I can take it!
Because the new season is about to start and Jessi has been hassling me to do this since Season 4 ended in, what? May?...
CRIMINAL MINDS: IN SUMMATION:
PREVIOUSLY ON CRIMINAL MINDS:
: MY CAJUN BOYFRIEND GOT ME PREGNANT!
: Wonderful. Congratulations. Let's all go to NYC and get into seven separate, identical looking, black SUVs.
Black SUV: *EXPLODES*
NOW, SEASON 4:
: Phew! Good thing my SUV is still intact.
: Yeah, mine's fine too.
: No explosions here.
: I'm not even in this series anymore so you know my car is fine.
: My Cajun boyfriend, his baby, and I are just fine! :D
: No complaints here!
: I was off doing voice acting for the Simpsons. What did I miss?
: My car went boom. :( Guys? Guys? Hello? Guys? I can't hear anything.
: Uhh...Aaron? Aaron, I'm minor and a bitch and I appear to have sheltered you from the majority of the explosion. Also, I'm bleeding out pretty quick.
: KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!! I can't hear a thing you just said, but KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!
: Time to save the day the way only the token angry black man can!
AMBULANCE: *BOOM*
: MORRRRGAAAAAAANNNNN!!!!!
: Chill out, baby doll. I'm too sexy to die.
: Good news, guys! Even though Kate died, I might be able to get my hearing back to normal one day!
: That's great news.
: Yeah, I just have to stay away from loud noises.
GUNS FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON: *SHOOT VERY LOUDLY*
: :(
: Cry later, sir! Reid and I have infiltrated a cult!
: Sure have!
: ONE OF YOU IS A FED! I SUSPECT REID BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE ONE.
: D: Why do all the bad things happen to me?
: Hey, yeah! Good point! This show isn't just about Reid. HEY, UNSUB! I CAN TAKE IT!
: Then allow me to beat the everloving bejusus out of you.
: I can take it.
: Oh, sweet Jesus.
: I can take it.
: We have to go in there!
: I can take it.
: Eh. She can take it. Let him wail on her scrawny ass.
: Just as well, because now we're on episodes about me!
: Every fucking season...
: I'm a genius! :D
: What's your terrible horrible painful experience this season? More drugs?
: Worse! I think my dad's a killer!
: Nah, that's my fault. I was an accessory to murder. Your dad isn't like your friend Prentiss there and couldn't take it so he just old school abandoned us. He's been living within ten miles all along and never said anything. Been following you, though. Super proud of you.
: I, uh, am not sure if I forgive him for the whole act of abandonment just because I know he's loved me all along. The end of this saga is kind of ambiguous.
: Hey, Reid. While you were off trying to get your daddy tried as a murderer then being told to forgive him for all his wrongs because he secretly loved you all along, I was off having my Cajun boyfriend's baby. We made you and Garcia godparents.
: If you're on maternity, who's doing your job?
: ...your...super hard and...oh so taxing job. Yes. Because you are a superstar and make such contributions to our team. Will we ever find a replacement?
: What about me? I've been trained.
: Now that's what I'm talking about.
: No one likes me. I don't fit in.
: I know that feeling! Hey, wanna go undercover with me? We can flirt with potential unsubs...
: DO I! :D
: You know what, Jordan? You're just not working out.
: I agree. This job sucks.
: It's ok. I'm back.
: Don't let the door hit your ass, Agent Todd.
: Hey there, Hotch.
: Do I know you?
: Sure do! I mean, it's no Frank/Gideon relationship, but we still got history. YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE THE DEAL.
: Uh...no?
: DAMN IT, HOTCH. HE STOLE MY CREDENTIALS.
: George Foyet...I wonder if we shall ever meet again...
: Guys? Reid has anthrax now.
: GOD DAMN IT, REID. EVERY SEASON, YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE WORST THING HAPPEN.
: I didn't mean to! I just sort of caught it! D:
: Yeah, that's fantastic, kid. We're off to Canada to kick a paraplegic's ass.
: Not cool.
: Oh, shut up, limpy.
: We took care of his mentally retarded brother too!
: Yeah, we shot him but good.
: I love this job.
: Ah, what a great end to the season. Let me reflect on how awesome my team is and how they've all grown.
: YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE THE DEAL!
: Oh, fuck.
A GUNSHOT RINGS OUT...
END OF SEASON 4
I hope that satisfies. :P
CRIMINAL MINDS: IN SUMMATION:
PREVIOUSLY ON CRIMINAL MINDS:
: MY CAJUN BOYFRIEND GOT ME PREGNANT!
: Wonderful. Congratulations. Let's all go to NYC and get into seven separate, identical looking, black SUVs.
Black SUV: *EXPLODES*
NOW, SEASON 4:
: Phew! Good thing my SUV is still intact.
: Yeah, mine's fine too.
: No explosions here.
: I'm not even in this series anymore so you know my car is fine.
: My Cajun boyfriend, his baby, and I are just fine! :D
: No complaints here!
: I was off doing voice acting for the Simpsons. What did I miss?
: My car went boom. :( Guys? Guys? Hello? Guys? I can't hear anything.
: Uhh...Aaron? Aaron, I'm minor and a bitch and I appear to have sheltered you from the majority of the explosion. Also, I'm bleeding out pretty quick.
: KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!! I can't hear a thing you just said, but KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!
: Time to save the day the way only the token angry black man can!
AMBULANCE: *BOOM*
: MORRRRGAAAAAAANNNNN!!!!!
: Chill out, baby doll. I'm too sexy to die.
: Good news, guys! Even though Kate died, I might be able to get my hearing back to normal one day!
: That's great news.
: Yeah, I just have to stay away from loud noises.
GUNS FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON: *SHOOT VERY LOUDLY*
: :(
: Cry later, sir! Reid and I have infiltrated a cult!
: Sure have!
: ONE OF YOU IS A FED! I SUSPECT REID BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE ONE.
: D: Why do all the bad things happen to me?
: Hey, yeah! Good point! This show isn't just about Reid. HEY, UNSUB! I CAN TAKE IT!
: Then allow me to beat the everloving bejusus out of you.
: I can take it.
: Oh, sweet Jesus.
: I can take it.
: We have to go in there!
: I can take it.
: Eh. She can take it. Let him wail on her scrawny ass.
: Just as well, because now we're on episodes about me!
: Every fucking season...
: I'm a genius! :D
: What's your terrible horrible painful experience this season? More drugs?
: Worse! I think my dad's a killer!
: Nah, that's my fault. I was an accessory to murder. Your dad isn't like your friend Prentiss there and couldn't take it so he just old school abandoned us. He's been living within ten miles all along and never said anything. Been following you, though. Super proud of you.
: I, uh, am not sure if I forgive him for the whole act of abandonment just because I know he's loved me all along. The end of this saga is kind of ambiguous.
: Hey, Reid. While you were off trying to get your daddy tried as a murderer then being told to forgive him for all his wrongs because he secretly loved you all along, I was off having my Cajun boyfriend's baby. We made you and Garcia godparents.
: If you're on maternity, who's doing your job?
: ...your...super hard and...oh so taxing job. Yes. Because you are a superstar and make such contributions to our team. Will we ever find a replacement?
: What about me? I've been trained.
: Now that's what I'm talking about.
: No one likes me. I don't fit in.
: I know that feeling! Hey, wanna go undercover with me? We can flirt with potential unsubs...
: DO I! :D
: You know what, Jordan? You're just not working out.
: I agree. This job sucks.
: It's ok. I'm back.
: Don't let the door hit your ass, Agent Todd.
: Hey there, Hotch.
: Do I know you?
: Sure do! I mean, it's no Frank/Gideon relationship, but we still got history. YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE THE DEAL.
: Uh...no?
: DAMN IT, HOTCH. HE STOLE MY CREDENTIALS.
: George Foyet...I wonder if we shall ever meet again...
: Guys? Reid has anthrax now.
: GOD DAMN IT, REID. EVERY SEASON, YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE WORST THING HAPPEN.
: I didn't mean to! I just sort of caught it! D:
: Yeah, that's fantastic, kid. We're off to Canada to kick a paraplegic's ass.
: Not cool.
: Oh, shut up, limpy.
: We took care of his mentally retarded brother too!
: Yeah, we shot him but good.
: I love this job.
: Ah, what a great end to the season. Let me reflect on how awesome my team is and how they've all grown.
: YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE THE DEAL!
: Oh, fuck.
A GUNSHOT RINGS OUT...
END OF SEASON 4
I hope that satisfies. :P