"Turn to stone."
So, in conversation with another, I was praised for my Hatoful Boyfriend commentary and directed towards a game that I should apparently be playing next.
This game, Yo-Jin-Bo, apparently involves playing as a typical Japanese high school student who gets transported back in time into the body of an assassinated princess to try and prevent the assassination this time around. Oh, and there are six potential bodyguards of all shapes and sizes for you to try and wind up with. Of course I was game and immediately set about procuring an English version of this game!
...it's, like, $17 or impossible to find from a trusted free download source. Also, it's huge. I mean, the graphics seem nice and all, but uh, yeah. Too much work.
However, in searching for the game, I came across this site which, uh, as far as I can tell is for anyone to make their own game and offer it for download. Which to me means there is no quality control. So clearly, I had to try my hand at one.
I did have a couple of requirements; namely, it had to be an original game (since there appear to be a fair number of Sailor Moon/Yuugioh dating games there) and the art had to be...respectable enough. That is how I settled upon Re: Alister ++. From a quick glance, it seems to have decent artwork, although there only appear to be three potential bachelors. Hm. WELP, LET'S GIVE IT A WHIRL ANYHOW.
HERE WE GO, GO!
....
Not exactly the opening I was expecting. But hey, if I'm allowed to try and seduce THAT guy, we have an instant winner (because as you all know by now, I like forging my own paths and not going with the obvious choices).
Anyhow, no. You don't get to try and get with that guy. Turns out you're playing an MMO and just as you kill said troll, some guy named Alistair shows up and steals your prize.
Wait, I thought I was playing a dating sim.
Yeah, already sick of the "MMO" part of this game. To summarize, when Alistair shows up and steals my shit, I start bitching him out over it, he's a cocky bastard, I challenge him to a PVP battle, then my internet cuts out sending me back to the real world. OH NOES!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Oh, wait, I DIDN'T scream.
Yeah, it does figure. I just can't seem to keep track of time when I'm playing MMOs on my school lunch break. In the school computer lab. Because playing WOW-- sorry, RIVENWELL-- at school is the most productive way to play. Also, maybe school has changed since I was there, but I was pretty sure most high school computer labs wouldn't let you just download MMOs onto their computers. BUT WHAT DO I KNOW?
If it's not a clean disconnect, it will teach you not to play your computer games during your half an hour for lunch.
So I go looking for someone who can help me with my game situation and find the FIRST of my potential suitors sitting in the corner or something.
OH, BOY. BET I CAN'T GUESS WHAT HE'S GONNA BE LIKE.
...hang out. I'm sorry, I don't think you asked, Game. No, my name is not "Merui". Let me fix that for you.
Better. Moving on, I keep pestering the guy to fix the internet (because that's not something I could just ask a teacher) and he informs me he's not going to. Of course, I handle it maturely.
No, he probably doesn't have a girlfriend, but I'm hoping there's a better choice than him if I hold out to meet the other offerings. Oh, and I asked him his name.
That's nice, "Travis". I won't be calling you that. I will be addressing you by your role in this game.
So anyhow, GESK finds it odd that I don't know his name.
So apparently I play this game during lunch and after school. Why don't I just go HOME after school and play there? Is there something wrong with my house?
Because he finds that MMO that has barely shown up in this game and already pisses me off silly. GAWD.
Please, Katiria. He's GESK. He can probably hack the Pentagon. That's how his character-type rolls.
I MEAN, HE'S A NEW, ORIGINAL, INSIGHTFUL CHARACTER WHO I'M SURE WON'T SUCCUMB TO THE GENERIC STEREOTYPE HE EXUDES IN APPEARANCE.
That's my name, don't wear it out!
I was of the impression it was the internet that needed fixing.
What pride? Regardless, I'm arguing because I don't like GESK. His type is boring.
ASK A GOD DAMN FACULTY MEMBER. IT'S NOT HIS JOB.
So you're saying if I leech your internet, you'll make sure everything works smoothly for me? Thanks, GESK.
This is honestly the response that follows. Never mind that GESK said it wasn't his network, so it's not his problem, Katiria still takes great offense to him calling the network "his".
It must have been an intention failure on the part of game makers, as this is the picture that follows.
Yes, Even GESK has no idea what the hell you're on about.
Nice save, GESK.
Oh, I know this one.
Cool, gimme a selection and I'll give you the right one, GESK. IN YO' SMUG FACE!
...wait, what do you mean I don't get to choose, I just give a wrong answer and he walks off annoyed?
WHAT THE HELL, I KNOW THIS ONE.
THERE'S NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT, I KNOW THE ANSWER. JUST LET ME ANSWER.
................so I guess I go to class instead.
Not so far from reality, actually.
Ho ho ho. I sense my next potential suitor is about to be introduced.
No, he's staring out the window. C'mon, let's see if this guy is any better than GESK.
SHUT UP, SHOW THE KID.
EHHHH, pass. I guess that leaves bachelor #3. Unless he sucks.
MAN, I DON'T WANNA GO WITH GESK. WHAT'S YOUR NAME, NEW KID?
I'm sorry, can you repeat that?
That's what I thought.
He wants to kill everybody in the world, Katiria. You'll get over it.
Uuyyyyy. God forbid he pay attention to anything other than you!
Look, am I supposed to end up with GESK? Is that the point of all this? Are you just hammering the idea home early so I'm not shocked when it happens? Because if it's just gonna be GESK in the end, I won't invest in anyone else.
So, continuing with the GESK obsession, I asked Dubstep to solve the riddle that I already know the answer to but apparently am not allowed to answer myself.
You look twelve, Dubstep. Do you need money for candy?
Thank you, Dubstep. I already knew that.
Uhm. He was just telling you about the goddamn riddle you apparently couldn't solve. WELL, BITCH AIN'T DICTATING MY ASSIGNMENT! I'LL PICK THE TOPIC!
Greece is more fun than you'll ever know, Katiria.
Know what else is really wide? YOUR MOM. Don't sass me about our project, Dubstep. I haven't the patience. He did eventually go along with me before handing me a piece of paper.
Yup.
I don't need a visit from Chris Hansen, Dubstep. Thanks anyhow. So I decide I want to get back on that stupid MMO that I have no patience for and run for the computer lab.
Well, well! I think we're about to meet boy #3!
But no. That's it on the topic. Instead I go back to the lab to harass GESK some more about giving the internet back or something.
Look, if I'm supposed to go with him, just SAY so.
Because I have been nothing but courteous. Clearly, GESK is in the wrong.
As promised, I log back into that stupid fucking faux-MMO and find- SHOCK!- that my duel never happened because both myself and Alistair disappeared from the server.
I quickly come to the conclusion that Alistair MUST be someone at my school, as the internet dying is too coincidental. And what does that mean?
REVENGE.
...apparently I swear to take real life revenge against the guy. I'm real mature. So I log off and--
Hey, this is the exact same music from "Hatoful Boyfriend". EXACT SAME. And it's not "Dance of the Sugar Plum Faeries", it's the generic upbeat classroom music. Is there a public domain collection of music for these games? Or did these guys just "sample" and assume no one would ever play "Hatoful" and catch on?
Whatever, doesn't matter, just saying, it's the same damn music.
So I can hack into the internet logs but I can't figure out the difference between a "computer problem" and an "Internet problem"?
Or watching some Apex Twin video.
Something tells me that's gonna be our third candidate. I wonder what fitting nickname I'll give him instead of "Derek".
.....Hi, Limahl.
That's where I stopped for now. Should I continue with this one at all? Also, I got a riddle of my own for y'all. Why do half the characters have traditional Japanese names while the others have blatantly English names? Surely it wasn't laziness on the part of the creators. Come on, I want to know.
This game, Yo-Jin-Bo, apparently involves playing as a typical Japanese high school student who gets transported back in time into the body of an assassinated princess to try and prevent the assassination this time around. Oh, and there are six potential bodyguards of all shapes and sizes for you to try and wind up with. Of course I was game and immediately set about procuring an English version of this game!
...it's, like, $17 or impossible to find from a trusted free download source. Also, it's huge. I mean, the graphics seem nice and all, but uh, yeah. Too much work.
However, in searching for the game, I came across this site which, uh, as far as I can tell is for anyone to make their own game and offer it for download. Which to me means there is no quality control. So clearly, I had to try my hand at one.
I did have a couple of requirements; namely, it had to be an original game (since there appear to be a fair number of Sailor Moon/Yuugioh dating games there) and the art had to be...respectable enough. That is how I settled upon Re: Alister ++. From a quick glance, it seems to have decent artwork, although there only appear to be three potential bachelors. Hm. WELP, LET'S GIVE IT A WHIRL ANYHOW.
HERE WE GO, GO!
....
Not exactly the opening I was expecting. But hey, if I'm allowed to try and seduce THAT guy, we have an instant winner (because as you all know by now, I like forging my own paths and not going with the obvious choices).
Anyhow, no. You don't get to try and get with that guy. Turns out you're playing an MMO and just as you kill said troll, some guy named Alistair shows up and steals your prize.
Wait, I thought I was playing a dating sim.
Yeah, already sick of the "MMO" part of this game. To summarize, when Alistair shows up and steals my shit, I start bitching him out over it, he's a cocky bastard, I challenge him to a PVP battle, then my internet cuts out sending me back to the real world. OH NOES!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Oh, wait, I DIDN'T scream.
Yeah, it does figure. I just can't seem to keep track of time when I'm playing MMOs on my school lunch break. In the school computer lab. Because playing WOW-- sorry, RIVENWELL-- at school is the most productive way to play. Also, maybe school has changed since I was there, but I was pretty sure most high school computer labs wouldn't let you just download MMOs onto their computers. BUT WHAT DO I KNOW?
If it's not a clean disconnect, it will teach you not to play your computer games during your half an hour for lunch.
So I go looking for someone who can help me with my game situation and find the FIRST of my potential suitors sitting in the corner or something.
OH, BOY. BET I CAN'T GUESS WHAT HE'S GONNA BE LIKE.
...hang out. I'm sorry, I don't think you asked, Game. No, my name is not "Merui". Let me fix that for you.
Better. Moving on, I keep pestering the guy to fix the internet (because that's not something I could just ask a teacher) and he informs me he's not going to. Of course, I handle it maturely.
No, he probably doesn't have a girlfriend, but I'm hoping there's a better choice than him if I hold out to meet the other offerings. Oh, and I asked him his name.
That's nice, "Travis". I won't be calling you that. I will be addressing you by your role in this game.
So anyhow, GESK finds it odd that I don't know his name.
So apparently I play this game during lunch and after school. Why don't I just go HOME after school and play there? Is there something wrong with my house?
Because he finds that MMO that has barely shown up in this game and already pisses me off silly. GAWD.
Please, Katiria. He's GESK. He can probably hack the Pentagon. That's how his character-type rolls.
I MEAN, HE'S A NEW, ORIGINAL, INSIGHTFUL CHARACTER WHO I'M SURE WON'T SUCCUMB TO THE GENERIC STEREOTYPE HE EXUDES IN APPEARANCE.
That's my name, don't wear it out!
I was of the impression it was the internet that needed fixing.
What pride? Regardless, I'm arguing because I don't like GESK. His type is boring.
ASK A GOD DAMN FACULTY MEMBER. IT'S NOT HIS JOB.
So you're saying if I leech your internet, you'll make sure everything works smoothly for me? Thanks, GESK.
This is honestly the response that follows. Never mind that GESK said it wasn't his network, so it's not his problem, Katiria still takes great offense to him calling the network "his".
It must have been an intention failure on the part of game makers, as this is the picture that follows.
Yes, Even GESK has no idea what the hell you're on about.
Nice save, GESK.
Oh, I know this one.
Cool, gimme a selection and I'll give you the right one, GESK. IN YO' SMUG FACE!
...wait, what do you mean I don't get to choose, I just give a wrong answer and he walks off annoyed?
WHAT THE HELL, I KNOW THIS ONE.
THERE'S NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT, I KNOW THE ANSWER. JUST LET ME ANSWER.
................so I guess I go to class instead.
Not so far from reality, actually.
Ho ho ho. I sense my next potential suitor is about to be introduced.
No, he's staring out the window. C'mon, let's see if this guy is any better than GESK.
SHUT UP, SHOW THE KID.
EHHHH, pass. I guess that leaves bachelor #3. Unless he sucks.
MAN, I DON'T WANNA GO WITH GESK. WHAT'S YOUR NAME, NEW KID?
I'm sorry, can you repeat that?
That's what I thought.
He wants to kill everybody in the world, Katiria. You'll get over it.
Uuyyyyy. God forbid he pay attention to anything other than you!
Look, am I supposed to end up with GESK? Is that the point of all this? Are you just hammering the idea home early so I'm not shocked when it happens? Because if it's just gonna be GESK in the end, I won't invest in anyone else.
So, continuing with the GESK obsession, I asked Dubstep to solve the riddle that I already know the answer to but apparently am not allowed to answer myself.
You look twelve, Dubstep. Do you need money for candy?
Thank you, Dubstep. I already knew that.
Uhm. He was just telling you about the goddamn riddle you apparently couldn't solve. WELL, BITCH AIN'T DICTATING MY ASSIGNMENT! I'LL PICK THE TOPIC!
Greece is more fun than you'll ever know, Katiria.
Know what else is really wide? YOUR MOM. Don't sass me about our project, Dubstep. I haven't the patience. He did eventually go along with me before handing me a piece of paper.
Yup.
I don't need a visit from Chris Hansen, Dubstep. Thanks anyhow. So I decide I want to get back on that stupid MMO that I have no patience for and run for the computer lab.
Well, well! I think we're about to meet boy #3!
But no. That's it on the topic. Instead I go back to the lab to harass GESK some more about giving the internet back or something.
Look, if I'm supposed to go with him, just SAY so.
Because I have been nothing but courteous. Clearly, GESK is in the wrong.
As promised, I log back into that stupid fucking faux-MMO and find- SHOCK!- that my duel never happened because both myself and Alistair disappeared from the server.
I quickly come to the conclusion that Alistair MUST be someone at my school, as the internet dying is too coincidental. And what does that mean?
REVENGE.
...apparently I swear to take real life revenge against the guy. I'm real mature. So I log off and--
Hey, this is the exact same music from "Hatoful Boyfriend". EXACT SAME. And it's not "Dance of the Sugar Plum Faeries", it's the generic upbeat classroom music. Is there a public domain collection of music for these games? Or did these guys just "sample" and assume no one would ever play "Hatoful" and catch on?
Whatever, doesn't matter, just saying, it's the same damn music.
So I can hack into the internet logs but I can't figure out the difference between a "computer problem" and an "Internet problem"?
Or watching some Apex Twin video.
Something tells me that's gonna be our third candidate. I wonder what fitting nickname I'll give him instead of "Derek".
.....Hi, Limahl.
That's where I stopped for now. Should I continue with this one at all? Also, I got a riddle of my own for y'all. Why do half the characters have traditional Japanese names while the others have blatantly English names? Surely it wasn't laziness on the part of the creators. Come on, I want to know.