(no subject)

[kdeej]

Frustration.
Sadness.
Relief.
Contentment.
Confusion.
Anger.
Disappointment.
Excitement.
Uncertainty.
Happiness.
Shame.
Determination.

this mix of emotions should be standard for me by now.
yet, every time, it throws me for a loop.
all these feelings throttle around inside my head and my heart.
both feel full to capacity and are just aching for release.
get rid of the negative ones, replenish the space with more of the positive.
on top of it all is trying to figure out just how to do that.
what is wrong?
what needs to change?
what is good?
what is needed to hold on to the good?

babies.
husbands.
friends.
fags.
girl friends.
girlfriends.
mentors.
kids.
spiritual partners.

i want it all.
and i want to be happy with nothing.

i want peace.