The Box

[kayden_eidyak]

Week two entry for brigits_flame
Prompt: key
250 words

Loosely based on the story of Pandora. I'm not sure how something like this is supposed to be punctuated, so any suggestions are welcome.

The Boxby Kayden Eidyak

Comments

[vyvyan_wilde]

Excellent; perfect rhythm and resolution. I really enjoyed this :)

[kayden_eidyak]

Thank you! I don't often write like this so I was a little nervous about posting. Glad you liked it. :)

[chickybluesky87]

The rhythm was right on! I loved it. good work :)

[kayden_eidyak]

Very glad you think so! Thanks!

[kayden_eidyak]

Thanks!

[mister_troper]

The rule for punctuation is to punctuate poetry like prose, ignoring all the line breaks and other concrete elements. But that rule isn't all that strict.

[kayden_eidyak]

Er...so did I do it right, then? lol Sounds like something how the pirate rules are more like "guidelines." Thanks very much!

[mister_troper]

Know the expression "a rule that's meant to be broken?" It's more like that. The point of writing, say, a poem in iambic hexameter isn't just to show of your mad skilz, it's so that you can break meter for the sake of making a message, or rather to create a mood, and occasionally to create additional levels of meaning for someone a reader to uncover.

So, technically the rules of grammar don't change, and you have too few periods and too many capital letters. Aesthetically, it's fine, because you can justify your decisions. Well, more accurately, it's fine if you can justify it, but, here, I think that you can. Pragmatically, no one is going to bother over it very much, so it's not worth losing much sleep over.

[kayden_eidyak]

*scratches head* Okay. I get it. I think. What you're basically saying is what I wrote could stand some improvement, mostly in the form of more periods and fewer capital letters, but since it looks okay and flows okay, I don't need get all worked up over "fixing" it. Right?

Edit

[shadowdream]

Well done! As others have said, great rhythm! You did a good job capturing the myth. I like it

Re: Edit

[kayden_eidyak]

Thank you very much! And thank you also for pointing out that incorrectly-used word. I had NO idea I used that wrong, so I'm glad someone mentioned that to me. I shall change it. Thanks again!