Comments | kayden_eidyak: Knowing Too Much

kayden_eidyak

Knowing Too Much

Feb 28, 2010 10:48

Week 4 entry for brigits_flame .

Prompt: Those who do not remember the past...

Wordcount: 2,400

Last week of collaboration with vyvyan_wilde . His grand idea was to write about a group of people in any line of work, and one or more of them, for whatever reason, begin to forget something they should know. Please don't take the scienc-y parts TOO seriously, I know it's far- ( Read more... )

writing, brigits flame

Comments 9

(The comment has been removed)

kayden_eidyak March 2 2010, 15:27:33 UTC

Thanks Thora! And thank you for the suggestions. The only downside to collaboration (mostly due to my schedule) was V and I often didn't get to come up with an idea till rather late in the week, not leaving either of us much time to write. My last three stories have been written Sunday, JUST before deadline, and it didn't give me much time for editing. I know I'm terribly prone to errors, so I'll be going through this and cleaning it up a bit BEFORE my editor drops by. :)

vyvyan_wilde March 1 2010, 03:42:59 UTC

This creeped me out too! :D

I enjoyed this story even more the second round of reading. I think my favorite part is Bob's insanity. I like the way you depicted his steadfast, maniacal interest in protecting the company, at any cost.

The dialouge felt very natural to me; it really read well, especially the exchange in the restaurant at the end.

Oh and I thought Heather was pretty cute too :3

Little typo: “whether it works or not, the fact that they’re just that much closer to possibly unraveling the aging mystery will have everyone excited.

^ You're missing a quotation mark at the end there.

I've enjoyed working with you too, Kay. We should collaborate again sometime!

kayden_eidyak March 2 2010, 15:30:49 UTC

Thank you V. I'm going to work with it a little and see if I can make it better. I'm glad you thought the dialogue was good, I worried about that. Thanks for pointing out the typo. This didn't get edited before I posted. :/

We definitely need to work again sometime!

missflyer March 2 2010, 15:06:19 UTC

This story gave me chills...you did an excellent job of capturing the schizophrenic within Bob that would go to extreme measures to protect the company. The dialog flowed very well, and that last line packs a punch.

kayden_eidyak March 2 2010, 15:32:20 UTC

Thank you very much!

keppiehed March 2 2010, 20:38:38 UTC

AHHH! That was so freaky! I was somehow expecting her to get out of it: either to not make the date, or to struggle somehow. The end actually surprised me, because I knew it was a possibility, but I didn't REALLY think it would happen. *shivers* That was well done, suspenseful and very enjoyable. Thanks for sharing!

toxic_apiaceae March 8 2010, 00:45:42 UTC

Hey there, kayden! Lovely to have you again. And I see you and vyv are doing another pact? *squees* You’re all just so adorable! I miss being around the Flame ( ... )