Fading Bright
Title: Fading Bright
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Sacrifice
Beta: sci_fi_shipper
In a flash and a pop everything changes. The pain spreads deep through her chest. Kara gasps as her head hits the floor, but she doesn’t feel the bump only the gun shot blossoming and oozing from her chest. The sounds around her fade and grow like an echo, like she’d under water and then slowly disappear as black pulls her further and further from the chaos of the Cloud Nine hostage situation.
The black is warm and still, and it gives her time to think. The pain even falls away from her shoulder and chest.
It’s not what she thought a moment on the precipice of death would. Zak’s isn’t waiting to act as her guide through the missed opportunities of her life. It’s nothing. It’s the vastness of space without the pin-dot stars.
She hears a hum in the distance that makes her think of the cylon she interrogated, Leoben but she doesn’t know why. She smells something that makes her think of the cylon Simon, but Kara’s certain that the stench of death, a remnant from her return trip to Caprica.
She doesn’t question why she finds reminders of cylons the edges of her death, instead of Zak or Sam. Maybe she’s not too far gone. Maybe there’s time to fight. Her breath tenses and chokes, trying to fight its way back to the surface. This tide isn’t going to pull her down. Kara Thrace, Starbuck is a fighter. Some loony terrorist on a luxury liner is not going to be her end when there’s cylon ass to fry.
For a moment she thinks she can see the lights above the bar, hear voices screaming and shaking around her. Dee directing traffic and that boy, the president’s baby-faced aide, sounding as authoritative as he can. He’s like a child playing dress-up, but before Kara can laugh at her own joke the blackness is surrounding her once more. The fight too much for her to wage any longer and she relaxes into the abyss waiting for Charon to bring her into bosom of the dead.
“Kara! Kara, stay with me!”
Lee. The hand that grips hers is not the cold fingers of the ferryman of Hades. It’s warm and tight. It’s familiar and urgent in the most wonderful of ways.
“Stay. With. Me.”
The words are slow and heavy even in her mind. Kara’s not sure they make any noise beyond the echo in her head. She hears panting. Hers or his, she’s not entirely certain, but when it passes she’ll try again, to plead with him not to go, not to let her go.
“Stay. With. Me.”
“Yeah, I’m right here. I’m here, Kara. Stay with me.”
If she concentrated just right, Kara thinks she can open her eyes, push back the darkness to show him, to find him. The pounding in her chest, the panicked pace of her breathe keep her floating in the mire. She wants to give up because the struggle is too much, but he squeezes her hand again.
“Lee. Here.”
“Yeah. Kara, here. You just stay with me, all right?”
“Stay.”
The words are getting out, at least for now. Suddenly the beating of her heart is light. She can back to the surface through the pain. Somewhere deep in her mind a smile forms and Kara sighs knowing that Lee is waiting for her, holding on for her, to her.
Then with a snap it all goes black and silent. Kara drops through the void unable to stop and unsure how to prepare for impact.
She doesn’t land, only falls and falls until the buzz and odor of sickbay come clear in her periphery. Kara struggles to move, to break from the hold of darkness. She tries to shift her shoulders against the hard mattress or raise her legs or arms through the blankets that cover her. Nothing happens. Her body remains still.
When her hand finally moves, it’s not under her power. Someone else clutches and lifts it. Kara can feel the warmth of skin and the tickle of breath. It makes her smile. This time she knows the smile is only happening in her head, but it’s all right. Lee’s on the other end of her hand, of his. She can hear him calling to her again, gentle and reassuring.
“Kara, I’m here.”
She doesn’t want to break his heart, to leave him forever this time. She has to figure a way out of the gauzy sleep. It catches her at every metaphorical turn. She can’t feel the gunshot in her chest anymore. So death must be winning, little by little. So she should tell him.
“Lee. Lee. I lied.”
“Shh. Shh, it’s ok.”
“Never nothing.”
It’s all she can get out two stupid little words that don’t come close to explaining what Lee means to her, what he’s meant to her since the moment she first opened the door and saw him standing there with flowers and a nervous smile.
“No, not nothing.”
He hears her. Bolstered by the sound of Lee’s voice she tries for more. Because she needs him to know. Because if she’s going to die, she needs Lee to know all of it.
“Love you.”
“Shh. Shh, it’s ok.”
Kara feels the ghost of his hand over her face and tears forming somewhere behind her eyes. It’s not exactly what she expected from Lee but it’s close enough. Kara lets go, relaxing into the bed and sleep once again. In the distance though she can hear Lee continuing…
“I love you too.”
…as everything else fades slowly to white and bright.