(no subject)
A thought occurred to me a week ago about something I wrote when I was seventeen, and now I can't get it out of my head.
Character A sees Character B and decides that B is wasted on women. A gets B drunk and they have sex. The next day A stalks B, B tells A to go away, and they end up having sex again. They somehow end up in a relationship during which A tries to do right by B, but eventually has to leave. After A leaves, B pines after A to the point where he has trouble focusing on life, and eventually leaves to find A.
Let's see, that's dub-con, stalking, sexual Stockholm syndrome, obsession... I'm just going to put the rest of this in bullet points, because I'm having trouble organizing my thoughts.
Character A sees Character B and decides that B is wasted on women. A gets B drunk and they have sex. The next day A stalks B, B tells A to go away, and they end up having sex again. They somehow end up in a relationship during which A tries to do right by B, but eventually has to leave. After A leaves, B pines after A to the point where he has trouble focusing on life, and eventually leaves to find A.
Let's see, that's dub-con, stalking, sexual Stockholm syndrome, obsession... I'm just going to put the rest of this in bullet points, because I'm having trouble organizing my thoughts.
- I thought this was okay. I mean not okay okay, but an acceptable way to kick-start a relationship that would never happen under normal circumstances okay.
- I'm torn between Ellery baby I'm so sorry and Arsene oh god what did I turn you into? Because no part of this is okay. At all.
- The fact that at first Richard was all oh no date rape drug but then oh he was just drunk, kids these days speaks volumes of possessing a clue bat but being unable to hit the broad side of a barn with it.
- Ellery check yourself into therapy you should be getting a restraining order this is not okay.
- Dear god Richard buying your son a ticket to France is the last thing you should be doing right now.
- Arsene I'm so sorry I turned you into a rapist this was never my intention I should just reupload all those fics but with your name changed to Jack the Ripper.
- I can never look at my OTP the same way again.
- I'm so sorry.
- The fact that I thought this was okay when I was seventeen is not okay.
- I mean come on. Can we please talk about consent somewhere other than Tumblr before I'm seventeen? Consent wasn't even a word I'd heard in that context before I joined Tumblr. I have learned so much from Tumblr. So much that should be common knowledge.
- I sort of want to delete the whole 'verse now?
- But I actually really don't want to because I'm still proud of it, despite the fact that a vital part of it disgusts me now that I know better.
- I sat down and wrote a fifteen page story for a one-man fandom when usually I have trouble writing for fandoms I haven't read a goodly amount of fic for before.
- And I think that more of it is brilliant than I usually do after this long, though I did learn my lesson about trying to write jokes in a language I don't actually speak.
- I'm also morbidly curious about Sherlock in Arsene-as-rapist land, to the point where I would probably write it if Arsene-as-rapist wasn't so horribly OOC and therefore goes against all I believe in.
- So basically I'm feeling very conflicted now.