The Rush Is Worth It 3/?
Title: The Rush is Worth it. 3/?
Pairing: Kogan wootwoot
Rating: PG:13 to T ish... I'm not sure where I'm going with it yet.
Word Count: 2797
Disclaimer:I don't own the show, the boys, or anything in the world except my imagination.
We had our whole life scripted,
But we tossed it to the side.
Those words can't tell us nothing,
Come on baby let's improvise.
Do you trust me enough
If we become two rebels?
Just like outlaws on the run,
All we have is each other.
We're gonna eat, sleep, breathe our love.
Would you become a rebel with me?
Kendall made several failed attempts to extract his hand from the blanket, eyes squeezed tight as his cell continued ringing loudly in his ears. Finally his hand escaped and landed roughly on the bed side table.
“Oh God Kendall, make the noise stop.” Logan whined, burying his head further into Kendall's neck. A small smile slipped onto Kendall's face as he answered his phone.
“This better be good, I was asleep.” He said quietly, smiling down at Logan who had wrapped his arms tighter around Kendall's waist and started drifting off again.
“Hey man, finally I've been trying to get you to answer the phone since.. well, you know.” Carlos' voice sounded distorted and weird through the speaker, but Kendall could hear the genuine concern in it.
He ran his hand gently through Logan's hair as he answered.
“Yeah. I know, trust me. He really fucked it up this time Carlos.”
“So you beat the shit out of him?” Carlos' sigh carried more than frustration across the lines. Suddenly everything clicked in Kendall's mind. The weird sound to Carlos' voice, the excessive sighing.
“He's there isn't he? The bastard.” He said sharply, bringing his tone back down when Logan stirred against him.
“I don't want to talk about him right now. As far as I'm concerned he's out of our lives forever.”
There was a long silence, Kendall breathing heavily and Carlos remaining mute.
“OK. That's fine. But I'm not going to freeze him out of my life. I have no part in this.” His anger was now evident, the proof in the shakiness and tone of his voice.
“Just put me on with Logan, I need to discuss something about work.”
“No. He's sleeping.” Kendall protested, thinking about hanging up.
“I won't mention anything about it.” Carlos snapped.
“He's sleeping!”
“No, he is awake.” Logan said wearily. Kendall glanced down at him and sighed. Logan's hand slid up Kendall's chest and wrapped around the phone.
“Hey... yeah, I have it. No, it's in the desk. Give me a minute, I'll go get it.”
Logan pushed himself up and away from Kendall's warmth. He leaned down and kissed him softly. Kendall could hear Carlos chatting away in Logan's ear and grinned when Logan rolled his eyes at whatever it was.
“Yes, Carlos, I was kissing my boyfriend. Stop being jealous.”
Logan rolled away and pushed the blankets aside, stretching as he swung his feet over the edge of the bed. Kendall let his eyes wander over his boyfriends body as Logan padded out of the room. Sighing, he got out of bed and headed into the bathroom to take a shower.
“OK. I'm alone. How is he?” Logan said, silently shutting the door to their “study”, a small room with a desk and a computer.
“Kendall beat the shit out of him. He's sleeping on my couch right now. I... I fixed him up, but I'm not you Logan. I don't know how to do this.” Carlos' voice cracked as there was some shuffling in the background and the sound of water running.
“Whats going on?” Logan asked, taking a seat in the computer chair and spinning around slowly.
“I turned the shower on. I'm sitting in the bathroom and I don't want James to wake up and hear me.” Carlos explained.
“OK... Well. How bad off is he? Was he dizzy or complaining of a headache or nausea? You should have kept him awake, if there is a possibility of head trauma he shouldn't be sleeping.” There was a nagging feeling in his gut, like a swirling pit of worry. If Kendall had hit James' head too hard or if his head had hit the ground he could have a concussion or swelling.
“I know that Logan. I'm not a complete idiot. I sat up with him until three this morning. I am exhausted Logan and I can't take this anymore.” the anger and frustration in Carlos' voice kept rising until he was just sobbing into the phone “I can't just sit there with him while he cries knowing that there is nothing I can do about it. I can't see him like this anymore Logan. It's killing me.”
“I'm sorry.” Logan whispered.
“Don't be.” Carlos sighed “I'm sorry. I just.. I'll see you at work, I hope this works out.”
Logan stared down at the desk, the dial tone buzzing in his ear. The swirling fear in his stomach grew as he hung up the phone. Everything was changing. Before there had been a very small group of people who knew about him and Kendall. Just Carlos, James, and Kendall's family.
Now everyone knew. Well, everyone thought they knew. He and Kendall could always deny it. Say that yes, they lived together, but as roommates and nothing more.
They could do it, convince everyone.
Logan's eyes landed on a picture of him and Kendall. He smiled and picked it up, running his thumb over Kendall's face. He couldn't do it to Kendall. Couldn't make him lie. Not when Kendall had done so much for him.
At the same time, he couldn't tell anyone. His parents were strict in their religion. They would disown him for sure. Logan wasn't sure why it bothered him so much. He had barely seen his parents since moving to LA for the band. They had only called on his birthday, some holidays, but never visited. When he had broken his arm a few years back he found out that they had transferred guardianship fully to Mrs. Knight. It still terrified him though. The thought of being disowned. Of not belonging to anyone.
He wandered back into the bedroom, setting Kendall's phone on the table. Kendall's voice drifted out of the bathroom, some song that Logan had never heard. A song that possibly didn't even exist yet, except for in Kendall's mind. It was something that Logan loved about Kendall, his ability to create music. His ability to imagine something and make it real with just his voice and a guitar.
Logan lay back down on the bed and closed his eyes. The soothing sounds of the shower and Kendall's voice enveloped him in a familiar warmth.
As he drifted off again he thought that maybe even if he was disowned, he would still belong to someone. Because he would always belong to Kendall.
Carlos sat on the closed toilet seat with his head in his hands. He was exhausted, mentally and physically. After staying up all night with James talking and remembering all the good times they had had in the past, Carlos had been unable to fall asleep. Half of the night was spent thinking about how he really should get a bed put in the spare room of his apartment since James so tall that his legs hung off the couch if he didn't have them curled up. The rest had been one long though running through his head, that James was right there, on his couch, wearing his pajamas.
Having feelings for James was something Carlos was used to. There had always been a special place in his heart just for James. From day one in Minnesota to a few hours ago laughing on the couch.
Something about James made Carlos want to change, made him want to be the best person he could be. James was the reason he had gone for his dreams in New York. James was the reason he had been so alone and turned to things he shouldn't have. James was the reason he had come back to LA. James was his everything, and James had no idea.
Carlos sighed pulled off his shirt, figuring that he might as well take a shower while he had the water going.
When he was done he wandered out into the living room only to find an empty couch. He was moving back towards his bedroom when he heard a banging sound coming from the kitchen.
“James?” he called out, cautiously walking towards the kitchen door.
“NO! Don't come in... I'm not... decent?” James yelled through the door.
“Dude.. you're in the kitchen. Even you wouldn't be naked in my kitchen.” Carlos pushed the door open and slowly walked in.
“I can explain!” James cried, covered in some kind of powder and trying to hide most of the mess with his body.
“My... what..oh..” Carlos stared for a minute before laughing hysterically. “OK.. OK,” he said when he calmed down “What happened to my kitchen? And your face?”
“I wanted to make you breakfast... to thank you.” James ran his hand through his hair, the off white flour contrasting harshly with his hair color.
“Pancakes are really hard to make...” James moved to let Carlos see behind him. There was flour over everything and the counter was covered with gooey pancake batter. Carlos just stared at it, eyes wide and the corners of his mouth twitching.
“Jay. The thought was.. uh... really nice.” a smile finally broke on his face as he tried to contain his laughter “I hope you know that you're going to be cleaning this up”
“Your not mad though? Cause I would totally understand if you were! I promise I'll clean everything perfectly!” James said, frantically finding a towel and swiping at the counter roughly.
Carlos sighed and walked over to him, resting his hand gently on James'. The wiping movements stopped, but Carlos could feel the scared tremors running through James' body.
“Hey. Jay. I'm not mad. Cooking accidents happen to me all the time. Not usually this bad, but they happen. Here, we can clean it together, make it fun OK?” Carlos whispered in a soothing tone.
James gave him a little half smile and Carlos could feel his body relax. Carlos reluctantly took his hand back and grabbed another towel.
They worked together, laughing and talking as they cleaned. It took them a long time to finish. It would have gone quicker but somehow one of them had started a flour fight, which had ended with both of them and the kitchen covered in flour once again.
Carlos flopped down on the floor next to James and handed him a water bottle. They were still calming down and his stomach hurt a little from all of the laughing. They both leaned against the wall and just sat there breathing.
“See.” Carlos said “This was fun.”
James laughed “Yeah. I have to admit, I've never had fun like that while cleaning before.”
“I totally rocked your world. Oh yeah.” Carlos smirked and leaned back with his hands behind his head.
“Oh yeah, you're just a complete stud muffin.” James nudged Carlos with his elbow. Carlos let his arms fall from behind him, one landing on James' shoulder and shaking him a little.
“You better believe it.” he said as they laughed.
The laughter trailed off and they sat like just like that, Carlos with his arm around James' shoulder and James leaning towards him.
“You... uh. You have some.. um. Yeah...” James mumbled, hand reaching towards Carlos' face. His hand landed on Carlos' cheek and his thumb swiped firmly along his jawline.
“Thank... you?” Carlos whispered, biting his lip as he waited for James to move his hand.
“Mmmm, welcome.” James just stared at Carlos, his thumb moving slowly along Carlos' skin, his eyes following along, half lidded and dark.
“Can I...” James trailed off, bringing his other hand to Carlos' face and pulling him forward slightly. He leaned closer, stopping with his lips almost brushing Carlos'.
“Just... just let me..” James whispered, closing his eyes and pushing his head forward to press their lips together.
It was short, barely enough time for Carlos' brain to register what was happening before James was pulling away. His hands tightened involuntarily in James' hair. Something flashed through James' eyes and suddenly they were kissing again, Carlos pressed hard against the wall and James pressed hard against him.
Their lips moved together quickly, almost desperately. James' hands pulled at Carlos' hair and he was making sharp noises in the back of his throat. Lust clouded Carlos' mind as his hands scratched at James' neck.
But suddenly everything crashed back into his mind. He grabbed onto James' shoulder but hesitated, selfishly letting James continue for a minute, branding the feeling of James' hands and lips on him into his mind.
Finally he pushed James away, keeping his arms firm when James whined and tried to push back to him.
“No. Jay, I can't do this. It isn't right.” The hurt in James' eyes made Carlos' heart throb. “No. No Jay. Not like that.”
James let out a sharp breath and tried to move away and stand up. Carlos kept a steady pressure on James' shoulder and shook his head.
“I love you Jay. But I will not be your rebound. I can't be your rebound. If you want me... then I need to know you're over Kendall.”
James just jerked away, mumbling as he stood and ran from the room.
Carlos heard the door slam shut as his body shook with angry sobs. He let his cries rip from his throat as he buried his head in his arms.
Kendall toweled himself off as he walked from the bathroom back to the bedroom. He chuckled when he saw Logan curled up again on the bed. Logan asleep was one of Kendall's favorite things. He always looked so peaceful and beautiful. He sat on the bed and leaned down to press a kiss on Logan's temple.
“I love you kid.” he whispered, pushing himself off the bed and grabbing some clothes.
He wandered out to the living room and grabbed the phone. His eyebrow lifted as he pulled at the cord and found that it was disconnected. He figured that Logan must have unplugged it the day before.
When he plugged it back in he was shocked to see how high the flashing number was on the answering machine. Sighing deeply he listened to them, most of them from friends who either wanted to say how sickened they were of James or how supportive they were.
Logan. I am sickened by the rumors on the television. I want you to call right away so we can talk about this. I hope you were not lying to us when you moved in with that boy, saying that you were just going to be roommates because it was cheaper. Your mother and I are praying for you, and we will be coming to see you if you don't call us. I really hope what we are hearing is false. Goodbye.
Kendall controlled his anger as he jabbed hard at the delete button.
Logan's parents were the reason for all of the problems in their life. They were the reason Logan was too afraid to tell people about their relationship. The reason they couldn't go out to dinner and hold hands. All of the times he had wanted to just wrap his arm around Logan and walk with him, and Logan had looked at him like he was terrified of him. Their fault.
He wanted Logan's parents to visit. He wanted them to see how much he loved their son, how happy Logan made him. He would make them see it, make them accept it. And if they couldn't, well, Kendall would be there to pick up the pieces when it all fell apart.
He decided, on his way back to the bedroom, that he wouldn't tell Logan about the message. He would wait until Logan's parents came and then make everything right again.
When he was finally in bed again, Logan curled around him and breathing steadily into his neck, he relaxed. He knew everything would work out, because he was Kendall Knight and he always made everything right.
Besides, he had Logan. And as long as he had Logan his world would keep spinning correctly.
Kendall smiled and pulled Logan closer, enjoying the way their bodies just melted together. He kissed Logan's head and closed his eyes, slowly falling asleep.