This is hysterical...
But not for the weak of heart or strong of morals. Heh. Is why it's LJcut. Also, is kinda long.
('you' is me)
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Katyra is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of his Soleta. So everyone please put your hands together for Katyra!
Jerry: Okay, now Katyra you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other persons name?
You: tazzy.
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: Okay, okay, well tazzy, is actually here tonight...
The crowd SQUEALS once more.
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Katyra, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Tchernobyl!
You: What the HELL!!!
Out of nowhere you pull out a grenade launcher. Tchernobyl reaches for the Desk chair. Out of the shadows SWWinchester appears.
SWWinchester: Wait everybody wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Tchernobyl.
Tchernobyl: Because I saw Katyra and SWWinchester making out at #crfh!
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
SWWinchester: That's a lie! I was home watching Survivor!
Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Tchernobyl?
Tchernobyl: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Soleta who has recently become engaged to SWWinchester.
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Soleta out here because Katyra had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... tazzy that's right!
Soleta: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with tazzy! You know I'm how I feel about tazzy!.
SWWinchester: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with tazzy!
Soleta: Because I knew that I could never have tazzy. But Katyra promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
SWWinchester: What about respect for MY feelings!
Tchernobyl walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Soleta.
Tchernobyl: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
SWWinchester: Oh my God! Are you SICK!
SWWinchester runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.
SWWinchester: Katyra take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...
The crowd does its bit.
SWWinchester: Married?
You nod.
SWWinchester: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to tazzy.
Soleta: (screaming) WHAT!!!
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?
tazzy: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 31 times if that's what you mean.
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Katyra is married to tazzy who Soleta has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Soleta has recently become engaged to SWWinchester who was recently spotted kissing Katyra in the #crfh. Now on top of this Tchernobyl has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Soleta.
tazzy: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.
Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.
('you' is me)
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Katyra is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of his Soleta. So everyone please put your hands together for Katyra!
Jerry: Okay, now Katyra you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other persons name?
You: tazzy.
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: Okay, okay, well tazzy, is actually here tonight...
The crowd SQUEALS once more.
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Katyra, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Tchernobyl!
You: What the HELL!!!
Out of nowhere you pull out a grenade launcher. Tchernobyl reaches for the Desk chair. Out of the shadows SWWinchester appears.
SWWinchester: Wait everybody wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Tchernobyl.
Tchernobyl: Because I saw Katyra and SWWinchester making out at #crfh!
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
SWWinchester: That's a lie! I was home watching Survivor!
Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Tchernobyl?
Tchernobyl: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Soleta who has recently become engaged to SWWinchester.
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Soleta out here because Katyra had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... tazzy that's right!
Soleta: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with tazzy! You know I'm how I feel about tazzy!.
SWWinchester: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with tazzy!
Soleta: Because I knew that I could never have tazzy. But Katyra promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
SWWinchester: What about respect for MY feelings!
Tchernobyl walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Soleta.
Tchernobyl: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
SWWinchester: Oh my God! Are you SICK!
SWWinchester runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.
SWWinchester: Katyra take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...
The crowd does its bit.
SWWinchester: Married?
You nod.
SWWinchester: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to tazzy.
Soleta: (screaming) WHAT!!!
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?
tazzy: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 31 times if that's what you mean.
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Katyra is married to tazzy who Soleta has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Soleta has recently become engaged to SWWinchester who was recently spotted kissing Katyra in the #crfh. Now on top of this Tchernobyl has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Soleta.
tazzy: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.
Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.