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[kcscrystal]

So I just need to ramble. Inane incesant rambling. This new year was crap. The last think i wanted to do was just sit at someone house. and thats precisely what i did. I was under the impression that i was going to a pretty big party, lots of people lots of fun....but i was wrong. Sure there were a few very very close friends, and that was nice

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[bigmlittleorgan]

I met someone who made me feel complete. So of course i thought that I would feel differntly. Although I didn't. I spent more time with this person and my void did get a lot better. I think thats why I was niave about being happier. Everytime I drop him off or he leaves though the feeling comes back. I have been working more and more hours to stay away from being with myself. Sometimes I do almost anything just to be around someone. Then it hit me. The only thing I am really missing is myself. I am afraid to be with myself anymore. I don't know waht to do. I am not working as much as I was, and now I feel like hm.. i haved stuff to do.. but I almost feel like I need to make a mess or soemthing so I have something to clean up. I don't know whats wrong with me. I will be starting school and working less.. and needing to be alone with a book to study. I don't know what I am going to do. I wonder if I will just suffocate or what. But I completley know how you feel.