Torchwood Masterlist: Full Headers
Length: 001-500 words
Title: I Want You But a Nap Will Do
Rating: PG-13 for Jack's brain
Word Count: 483
Pairing: Jack/Ianto preslash
Setting: Pre-S1
Summary: Jack can't get his glove to fit.
Teaser: "Sir-" he cuts himself off, standing with the subservient precision, the faintly high-strung sense of I dare not that makes Jack want to bite the edge of Ianto's jaw every time.
_______
Title: Employee Orientation II
Word Count: 355
Rating: R
Setting: Pre-S1
Characters: Owen, Suzie, Tosh
Summary: Owen's new at Torchwood. His idea of "disgusting" is charmingly naïve.
Series: Employee Orientation
A/N: A sequel of sorts to Employee Orientation I, but in theme only. Reading that fic isn't required at all for this one.
Teaser: "This is either one really fucked-up organism, or a biological cruise ship where fucked-up organisms get drunk and have ill-advised sex with each other."
___________
Title: Crème Brûlèe Over the Campfire
Word Count: 439
Rating: G. PG if you notice the subtext.
Pairing(s): Shades of Jack/Ianto, Jack/Gwen, and Jack/Gwen/Ianto. Possibly. If you want there to be, I mean. Jack is an indiscriminate cuddler, what can I do?
Inspiration: Comments on my prompt post. Nora suggested "crème brûlèe." Chaos' "broken leaves" is implied. Many thanks to Wikipedia.
Teaser: "Ramekin," Ianto said placidly. "A small glazed ceramic bowl, typically fluted on the exterior, and engineered to withstand high temperatures." He pulled a propane torch from his inside jacket pocket and lit it with a woosh.
______________
Title: Preventative Measures for Alien Hygiene
Word Count: 491
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: Hard PG-13, depending on your imagination
Warning: Mild bondage
Setting: Sometime in Season Two
Summary: Just a casual night with Dom!Ianto. Also, a dash of alien botany.
Teaser: "I'm always 'toppy,'" said Ianto. He spared a moment from unlocking the trunk to smirk. "Sometimes we roleplay that you're in charge."
_______________
Title: Predictable
Rating: hard R
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Word Count: 370
Warnings: above-the-waist description of sex, Jerk!Ianto
Summary: Ianto is holding a grudge, but he'd never mention it.
Author's Note: This takes place sometime between Cyberwoman and They Keep Killing Suzie, and presumes the sexual relationship between Jack and Ianto is very new.
Teaser: The slope of Jack's neck; the way his shoulders bunch and spasm. It infuriates Ianto and he scrapes his teeth along the spine.
Length: 501-1000 words
Title: Freeze and Seal in Plastic to Prevent Spoilage
Pairing: None
Rating: PG for icky bits; biology
Word Count: 755
Summary: Ianto walks across a darkened room. No, really.
Teaser: His brain was dizzy-sick with aimless fretting but that was familiar, understandable. He was victim to adrenaline, not an alien psychotropic.
_______________
Title: Revenge Not Sweet, but Savoury
Rating: PG
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Word Count: 548
Summary: Jack can eat all the leftovers he wants but Ianto always wins in the end.
Teaser: Glaring only encourages Jack to be obstreperous so Ianto should quirk a brow and tap the soles of his sensible shoes right out the door, but he had really been looking forward to the carbonara.
___________
Title: The Love Philosophy of Oods
Pairing: Jack/Toshiko
Rating: PG-13 for biology and mild gore
Word Count: 740
Summary: Jack ruminates while trapped with Toshiko in a battle zone.
A/N: You'll need to have seen the DW S4 episode "Planet of the Ood" to understand this.
Teaser: He doesn't know how Ood are born but he's seen them give away their brains. He's seen them standing with their brainstems wrapped around each other's wrists and a species that does that, he thinks, must know a lot about embracing.
___________
Title: Calling In Sick
Word Count: 835
Rating: PG
Summary: Ianto gets to stay home sick from work. Doesn't mean work will stay away from him, but at least he has a blanket.
Teaser: "The armageddon can get stuffed," Ianto said, "because I'm not coming in to work today."
______________
Title: Ain't it Drunky Now
Rating: PG
Word Count: 856
Setting: Season 2, but brief spoilers only for Captain Jack Harkness
A/N: Written for a prompt given to me by order_of_chaos: "Ianto, in the ballroom, with a candlestick." No candlestick, but I'm sure she'll forgive me. I'm eminently forgivable. ^_^ Title adapted from the James Brown song, "Ain't it Funky Now."
Summary: There are mysterious doings in a ballroom. Again. That's not really what this fic is about, though. What this fic is really about is Ianto being drunk.
Teaser: Ianto, nose as red as a cherry, performing a loose-limbed jitterbug in a sunbeam. His shoes go clack-shuffle on the parquet floor and he sways into a spin, blue and black striped tie flying out.
"Almost makes you wish there was music playing," says Jack.
_______________
Title: Fantastically Drunk
Rating: PG
Setting: Post S2; implicit spoilers
Pairings: very very mild Jack/Ianto/Gwen
Word Count: 635
Summary: Gwen is one of those happy drunks.
Teaser: Ianto looked very handsome with orange strokes of sunset slathered on his nose and cheeks, although that might not have been on purpose, or even very helpful. Jack appreciated it anyway. Gwen appreciated Jack's coat buttons, and rubbed them with the tips of her fingers.
_______________
Title: Bitter Drunk
Rating: R for language
Word Count: 608
Characters: Team minus Jack
Setting: Between S1 and S2
Summary: Owen's a bitter, ranting drunk. That doesn't mean he's wrong, though.
Teaser: Owen wavered unsteadily on the edge of the medical table, gripping the lip with both hands. "Being drunk is supposed to be fun," he said. "And there should be sex."
________________
Title: Listing to the Right, But Slowly
Rating: R for sex
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Word Count: 680
Summary: Ianto makes a list.
Warning: POSSIBLY SHMOOPY. Or not? idk idk. Not as much porn as you might think.
Teaser: They're in the middle of it-deep and somewhat slow over Jack's desk, a pace Ianto calls stately and Jack calls faster, faster, please then shivers when Ianto says no-when Ianto lifts himself from Jack's back and grabs a Sharpie before it rolls off the edge.
_______________
Title: Employee Orientation
Rating: PG-13 for innuendo
Word Count: 677
Setting: Pre-Season One
Characters: Tosh, Jack, Suzie, and an alien ambassador.
Warnings: Sexual harassment, depending on how serious you think it is coming from Jack.
Summary: The first few months at a new job are always a strange time. Getting used to new policies, discovering your co-worker's quirks, deciphering the nuances of your boss's sexual harassment....
Sequel: Employee Orientation II
________________
Title: Even Orange Juice Can Be an Occupational Hazard
Rating: G
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Word Count: 545
Summary: After a long night fighting aliens, Jack and Ianto just want to eat breakfast in a diner. Too bad the orange juice is suspect.
Teaser: "Those are not happy-fun-time instructions then," Ianto said. "Not that I imagine viruses or bacteria are capable of happy-fun-time."
_________________
Title: Impolitic
Word Count: 980
Rating: R/NC-17 for sex
Pairing: Tosh/Ianto, Jack
Summary: Alien sex pollen.
Warning: The dub-con that alien sex pollen automatically implies
Teaser: Her calf is heavy on his neck and back, her thigh is spilling around the edge of his shoulder, and the whole sight of it is ridiculous, because Ianto is still (still!) wearing his suit jacket and Tosh's leg isn't wearing anything.
_________________
Title: Whistle-Crack
Word Count: 971
Rating: PG for porn. Yes, you read that correctly.
Pairing: Tosh/Ianto
Warnings: Kink, lack of Gwen-love (but no Gwen-bashing, I think)
Setting: Vaguely during "Ghost Machine," when Gwen is new.
A/N: Dedicated to order_of_chaos with much thanks, because this fic stems from an idea we had in a comment thread approximately a bajillionty years (read: a month and a half) ago.
Summary: Tosh and Ianto normally enjoy the evenings when Tosh teaches him computer maintenance, but the new girl has them both on edge.
Teaser: Jack isn't there tonight; he's providing Gwen with "firearms training" but that isn't why they're out of sorts, not really. Ianto flirts with Jack with one eye looking back over his shoulder, and Toshiko feels like a cat that slinks out from underfoot when Jack's around.
________________
Title: With My Sincerest Apologies, Here's a Bucket of Guts
Rating: PG for icky bits
Warnings: gore, self-aware oxford shirts and archive aisles, intestines, and a mop.
Word Count: 823
Spoilers: teensy weensy spoilers implied for "Exit Wounds"
Summary: Ianto kills Jack.
Teaser: "I'm sorry you had to see that," he said, squeezing Gwen's shoulder and canting his head to look at her with his extremely sincere grey eyes. The extent of the sincerity was pretty amazing, actually; if there were a world-wide contest for being sincere, Ianto's eyes would win.
_________________
Title: Casualties- One Coat
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Setting: the end of Sleeper (2x02), after Ianto gives Jack That Look and before Beth exits the episode.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 638
Teaser: Ianto is already climbing down the ladder, CB set neatly beside the hatch. "Perhaps in future," he calls up, "you will consider taking it off before sacrificing your flesh for the good of the city."
Length: 1001-1500 words
Title: Metaphors Are Not Microwave-Safe
Characters: Jack/Ianto, Gwen
Word Count: 1,273
Rating: PG-13
Setting: Post S2
Summary: Jack and Gwen are stuck on an alien ship. Ianto comes to rescue them! He'd rather he didn't have to. Jack abuses his wrist-strap and Gwen gets a lesson in grammar.
Teaser: "It's not even noon yet," he said disgruntledly. "I had to chase four terrestrial squids with a couple of glowsticks and lock them in their squidly bathroom and it's not even noon."
_____________
Title: Bezoar For Touching
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,070
Setting: Post S2
Characters: Jack/Ianto, Gwen
Summary: There's a Jell-O monster eating everything; Ianto ruminates.
Warning: Poety and obtuse; present tense. Highlight for spoilers: implied/ambiguous character deaths.
Teaser: Jack shudders, vomits, scrabbles with his hands for something he can't see and dies. Ianto wipes away the foam that's speckled in the corner of Jack's mouth.
_______________
Title: The Vegetable Crusade
Rating: PG
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, Tosh
Word Count: 1,295
Summary: Jack thinks his employees should sleep more and eat their vegetables. Tosh and Ianto think he should be more proactive about that. Next, they'll be refusing to stay off his lawn.
Teaser: Jack had left all the doors and airlocks open, hoping to vent some of the staleness and alien musk from the Hub. He wondered if tourists wandered in sometimes and wrinkled their nose, not knowing they were smelling the enzyme secretions of an Isopian chameleon, or an incandescent bloom from the hothouse.
_________________
Series Title: The Stopwatch Saga
Word Count: 1080 total
Title: I've Thought About It, and I Still Don't Know.
Word Count: 100
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG
Title: Now They've Thought About It, Too.
Word Count: 200
Pairing: Jack/Ianto implied if you squint
Rating: G
Title: While We're Doing All This Thinking....
Word Count: 500
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG
Title: I Wouldn't Have Thought of That
Inspiration: A student video from 1987. No, really.
Word Count: 280
Rating: G
Summary: Ianto's stopwatch acquires a new temporal power.
__________________
Title: The Cat in the Plass, and the Robot Below
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,095
Setting: Post Fragments, pre-series
Spoilers: You've seen Cyberwoman, right?
Summary: There's a kitten in the tourist shop. Not as fluffy (ha!) as that makes it sound.
Teaser: "Everyone else has gone home, even Suzie." Jack crossed his arms across his chest and tilted his chin at Ianto. Even in the horrible shop lighting, which tinted everything orange, Jack's eyes made a point of being blue.
Length: 1501-2000 words
Title: Ducks in a Row
Word Count: 1,552
Setting: Post-S2
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Rating: PG
Summary: Jack and Ianto have a run-in with a flock of metaphors and experience a difference of opinions.
Teaser: They are nothing more than black-and-yellow puffs in the big hands, and Ianto almost understands when Jack gives him a devastated look. "They're so fragile," Jack murmurs.
__________________________________
Title: Psychotic Outbreak Due to Hob Nobs
Word Count: 1,620
Rating: R for nudity
Warning: I don't know what this says about my gender politics.
Setting: Pre-S1
Pairing: pre-Jack/Ianto, situational Ianto/Toshiko
Summary: Toshiko's naked, wet, and feral. Ianto is tasked with physically restraining her, and Jack manfully pushes some buttons.
Teaser: Ianto dug his fingernails into Toshiko's back as she tried to slip away again. He succeeded in flipping their positions again and lay heavily on top of her, panting. "Sir, I do rather feel that I am dishonouring the house of my fathers."
Length: 2001-2500 words
Title: Pinch Drunk
Rating: PG-13 for sexual content, mild swearing
Word Count: 2,135
Warning: Algolagnia, n. - sexual pleasure derived from physical pain
Setting: Pre-S1
Characters: Pre-S1 teamfic, heavy on the Owen and light on the Ianto
Pairings: Owen/Suzie, Suzie/Jack
Summary: Jack isn't drunk, exactly, but he's still gonna be fun to mess with.
Teaser: Owen has his computer hooked up to read-outs from the vault cells so he can study the psychology of the masochistic pandas because he has a theory. Anyone who likes pain, he asserts, must be an idiot. Letting Rachel Gibson spank him with a ruler in the final year of med school doesn't count because he was temporarily insane on account of her being blonde and really good at the sexy school teacher thing. And Christ, she had nice legs.
_________________
Title: Drunkling, Je Vous Aime Beaucoup
Word Count: 1,968
Rating: PG for porn
Pairing: Jack/Tosh/Ianto
Warning: Schmoopy. And how.
Summary: Toshiko performs a sacred ceremony to become a priest-mechanic (passing aliens have a habit of needing repairs) and then gets to dance. She's drunk, Ianto's overwhelmed, and Jack is angling for a cuddlefest threesome. More saccharine than it sounds.
A/N: Title derived and lyrics included from "Darling, Je Vous Aime Beaucoup," written by Anna Sosenko and performed by Nat King Cole.
Teaser: Ianto brushed his lips against her hairline, wondering how she managed to be so small and soft. Wondering how he had kept himself from noticing it this long or, to be honest, had kept himself from noticing that he'd noticed. He was always more careful when he stirred the sugar in her coffee.
Length: 3001-4000 words
Title: The Applesauce Incident Is What Tipped Them Off, Really
Rating: PG for implied violence and kink, R for the 'f' word.
Word Count: 3,403
Pairing/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Gwen, Janet, the Doctor
Setting: Post Season 2, but not spoilery for Torchwood. Spoilers for Doctor Who Season 4 finale, and you probably should know about the banana thing from DW Season One episodes "The Empty Child" and "The Doctor Dances."
Warnings: Brass knuckles, alien apples, an intergalactic task force of secret agents from the future, discussion of Chuck trainers, Weevil abuse, autonomous facial ticks, and hugs.
Summary: Gwen and Jack are starting to get nervous about Ianto. He's been acting out of sorts lately....
A/N: The first section was a freewrite inspired by the phrase "an angry apple;" the rest of it can be blamed on order_of_chaos, seeing as she is (in her own, completely unrepentant words) "a bad, bad influence," especially when brainstorming plots.
This pokes fun of my usual characterization of Ianto. I mentioned to Chaos that I'd been neglecting his emo/sub side, and she warned, "Dangerous, neglecting bits of Ianto is. Spiral out of control, his dominant side might. Great destruction there would be."
I replied, "That is rather The Applesauce Incident, isn't it?"
Teaser: The next day, Ianto punched Janet in the neck and Jack decided some things really needed to be sorted out. The first thing was schlepping Janet back into her cell, which was easy enough, but somewhat disturbing because she kept keening high in her throat as if to say, But I didn't do anything!
______________
Title: Waltzing the Bruise, the Mechanism Unspools: a Jack/Ianto date fic
Word Count: 3,783
Rating: PG/PG-13 for implied sex
Setting: Season Two; Episodes "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang," "Sleeper," "To The Last Man," and "Meat." The passage of time is marked by quotations from those episodes in bold.
Beta: The splendiferous, patient, squeeful, brilliant, smart and lovely order_of_chaos. She held my hand and petted my hair, and told me when things did not make sense or could be better. Unruly punctuation quaked in her shadow. She also squee'd in all the right places and let me blather on at ridiculous length, and then had the generosity to say that my self-indulgent meta was "fascinating." ::invisible hearts and sparkles::
Warnings: Pretentious formatting, a mix of direct and reported speech, Discussion of Feelings (except not really), hand porn, bagels, a stapler, surreptitious postmodernism and omg subtlety and ~nuance. I've been told that this fic needs to be read at least twice to really get it. This fic wants to be in a Norton's Anthology, bless its heart.
Summary: Jack and Ianto negotiate their new "official" relationship through a series of dates. Ianto's gun-shy, Jack's secretive, and they're both trying as hard as they can.
Teaser: Sometime after the flirting in the Plass and Jack's eyebrow leading him up to the office and the careful slackening of a tie, then more flirting because Jack is good at it, a comment slices sideways into the conversation because what Ianto is good at is dry wit and the vicious holding of a grudge. Apparently he's not as good at repression as he used to be.
Title: Priapus ex Machina
Word count: 8,064
Rating: NC-17 for sexual content
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Toshiko
Setting: During Season 2
Spoilers: None
Summary: Toshiko's invented a sex machine. Jack asks her to teach Ianto the controls.
Content Advisory: mild BDSM, tentative polyamory, a sex machine with Rift-improved e-stim, power struggles, present tense, and two persons remain fully clothed.
Teaser: "It's important to have these parameters set before going at this in earnest," Tosh mutters as she draws a small line near the middle of a clicker wheel embedded in the control box. "This is what you asked me to do, Jack. I'm really sick of people asking me to show them things and then not listening." Her voice is tight and coiled at the end, defined best by what it lacks: she is not loud, she is not screeching. She is restraining herself.
Picspams
Title: Countrycide Picspam
Rating: R
Warnings: language, gore (this is "Countrycide" after all), and complete irreverence.
Pairing: Assorted, but heavy on Tosh/Ianto
A/N: Six parts, 165 images
Part One, 23 images
Part Two, 29 images
Part Three, 34 images
Part Four, 23 images
Part Five, 29 images
Part Six, 27 images
_________________
Title: Combat Picspam
Rating: R for language
Warnings: my commentary, humor, "creative analysis," brash opinions, blatant shipper goggles (everything is about the Jack/Tosh/Ianto, don't you know), and profanity.
Pairings: Assorted canon, with willful Jack/Tosh/Ianto
A/N: Seven parts, 283 images
Part 1, 40 pics
Part 2, 44 pics
Part 3, 41 pics
Part 4, 42 pics
Part 5, 34 pics
Part 6, 38 pics
Part 7, 44 pics