcy.
“I'm sick of this.” Carlos said, setting the plates down a little too roughly “I'm sick of trying to clean up after you. Both literally and figuratively. I tried calling both Logan and Kendall today. Neither would answer. I texted, emailed, everything. Katie just told me to fuck off, and apparently Mrs. Knight is locked in her room.”
James felt his heart drop to his feet. If Carlos didn't want him around then he wouldn't have anyone. Tears pricked his eyes as he thought of the time Carlos had spent in New York. He had been so alone, living just for the letters and phone calls that came sporadically.
“I can try to.. I'm sorry. I'm just sorry.” James blurted, standing and grabbing at Carlos. “Please, I need you. Just don't make me be alone. Please.”
Carlos wrapped his arms around James and let him sob into his shoulder, his own chest feeling tight.
“I'm not going to leave you alone James. I just wish you would think about other people before you opened your mouth.” Carlos said, rubbing small circle on James back.
“I just love him. I love him so much.” James rasped out, glad that at least he had Carlos to talk to. Glad that he had told Carlos ages ago why he was so mad, why his heart hurt.
“I know Jay.” Carlos said, his heart shattering into a million pieces as James just cried. He pressed his face into James' hair and breathed in deeply. “I know exactly how you feel.”
Kendall stalked back to his and Logan's apartment, stopping only to retrieve his guitar from it's hiding place. He had gone on a very long walk after leaving James, to think about everything. James loving him was nothing new to his thoughts. When they were still in school he had had a small crush on James, but it had turned to friendship and nothing more as they became better friends.
But suddenly everything made sense. When he and Logan had finally gotten together James had flipped. Freezing them out and basically saying that he was done with them. That had been when the band had broken up, and Logan had fought hard against a strong bout of depression. That had been the first time Kendall hated James.
This was the second time. When Kendall finally felt the need to get home he wondered what he would find. His mind ran through a thousand possibilities, Logan right where he left him. Logan confused, crying in the shower. Logan lying on the floor...
He took a shaky breath and unlocked the door. He scanned the room but there was no sign of Logan. He ventured into the kitchen and was relieved to see dishes in the sink. That meant Logan was eating, which was a good sign. He finally made his way to their bedroom and smiled as he stood in the doorway.
Logan was curled up in bed, a book resting by his head and his reading glasses crooked on his face. Kendall quietly made his way over and gently took off the glasses. He picked up the book and put it on the little table next to Logan's side of the bed and placed the glasses on top. Unable to resist, he leaned down and gently pressed a kiss to Logan's forehead.
“What happened to you?” Logan said quietly after he had turned away and pulled his shirt off.
“Nothing, went to practice, made some music. The usual.” Logan's eyebrows shot up and his mouth went into a frown.
“Why do you feel the need to lie to me?” he asked. Kendall just sighed and sat on the bed next to him.
“Because sometimes I forget how smart you are and that you don't need me to protect you as much as you used to?” Kendall asked, attempting to distract Logan by reaching out and tracing a pattern on his arm.
“You fought with James.” Logan said simply. Kendall gaped at him and tried to think of something to say.
“Don't even, love. All my proof is right here.” Logan said as he held up Kendall's red and swollen hand. “and here.” he pressed his fingers against a bruise on Kendall's chest, where James must have gotten in a good hit.
“I'm sorry. But no one does that to you and gets away with it. I stick by what I did.” Kendall said, rubbing Logan's cheek affectionately. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” Logan said, leaning over and kissing Kendall.
Logan laughed when Kendall's arms pulled him even closer, wrapping around him and slipping up the back of his shirt. They kissed and playfully pushed each other around for a few minuted until Logan somehow ended up in Kendall's lap.
Somehow it became less playful as Logan's arms went around Kendall's neck and they fell backwards.
“I really, really, love you.” Kendall gasped as Logan moved against him and smirked against his neck.
“I know.”
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