Awakening
Author : kazuyanokokoro
Pairing : Ryo/Kame
Rating : NC-17
Genre : Romance, BL, Yaoi, SMUT
Disclaimer : I own nothing, but my hentai stories
Summary : Ryo knows that he hates Kame. Then why does he start feeling weird when he's close to him?
Ryo Nishikido sighed and checked his watch again. He was waiting outside a bar for his friends, Jin and Yamapi, and the idiots were late, as usual. Ryo didn’t like changes of plan. He was the type of person who knew exactly who he was, what he wanted and precisely how long it would take him to get where he wanted to go. Anything less than that was unacceptable, in his mind. He adjusted his leather jacket and lit a cigarette; taking a drag relaxed him, reminded him that they were some of his best friends and that murder was a serious crime. Damn. It was already 11 pm and he had practice at 8 the next morning; going out the night before was already slightly irresponsible, but the later it got, the more ridiculous the entire scene seemed to him. Just when he was about to get back in his car, he heard Pi’s nasal voice cut through the bad music ringing out of the bar. “And how is our most favorite person in the whole wide world?”
“Fuck off,” Ryo replied, but he had to smile. Jin and Pi were dressed for a night of partying in tight jeans and chest-bearing button-downs; maybe they could even pick up a couple of girls and take them home tonight. Yes, that was exactly what Ryo had had in mind when he planned the outing. He was about to suggest it when he saw something very unpleasant standing on the edges of their conversation. A small boy stood eagerly behind Jin, dressed in skintight white jeans and an electric turquoise v-neck, necklaces drooping off his narrow figure. He fingered a dangly earring and raised his blue-shadowed eyes to meet Ryo’s glare. Nishikido kicked Pi angrily in the shins. Not him. Not that fucking flamer (because no baseball and straight talk in magazines could take the queen out of this one). Ryo sighed again and stared blankly at the offender.
“Kazuya desu!” Kamenashi Kazuya waved nervously at the older Johnny boy, painfully aware that he was unwanted. “You remember me, right Ryo?”
“Yeah, I remember.” Nishikido shot Jin a withering look. How could they have brought him? The annoying brat would ruin his guys’ night for sure. He turned on his heel and strode briskly into the bar; he was determined to get laid, Kamenashi be damned. He ordered beers for him and his buddies, blatantly ignoring Kame. He probably wanted a Cosmo or something equally embarrassing. To his surprise, Kazuya asked for a vodka shot and downed it before the others had started drinking.
“Kazu’s looking for a good time!” Jin fist pumped and put an arm around Kamenashi’s thin shoulders. The younger boy laughed and playfully ruffled Jin’s long hair. Ryo took a swig of his beer, aggressively he hoped. If they were going to baby Kame all night, he was going to get trashed. He didn’t need to see them cater to the princess. Jin turned to Ryo, eyes red-rimmed. (Fuck, he was stoned before he got there. Ryo’s lady killing partners were dropping like flies) “I’m going to dance, wanna come?” Nishikido shook his head; he wasn’t drunk enough for that yet. Pi followed after Jin, and Ryo was left alone with Kazuya at the bar.
“Hey,” Kame said slowly, inching his way closer to Ryo. As he leaned in to make himself heard over the blaring music, Nishikido caught a whiff of perfume, light and delicate with a hint of bergamot. He was pleased until he met Kazuya’s eyes and realized it was his. With the other boy’s face this close, Ryo could see every stroke of makeup on his face: the eyeliner, eyeshadow and lipstick…no wait…could it be that Kamenashi’s plump lips were that pink naturally? Ryo shook his head in irritation. Kame was talking, “…and I think that he could play in the major leagues in the States, you know, if he wanted to.”
“What?” So Kazuya was talking about baseball, now? Did he think it would make Ryo appreciate him more, make him seem like more of a man? Because no self-respecting Japanese man would ever dress the way he did, showing that much skin and that much…curves. Why did Kame’s back curve so much? Was it the jeans that created that illusion or… Nishikido forced himself to focus.
“My brother, I mean, I think he’s really good.” Oh, this was a normal conversation, strangely enough. What was stranger, however, was Ryo’s inability to concentrate. Maybe it were the strategically placed pockets on his ass that make it look so… Nishikido stopped abruptly, turned to Kazuya and blurted out,
“Do you even like women?”
“Huh?” Kame was taken aback, “What are you talking about?” Ryo felt many uncomfortable emotions, which he channeled into one he was very familiar with: contempt,
“You, with your makeup and perfume and jewelry and body, you can’t possibly tell me you’re trying to attract women?” he spat out the sentence. Kazuya regarded him quietly for a moment:
“What does my body have to do with it?” Ryo was so angry now that the words flowed,
“It’s just too delicate and sensual and pretty.” Kame stared at him, unblinking for a moment. “Fuck!” Nishikido realized what he had said. “I have to get the fuck away from you.” Kazuya licked his lips nervously and fixed his long-lashed eyes to the ground. Ryo pushed through the crowd to the washroom where he threw cold water on his face. What the hell had happened? Why was Kamenashi having that kind of effect on him? And why had his baka friends brought the little queer in the first place? “I don’t understand,” he murmured, lighting another cigarette although he knew he shouldn’t smoke in the bathroom. His hands were shaking as he brought it to his lips. Instead of rage, images of Kazuya ran through his head, pictures he hadn’t even know he had retained: Kame in a kimono singing 1582, Kame dancing with a chair, Kame with water being thrown on him, Kame bending over. Ryo’s eyes suddenly widened in disbelief. He was hard. Just then, his eyes met Kamenashi’s in the mirror.
“I take offense to what you said,” Kazu said softly, fluttering his dark eyelashes, “I’m a sportscaster and a baseball player so I can’t possibly be as delicate as all that.” He gestured towards his admittedly taught-looking arm, “See Ryo, you misjudged me again, just like you always did.” Nishikido saw the muscle, but it didn’t butch up the adorable man in front of him, it just made him…more of a challenge. His eyes flashed dangerously as he felt himself growing even heavier in his jeans.
“You’re an ugly brat. I was right about you all along.” Kame’s pouty lips twitched slightly, but his eyes stayed soft and yielding.
“Whatever you say, Ryo,” he said simply and walked out of the bathroom. As he watched him exit, Nishikido exhaled with frustration. It was a different sort of irritation than he was used to around Kame though; it was a desperate, burning sort of frustration. He backed into a stall and closed a big hand on his dick. God, pumping it felt so good. So unbearably… a loud knock interrupted him.
“Nishi-kido!” Jin drawled, “What are you doing?” Ryo sighed audibly. Trust Bakanishi to ruin even a jerk-off session.
“Guess,” Ryo snapped sarcastically, buying time to readjust himself in his pants. When he stepped out, Jin punched him in the shoulder,
“Come dance with us. You’re the asshole who invited us out.”
“I didn’t invite him,” Nishikido growled as Akanishi shoved him towards the dance floor. He froze when the crowd became visible to him; a group of girls were surrounding Yamapi and Kame. Yamapi was dancing normally, but Kamenashi, Kazuya was grinding dirtily up Pi’s leg. The girls squealed and Yamapi winked cheekily at a few.
“You wanted ladies,” Jin poked Ryo. But girls were the last thing on Nishikido’s mind. He was transfixed by Kame’s movements, the smooth gyrations of his body against Pi’s,
“How the hell does he do that?” he breathed out loud, eliciting an alarmed look from Jin. When Kamenashi saw them, he mercifully stopped and walked up to them. In a low voice, so that Akanishi wouldn’t hear, he whispered to Ryo,
“Just showing off my…ugliness.” He put his arm around a girl, uncomfortably Nishikido thought, and smiled at her. Ryo was inflamed,
“What the fuck? Isn’t he gay?” he shouted at Jin over the music. Akanishi already had found a prized possession of his own and shrugged. Kame brought the girl to the bar and Ryo lost it completely. He stormed up them and demanded to speak with Kamenashi alone. He dragged the unsurprised boy outside the bar and stared at him speechlessly under the golden streetlights.
“I like to be unpredictable,” Kazuya said as he leaned his lips up to meet Ryo’s hot and inviting ones.
“Ughh,” Nishikido moaned and pulled Kame closer to him. Kazu’s tongue darted artfully into Ryo’s mouth, his hips pressing impatiently against Ryo’s erection. The older man’s hands reached down and grabbed Kame’s ass, so round and tight in the white jeans.
“Not here,” Kazuya whispered breathlessly, wide eyes pleading with Nishikido. Ryo chuckled, unpleasantly. Kamenashi had had his way so far, teasing and tempting, but when it mattered, Ryo would let him know who was in control. Before Kame realized what was happening, he was thrown against the brick wall with Nishikido’s body pinning him to the building. He couldn’t speak; his lips were being kissed, mauled even, by Ryo’s lips, Ryo’s tongue, Ryo’s teeth. A rough hand unzipped his pants and Kazu was in pain; the forcefulness hurt, but, as his eyes met Ryo’s scorching gaze, Kazuya had to admit that he was hard also. Nishikido pushed the white pants and silky underwear down to stroke his cock. Kame shoved him away quickly, angering the older boy until he slithered lankily out of the pants altogether: “more flexibility,” he explained. Ryo’s heartbreaking smile, and the unzipping of Nishikido’s jeans, rewarded him. Of course, Nishikido Ryo didn’t waste time by wearing underwear. As his dick met Kame’s, they both uttered shaky moans. This was going to be good. Now, the first time, Ryo wanted it hard and fast; he pushed Kazuya’s legs apart, motioning for the younger boy to spread more. To his amazement, Kazu hoisted one leg up and fastened it around Ryo’s waste to allow him closer access. Fucking flexible, fucking hot, fucking delicious. Nishikido chose not to ponder how many men had been this close to Kame that he knew such perfect tricks. Instead, he reached in his pocket, pulled out a condom and ripped through the package with his teeth. One hand was on Kazu’s naked hip, the other unrolled the condom onto his thick member. “Lube,” Kame groaned, but there was none on hand. Ryo spit on his fingers and rubbed it along the younger man’s asshole. God, it looked like it would be so tight. Without warning Kazuya, he thrust himself inside, moaning at the ease with which Kame took his length in; it was tight but so inviting at the same time. Kazu gasped and Ryo muffled it with his lips, terrified to attract attention, terrified that his friends would find him being oh so gay and so incredibly aroused with the poster boy of his hatred. Kame had arched up to meet Ryo, head bent back, hair pressed messily into the wall, pink lips parted and panting. Nishikido felt the heat building in Kazuya and he knew that it wouldn’t be long before he…and then Kame moaned, deep, throaty, yearning and let his gorgeous eyes meet Ryo’s,
“Fuck,” Ryo screamed and, with a last thrust, it was all over. Cum dripped down Kame’s lowered leg and he shakily let the other fall to the ground. He reached for his pants, wincing as he bent over, and fixed his satisfied long-lashed eyes on Nishikido again, blue makeup smeared and lips swollen from his lover’s rough treatment. Ryo pulled up his jeans and smiled, helping Kazuya to his feet. Instead of going back to hating him, as he had been so sure he would, he found Kamenashi, if possible, even more heart-stoppingly beautiful. “Utsukushii,” he murmured, lips meeting Kazuya’s in the sweetest kiss Ryo had ever bestowed. When their lips parted, Kame graced Ryo with a shy, gentle smile. Not expecting anything more, Kazu ran a hand through his thoroughly tousled hair and turned to leave, hoping to preserve the sweetness of the encounter. Nishikido saw him walking away as in a dream; if Kazuya left now it would all be over, the world would readjust and he would go back to hating him. As Kamenashi reached the edge of the building, Ryo panicked. He was far enough away now that everything should be recalibrating, his heart should stop beating wildly and his breath should stop catching in his throat. “No,” he said quietly. He couldn’t give up this feeling, the warmth that threatened to escape his chest and overwhelm him, an unusual feeling of happiness, contentment…ai? All of a sudden, the fact that Jin and Yamapi were walking out of the bar calling after him meant nothing, his face was flushed, his jeans were unzipped and he was running, running after that goddamn flamer, Kamenashi Kazuya. When he reached him, followed by an astonished Jin and Pi, he gathered Kazu’s body in his arms and placed his lips on his again, feeling an intensity of emotion rush through his body like a warm, soft wave. Despite how much he despised the gorgeous little bastard in his arms, Ryo melted when Kame put his head on his shoulder. Maybe he hadn’t been precisely sure of what he wanted, for once. Maybe what he wanted and what he needed weren’t the girls in the club, a night out with the boys, a cold beer or a cigarette. Maybe, just maybe, the gentle boy snuggled against him, the token of what he hadn’t wanted, was exactly what he did want.
Pairing : Ryo/Kame
Rating : NC-17
Genre : Romance, BL, Yaoi, SMUT
Disclaimer : I own nothing, but my hentai stories
Summary : Ryo knows that he hates Kame. Then why does he start feeling weird when he's close to him?
Ryo Nishikido sighed and checked his watch again. He was waiting outside a bar for his friends, Jin and Yamapi, and the idiots were late, as usual. Ryo didn’t like changes of plan. He was the type of person who knew exactly who he was, what he wanted and precisely how long it would take him to get where he wanted to go. Anything less than that was unacceptable, in his mind. He adjusted his leather jacket and lit a cigarette; taking a drag relaxed him, reminded him that they were some of his best friends and that murder was a serious crime. Damn. It was already 11 pm and he had practice at 8 the next morning; going out the night before was already slightly irresponsible, but the later it got, the more ridiculous the entire scene seemed to him. Just when he was about to get back in his car, he heard Pi’s nasal voice cut through the bad music ringing out of the bar. “And how is our most favorite person in the whole wide world?”
“Fuck off,” Ryo replied, but he had to smile. Jin and Pi were dressed for a night of partying in tight jeans and chest-bearing button-downs; maybe they could even pick up a couple of girls and take them home tonight. Yes, that was exactly what Ryo had had in mind when he planned the outing. He was about to suggest it when he saw something very unpleasant standing on the edges of their conversation. A small boy stood eagerly behind Jin, dressed in skintight white jeans and an electric turquoise v-neck, necklaces drooping off his narrow figure. He fingered a dangly earring and raised his blue-shadowed eyes to meet Ryo’s glare. Nishikido kicked Pi angrily in the shins. Not him. Not that fucking flamer (because no baseball and straight talk in magazines could take the queen out of this one). Ryo sighed again and stared blankly at the offender.
“Kazuya desu!” Kamenashi Kazuya waved nervously at the older Johnny boy, painfully aware that he was unwanted. “You remember me, right Ryo?”
“Yeah, I remember.” Nishikido shot Jin a withering look. How could they have brought him? The annoying brat would ruin his guys’ night for sure. He turned on his heel and strode briskly into the bar; he was determined to get laid, Kamenashi be damned. He ordered beers for him and his buddies, blatantly ignoring Kame. He probably wanted a Cosmo or something equally embarrassing. To his surprise, Kazuya asked for a vodka shot and downed it before the others had started drinking.
“Kazu’s looking for a good time!” Jin fist pumped and put an arm around Kamenashi’s thin shoulders. The younger boy laughed and playfully ruffled Jin’s long hair. Ryo took a swig of his beer, aggressively he hoped. If they were going to baby Kame all night, he was going to get trashed. He didn’t need to see them cater to the princess. Jin turned to Ryo, eyes red-rimmed. (Fuck, he was stoned before he got there. Ryo’s lady killing partners were dropping like flies) “I’m going to dance, wanna come?” Nishikido shook his head; he wasn’t drunk enough for that yet. Pi followed after Jin, and Ryo was left alone with Kazuya at the bar.
“Hey,” Kame said slowly, inching his way closer to Ryo. As he leaned in to make himself heard over the blaring music, Nishikido caught a whiff of perfume, light and delicate with a hint of bergamot. He was pleased until he met Kazuya’s eyes and realized it was his. With the other boy’s face this close, Ryo could see every stroke of makeup on his face: the eyeliner, eyeshadow and lipstick…no wait…could it be that Kamenashi’s plump lips were that pink naturally? Ryo shook his head in irritation. Kame was talking, “…and I think that he could play in the major leagues in the States, you know, if he wanted to.”
“What?” So Kazuya was talking about baseball, now? Did he think it would make Ryo appreciate him more, make him seem like more of a man? Because no self-respecting Japanese man would ever dress the way he did, showing that much skin and that much…curves. Why did Kame’s back curve so much? Was it the jeans that created that illusion or… Nishikido forced himself to focus.
“My brother, I mean, I think he’s really good.” Oh, this was a normal conversation, strangely enough. What was stranger, however, was Ryo’s inability to concentrate. Maybe it were the strategically placed pockets on his ass that make it look so… Nishikido stopped abruptly, turned to Kazuya and blurted out,
“Do you even like women?”
“Huh?” Kame was taken aback, “What are you talking about?” Ryo felt many uncomfortable emotions, which he channeled into one he was very familiar with: contempt,
“You, with your makeup and perfume and jewelry and body, you can’t possibly tell me you’re trying to attract women?” he spat out the sentence. Kazuya regarded him quietly for a moment:
“What does my body have to do with it?” Ryo was so angry now that the words flowed,
“It’s just too delicate and sensual and pretty.” Kame stared at him, unblinking for a moment. “Fuck!” Nishikido realized what he had said. “I have to get the fuck away from you.” Kazuya licked his lips nervously and fixed his long-lashed eyes to the ground. Ryo pushed through the crowd to the washroom where he threw cold water on his face. What the hell had happened? Why was Kamenashi having that kind of effect on him? And why had his baka friends brought the little queer in the first place? “I don’t understand,” he murmured, lighting another cigarette although he knew he shouldn’t smoke in the bathroom. His hands were shaking as he brought it to his lips. Instead of rage, images of Kazuya ran through his head, pictures he hadn’t even know he had retained: Kame in a kimono singing 1582, Kame dancing with a chair, Kame with water being thrown on him, Kame bending over. Ryo’s eyes suddenly widened in disbelief. He was hard. Just then, his eyes met Kamenashi’s in the mirror.
“I take offense to what you said,” Kazu said softly, fluttering his dark eyelashes, “I’m a sportscaster and a baseball player so I can’t possibly be as delicate as all that.” He gestured towards his admittedly taught-looking arm, “See Ryo, you misjudged me again, just like you always did.” Nishikido saw the muscle, but it didn’t butch up the adorable man in front of him, it just made him…more of a challenge. His eyes flashed dangerously as he felt himself growing even heavier in his jeans.
“You’re an ugly brat. I was right about you all along.” Kame’s pouty lips twitched slightly, but his eyes stayed soft and yielding.
“Whatever you say, Ryo,” he said simply and walked out of the bathroom. As he watched him exit, Nishikido exhaled with frustration. It was a different sort of irritation than he was used to around Kame though; it was a desperate, burning sort of frustration. He backed into a stall and closed a big hand on his dick. God, pumping it felt so good. So unbearably… a loud knock interrupted him.
“Nishi-kido!” Jin drawled, “What are you doing?” Ryo sighed audibly. Trust Bakanishi to ruin even a jerk-off session.
“Guess,” Ryo snapped sarcastically, buying time to readjust himself in his pants. When he stepped out, Jin punched him in the shoulder,
“Come dance with us. You’re the asshole who invited us out.”
“I didn’t invite him,” Nishikido growled as Akanishi shoved him towards the dance floor. He froze when the crowd became visible to him; a group of girls were surrounding Yamapi and Kame. Yamapi was dancing normally, but Kamenashi, Kazuya was grinding dirtily up Pi’s leg. The girls squealed and Yamapi winked cheekily at a few.
“You wanted ladies,” Jin poked Ryo. But girls were the last thing on Nishikido’s mind. He was transfixed by Kame’s movements, the smooth gyrations of his body against Pi’s,
“How the hell does he do that?” he breathed out loud, eliciting an alarmed look from Jin. When Kamenashi saw them, he mercifully stopped and walked up to them. In a low voice, so that Akanishi wouldn’t hear, he whispered to Ryo,
“Just showing off my…ugliness.” He put his arm around a girl, uncomfortably Nishikido thought, and smiled at her. Ryo was inflamed,
“What the fuck? Isn’t he gay?” he shouted at Jin over the music. Akanishi already had found a prized possession of his own and shrugged. Kame brought the girl to the bar and Ryo lost it completely. He stormed up them and demanded to speak with Kamenashi alone. He dragged the unsurprised boy outside the bar and stared at him speechlessly under the golden streetlights.
“I like to be unpredictable,” Kazuya said as he leaned his lips up to meet Ryo’s hot and inviting ones.
“Ughh,” Nishikido moaned and pulled Kame closer to him. Kazu’s tongue darted artfully into Ryo’s mouth, his hips pressing impatiently against Ryo’s erection. The older man’s hands reached down and grabbed Kame’s ass, so round and tight in the white jeans.
“Not here,” Kazuya whispered breathlessly, wide eyes pleading with Nishikido. Ryo chuckled, unpleasantly. Kamenashi had had his way so far, teasing and tempting, but when it mattered, Ryo would let him know who was in control. Before Kame realized what was happening, he was thrown against the brick wall with Nishikido’s body pinning him to the building. He couldn’t speak; his lips were being kissed, mauled even, by Ryo’s lips, Ryo’s tongue, Ryo’s teeth. A rough hand unzipped his pants and Kazu was in pain; the forcefulness hurt, but, as his eyes met Ryo’s scorching gaze, Kazuya had to admit that he was hard also. Nishikido pushed the white pants and silky underwear down to stroke his cock. Kame shoved him away quickly, angering the older boy until he slithered lankily out of the pants altogether: “more flexibility,” he explained. Ryo’s heartbreaking smile, and the unzipping of Nishikido’s jeans, rewarded him. Of course, Nishikido Ryo didn’t waste time by wearing underwear. As his dick met Kame’s, they both uttered shaky moans. This was going to be good. Now, the first time, Ryo wanted it hard and fast; he pushed Kazuya’s legs apart, motioning for the younger boy to spread more. To his amazement, Kazu hoisted one leg up and fastened it around Ryo’s waste to allow him closer access. Fucking flexible, fucking hot, fucking delicious. Nishikido chose not to ponder how many men had been this close to Kame that he knew such perfect tricks. Instead, he reached in his pocket, pulled out a condom and ripped through the package with his teeth. One hand was on Kazu’s naked hip, the other unrolled the condom onto his thick member. “Lube,” Kame groaned, but there was none on hand. Ryo spit on his fingers and rubbed it along the younger man’s asshole. God, it looked like it would be so tight. Without warning Kazuya, he thrust himself inside, moaning at the ease with which Kame took his length in; it was tight but so inviting at the same time. Kazu gasped and Ryo muffled it with his lips, terrified to attract attention, terrified that his friends would find him being oh so gay and so incredibly aroused with the poster boy of his hatred. Kame had arched up to meet Ryo, head bent back, hair pressed messily into the wall, pink lips parted and panting. Nishikido felt the heat building in Kazuya and he knew that it wouldn’t be long before he…and then Kame moaned, deep, throaty, yearning and let his gorgeous eyes meet Ryo’s,
“Fuck,” Ryo screamed and, with a last thrust, it was all over. Cum dripped down Kame’s lowered leg and he shakily let the other fall to the ground. He reached for his pants, wincing as he bent over, and fixed his satisfied long-lashed eyes on Nishikido again, blue makeup smeared and lips swollen from his lover’s rough treatment. Ryo pulled up his jeans and smiled, helping Kazuya to his feet. Instead of going back to hating him, as he had been so sure he would, he found Kamenashi, if possible, even more heart-stoppingly beautiful. “Utsukushii,” he murmured, lips meeting Kazuya’s in the sweetest kiss Ryo had ever bestowed. When their lips parted, Kame graced Ryo with a shy, gentle smile. Not expecting anything more, Kazu ran a hand through his thoroughly tousled hair and turned to leave, hoping to preserve the sweetness of the encounter. Nishikido saw him walking away as in a dream; if Kazuya left now it would all be over, the world would readjust and he would go back to hating him. As Kamenashi reached the edge of the building, Ryo panicked. He was far enough away now that everything should be recalibrating, his heart should stop beating wildly and his breath should stop catching in his throat. “No,” he said quietly. He couldn’t give up this feeling, the warmth that threatened to escape his chest and overwhelm him, an unusual feeling of happiness, contentment…ai? All of a sudden, the fact that Jin and Yamapi were walking out of the bar calling after him meant nothing, his face was flushed, his jeans were unzipped and he was running, running after that goddamn flamer, Kamenashi Kazuya. When he reached him, followed by an astonished Jin and Pi, he gathered Kazu’s body in his arms and placed his lips on his again, feeling an intensity of emotion rush through his body like a warm, soft wave. Despite how much he despised the gorgeous little bastard in his arms, Ryo melted when Kame put his head on his shoulder. Maybe he hadn’t been precisely sure of what he wanted, for once. Maybe what he wanted and what he needed weren’t the girls in the club, a night out with the boys, a cold beer or a cigarette. Maybe, just maybe, the gentle boy snuggled against him, the token of what he hadn’t wanted, was exactly what he did want.