(no subject)
all is right with the world.
i believe.
and that's all that matters.
the weather is loving me again.
warmth.
clouds and rain, but warmth.
'a warm wind moves across my face
and i feel you.'
i don't really know if it's lasting, but i know i have this weekend.
i feel myself.
i'm not an extension of anyone else.
i'm not hiding behind a mask of anything else.
i'm just... me.
i don't know.
now that i actually feel it,
i think it's a much more rare occurance than i admit.
i like the biography i'm living.
i have music and art.
i'm inspired by life.
i desperately feel the need to further immerse myself in the world of artists,
but i recognize the efforts that have been made,
and i trust myself to continue in those efforts.
i'm HOPEFUL.
last night,
i walked alone.
it was so dark and so quiet and so beautiful.
my senses were on overdrive.
i was incredibly aroused.
my body was reacting in new ways.
that was a new sensation,
but totally welcomed.
i wanted to share that moment,
those feelings,
with someone else,
but i knew it was best
[safest]
that i was alone.
incroyable.
[what a fucking hippy,
getting turned on,
"communing with nature."]
i dance tonight.
i'm anticipating moving at a faster pace.
big performance in a month.
that's the pressure i need.
allow me to push my limits.
to lose myself in the process.
to be khadija [again].
I LOVE MY CHILDREN.
it's overpowering.
it makes me want to cry at times.
often.
everytime i'm with them.
i wish i could do more for them.
be more for them.
be their everything.
this love, so strong, is too much.
i can't imagine turning away, though.
AH!
all is right with the world.