(no subject)
interesting, isn't it?
i have the hugest, intensest, amazingest, overpoweringest crush on kate moennig.
it's shane, but it's kate.
like it's brian, but it's gale.
it's only been a couple of days, but... oh, this is a full-blown crush.
which has had me reconsidering a lot of things in my life.
androgyny is so hot.
i'm incredibly attracted to androgyny.
i've always been and always known it.
that's part of the reason i'm such a fag hag --
it's a world of sexuality that encourages that encourages/supports androgyny.
and it's so hot.
i have no desire to be in any type of relationship with a woman.
because i am not gay.
but, i will not hesitate to admit that i'm attracted to manishly feminine women.
that makes sense; honest it does.
look at kate moennig and you'll see what "manishly feminine" means.
i find manishly masculine women slightly repulsive.
i like men.
i like men more if they're manishly feminine.
so, basically, i like manishly feminine.
but, not girlishly masculine.
[huh?!]
am i bisexual?
i think so, yes.
does that mean i have to have sex with women?
no. not at all.
in fact, i choose not to.
and that's that.
kate moennig has just alleviated a large amount of the anxiety i've subconsciously been harbouring for the past little while
[thanks, kate moennig].
because i've actually figured out exactly what the dilemma is.
and i've figured out where i stand in terms of my own actions.
and i'm okay with it.
i find women and men sexually attractive and i won't try to deny or repress that because it's a part of who i am.
i don't know what causes it nor do i particularly want to.
but, i've always viewed bisexuality as hedonistic.
it's about sex.
that came out more biphobic than it was intended.
the same way i can be married to a man and choose not to act on my sexual desires towards other men
[adultery],
i can choose to be with men and not act on my sexual desires towards other women
[bisexuality].
if i find that i'm more attracted to women and i envision myself having a better life relationship with a woman, then i choose to stop sleeping with men.
it's about free will and self-control.
because, at the end of the day, sex is just sex.
when in a loving, committed relationship, it has potential to be the physical expression of a spiritual connection.
but, if sex is removed from a relationship, the spiritual connection remains.
if the spiritual connection is removed, the sex very quickly loses power.
sex is just sex.
so, i still want to focus on developing a loving, committed relationship.
with a man.
because i picture myself spending my life with a man and having children with a man and... being with a man.
and, overall, i'm more attracted to men.
so, why would i have sex with women if i'm trying to develop a relationship with a man?
and... that's that.
but that doesn't change the fact that i think kate moennig is super hot.
and if my future husband is into androgyny as well,
i'll watch episodes of the l word with him,
and we'll discuss how super hot kate moennig is.
then, most likely, we'll watch QAF together, too,
and swoon over gale harold.
have i ever mentioned that i dream of marrying a bisexual man?
[i'm fucking weird.]
i appreciate that these thought processes and life decisions
are made solely of my own feelings and beliefs,
not those of my Faith,
but fit with my beliefs of my Faith
and i don't feel wrong for having them.
because this is my cross to bear
and it is borne well.