this is a test...
So I'm playing with a new angle on an idea I had a couple years back when the characters were called Jayne and Cal. And this is the current opening scene... (which is nothing like my previous idea, but closer to the idea that started the idea in the first place.)
After you read, I have some test questions.
It’s been six months she saw him last. Assignments taking them to opposite sides of the globe. Hers was long-term, deep cover. His a series of short, drop and out assignments. Both with the same end. Targets acquired and eliminated. Information gathered and coordinated. Exhaustion both mental and physical with no time for a real rest.
Only this.
A safe house.
The safe house on Seven is not Jayne Marion’s favorite, far from it. Small, dirty. Used too often by too many agents from too many departments and forces. Likely it was the sanctuary for more than one of the factions in The Fall. More times than Jayne could count she’s arrived for her transition to find the house already in use. This is not one of those times. Though she hears the shower running from the front door, smell food cooking in the kitchen, and see the evidence of another asset strewn haphazardly across the entry room.
This time, she means to be run into someone.
Walking past the front area of the cramped house, Jayne throws her jacket, toes off her boots. She reaches the bathroom in only her underpants, a trail of clothes she wouldn’t call her own leading from the door. He’s in the shower, steam rising up around his muscular body as the water rolls down. She sighs. Missed this. She wriggles out of her last piece of clothing, then combs through the long black wig she wore for her last assignment. It falls to the floor, revealing a shaved head, fresh only a few days ago. He’s never seen her bald like this, and Jayne falters until she hears his voice.
“Come on in. You look worn out.”
“I am,” she says. “I am.”
However in need of rejuvenation, Jayne might be, he’s ready to go, shoves her up against the tile kissing her neck and face. It take a moment, she catches up, wraps her long legs around his hips and tilts to accept the only escape she has anymore. They groan together, coming hard and fast with the thrill of being reunited. Sliding down the wall, Jayne thinks they shouldn’t go this long again. So little of her life feels concrete. Evert is heavy and real in her arms. His head rests for moment on her shoulder before he slaps her ass and leaves the shower with a laugh. Jayne finishes washing up in silence.
(this wont' actually be italicized, but it blended too much with my ramble at the end. ;)
First off, Jayne is the name that's not working for me. It needs to be less English, can't end in an -y/-ie sound (I've tried, twice) But changing Cal's name to Evert really kicked things into gear, at least for the moment. (I'm going to keep Cal as part of his surname and other characters may use Cal as a nickname.) Jayne could become her surname, I tried that and like it. I need something because this name issue is slowing me way down.
Feel free to throw out name ideas if you feel inspired. Marisol is the only other named character in the story. I need another male name - that goes with Jayne's new name as in same sci-fi nationality/ethnicity. And a transgender name, i.e. the character is transgender/androgynous of a third sci-fi nationality/race. There will be more but these I know I need sooner than later. I'm seriously digressing though...
My actual question is How porny can the beginning of story be? Especially a longer story - novel or a series of short stories? Because this scene wants to be pretty damned sexy and, well, I'm just not sure. thoughts?
After you read, I have some test questions.
It’s been six months she saw him last. Assignments taking them to opposite sides of the globe. Hers was long-term, deep cover. His a series of short, drop and out assignments. Both with the same end. Targets acquired and eliminated. Information gathered and coordinated. Exhaustion both mental and physical with no time for a real rest.
Only this.
A safe house.
The safe house on Seven is not Jayne Marion’s favorite, far from it. Small, dirty. Used too often by too many agents from too many departments and forces. Likely it was the sanctuary for more than one of the factions in The Fall. More times than Jayne could count she’s arrived for her transition to find the house already in use. This is not one of those times. Though she hears the shower running from the front door, smell food cooking in the kitchen, and see the evidence of another asset strewn haphazardly across the entry room.
This time, she means to be run into someone.
Walking past the front area of the cramped house, Jayne throws her jacket, toes off her boots. She reaches the bathroom in only her underpants, a trail of clothes she wouldn’t call her own leading from the door. He’s in the shower, steam rising up around his muscular body as the water rolls down. She sighs. Missed this. She wriggles out of her last piece of clothing, then combs through the long black wig she wore for her last assignment. It falls to the floor, revealing a shaved head, fresh only a few days ago. He’s never seen her bald like this, and Jayne falters until she hears his voice.
“Come on in. You look worn out.”
“I am,” she says. “I am.”
However in need of rejuvenation, Jayne might be, he’s ready to go, shoves her up against the tile kissing her neck and face. It take a moment, she catches up, wraps her long legs around his hips and tilts to accept the only escape she has anymore. They groan together, coming hard and fast with the thrill of being reunited. Sliding down the wall, Jayne thinks they shouldn’t go this long again. So little of her life feels concrete. Evert is heavy and real in her arms. His head rests for moment on her shoulder before he slaps her ass and leaves the shower with a laugh. Jayne finishes washing up in silence.
(this wont' actually be italicized, but it blended too much with my ramble at the end. ;)
First off, Jayne is the name that's not working for me. It needs to be less English, can't end in an -y/-ie sound (I've tried, twice) But changing Cal's name to Evert really kicked things into gear, at least for the moment. (I'm going to keep Cal as part of his surname and other characters may use Cal as a nickname.) Jayne could become her surname, I tried that and like it. I need something because this name issue is slowing me way down.
Feel free to throw out name ideas if you feel inspired. Marisol is the only other named character in the story. I need another male name - that goes with Jayne's new name as in same sci-fi nationality/ethnicity. And a transgender name, i.e. the character is transgender/androgynous of a third sci-fi nationality/race. There will be more but these I know I need sooner than later. I'm seriously digressing though...
My actual question is How porny can the beginning of story be? Especially a longer story - novel or a series of short stories? Because this scene wants to be pretty damned sexy and, well, I'm just not sure. thoughts?