Boys Want Everything - Chapter 9 Part 2
LJ really is convinced I'm exceeding character limits. I didn't think I was! Here is the scond part of chapter nine. Sorry everyone, I'm not intentionally trying to make everything absurdly long.
When the game ended Gwen gave both Arthur and Lance a kiss on the cheek before saying that she was going to meet up with Morgana at Harrods. She gave Merlin a pointed look as she left and told them to let her know what their plans were once they showered.
“I’m going to go back and shower at Lionel’s,” Lance said to Arthur and Merlin. “I forgot to bring a change of clothes.”
Arthur nodded. “I’ll text you when we’re leaving and we can go find Morgana and Gwen.”
“Sounds good, mate,” Lance replied, waving to them before jogging after his brother and his girlfriend.
“Ready?” Arthur asked, not bothering to look at Merlin and see if he was following as he walked away.
The walk back to the Pendragon house was extremely quiet and uncomfortable. Arthur was waiting for Merlin to say something and Merlin was working up the courage to tell Arthur everything he needed to say. Merlin had almost gotten out the words when Arthur said, “I’ll be down soon” and hurried up the stairs and into his room while Merlin was left in the foyer. Sighing, Merlin went to the guestroom and flopped down onto the bed.
Merlin wished Will was back from America. He really wanted someone to talk to about everything that was going on. When Ian had first started spreading rumours about him, Will had told Merlin not to lie about it to his mother and Gaius. Merlin had known it was wrong to lie to them but he hadn’t wanted to see the disappointment or anger in their faces. It had been hard enough when Will had confronted him and it had taken a lot to make Will keep his secret. Will had been furious for weeks and had nearly retaliated.
“Hey,” Arthur said from the doorway, looking hesitantly at Merlin.
Merlin shot up into a sitting position and he offered Arthur a tentative smile before looking at the floor.
“Did you see my note?” Arthur asked, not moving into the guestroom.
“Yeah,” Merlin replied, digging into his pocket and producing the note. “I wasn’t going to leave.”
Arthur nodded. “Good.”
Merlin wasn’t sure what to say so he simply smiled again.
“I meant it,” Arthur insisted, motioning to the paper Merlin had in his hand. “That I want you to stay.”
“I’m not leaving,” Merlin repeated. “Well, not until tomorrow.”
“What are you scared of?” Arthur asked suddenly, taking a step into the room. “What have I done that scared you so bloody much?”
“It’s not you,” Merlin replied, eyes widening at the sudden change of topic.
“Then what is it?” Arthur demanded, looking at Merlin coolly and Merlin knew Arthur was behaving arrogantly in an attempt to cover his own insecurities. He hated that he knew that. It made him feel worse for keeping the truth from Arthur.
“We should talk,” Merlin said finally, feeling resigned.
“Yeah,” Arthur said, “we should.” He stalked into the room and plopped himself down on the bed, looking at Merlin intently. “Talk.”
Merlin snorted. “Yes, your highness.” When Arthur rolled his eyes, Merlin grinned. “I know this is going to be hard for you but you need to shut up for a bit.”
“Should I tell Lance we’re not coming?” Arthur asked, sensing that there was more to this talk than Merlin was letting on.
“Tell him we’ll be late,” Merlin said quietly. “Well, if you still want me to come when I’m done telling you.”
Arthur said nothing to reassure Merlin but he pulled his mobile out and sent Lance a quick text. “Okay, tell me.”
“Do you remember Ian?” Merlin asked. When Arthur shook his head Merlin clarified, “He was playing football the first time you came to Ealdor. You talked to Daniel?”
Arthur nodded and his face darkened. “He was the boy who told me not to talk to you.”
“Yeah.” Merlin swallowed around the lump in his throat and nodded. “Ian’s his best mate.”
“What about him?” Arthur asked, looking confused.
“He doesn’t like me,” Merlin said. “At all. He said some nasty things about me at school.”
“Who cares?” Arthur said, shrugging. He wasn’t sure what this had to do with anything and was about to ask Merlin for clarification when Merlin started talking.
“When I first moved to Ealdor, the only person I knew was Will. My mum’s friends with his mum and whenever we visited Gaius, Will come over. When my dad died and we moved, Gaius told me to get friends my own age.” Merlin smiled at the memory and at Arthur’s confused look. “Will’s had some trouble and got caught shoplifting a few times when he was thirteen. Gaius didn’t want me doing the same thing.”
“And he’s a year older than us,” Arthur pointed out, doing his best not to say anything about how Merlin could definitely do better than to pick friends who stole. Of course, Will cared about Merlin and seemed to have shaped up, he knew he shouldn’t judge.
“And he’s a year older,” Merlin agreed, grinning at Arthur as if knowing what he was thinking. “Anyway, I tried to do what Gaius told me and I started talking to Ian and Daniel. I liked them.” Merlin shrugged. “Ian and I got on especially well. They teased me at first but they weren’t too bad.” At Arthur’s confused expression Merlin said, “For being Irish. Believe me, I’ve heard every Irish joke there is.”
Arthur snorted. “So have I, Gwaine’s full of them.”
Merlin laughed. “Anyway, for about a year I spent most of my time with them. I saw Will, too, but mostly I was with Ian or Ian and everyone else. Ian was my best mate. I liked him.” He looked at Arthur and then away when he felt his cheeks colouring. “I liked him a lot.”
“You mean…?” Arthur asked, catching on to what Merlin was telling him.
“Yeah.” Merlin nodded once, trying to get himself under control. “Well, I thought he liked me too. When we were alone he’d…” Merlin blushed crimson. “It doesn’t matter, you don’t need those details.” He shook himself to try and reorganise his thoughts. “After lunch one day I told him that Will knew about me and asked if I could tell Will about us.”
“You were dating,” Arthur supplied.
“No!” Merlin snapped and Arthur was surprised by the venom in his voice. “No, we never dated. We did other stuff and we were friends.”
“I thought you hadn’t…” Arthur began and Merlin cut him off.
“I haven’t. I’ve done just about everything else.” Merlin shrugged and Arthur realised that Merlin was putting up a wall so that he could tell this story, that there was a lot of hurt and a lot of pain buried under everything.
“All right,” Arthur said slowly, thinking that perhaps he should ask Merlin what he considered sex and what he considered ‘everything else’. “What happened?”
Merlin looked at Arthur sadly before gathering himself up and looking somewhere over Arthur’s shoulder to tell the rest of his story. “He lost his temper. Called me something terrible, said I was disgusting and that there was no us, that it was just easy to use me since I was so soft and girly.” Merlin went pink with resentment and embarrassment at the memory and rubbed his forehead. “He told me he wasn’t gay and that I should leave him alone and never come near him again.”
“But he…” Arthur interrupted angrily. His skin was prickling with rage and he tried to calm himself down when he saw that Merlin looked fearful.
Merlin shook his head. “Let me finish.” He took a deep breath. “I said it was fine and that I wouldn’t tell anyone. I told him I was sorry but he didn’t care. He was so upset, Arthur.” He looked at Arthur who was watching Merlin with something akin to horror and fury but that Merlin couldn’t quite name. “He shoved me against the science block wall and I lost my temper. I told him he was a prick and that it wasn’t my fault that he was gay. I think that’s what really did it, you know? Me telling him he’s gay. He hit me, broke my lip, pushed me down and probably would have kicked me in the face or something if I hadn’t screamed at him to leave me alone.”
Arthur opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He had wondered what it was that had happened to Merlin but he hadn’t imagined this.
“I’m not done,” Merlin said quietly. “Misses Hall heard me and she and Mister Padget were outside quickly to break us apart. Misses Hall called my mum and Mister Padget asked what had happened. I was scared, you know? I told him that Ian was teasing me for being Irish and he figured that’s what it was all about and that Ian was just defending himself.”
“That’s ridiculous!” Arthur burst out. “He couldn’t possibly have believed you would start a fight.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Merlin replied. “Ian didn’t correct him and I got sent home for fighting.”
Arthur looked livid and muttered something about how he couldn’t imagine Merlin killing an insect let alone starting a fight.
Merlin snorted. “My mum was pretty upset with me and she made me go apologise. I didn’t want to; I thought Ian might punch me again.” He shook his head. “She went with me, though, to make sure I did it, I guess. Ian wasn’t there but his dad was and I told his dad I was sorry. I think his dad thought it was a joke. He didn’t look upset or anything but he said he’d tell Ian I’d come over and said he hoped he’d see me again.”
“He probably thought it was just something stupid,” Arthur commented, trying to keep his tone neutral. “Besides, you were the one with the broken lip.”
“Yeah.” Merlin nodded. “That’s what Will said.”
“You do know that Ian’s a right tosser, yeah?” Arthur said seriously.
“It got worse,” Merlin replied. “Will came over later and told me that Ian was telling everyone I got sent home for trying to make him do things with me behind the science block.” Merlin blushed. “He told everyone that I was some kind of militant fag…”
“Do not use that word,” Arthur interrupted furiously, reaching for Merlin’s chin and forcing him to meet Arthur’s gaze. Merlin swallowed and nodded and Arthur let go. “What happened?”
“They believed him,” Merlin said quietly. “Ian’s friends were my friends and really, they were more his friends than mine. They told people all kinds of things about me. Don’t ask what they all were, I stopped listening.” He shrugged. “Will took up for me and I just started spending a lot of time with him. Ian and Daniel tried saying that we were together but the rumour didn’t stick, Will’s had too many girlfriends and no one in his year really cared what Ian or Daniel had to say.”
Arthur nodded. He had no idea how to reply. He was outraged that such a thing had happened to Merlin and that no one had bothered to find out the truth. “Why didn’t you try to correct them?”
“What was I supposed to say?” Merlin demanded. “I am gay, I did like Ian. I couldn’t tell people I wasn’t or that I didn’t.” He swiped at his face. “I’d told enough lies, I couldn’t tell more.”
Arthur sighed and was about to argue that there was plenty that Merlin could have said. That he could have told everyone that being gay wasn’t something disgusting or criminal but the words died on his lips at the look on Merlin’s face. He was clearly hurting; this wound was still so raw even after two years. “That’s why you don’t trust me.”
“I do trust you,” Merlin argued. “Some people told me that they didn’t care what Ian said and that he was an arse. I couldn’t face it so I ignored them. Mostly I got left alone. Will told me to grow up and stop sulking and he was right. I missed out on some good friendships and that was my fault.”
Arthur nodded. At least not everyone had shunned Merlin. “You idiot.”
Merlin snorted. “Thanks.”
“I’m serious, you’re a complete idiot.” Arthur shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“When?” Merlin glared at Arthur. “When would have been the best time to tell you? Besides, this isn’t about you!” When Arthur glared at him Merlin sighed. “Arthur, I didn’t know you were gay until a few days ago! I wasn’t about to tell you when I was up with you and your mates at Eton. What if one of them had overheard?”
"They wouldn't care,” Arthur snapped.
“I didn’t know that,” Merlin insisted. “I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to leave or hurt me.”
“Glad to know what you think of me,” Arthur said dryly. “Thanks.”
“Arthur,” Merlin began, reaching for Arthur’s hand and squeezing. “Stop it. I’m sorry.”
Arthur turned his hand over a held on to Merlin’s. “I’m angry with you.” He looked at Merlin with such intense hurt in his eyes that Merlin wanted to cry or even kiss him to make the look go away. “You didn’t trust me.”
“I do now,” Merlin whispered, looking down at their joined hands. “Please, Arthur…”
“I know,” Arthur said quietly and he leaned forward to brush his lips against Merlin’s in a chaste kiss. “I need time, though. I need to think.”
“About what?” Merlin asked nervously.
“About what we do next,” Arthur said simply.
“We’re still friends,” Merlin replied, sounding relieved.
Arthur looked amused. “Of course. You might be an idiot but you’re my idiot.”
Merlin snorted. “You prat.” He brought his other hand up to stroke Arthur’s cheek. “I’m going to kiss you now and if you don’t want me to, you have about three seconds to say no.”
Arthur laughed and tugged Merlin forward, letting Merlin take control of the kiss and opening his mouth to Merlin’s gentle, curious tongue. Arthur smiled into the kiss and then gasped when Merlin broke away to trail gentle nips and kisses down his neck.
“I like you,” Merlin mumbled into Arthur’s neck. “’M sorry I wasn’t brave.”
Arthur tilted Merlin’s head back so that they were looking into each other’s eyes. “You were. You handled it, you lived through it, and you’re going to make it right. You told me.” He kissed Merlin deeply, knowing it didn’t cover even a quarter of what he wanted to say. There was so much left to be talked about, so much that needed to be discussed. It could wait. Merlin had bared enough of his soul in the last hour and Arthur wasn’t sure he could handle much more at that emotional level right now.
Merlin broke the kiss and rested his head against Arthur’s. “Thank you.”
Arthur frowned. “For what?”
“Listening,” Merlin answered. “For listening and not being a completely judgement arse.”
Arthur snorted. The truth was that he was still furious and if he saw Ian or Daniel or any of those other people he would probably have a few things to say to them. “I like you.”
“We’re friends,” Merlin said, grinning.
“Maybe more than friends,” Arthur admitted but it sounded more like a question to Merlin.
“Maybe.” Merlin chuckled. “But not yet. I’m not ready for that.”
Arthur nodded and felt his mobile buzz. He looked down and read the text. “Lance is with the girls. Should we go meet them?”
“Yeah,” Merlin said. “It’s my last day. I don’t want to spend it inside.”
Arthur thought privately that he wouldn’t mind spending the day alone with Merlin but he wasn’t about to say that out loud. He’d try and convince Merlin to sleep in his room that night and maybe kiss him for longer than thirty seconds.
“Don’t forget your wallet,” Arthur said before he could voice any of the dirtier thoughts that were now going around in his mind. Merlin had just admitted to some incredibly serious and horrifying experiences, after all. It wouldn’t be appropriate for Arthur to try and take advantage of him. Merlin had told him before that he wasn’t ready and Arthur more than respected that.
“It’s in my pocket, Mum,” Merlin teased. “Let’s go.”
Arthur pulled Merlin in for one last kiss, grabbed his hand, and tugged him towards the front door. He wouldn’t push for anything more, it was all up to Merlin, but at least they’d gotten over one of the major hurdles. They had time. They could discuss both of their other insecurities later. Now, he was going to enjoy his last day with Merlin until he had free time at Eton.
Continue to Chapter 10
When the game ended Gwen gave both Arthur and Lance a kiss on the cheek before saying that she was going to meet up with Morgana at Harrods. She gave Merlin a pointed look as she left and told them to let her know what their plans were once they showered.
“I’m going to go back and shower at Lionel’s,” Lance said to Arthur and Merlin. “I forgot to bring a change of clothes.”
Arthur nodded. “I’ll text you when we’re leaving and we can go find Morgana and Gwen.”
“Sounds good, mate,” Lance replied, waving to them before jogging after his brother and his girlfriend.
“Ready?” Arthur asked, not bothering to look at Merlin and see if he was following as he walked away.
The walk back to the Pendragon house was extremely quiet and uncomfortable. Arthur was waiting for Merlin to say something and Merlin was working up the courage to tell Arthur everything he needed to say. Merlin had almost gotten out the words when Arthur said, “I’ll be down soon” and hurried up the stairs and into his room while Merlin was left in the foyer. Sighing, Merlin went to the guestroom and flopped down onto the bed.
Merlin wished Will was back from America. He really wanted someone to talk to about everything that was going on. When Ian had first started spreading rumours about him, Will had told Merlin not to lie about it to his mother and Gaius. Merlin had known it was wrong to lie to them but he hadn’t wanted to see the disappointment or anger in their faces. It had been hard enough when Will had confronted him and it had taken a lot to make Will keep his secret. Will had been furious for weeks and had nearly retaliated.
“Hey,” Arthur said from the doorway, looking hesitantly at Merlin.
Merlin shot up into a sitting position and he offered Arthur a tentative smile before looking at the floor.
“Did you see my note?” Arthur asked, not moving into the guestroom.
“Yeah,” Merlin replied, digging into his pocket and producing the note. “I wasn’t going to leave.”
Arthur nodded. “Good.”
Merlin wasn’t sure what to say so he simply smiled again.
“I meant it,” Arthur insisted, motioning to the paper Merlin had in his hand. “That I want you to stay.”
“I’m not leaving,” Merlin repeated. “Well, not until tomorrow.”
“What are you scared of?” Arthur asked suddenly, taking a step into the room. “What have I done that scared you so bloody much?”
“It’s not you,” Merlin replied, eyes widening at the sudden change of topic.
“Then what is it?” Arthur demanded, looking at Merlin coolly and Merlin knew Arthur was behaving arrogantly in an attempt to cover his own insecurities. He hated that he knew that. It made him feel worse for keeping the truth from Arthur.
“We should talk,” Merlin said finally, feeling resigned.
“Yeah,” Arthur said, “we should.” He stalked into the room and plopped himself down on the bed, looking at Merlin intently. “Talk.”
Merlin snorted. “Yes, your highness.” When Arthur rolled his eyes, Merlin grinned. “I know this is going to be hard for you but you need to shut up for a bit.”
“Should I tell Lance we’re not coming?” Arthur asked, sensing that there was more to this talk than Merlin was letting on.
“Tell him we’ll be late,” Merlin said quietly. “Well, if you still want me to come when I’m done telling you.”
Arthur said nothing to reassure Merlin but he pulled his mobile out and sent Lance a quick text. “Okay, tell me.”
“Do you remember Ian?” Merlin asked. When Arthur shook his head Merlin clarified, “He was playing football the first time you came to Ealdor. You talked to Daniel?”
Arthur nodded and his face darkened. “He was the boy who told me not to talk to you.”
“Yeah.” Merlin swallowed around the lump in his throat and nodded. “Ian’s his best mate.”
“What about him?” Arthur asked, looking confused.
“He doesn’t like me,” Merlin said. “At all. He said some nasty things about me at school.”
“Who cares?” Arthur said, shrugging. He wasn’t sure what this had to do with anything and was about to ask Merlin for clarification when Merlin started talking.
“When I first moved to Ealdor, the only person I knew was Will. My mum’s friends with his mum and whenever we visited Gaius, Will come over. When my dad died and we moved, Gaius told me to get friends my own age.” Merlin smiled at the memory and at Arthur’s confused look. “Will’s had some trouble and got caught shoplifting a few times when he was thirteen. Gaius didn’t want me doing the same thing.”
“And he’s a year older than us,” Arthur pointed out, doing his best not to say anything about how Merlin could definitely do better than to pick friends who stole. Of course, Will cared about Merlin and seemed to have shaped up, he knew he shouldn’t judge.
“And he’s a year older,” Merlin agreed, grinning at Arthur as if knowing what he was thinking. “Anyway, I tried to do what Gaius told me and I started talking to Ian and Daniel. I liked them.” Merlin shrugged. “Ian and I got on especially well. They teased me at first but they weren’t too bad.” At Arthur’s confused expression Merlin said, “For being Irish. Believe me, I’ve heard every Irish joke there is.”
Arthur snorted. “So have I, Gwaine’s full of them.”
Merlin laughed. “Anyway, for about a year I spent most of my time with them. I saw Will, too, but mostly I was with Ian or Ian and everyone else. Ian was my best mate. I liked him.” He looked at Arthur and then away when he felt his cheeks colouring. “I liked him a lot.”
“You mean…?” Arthur asked, catching on to what Merlin was telling him.
“Yeah.” Merlin nodded once, trying to get himself under control. “Well, I thought he liked me too. When we were alone he’d…” Merlin blushed crimson. “It doesn’t matter, you don’t need those details.” He shook himself to try and reorganise his thoughts. “After lunch one day I told him that Will knew about me and asked if I could tell Will about us.”
“You were dating,” Arthur supplied.
“No!” Merlin snapped and Arthur was surprised by the venom in his voice. “No, we never dated. We did other stuff and we were friends.”
“I thought you hadn’t…” Arthur began and Merlin cut him off.
“I haven’t. I’ve done just about everything else.” Merlin shrugged and Arthur realised that Merlin was putting up a wall so that he could tell this story, that there was a lot of hurt and a lot of pain buried under everything.
“All right,” Arthur said slowly, thinking that perhaps he should ask Merlin what he considered sex and what he considered ‘everything else’. “What happened?”
Merlin looked at Arthur sadly before gathering himself up and looking somewhere over Arthur’s shoulder to tell the rest of his story. “He lost his temper. Called me something terrible, said I was disgusting and that there was no us, that it was just easy to use me since I was so soft and girly.” Merlin went pink with resentment and embarrassment at the memory and rubbed his forehead. “He told me he wasn’t gay and that I should leave him alone and never come near him again.”
“But he…” Arthur interrupted angrily. His skin was prickling with rage and he tried to calm himself down when he saw that Merlin looked fearful.
Merlin shook his head. “Let me finish.” He took a deep breath. “I said it was fine and that I wouldn’t tell anyone. I told him I was sorry but he didn’t care. He was so upset, Arthur.” He looked at Arthur who was watching Merlin with something akin to horror and fury but that Merlin couldn’t quite name. “He shoved me against the science block wall and I lost my temper. I told him he was a prick and that it wasn’t my fault that he was gay. I think that’s what really did it, you know? Me telling him he’s gay. He hit me, broke my lip, pushed me down and probably would have kicked me in the face or something if I hadn’t screamed at him to leave me alone.”
Arthur opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He had wondered what it was that had happened to Merlin but he hadn’t imagined this.
“I’m not done,” Merlin said quietly. “Misses Hall heard me and she and Mister Padget were outside quickly to break us apart. Misses Hall called my mum and Mister Padget asked what had happened. I was scared, you know? I told him that Ian was teasing me for being Irish and he figured that’s what it was all about and that Ian was just defending himself.”
“That’s ridiculous!” Arthur burst out. “He couldn’t possibly have believed you would start a fight.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Merlin replied. “Ian didn’t correct him and I got sent home for fighting.”
Arthur looked livid and muttered something about how he couldn’t imagine Merlin killing an insect let alone starting a fight.
Merlin snorted. “My mum was pretty upset with me and she made me go apologise. I didn’t want to; I thought Ian might punch me again.” He shook his head. “She went with me, though, to make sure I did it, I guess. Ian wasn’t there but his dad was and I told his dad I was sorry. I think his dad thought it was a joke. He didn’t look upset or anything but he said he’d tell Ian I’d come over and said he hoped he’d see me again.”
“He probably thought it was just something stupid,” Arthur commented, trying to keep his tone neutral. “Besides, you were the one with the broken lip.”
“Yeah.” Merlin nodded. “That’s what Will said.”
“You do know that Ian’s a right tosser, yeah?” Arthur said seriously.
“It got worse,” Merlin replied. “Will came over later and told me that Ian was telling everyone I got sent home for trying to make him do things with me behind the science block.” Merlin blushed. “He told everyone that I was some kind of militant fag…”
“Do not use that word,” Arthur interrupted furiously, reaching for Merlin’s chin and forcing him to meet Arthur’s gaze. Merlin swallowed and nodded and Arthur let go. “What happened?”
“They believed him,” Merlin said quietly. “Ian’s friends were my friends and really, they were more his friends than mine. They told people all kinds of things about me. Don’t ask what they all were, I stopped listening.” He shrugged. “Will took up for me and I just started spending a lot of time with him. Ian and Daniel tried saying that we were together but the rumour didn’t stick, Will’s had too many girlfriends and no one in his year really cared what Ian or Daniel had to say.”
Arthur nodded. He had no idea how to reply. He was outraged that such a thing had happened to Merlin and that no one had bothered to find out the truth. “Why didn’t you try to correct them?”
“What was I supposed to say?” Merlin demanded. “I am gay, I did like Ian. I couldn’t tell people I wasn’t or that I didn’t.” He swiped at his face. “I’d told enough lies, I couldn’t tell more.”
Arthur sighed and was about to argue that there was plenty that Merlin could have said. That he could have told everyone that being gay wasn’t something disgusting or criminal but the words died on his lips at the look on Merlin’s face. He was clearly hurting; this wound was still so raw even after two years. “That’s why you don’t trust me.”
“I do trust you,” Merlin argued. “Some people told me that they didn’t care what Ian said and that he was an arse. I couldn’t face it so I ignored them. Mostly I got left alone. Will told me to grow up and stop sulking and he was right. I missed out on some good friendships and that was my fault.”
Arthur nodded. At least not everyone had shunned Merlin. “You idiot.”
Merlin snorted. “Thanks.”
“I’m serious, you’re a complete idiot.” Arthur shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“When?” Merlin glared at Arthur. “When would have been the best time to tell you? Besides, this isn’t about you!” When Arthur glared at him Merlin sighed. “Arthur, I didn’t know you were gay until a few days ago! I wasn’t about to tell you when I was up with you and your mates at Eton. What if one of them had overheard?”
"They wouldn't care,” Arthur snapped.
“I didn’t know that,” Merlin insisted. “I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to leave or hurt me.”
“Glad to know what you think of me,” Arthur said dryly. “Thanks.”
“Arthur,” Merlin began, reaching for Arthur’s hand and squeezing. “Stop it. I’m sorry.”
Arthur turned his hand over a held on to Merlin’s. “I’m angry with you.” He looked at Merlin with such intense hurt in his eyes that Merlin wanted to cry or even kiss him to make the look go away. “You didn’t trust me.”
“I do now,” Merlin whispered, looking down at their joined hands. “Please, Arthur…”
“I know,” Arthur said quietly and he leaned forward to brush his lips against Merlin’s in a chaste kiss. “I need time, though. I need to think.”
“About what?” Merlin asked nervously.
“About what we do next,” Arthur said simply.
“We’re still friends,” Merlin replied, sounding relieved.
Arthur looked amused. “Of course. You might be an idiot but you’re my idiot.”
Merlin snorted. “You prat.” He brought his other hand up to stroke Arthur’s cheek. “I’m going to kiss you now and if you don’t want me to, you have about three seconds to say no.”
Arthur laughed and tugged Merlin forward, letting Merlin take control of the kiss and opening his mouth to Merlin’s gentle, curious tongue. Arthur smiled into the kiss and then gasped when Merlin broke away to trail gentle nips and kisses down his neck.
“I like you,” Merlin mumbled into Arthur’s neck. “’M sorry I wasn’t brave.”
Arthur tilted Merlin’s head back so that they were looking into each other’s eyes. “You were. You handled it, you lived through it, and you’re going to make it right. You told me.” He kissed Merlin deeply, knowing it didn’t cover even a quarter of what he wanted to say. There was so much left to be talked about, so much that needed to be discussed. It could wait. Merlin had bared enough of his soul in the last hour and Arthur wasn’t sure he could handle much more at that emotional level right now.
Merlin broke the kiss and rested his head against Arthur’s. “Thank you.”
Arthur frowned. “For what?”
“Listening,” Merlin answered. “For listening and not being a completely judgement arse.”
Arthur snorted. The truth was that he was still furious and if he saw Ian or Daniel or any of those other people he would probably have a few things to say to them. “I like you.”
“We’re friends,” Merlin said, grinning.
“Maybe more than friends,” Arthur admitted but it sounded more like a question to Merlin.
“Maybe.” Merlin chuckled. “But not yet. I’m not ready for that.”
Arthur nodded and felt his mobile buzz. He looked down and read the text. “Lance is with the girls. Should we go meet them?”
“Yeah,” Merlin said. “It’s my last day. I don’t want to spend it inside.”
Arthur thought privately that he wouldn’t mind spending the day alone with Merlin but he wasn’t about to say that out loud. He’d try and convince Merlin to sleep in his room that night and maybe kiss him for longer than thirty seconds.
“Don’t forget your wallet,” Arthur said before he could voice any of the dirtier thoughts that were now going around in his mind. Merlin had just admitted to some incredibly serious and horrifying experiences, after all. It wouldn’t be appropriate for Arthur to try and take advantage of him. Merlin had told him before that he wasn’t ready and Arthur more than respected that.
“It’s in my pocket, Mum,” Merlin teased. “Let’s go.”
Arthur pulled Merlin in for one last kiss, grabbed his hand, and tugged him towards the front door. He wouldn’t push for anything more, it was all up to Merlin, but at least they’d gotten over one of the major hurdles. They had time. They could discuss both of their other insecurities later. Now, he was going to enjoy his last day with Merlin until he had free time at Eton.
Continue to Chapter 10